


Blood 2: The Unforgiven

by theWallflower



Series: Blood: I Live Again [2]
Category: Blood (Video Game)
Genre: College, Cults, Death, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-13
Updated: 2009-01-13
Packaged: 2017-10-14 21:37:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 116,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/153697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theWallflower/pseuds/theWallflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avery Price's sister has died, but the lingering questions of her death haunt him. Now to solve the mystery, he must delve into a world of dark rituals and face the demons responsible for her death. But will his own demons take him first?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

`Copyright 2008 by Eric J. Juneau. All rights reserved.`

`This story is in no way intended to infringe on the established copyrights and trademarks of Monolith Productions, Inc. It is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended for sale. It may be freely distributed providing that no alterations to the story are made.`

`This story contains adult language and graphically violent content. It is not intended for readers under the age of 13. Reader discretion is advised.`

`The characters and incidents portrayed and the names in this story used herein are fictitious and any similarity to the name, character, or history of any person, living, dead, or otherwise, is purely coincidental and unintentional.`

`End of the line.`

* * *

 **Blood 2:  
The Unforgiven**

by Eric J. Juneau

 **Prologue**

 _Studies indicate that even though current trends are increasing, there is evidence leaning to the opposite end of the platform._

Nice and meaningless. People didn't want to be seen as wrong so they hedged all their information, making it useless.

Avery Price reached for his Mountain Dew on the top of the desk. He took a sip and wrote down the site of the web page in his bibliography notes. This Sociology paper was breaking him down. Every book he had checked out of the library was terrible. Every statistic contradicted another statistic. Every page-long paragraph was filled with drivel. Nobody committed to anything. Even his own thesis was fudgy: 'Uncovering the myths and facts of homelessness in America'.

True, he wasn't reading seventeen novels a week, as many teachers had warned him he'd do in college. But humans weren't meant to pound this many hours of work in a day. Was this what you were supposed to do in a real job? Or were they trying to break you and build you back up, like in the military.

No. Focus. He had to get this done. Yes, researching information about the homeless was boring and monotonous. If it was what he had to do to graduate, it was a small price to pay. When it was done, then he could relax. But not right now.

Avery checked the time. About eighteen more hours, eight hundred more words, and two more sources to go. If he finished today, he could get a start on the math homework too.

The sound of the key being inserted and the doorknob clicking jolted his trance. Tucker barged in and tossed his backpack in the middle of the room, jangling with metal and glass. He pulled out the door of the fridge, grabbed a beer he wasn't supposed to have, and jumped on the lower of the two bunks. Avery's bed. HIS bed.

Tucker belched. He stretched out with a grunt and turned on the TV.

Avery cringed. He made sure Tucker didn't see him taking a venting breath, thinking to himself _Grant me the serenity to accept-_

"Goddamn, those mother fucking classes are bullshit, ain't they?" he said between clicks of the remote. "I'ma take all those papers and shove them up their ass. Who needs it? I ain't doing papers in my job."

Someone made a big, loud knock at the door, as if the knocker had hammer. Tucker got up off the bed.

A kid wearing a toque and giant pair of headphones stood in the doorway and exclaimed, "Yo wassup, fucka!" Avery still had no idea what his name was because they only ever referred to each other through vile images.

"Wazzup, biatch."

They slapped hands together and dropped on Avery's bed to watch TV. "Where you been, man?" Headphones said

"Had class. There was a pop quiz Friday! Who the fuck has a pop quiz on Friday? There ain't even anybody at class on Friday. He's trying to fail us, I swear to fucking god," he said as he took a big gulp of his Michelob.

 _Further evidence doesn't support-_

"Man, I got this killer bud for us. This stuff, like, WILL get you high."

 _Further evidence doesn't-_

"Shit yeah, you know we be smokin' that shit tonight. Where the fuck were you on Sunday?"

"Man, I went to this party on 333 Spencer."

"Did it suck?"

 _Further-_

"Hells yeah, man, it sucked like hell. They think just cause it's Sunday, you can't have a decent kegger. It was a football frat. Like, no bitches there."

 _Further evidence doesn't support the theory that-_

"Dude, where's my beer?" Headphones said.

"Get your own. I ain't your fuckin' bartender."

Avery started tapping his fingers on the keyboard, waiting for their conversation to finish so he could get something done.

The friend reached in the fridge and drew out a beer for himself. "Dude, move over."

"I ain't no faggot. Sit on the couch."

"Aite, I'm gonna see what Reggie's doing."

"Aite, see ya."

"Later."

Headphones and his beer left, thank god. At least now there was nothing-

"The beautiful people, the beautiful people... Woaaah..."

Tucker had switched the channel to MTV2, and was singing along with Marilyn Manson.

Avery sighed again. Only six more months with him. Then it would be over.

It was probably time for an email check anyway. He was still waiting on a response from Professor Harcourt about when the homework was due. He had probably emailed him three times this semester with the same question. He was an old professor, he could have had the year down to a 'T', but he was always changing things on the syllabus.

He minimized Netscape and opened up the mail program. A brief little chime sounded and two messages appeared in his inbox. One was a piece of junk mail about a credit card. Trashed. The other was from his uncle's work address. Expecting a funny forward, or photograph, he opened it.

 _Subject: condolences_

 _Dear Avery,  
My extreme condolences to you on your loss. She was a bright woman and it was sad to see her go when she'd only lived such a short-_

Wait, what was this? Who died? Maybe he sent it to the wrong person. No one he knew had died.

 **-BRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIING-**

Avery turned towards the phone on the dresser. A cold pang of fear ran through his blood.

 **  
_PART 1: Life Support_   
**

**Chapter 1**

In the cafeteria, the walls were painted with yellowing taupe with a bright brown and orange stripe that zoomed along the wall. A throwback from the 70's.

Avery looked out the window over the campus, watching the odd student trundle across the sidewalk under the overcast skies. His food stayed untouched, except for a few attempted bites. The yellow light from the room and the gray of the outside clashed horrifically, so Avery focused on the window. Everything looked the way he felt, in some world not his own.

Jacob and Nick walked into the cafeteria area. Avery knew them from math class a long time ago. They were close to being friends, but had never hung out beyond the campus to be anything more.

"Hey, Avery, what's up?" Jacob said. He had sandy brown hair and a deep tan, almost Hispanic. "Aren't you hot in long sleeves?"

Avery shook his head.

"Mind if we join you?" Nick said. He wore a Dallas cowboys jersey and had short black hair on his head and face.

"Naw," Avery muttered.

"How come you're sitting alone?" Nick said.

Avery watched two ducks fly across the dark gray sky. "My sister died," Avery muttered.

"Ohhh," they both said. "I'm sorry."

Avery kept watching the ducks as they landed on the ground, on top of a small university-maintained garden. They padded around the flowers for a bit, nipping at the petals, then flew away.

"How did she die?" Nick said.

Avery kept his eyes on the flower bed. "Suicide. They found her in a shed behind some boy's house. They don't know who the boy was, but they think they all knew each other. They all killed themselves at the same time."

"All of them?"

"There were four of them. Three boys and Sophia, my sister. They think it was some sort of poison because there was a knife, but no wounds on any of them except for a finger prick."

"What? Was it some sort of ritual thing?" Nick asked.

"I don't know. All I know is what my dad told me. And all he knows is what the police report says." He poked at his mac & cheese. "They only found her yesterday evening."

"I'm sorry. Were you close to her?"

"I dunno. Not recently. Not since I left college." He picked up his orange and tried to peel it, struggling with the thick rind. Anything for a distraction. "I haven't seen much of my family since then, except for holidays. It's hard for me to leave since I'm two hours away, and I don't have a car. It's too hard to keep in touch with your family as the classes get tougher. And when our mom died, it didn't help, it kinda broke the bonds of the family. I never saw any signs that she was suicidal."

He became frustrated with the orange and plopped it on the tray, rattling the plates and silverware. He sighed. "It just doesn't make sense to me. She may have dressed gothic, but she was not depressed. She was like any other apathetic high schooler. It was just a phase. She had some problems. We all did after mom died, but we were all past that."

"But they don't know a cause of death?"

"Not for sure. They're looking. They think drugs or poison. Maybe an OD."

"What did your mom die of?" Brandon asked.

"Leukemia. When I was twelve."

"So it's just you and your dad now?"

"Yeah. But I just don't get it. They said there was no drug paraphernalia, no needles or pipes, no blood, no signs of foul play. And why would three other people join her? Sophia would never let anyone push her into doing something she didn't want to do, she wasn't that type."

"Did she leave a note?"

"Nope, no note, no message that anyone could find. The more I try and think about it the more it doesn't make sense."

"Hey, man, death's not supposed to make sense," Nick said. "My mom's brother killed himself when she was thirteen. She said she never got over it really."

"My grandpa died when I was eight," Brandon volunteered. "I cried for days, and I wasn't even that close to him. I barely remember him now. That's different though," Nick said. "But you never get used to death. It always comes as a surprise. It's always unexpected."

Avery said, "Yeah, I know. But it's not that it's unexpected. It's just that I can't believe its a suicide. Not after... well, I mean why now? If at all. And why with those three other people?"

"Yeah, that is weird." Nick said. "Maybe they all made a suicide pact. Were they friends of her's?"

"I don't know. They were all her age. Maybe they went to school with her. I don't know any of her friends. And I doubt my dad does either. I'm sure he wasn't talking to her at all. He never did. We might as well have been abandoned after mom died."

"When is her funeral?"

"...I don't know. I didn't ask. Probably this weekend." Avery made a mental reminder to call his dad tonight and confirm with him.

"Then maybe you can ask some questions there. Maybe by then they'll know more."

"And it'll be good for you," Nick added.

Brandon said, "When my grandpa died, I was surprised how people at the funeral were in really good spirits, talking with each other like it was a party."

Nick said, "I remember there was someone who died in a skiing accident in grade school. I didn't go to his funeral, but there was a grief counselor who came in first period, who was talking to us about it, and I was like, who is this? I don't even know the guy. Isn't it a little inappropriate to be talking to all the classes about it?"

Avery grimaced. This conversation had somehow turned to them and their experiences. He was the one with the sister who died. It was pretty egotistical of them to focus on themselves in his time of need.

Then he felt incredibly guilty for feeling that. He had been feeling guilty ever since the phone call, the fact that he was alive and Sophia was dead. He could move on, and she couldn't. She couldn't do anything ever again.

He sucked his tears back in and picked up his fork at both ends in his hands.

"I just don't get why she has to be dead," said Avery.

"She didn't have to be dead. She just is," Brandon said.

"I mean why she wanted to be dead."

Nick said, "Yeah, that's how suicide is. They always think that they're leaving the world so they won't cause pain to anyone, but they just end up leaving more pain since they're gone. And no one ever really knows why."

The fork in Avery's hands was shaking, and the tines were digging into his palm, making sharp, focused pricks.

"Dude, ease off," Nick said.

Avery realized what he was doing and released the fork, placing it gently back on his tray. "Sorry." He pulled on his sleeve, straightening out its length.

"You sure you're okay?" Nick asked. "Maybe you should see the counselor."

"No, I'm fine. It's the shock. I'll be all right." Avery realized he had been around death a lot in his life. First his mother, and now his sister. All people he was close to. All immediate family. Maybe death was hereditary.

Avery stood up. "You want my pizza?"

"Sure," Nick said immediately. He picked the plate off the tray. "You sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna do some homework or something," Avery said, knowing there was no way he was going to be able to concentrate on something so monotonous. "I'll see you guys later." Avery picked up his tray and left.

He was sure they wanted to give him better words of encouragement, but they were human. Nothing could heal the death of someone as close as a sibling.

Avery slid his tray on the rotating racks, a pile of unfinished food and wasted meal tickets. Maybe tomorrow, he'd eat when he'd be hungry on a biological level.

Evening was setting in when he walked across to his dorm. The sky had changed from gray to a western sunset. Avery kept his eyes down, trying to get the ever-repeating thought out of his head: _Why is she dead? Why is she dead? Why is she dead?_

In his ten-by-eight cube, he shut the door and sat on the bed. He had been in this room for a month, and it was about as good as it was getting for the year. His desk was against one wall under his roommate's bunk. His bed to its left, his roommate's desk on the right.

He really had no typical college adornments, only a few photos and knick-knacks on his desk. His roommate, on the other hand, had no compunctions about turning the place into a teenager's basement pad. His desk didn't have even a semblance of organization assignments past due and a textbook of generic English, amid the Mountain Dew and beer cans, stolen street signs, dirty plastic dishes, sports junk, and a bong.

Tucker had also put himself in charge of decorating the walls with cheap posters. He had posted a black and white photograph of a middle finger, but the R.A. told him to take it down. On the other wall, above his desk, was an image of Asu Chei, a supermodel. She was crawling toward the camera on hands and knees, wearing a bikini with a loose fitting top that let her breasts hang down like udders. She was making a seductive "come get me" look. Something about that look transfixed Avery. He both desired it and hated it at the same time, like watching a car wreck.

For the third time that day he sat at his desk in an attempt to do homework. It took him an hour to get through one page of Sociology. The thoughts of Sophia and her death jumbled around in his head like lottery balls. If only he could make sense of it. Remembering movies he'd seen, he took a page of notebook paper and wrote down "Sophia" and circled it. Then he drew stems reaching off like a web, illustrating what he knew "three boys", "shed", "drugs", "knife", "suicide."

He stared at his little picture for five minutes, trying to think of new elements and the connections between them. Finally, he said "Fuck it" and crumpled it up. He wasn't a detective. He couldn't investigate the scene of a crime if he wasn't there. The police were already handling this.

He stowed the Sociology book and brought out his Calculus book. Maybe doing some logical equations, some problems that required analytical thinking, would clear his mind. It needed to be finished anyway. He also turned on the radio, tuned to a classic rock station.

It helped some. Punching numbers into his calculator and looking between his notes and book provided enough distraction to push away the feelings simple numbers that either were or weren't. Somewhere he was able to forget it completely and become entranced in his work.

When he finished with the last problem, he stowed the notebook paper in his Calculus folder, ready to hand in, and pulled out his planner, a gift from his aunt at his graduation party. He put a satisfying check next to "Calc 3.10 HW". After that he had English and Sociology. Both of those papers were due two weeks from now, but he had put miniature deadlines in pencil at evenly spaced out parts of the month. Anal as it was, he could use this method to measure what he had completed and what he had to go.

Avery sat back in the chair, done with his homework for tonight, at least as far as he was going to get, and waited for the Lynyrd Skynyrd song to finish before turning off the radio.

The alarming sound of the door banging open reverberated and Avery caught Tucker coming into the room from the corner of his eye. He looked baked. His friend with headphones was standing in the hallway still.

"Hey," Tucker said. "Let me borrow 20 bucks."

"What?" Avery said.

"I need to borrow 20 bucks."

Avery sighed at him, dumbfounded.

"C'mon, we're buds. Just let me have 20 bucks."

Avery grew irritated. "I don't have 20 bucks on me."

"Come on, man. Can't you go to the ATM or something?"

"I'm not going to the ATM to give you 20 bucks." Avery turned back and sat down in his desk chair.

Tucker flipped him the bird, called him an feminine hygiene product and left. Avery looked up at a photo of Sophia. Chances were always 50/50 whether he was going to be home or the office, but he always called home first.

"Hello?" his dad said.

"Hey, it's me."

"Hi son, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"Yeah? How were your classes today?"

"Fine."

"How is pre-law?"

He always asked that question. He still had no idea that there were no pre-law classes on his transcript. He was more of an undeclared at this point. The registrar only said pre-law for now.

"Fine. Dad, I forgot to ask when her funeral is."

"Her? Oh, Saturday."

Good, it was the weekend. That meant he could go. "What time can you pick me up?"

A pause. "I can't pick you up until Saturday afternoon. Friday, I need to finalize this deal. And then Saturday I'll have to be at the funeral all day."

Avery furrowed his brows. "Can you drive up to get me as soon as I'm done with class on Friday?"

"I'm too busy. I can't get up there and back in time, unless I drive all night. If you'd contacted me earlier, I could have changed something, but I didn't know you needed a ride down."

Avery spoke to the phone as if it was the one responsible. "What the hell would make you think I wouldn't be coming down for this?"

"I didn't know you needed a ride. Pre-law is tough. I only came down twice a year when I was in college. I missed a lot of stuff."

"Well, I'm not too busy to miss this."

"I thought you would get a ride yourself."

"You're the only one who's ever given me a ride back home." His voice grew agitated and rageful.

"Well, I didn't know you needed a ride this time. Can't you get someone else to do it?"

"No one I know is from Kilward. And this isn't a holiday weekend. No one's probably going to be going down south."

"Well, did you try looking?"

Avery whined, "Just pick me up."

"Look, I'm closing a really important deal here and I can't do it. I don't have the time. Try asking one of your friends at school if you can hitch a ride."

"What's the matter with you? It's her fucking funeral and you can't take the time off from work?"

"Don't use that language with me. The world doesn't stop just because people die. We're in the middle of a merger. I've got other people who depend on me too. You think this is easy for me?"

"I can't believe you can't drive up two hours to take me to MY SISTER'S FUNERAL!"

Avery wound up his arm and threw the phone against a corner of the wall. It made a thick smack against the concrete slab and broke into three pieces.

Then the tears started.

* * *

Two men, shaded invisible in darkness, looked up at the curtained window. Both wore trenchcoats. They were not surprised at the crash, or the sobbing afterwards.

"He's a hard case. There's no fucking way he could do this. He's crying on his bed," one said in a voice like sandpaper.

"Unless you got a body better, this is it. He's the only one with... the motivation. He's the closest to the fire. He's our boy."

"He's crowbait. But it's your funeral. Do whatever you want. I'm done with them."

"You don't want any part of it?"

"I'm no one's babysitter. And I'm through being someone's poker chip. I don't take orders from anyone anymore."

Two red orbs faded in from the darkness. His eyes. The other stepped back, keeping his distance.

The other nodded. "I know that. Don't worry. If this works, we'll all be kings again."


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Avery Price woke up to his alarm. Now he stared at the wooden plank of the bunk above him, trying to recall last night. He had cried himself so tired he fell asleep. Then he remembered Sophia was dead. Today Sophia was dead, and she would always be dead.

That set the mood of the day as he snapped off the alarm off and pulled away the sheets. Tucker was asleep, snoring and dreaming about his party the night before. Every morning was the same. Tucker had no morning classes, so it was always Avery who had to tiptoe around. He had given up eating breakfast because it made so much noise opening the mini-fridge, pouring the milk, crunching the flakes, opening doors to go wash the bowl. Now he just took caffeine pills to shake off the sleep.

And today he needed one. He felt like he was still half in the sludge of a dream world. The drawer creaked as it opened and he pulled out his caffeine pills Wake'ums right next to the counteractive Relax-Z sleeping pills (made with pure bone calcium, whatever that meant). He pulled out a yellow pill from the plastic bubble and dry-swallowed it.

He had his routine down to maximum efficiency. He brought his clothes to the communal bathroom to change into them. He never changed in front of Tucker. He was afraid the testosterone-fueled big man on campus would be awake one time, take a picture, and blast it on the campus website.

After his clothes were on, he returned to the room, dropped off his pajamas, and picked up his backpack, stowed with the day's needed books and homework, and headed down to campus. The outside air was crisp as he joined the other half-asleep animals.

The campus was organized in two halves residence halls and scholastic buildings. A lake bordered them in the northeast, making the only path between the two a single road , like a cholesterol-caked artery, unless you wanted to walk through the fields and trees.

Thus obnoxious promoters and religious fanatics had the perfect opportunity to pepper the incoming students with flyers of no-name bands and pamphlets on how to be saved. Someone was doing just that a few yards before the path split, likely a preacher based on his white clothes.

As Avery drew closer. A gap between the students in front of him formed, meaning he had no one to block for him and take the hit. Pangs of fear and embarrassment hit his stomach. The preacher held out a half-size piece of paper for him, like he was holding out a cup of water for a marathon runner.

"Happy to share the scriptures with you," he said as Avery politely grabbed the piece of paper, trying to avoid eye contact. If he hadn't grabbed it, either the preacher would have gotten even more pushy, maybe even following him until he took it, or he would have felt guilty the rest of the day. It was easier to take the thing. Plus he had some reading material if needed.

The sidewalk beyond was littered with pamphlets that said "Eternal Life is a FREE Gift". They all had the audacity to chuck it a few yards away from him. This was all the good they did. Avery glanced at the paper. It was full of CAPITAL WORDS and "misplaced quotations" that were supposed to "emphasize importance". He shoved the literature in his pocket. Class would start in fifteen minutes, so he had some time to go to the student center and look at the ride board.

He'd never used the ride board, he just remembered the tour guide mentioning it when he came here the first time. There was a big map of the state and troughs with slips for each of the sections. The two types of slips "I need a ride" and "I'm offering a ride" were few and far between this early in the week. Kilward, unfortunately was in the 'other' section, too far to mean anything. That slot was empty.

A girl student wearing a loose-fitting college hoodie walked up to him. It was Sasha. She was a farm girl with a round middle and big boobs. They'd met at a house party, but they'd stayed platonic.

"Hey," Avery said.

"Hey, did you go to the party last night?"

"No, I stayed in my room. Did you go?"

"Nah, it would have been just me and Tammy. And it would have been lame. Who has a good party on Wednesday night?"

Avery asked, "Are you going home this weekend?" It was a shot in the dark. He didn't even know where Sasha lived.

"No, why?"

"I need to get home this weekend. And I can't get a ride.

"Do you know where I live?" Sasha asked.

"Uh, no, come to think of it."

"Rockville."

Rockville was four-hundred fifty miles from Kilward. "Oh."

"Maybe you can take a Greyhound or something?" Sasha said.

"Maybe," Avery agreed, although he wasn't sure how much Greyhounds cost, or how to get to one.

"Why are you so desperate to get home?"

Avery really didn't want to have to explain it all again, but it looked like he had no choice. "My sister died."

"Oh no," Sasha gasped.

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Two days ago. I need to get back for the funeral."

"How'd she die?"

Avery was about to say 'suicide', but closed the lid on that can of worms at the last second. "They're still trying to find out."

"Really? What happened?"

"Poison or something."

"Oh. I mean, where did they find her? I mean, how?"

"Ah, I don't know. Somewhere. But I've got to get down there for the funeral."

"Are you doing okay? Did you see a counselor?"

"I don't have time for that. I've got too much to get done. Ironic that they give you all these services, but no time to exploit them. The only thing I care about is finding a way to get down there."

"And you can't find anyone to give you a ride?"

"Nope."

"That sucks," Sasha said. "Having a car is so necessary in college. I really wish I had one. Even a crappy one."

Avery knew his dad could have easily bought him a car, but chose not to so he would learn the 'value of money and delayed gratification'.

"You have no life unless you have a car," he said.

"I know, and there are all these guys with these nice cars on campus. I can't believe it."

Sasha looked at her watch. "I gotta get to class. If I hear of anyone going down south, I'll let you know."

"Okay."

"I'll see you later."

"See you."

Avery nodded and picked up an "I need a ride" sheet to fill out.

* * *

The day's three classes proceeded minute by minute, brick by brick. For all he learned, he might as well had not even gone, but if they'd announced a test, he didn't want to risk missing something like a test announcement.

He'd handed in one piece of homework, and received two new ones one reading, one writing. That was the way it always was. The amount never got smaller, it never got bigger, except during midterms, when every teacher thought their homework was more important than everybody else's, and made it all due at the same time.

On the way back, he could have walked into traffic and not known it. His eyes and mind were not connecting. He did nothing but think about Sophia. His dad was probably making the funeral plans now, choosing the casket, the burial ceremony, the site, all those things one had to muck through when a loved one died. The parlor would do their best to be polite and respectful, but business was business. It was a company that put sisters in the ground. His dad would be doing all this with a cool business head, maybe bargaining down the price of the coffin with that business charm that had never passed down to him.

He inserted his key in the lock and again, Tucker was not there. After three classes, starting on his homework now would be too much. He need a little time to relax. A quick run-through of all the campus cable channels revealed nothing worth watching, not even on Comedy Central or MTV, his go-to-guys, so he grabbed a video off his closet shelf.

He only got midway through _The Terminator_ when Tucker came back home, toting a girl with a big nose and tight pants. Avery had never seen her before, but she had a freshman vibe, like a lot of girls Tucker brought in.

He said, "And of course, he's like this big guy, I think he packed on like sixty pounds of muscle since he went away. So his metabolism shot up."

She responded in a tinny voice, "I had a friend like that from high school who came back from the army, and he was buff."

"Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about. But he's all aggressive now, he got us kicked out of Taco Bell. I didn't know you could get kicked out of Taco Bell. I thought that's the haven for drunk and stoned people."

"Oh, is this your desk?" she said like she discovered jewelry.

They had taken no notice of Avery and his movie, and made no efforts to acknowledge him or be quiet. Maybe if you treated your roommate as invisible, the wretched girl you were trying to score with wouldn't notice him either.

He could stop the movie, watch the rest of it later, but that would satisfy Tucker's wishes. It was better to see the images and miss the dialogue than to leave the story unfinished.

Headphones knocked loudly on the door, allowed in, and now the three of them were chatting over the climactic emotional ending. When the movie was over, they were still there. Avery felt there was really nothing else he could do but his homework. Tucker was chomping at the bit to get at the TV so he could continue with this girl. Like a ghost, he moved to his desk, unzipped his backpack and retrieved his reading assignment.

Tucker and the girl plopped on his bed and watched some trashy show about dating, while Headphones stood by. Between their conversation and the TV, he couldn't get a word into his brain that wasn't some conflation of it all. Instead he plugged his cheap ear buds into his radio for background noise.

At some point, the girl got up and left. After the door was shut, Tucker yelled out, "Umph! Did you see her ass? Oh my god, it was right out there." Tucker demonstrated the girl looking over the desk and thrusting his ass out, like a baboon presenting.

Avery concentrated harder on his calculus equations. Typical Tucker behavior. Show people one face, hide the other. He and Headphones kept on about how he'd love to bang her, so he upped the volume to ear-damaging levels.

He glanced between the book and his notes for all of ten seconds, then his mind fell into that black abyss again. It spiraled around the same ideas Sophia, suicide, shed, funeral, dad, phone.

He remembered one time during a classic Texas summer dry and hot, like a loaf of bread in the oven when they went to a water park. Himself, an eleven-year-old skinny white boy, and Sophia, nine, with longer, more mature hair. Sophia had seen a big (everything's big when you're nine) food kiosk with a snow cone on the banner. Thus she decided she wanted to have a snow cone and asked her dad.

Tightwad that he was, he said "no". Sophia pleaded with him ("please, daddy, I want a snow cone"), begged him, being both rational and persuasive. Then after the fifth time he said no, he started getting angry. The anger transferred to Sophia, who jumped up and down, fit with rage, and cried crocodile tears. Her face puckered like she'd eaten a lemon and her face turned red as a sunburn. Dad told her to stop acting like that right now or they were going to go home. She either didn't hear or didn't want to. Thirty seconds later, he grabbed her by the arm and led her out of the water park.

And Avery followed. They hadn't even been there an hour and he was being led out too, forced to suffer for Sophia's transgressions. He had just stood there while she had a tantrum. It wasn't his job to stop her, be her parent. He hadn't told her to stop when his dad threatened ending the day early. He'd only made a minor protest when they started towards the exit, and was met with the words "get your clothes on."

Avery wasn't sure why he had thought of that particular memory of Sophia right then. It wasn't pleasant, and they said the best way to cope with the death of someone close was to remember all the good times. But all he remembered was how he sat there and did what someone told him. How he watched Sophia like a hissing, spitting cat. How she had ruined his fun time. But she was nine and spoiled. Who could blame her?

Tucker tapped him on the shoulder. Avery pulled his ear buds out.

"Dude, do you have some scissors I can borrow?" he said.

Avery said "Yeah," and rifled through the top drawer of his desk for some scissors. They were nice ones he bought at the school store, and hopefully, he would see them again. He handed them to Tucker and popped his ear buds back in.

Not more than a minute later, Tucker tapped him on the shoulder again. This time he just shoved some scissors in his field of view. Avery picked them back up by the handle. Like anyone, he expected the giver to let go, but instead, Avery accidentally yanked the blade out from Tucker's closed fist. A glut of blood dripped out.

"Jesus Christ!" Avery said. He tumbled out of his chair in time to avoid getting blood on his pants. He fell backwards onto the bed, pulling the clock radio, attached by the headphones, to the floor.

"Aaaah!" Tucker screamed. "What the fuck did you do to me?"

"Wha-I-I-it- Why didn't you let it go?"

"You fucking shredded my hand!" Tucker said, holding his wrist.

"Why didn't you let go of the scissors!" Avery said. Images of cops, lawsuits, and hospitals flashed in his head.

"Ah, you fucker, I'll kill you!"

Avery opened his mouth up and down like a frog. Then he saw Headphones was laughing. Tucker still had his fist closed, dripping crimson onto the gray tiles. And it looked like he was trying to keep a straight face.

Avery took a quick moment to think about how Tucker spoke to him and it wasn't quite the reaction of a man who had been sliced across the palm.

Tucker knew the jig was up and he opened his hand a smear of red and no wound. The two laughed like monkeys. "You... you..." Tucker said between breaths, "That was funny as fuck. Oh, man, you... really thought... ahhhh," he sighed.

"Dude, I told you those blood capsules were good," Headphones said. "We gotta try this on someone else."

Avery frowned at them, but there was nothing else he could do. He wanted to punch him in the face, to throttle him against the desk, but that was out of the question. He wanted to request a new roommate, but that wouldn't yield results on this packed campus. He wanted to get him back, but that would cause a never-ending pranking war. There was nothing he could do about it.

While Tucker and Headphones hooted and cackled, Avery put his clock radio back on the desk, piled up his papers, and sat down. "I'm not cleaning that up." Avery pointed down to the puddle of red corn syrup that was coagulating on the floor. Tucker and his friend didn't acknowledge him. They were laughing and swearing too hard.

Two days later, Avery would clean it up, while Tucker was away. But there would always be a purple-red stain on the floor in that dorm room.

* * *

Avery left after the blood capsule incident. He didn't want to be in the same room with him, and went down to the student center to check the ride board one more time. Again, no responses.

When he came back, Tucker was gone, but there was a flashing message on the answering machine, now cradling a phone wrapped in scotch tape. He pressed play.

"Hi, Avery, it's your dad," it sighed. "I just got off the phone with the county office and they told me that they're officially declaring her death as a suicide by poison. Death due to heart failure. Thought you'd want to know." Beep.

So that was it. All there was to it. The police found the answer. It was a suicide, and there was no question about it. The book was closed. In truth, Avery did feel a little relief. Perfectly normal people committed suicide, why not some goth girl who had family problems? Seemed reasonable to him.

Avery erased the message and dropped onto his bed. It would be Friday tomorrow. Her funeral would be on Saturday, and then her story would be done. Nothing more.

Now he could see that he'd spent the past three days spiraling around in his mind, not getting anything done. She was dead. She would have a funeral, and then everyone would move on with their lives. Life would go on. He just needed to hold it together until then, for one more day of class. He could do it, just for a day.

Then, somehow, he'd get home, get some closure, and put all this behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

The first class ended five minutes early. Along with a trickling of others, Avery headed out to the central campus area. The sun was out and there were plenty of lunch-eaters and hackey-sackers, enjoying a break in the changing fall weather.

He had another hour to kill until class, too little time to make the walk back to the dorms worth it. Good time for finishing homework though, and he usually did that in the student center. He felt a lot more comfortable being around the hustle and bustle of students than in Tucker's cage. The lounges were more comfortable, and the white noise of students was as good as silence. Plus he could put his feet up on the sofa without anyone yelling at him.

First, though, a final trip to the ride board, even though he knew what it would say. No one had contacted him about his "I Need a Ride" slip, so he was looking for the mercy of the few people going the farthest south.

"So again we stand at the ride board." Sasha popped up next to him. She was wearing a Friday outfit for partying collared shirt with the beginning of cleavage.

"Oh, hey."

"Any luck finding something?" she said.

"Not really. There's this one tomorrow morning. It takes me twenty-five miles from Kilward."

"Can your dad pick you up from there?"

"Maybe, if he can tear himself away from work. I'll have to call him tonight to see. Either way, I'm going to miss the funeral."

"Miss?" Sasha exclaimed.

Avery sighed. "Yeah."

"That's ridiculous. Can't you call your parents?"

"My dad has a business deal he can't tear himself away from. So he can't pick me up until after the funeral is over."

"Oh my god, that's awful. Isn't there anyone else in the world that can give you a ride?"

"Not that I know of," Avery responded.

"Did you try calling campus services? Maybe they can give you a ride down. I know they do special things for deaths in the family."

"They wouldn't do that. Then everyone's grandma would be dead when someone missed a test."

"No, really. They have grief counseling services that do that. You can get a ride home that way."

Avery thought about it, but dismissed the idea. He didn't want to be a bother, and there were other people with more problems with him. He had already adjusted to the idea of missing her funeral.

"Maybe," he sighed, "It's so impossible to do anything in college because you're so far away. You're trying to separate your ties from home, but you still need them for so many things. I don't know what to do about dentist appointments, doctors, prescriptions, taxes. I'm never sure what to put as my address on forms. All that stuff that would be fine if you were still living at home."

"Yeah, that's funny. When I registered to vote, I gave them my dorm address. I have no idea what that's gonna mean four years from now." She entered the food bar which contained a sub place, an 'a la carte' grill, and a Taco Bell. "Are you getting lunch?"

"No." He had to conserve his meal tickets, so he didn't eat every meal.

"Then, come stand in line with me," she said. She made a cute beckoning smirk. A little homework would wait.

Avery had no real attraction to Sasha, only that underlying instinct to breed with everything that had boobs. Sasha was not the type of girl Avery was looking for. She looked like jailbait, was never far from a house party, and went out nights that weren't meant for going out. She was low maintenance and extremely confident, more confident than most women he had ever known. But that translated to self-absorption. She loved to talk about herself, all the good parts and bad parts, parts that sometimes made Avery blush.

Sasha wasn't someone to marry, and Avery wasn't much for casual dating, not at college. There was nothing wrong with Sasha really, just not Avery's type of girl. He already knew the ending to the potential Avery & Sasha story, and it was not with happiness. Friends were fine.

They got in the back of the line for Taco Bell. Avery said, "It's impossible to get anything scheduled when you live two hundred miles away from everything."

"Yeah, I know. I keep losing touch with all my friends from high school."

"I know, me too. My friend Gus has been my best friend since..." he had to think, "Fifth grade. And he's not going to college, so we're just drifting further and further apart."

"Yeah, my friend Brenda got a job right after school. Secretary. Said she didn't want to wait to make money."

"I know, that's what Gus said. Except he's making 6.50 at the Beefy Queen."

"Yeah, not a lot of places you can go from there."

"And it's like, you're still not learning any good job skills."

"He does get free food though," Avery smiled.

"Yick, I hate Beefy Queen. Their burgers are so fattening."

"So you're eating Taco Bell?" he said as he looked up at the sign.

"Don't question me!" she laughed. "I like chalupas." Avery laughed. Sasha said, "But that's how college is. I told my high school boyfriend that we were gonna try to stay together through college. Pfft, that lasted a month."

"Yeah, college is the great Darwinizer. The slackers and unambitious do their joe jobs and we get education and better jobs." Avery hated to think of his best friend that way, but it was the truth. "Maybe I should have gone to college at home."

"No way, not for me," Sasha said, "It's so much better when you can get away from it all. You can find so many different people. You can do so much more. And you don't have to worry about parents butting in. I love going to the store by myself. I can get all the frosted animal cookies I want. You know, the ones with the white frosting and sprinkles."

That reminded Avery that he had to get to the store soon. "Yeah, those are good." They shuffled a bit closer, almost to the head of the line now. "It's like a chance to run away from home. But safely. And you can go back when you want."

"You can go out and go wild for one last time."

"Eh, I don't believe that," Avery said, sadness in his tone. "They always told me that college was your last chance to go wild and crazy. But there are all those people like 80-year-olds skiing and running with the bulls. You don't have a last chance to go wild, life is what you make of it all throughout." He arrived at the head of the line and the cashier looked at him with an inquisitive expression. Avery gestured to Sasha.

"I'll have a Nacho Cheese Chalupa and a Border Fryz and a Diet Coke."

The cashier told her the price.

"You're not hungry?" she said to Avery.

Now that he was here, the smell of deep-fried spiced meat was hard to say no to. But, it was not an eating day, and he had to commit to that. "No. Actually, I think I'm just gonna go."

"Aw, you won't eat with me?"

"No, I've got homework to do."

"Okay," she said, but Avery barely heard her as he heaved his backpack onto his shoulder. "Don't worry about the funeral," she continued. "It's just gonna be a bunch of people saying 'I remember you when you were this tall'."

Avery nodded and left the line.

* * *

At the end of his last class, Avery headed back home, irritated that Sociology had decided to assign some delightful weekend homework. Coupled with everything that had happened this week, he was sick of it all. He didn't even feel the relief that accompanied the last class of the day on Friday. Everything was a big weight, a big stone around his neck he dragged back and forth daily.

Tucker was sprawled out on his bed, two bags of Nacho Cheese Doritos beside him. Headphones was there also, sitting in Avery's desk chair.

Avery stepped over Tucker's outstretched legs to get to his desk. He had three classes worth of homework, and they had to be finished before tomorrow.

He stood in front of Headphones, who cocked his head to the side to see around him. "Dude," he said, a one word phrase meaning 'get out of the way'.

"I need my chair," Avery responded.

"What for?" he kept his eyes on the TV.

"To be at my desk, so I can do homework."

Headphones scoffed, "You're always doing homework. Just watch the game."

"I don't want to watch the game, I want to be at my computer, and you're sitting in my chair."

"I don't see your name on it."

"This is my room. This is my chair."

Headphones smiled. This was turning into a game for him. "I'm comfy, go find somewhere else to study."

Avery clutched a fistful of his shirt. "I'm tired. I'm hungry. I have to leave for home in eleven hours, so I can go visit my sister's gravestone, because I couldn't get to her funeral, because this school is so far away from everything, and gave me a weekend's worth of homework to do that I need to get done before that SO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CHAIR!"

Headphones looked at him, like a child who had the nerve to look surprised when he was caught. He turned back to Tucker. "Dude, let's watch the game in the lounge," he said as he got up.

Tucker didn't say anything but got up. Headphones gave him a glare as he walked out. Avery glared back with equal ferocity.


	4. Chapter 4

Avery tugged his overnight gym bag and back pack from under the seat. "Thanks, again," he said to the driver who he'd spent three hours with. He found out he did this every weekend he went home load up a bunch of people going south. It helped to earn a little drinking money. Avery had obliged him with a ten-spot at the first gas stop. This was the furthest south he went since his house was in this town. So he dropped Avery off in this parking lot.

That was fine, he'd already made arrangements with his dad, though he didn't see his car anywhere. This wasn't a great part of the north-neighboring town. Not that there were any great parts.

Now he was in a parking lot too big for the boarded up convenience store. Avery set his back pack and gym bag on the weedy sidewalk and sat on one of the concrete parking barriers, careful to avoid the protruding rebar.

Whether his dad was coming from the office, or home, or somewhere totally different, it might be a while before he would come. Now he wished he hadn't spent all that time on homework last night. He pulled out a few text books and tried to do some random studying, but found he didn't have the mind for it. Not without a goal in mind. He shoved the book back in, and stared out into space.

His mind kept turning to Sophia's death. Now he was comfortable with it, had been since he found out the cause. It was starting to make more sense. Death surrounded their family. Sophia was in a terrible situation, trapped in high school where everything was a clique, people were selfish and needy, and compensated for their feelings of self-worth by cutting everyone down. She would have liked college, although he wondered if she would have bothered going. She wasn't much into education, and had no real goals.

Not to say Sophia didn't have interests, they just wouldn't have led to a career. She liked socializing, music, clothing, everything you'd expect from a teenager, but she always twisted it. She surrounded herself with dark things. It was what made her comfortable, embracing death instead of shirking from it. Avery wished he could do the same.

He wondered what Sophia would say about her own death, since she liked that dark stuff so much. She probably had a list of what she wanted what kind of music should be played, scripts to be read, who should be sobbing over the coffin. Designed down to a 'T'. Why couldn't you design your own funeral? Probably because no one would do it, no one liked to face that sort of thing head-on. He rubbed his wrists nervously.

What would she want people to say at her funeral? What would he say? Would she have asked him? He was her big brother after all, he would tell it like it is, without the fluff. In a sci-fi book he read once they had a thing called a "Speaker of the Dead", a person who would talk about the person at their death, all their good, all their bad, and everything else. Sophia might want something like that. She didn't compromise who she was for the sake of others. How did they become so different? They had come from the exact same backgrounds, with just a small difference of age and gender.

It was more than half an hour before Mr. Price's slate Cadillac pulled alongside the curb. Avery had laid down by this time, head on the gym bag, feet propped on the rebar. The horn blared.

Avery clenched like a bomb had gone off and saw his dad's piggy eyes staring at him from the open window of his car, phone on his ear. Without a word, he grabbed his two bags, shoved them in the back seat and got in the front. His dad was still wearing a three-piece suit with a flower pinned to the lapel.

"Hi," Avery said. His dad nodded.

"Yeah, what?" he said to the phone. Avery kept quiet, waiting until his father finished. "Yeah... I've done that already. I've offered them everything but the shirt on my back. They still won't take it... I think we're dealing with some real hard asses here... yeah, all talk. They aren't gonna back it up... well, they gotta prove the numbers. The onus is on them."

Avery stayed nice and quiet, like he always had to.

"Look, if you gotta tell them a story, tell them a story. I'm not going to lose this deal just because the books all add up. Take the audit to them... This deal's going through, whether they like it or not," he laughed. "All right... all right... all right... yeah... okay, sounds good. Bye."

His father grunted and replaced the car telephone. "Hi, son," he said. "How was the ride down?"

"S'okay."

"How's college going?"

"Good."

"Law classes going okay?"

"Yeah."

There was a small pause. His dad said, "Did you want to go right to the site?"

"No, go home first." He needed to drop off his stuff, and stretch out a bit. It had been a long ride, and he wanted some time with comforting things first. Sophia wasn't... wasn't going anywhere. "How was the funeral?"

"Good. Saw a lot of old family there," he sighed. "Looks like it's just you and me now," he winked.

That little joke sent a shiver through Avery's spine. It was the worst thing he could say right now. But he had another half hour to go before he could start an argument safely.

"Who was there?" Avery asked.

"Oh, just some old family I hadn't seen for a while. Just on my side."

"Anyone I know?"

"Not really, mostly people I know. People from work. Not too many on your mom's side."

"How did the service go?"

"Oh, just like any other service, I guess."

"You can't tell me any more than that?"

"What, you want details?"

"Yes," Avery yelped.

"Well," he hesitated, "You were at your grandpa's funeral. It was pretty much like that. The minister went up, said some kind words about her, and so forth. Typical bush league stuff."

Avery sighed. "How about the eulogy? What did he say?"

"Uh," he tried to remember. "He talked about how she was so young to be taken from us, said how God will let her into the garden of His heaven. Talked about how spirited she was. Read some passages from the bible."

Avery turned to look out the window and sighed. Sophia would've hated that.

* * *

He took the other car, a white Toyota Camry, that Sophia commandeered when he went to school. No one had cleaned it out since she'd died aluminum soda cans, tassely decorations fluttering around, and the sickly-sweet smell of old perfume and Mountain Dew residue. There was nothing weirder than driving the car your sister owned to her last resting place.

He stopped to get a bouquet of black violets, Sophia's favorite. There were so many bright, happy flowers in the shop carnations, roses, daisies, posies but Avery though she'd like to show she was there. She didn't mind standing out. In fact, she thrived on it. Avery always admired her for that. That's why he tried to do something she would have wanted.

Then he realized she didn't want much of anything anymore.

Avery drove a town and a half over to get to the cemetery the same one his mother was buried at. He parked in a designated area and checked the map of plots. His mother's was listed a ways down, nearer the border of the grounds. Sophia's would be close by.

On the way there, he saw another funeral taking place on the other side of the walkway, under a tent. People were dying everyday, it seemed. Some of them made eye contact. He felt self-conscious, strolling along the field holding a bouquet of gothy flowers.

The fresh rock read 'Sophia Elisa Price 1979 1997 Beloved Daughter'. The grave was still loose dirt, they hadn't put the sod over it yet. He was just glad he didn't come while they were still digging.

Alone with her for one last time. Even the sun had given them privacy, hiding behind the clouds.

He felt like he should be talking to her, like they did in the movies. Saying something about how he'd miss her, and what was happening in the world. He guessed that made people feel better, to talk as if they were still alive. Avery didn't feel that. He felt... well, nervous actually, as if she were really expecting something out of him. Expecting him to perform. He was talking to a rock, and felt stupid.

He placed the paper-wrapped bouquet in the dirt, and put his hands in his pocket. It wasn't really Sophia he was looking at after all, just her gravestone. And under it, Sophia's body. He wondered what she looked like, how they had dressed her. He couldn't think of anything Sophia owned that was presentable to the family. She was probably wearing a light-colored dress. That was sad the last thing she got to wear was something she hated, and she had to wear that for eternity...

Water had been forming in his eyes for a while, but now tears started to drop. He covered them with his hand, trying to stop, trying to suppress. He wasn't going to lose it again, even with no one around.

With some deep breathing, he was back to normal, back behind border of emotion. He coughed to cover his faux pas and focused on her gravestone again, reading her name over and over. Finally, when he felt stable, he stepped back.

He still felt the need to say something. Anything. What would Sophia want him to say? She hated anything schmaltzy or clich or syrupy. But if not that, what else? What could he say to someone like Sophia that she would get?

"I'll remember you," he said.

He turned around and walked out of the graveyard. He probably wouldn't return until the next time someone in his family died. He didn't like to look back. The legend of Sophia was over.

* * *

When Avery got home, he went straight down to his bedroom and took a nap. He usually didn't take naps, but he felt so drained that he wanted to curl up on his own bed and stop doing anything.

He woke up a half hour later, a little disoriented. Now he wondered what he could do while he was home. He paid his respects to his sister. His room was empty, most of its contents had been shifted to college. It was Saturday night, and kept in contact with no one in town.

He watched some of the evening news on the 6-inch TV he had moved into his room temporarily. Then he felt his stomach grumble. It was close enough to six o'clock dinner time.

When he reached the main floor, he was met with the smell of cooking vegetables in soy sauce. This was new to Avery, since after their mom died, he could count the number of home-cooked meals they'd eaten as a family on one hand. It was a wonder Sophia didn't die of a heart attack with all the fast food and instant meals she must have made.

But this was unexpected. "Hey, dad?" Avery called out.

"I'm in here," he called out from the kitchen. "You want some dinner?"

"Are you cooking?"

"Oh, yeah, steak and vegetables. Man's gotta eat for himself now." He said it like it had been Sophia's job to cook, but he knew that she'd never touched anything more complicated than an ice cream scoop in her life. She preferred paper plates because she could throw them out.

The fact that his dad was trying to cook was enamoring. Originally, Avery was going to go out and get a light meal, but if his dad was making an effort, he'd reward him by staying.

The table was already set. Avery sat down at his place while his dad took ten more minutes to finish. The beef steak and vegetables looked soggy, probably frozen in a bag. Still, he had cooked it all himself, so Avery promised he would try it.

His dad took the serving spoon, and scooped some vegetables on his plate. "So how's college?" he asked again.

"Good," Avery said. "How's work?"

"Ah, it's shit. We're trying to get this merger through the door, but this big company keeps trying to butt in and take our share. It's like they're sticking their hand in and yanking out the money before we even take it. Trying to prevent the merger. I think they're trying to acquire both companies before we can close the deal. It's all a pass-the-buck game. Trying for more profits while the little guy suffers." He shook his head. "They keep telling me these sob stories about how their departments are lacking, they don't get back to me. That's why I was taking that call. I just hope the funeral..."

Avery was already tuning him out. He'd wanted to make conversation, but he shouldn't have asked about work. It was his life. And without kids, what else did he have?

"Are you going to do anything about her car?" Avery asked.

"What about it? You want to take it to college?"

"No, I can't take it anyway. I don't have a parking permit. I meant are you gonna clean it out?"

"Of course. Why, does it need cleaning out?"

"Well, yeah, there's a bunch of pop cans and-"

"Goddammit, that girl," his dad said. "That's a company car. I only let her borrow it because you didn't need it at school."

"Actually, I did, you just didn't let me have it."

"That's not what you told me in August. You said you didn't need it, everything was so close."

"I never said that," Avery said.

His dad waved his hand. "Well, whatever. I've got to clean that out, I've got to clean out her room. Girl left me a mess. Lotta junk in there."

Avery's was about to blow, then his dad said, "Oh, I met the mother who owned the shed where they all... where it all happened."

Avery had totally forgotten the three other boys. "You did? What'd she say?"

"Feh, nothing much. Seemed trailer trash to me. I asked her whether her boy had known my daughter at all. If they'd had a break-up or a fight or something. Tried to see if there was any broken home stuff going on."

"What? I thought it was a suicide."

"Hah, that's what the police said. But do you think those others didn't have a hand in it? The four of them together? Something's up with that. Why in that boy's shed? The police said-"

The phone rang. Avery waited to hear what the police said, but Mr. Price rose from his half-eaten steak, and went to answer it. "Hello? Alex? ...What? What's the problem?"

Work. It was always work. Avery tapped his fingers on the table loudly, mentally willing his dad to hang up.

"Yeah," Mr. Price continued, "Yeah... well, the way it works is, they have to give us the proof... no, it's not like that, I'm sick of them giving us this bush league stuff. Let me tell you a story. When I was in DECA in high school we made t-shirts for the faculty, and I had to fill out every single form about copyrights and trademarks to submit to the principal. So if a highschooler can do it, so can they. You got it?... Get those forms. I don't care what you think. You're a graduate student, just do it... tell those bastards they're going to have to do a lot better than that. What, they think they're fuckin' Microsoft or something?... They're a no-name company with nothing but bush league tactics... all right... all right... bye." Geoffrey Price coughed out some phlegm, sighed, and ran a hand over his head, "Ahem, sorry about that," and sat down. "Where was I?"

"The police."

"Oh, right. Damn useless cops. They told me it was a suicide. But there were no pill bottles anywhere around. Not in my medicine cabinet, certainly. They told me the boy must have had them and disposed of them. Couldn't tell me what drug it was either. Called it heart failure, possibly from an overdose. Your heart stops beating, you die, yeah, but why did the heart fail? Hearts don't just stop." He took a big bite of steak, ripping it off his fork like it was straight off the animal. "Dammit, is this what my taxes are paying for? This bush league crap? These redneck detectives."

"Dad, please, what about the mom?"

"Oh, yeah, now I know she must have been on something. I wouldn't be surprised if she was on drugs, probably Valium. But that shed, that was where all that happened. And it was full of Satanic stuff."

"Satanic stuff? Like what?"

"They found a pan with a symbol on it. Not sure what it means. But also a knife, and a boom box that had some Satanic music in it heavy metal junk. Candles everywhere. Now you tell me a story with all those parts."

Avery shrugged.

His dad continued, "I'll bet you anything that boy got them into some kind of cult shit."

"A cult?"

"That's what they suggested to me. Can you believe it? To think of my daughter in some kind of cult shit. They had the nerve to tell me that. Ridiculous. But that's what happens out there in the boonies?"

"The boonies?"

"Yeah, they live in the east, rural area. I think it used to be some kind of farm, but they converted it. Had a lot of acreage though."

"You went to their house?" Avery asked, eyes wide.

"Well, I was gonna hire a private investigator, but they cost you nowadays. Instead of getting Humphrey Bogart, you get some soccer mom who wants to charge you 5,000 for two days of work."

Avery shook his head at his father's blatant disregard for rules. "Dad, that was trespassing. You could have been arrested."

"I just had a look around. Didn't break anything. Besides, who would've been there to arrest me? I couldn't get a hold of the mother anyway. Not on the phone, not at her house. I had to go to her boy's funeral."

"You went to the funeral?" Avery asked, but his dad kept talking.

"It was the only way I could get in touch with her. I'll tell you what, she was plenty creepy though. Just proved my theory."

"What theory?"

"That the family is a bunch of psychos," his dad said. "She was a cousin of the _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_. She was like a zombie. She even gave me her business card. I'll tell you, what kind of mother gives you her business card at her own son's funeral?"

"Well, did you find anything out?"

"About her? No, just that she works for some big company. I guess she's there all the time. Must work more than me." He pulled out a cigar and struck a match to it his after-dinner smoke. "That boy though. No idea. Like he didn't exist. Looked like any normal boy. But you know, that's how they get you. Those serial killers look like normal people."

"Sophia wasn't murdered by a serial killer. And the boy died too. You seriously think she's responsible?"

"All those families are the same. Those hillbilly-types that don't live in the city. Under-privileged, broken homes, no money. That's how they get where they are. They get bored, nothing to do with no money, so they start up those rituals."

"What? Where did you hear that? That's ridiculous," Avery said.

"It's true. You know how those people turn out when they don't have good parents," his dad said.

Avery thought to himself, _yeah, I know exactly how_.

"Now our situation," he took a puff. "I had your mother for fourteen good years. Fortunately, you were both teenagers when she passed on. You were both pretty mature. But it was still hard." Another puff. "But I worked at it. I did fine, you never had to worry about where your next meal was coming from."

"Yeah, but where were you?"

His dad plucked out the cigar. "What do you mean?"

"You were always at work, trying to get your money. You were never here."

"What does that matter? You never wanted for anything. And you were teenagers at that point," he smiled, "You needed to learn independence, so I gave you some."

"You gave us nothing but," Avery shouted. "Why do you think Sophia dressed the way she did? She was trying to get your attention. She was always trying to get your attention." His father frowned, but he kept going. "She just wanted to hear you say she was a good girl and you loved her even if she did bad in school. Even if she didn't have any direction in life. Instead, she got 'I won't be coming home tonight' for the tenth time. We needed stability, not money. We needed you."

"Now, I did the best I could," he said sternly, pointing his cigar at him. "Someone hands you a couple of teenagers and says 'go', what am I supposed to do?"

"That's the point. You never knew how to handle us, so you hid away at work. We had to raise ourselves the rest of the way. As long as the house didn't burn down and no one got in trouble, your job was done."

"Yeah, let's see how you do when you're in the same situation, buddy. She never appreciated what she got, that was her problem. She dressed all weird to get attention from everyone else. I didn't patronize her by giving into her selfishness. She should thank me for that."

"Yeah, well, she can't do much of anything anymore, Dad."

"It was that attention-getting that got her killed. I know that about her."

"You knew nothing about Sophia! You were never here! She was a normal girl that you screwed up."

"Now, don't get agitated," he said in a forced calmness. "Don't get all panicky."

"Don't worry about me," Avery replied as he pulled on his sleeve. "Me, I'm the success story, remember. My life had some direction." He stood up. "And it's directing me out of here." He kicked the chair out behind him which made the table rattle with silver and glassware.

Barely looking where he was going, Avery opened the heavy front door and shut it with a slam.

And ran face-to-face with a cop.

His car, complete with the light bar across the top and badge on the door, was parked in their driveway behind the white Camry.

"Where are you going there son?" he said with his hand out.

"Uh..." Avery was dumbstruck by this sudden surprise.

"Are you Avery Price?"

"Uh... yes."

"I'm with the Kilward police department. I'm here to ask you if you could come down to the office? And answer some questions about your sister's death?"

Avery thought, _it never stops_.

* * *

Dry brown grass surrounded the shed. His boots crushed the blades with each step, crackling and crunching. Every step, slow and meaningful. There was no hurry. There was nothing but time left.

Cellophane police tape barricaded the door. A gnarled hand ripped it away, and gripped the rusty doorknob. The lock fallen off. He pushed the door open.

There was only darkness, except slits of light from the boards. But he could see fine. He could see the table at the wall. The one that held his book.

This place contained all his worldly possessions. Possessions capable of making small dents in the earth. But that book was more powerful than all of them combined. That book was what he needed.

That book was not there.

Nothing was here. The shed had been cleaned out. Even the hay on the floor had been cleared, and now there were only four chalk outlines.

There had been others here. He could smell their body sweat and perfumes, coating the walls of his shed.

The gnarled hand clenched, tightening and tightening, digging fingers into palm. Red dripped out onto the wooden floor, within one of the chalk outlines.

The room filled with a blood red glow.

"Looks like there's killing to do."


	5. Chapter 5

Avery kept saying to himself, _I'm not under arrest. They are not arresting me. We're just having a friendly chat. I'm not in trouble. They're not going to send me to prison. I did nothing wrong. No reason to panic._

He'd been waiting here for half an hour, after being toted back to the precinct office in the back of a cop car, behind that metal mesh gate separating the front and back seat. Then he was taken inside and told to sit and wait for someone to come and take a statement. The nameplate told him he was at the desk of Lt. Crowe.

The office had a lot of hustle and bustle for being so late at night, but this was probably peak hours for crime. Detectives and sergeants and inspectors walked back and forth with files, like he'd seen on TV. Two detectives behind him admired a poster that showed a gray, concrete building blocked off by a fortress wall, an American flag poking out from a parapet. The top part read "Horlock Prisons". The text below was too small to read, but it looked like an advertisement blurb.

"Can you believe this?" one detective said to the other, styrofoam coffee cup in hand, "Now they're advertising prisons?"

"I know, it's so weird. They sent us this Tuesday, in the mail. It was so ridiculous we put it up. What are they advertising? They want us to send prisoners to their jails?"

"I know, how do they profit from that? Cheap labor? They're not allowed."

"They're not a commodity, they're a pain. Plus it's not like we have any power to decide where they go."

"Yeah, we just bring 'em in. Look, it's a privately owned company too."

"Yeah, I see that. I don't get it."

"You should have seen the brochure that came with it. They said they had the best rehabilitation techniques, cutting-edge stuff. Anti-escape measures. All sorts of things."

"Do you think they're making a deal with the government?"

"I heard some rumors that they might, but I don't know, I guess if they can prove it's cheaper. But how're they gonna compare to what the government already has?"

"Yeah, it would have to be totally free. But why would they want to? Who is this company anyway?"

"Down here," he pointed to the small text. "I never heard of them until six months ago, but all of the sudden they're popping up everywhere."

Avery missed the rest of the conversation as a folder plopped down. He whipped his head around.

"Hi," he said, "I'm Lieutenant Crowe." He held out his hand.

Avery stood and greeted. He was a black man in a tan suit, a half-foot shorter, and reminded Avery a little bit of Lando Calrissian.

"Sorry about the wait," Crowe said, "I had to pull these files out. Took forever." He pulled out his rolling chair and opened the first file. "Now you are Sophia Price's... brother. Is that correct?"

"Yes," his voice cracked. He flushed. Crap, he had to stop. They were going to think he was suspicious.

Crowe laughed, "Don't worry, this is an informal questioning. Don't be nervous."

"OK," Avery said with a breath.

"Just want to ask you a few questions about your sister. Can you tell me what she was like?"

"Well, she was different. She dressed in dark clothes, kinda gothic I guess, but not in the strictest sense. She was spirited. She didn't like to take crap from anybody. She was very aggressive, never shy."

"Would you describe her as curious?"

"...I guess so, but not in any ambitious way. Not that I knew at least."

"So you'd say she didn't have a lot of goals in life."

"Well, yeah, but she was still in high school."

"Did she have any interests?"

"Just typical teenager stuff music, hanging out with friends."

"Would you describe her as 'looking for herself'?"

"No, not really. I think she knew perfectly well what sort of person she was, where she came from. I just think she didn't look ahead. She didn't make any goals for herself. She didn't care what was coming."

"Hm. Would you say she was nave?"

"No," Avery risked giving an answer the cop didn't want to hear, "She was very street-smart. Way smarter than me."

Lt. Crowe smiled. "How about indecisive?"

"I guess not."

"Gullible?"

"No."

"How did she do in school?"

"Average, at most. She didn't do very well. I know she was taking after-school Algebra at some point, but she didn't really ever care."

"So she wasn't a good student?"

"No, she was really a slacker. Apathetic about grades all the time. No matter what any of us ever said, we couldn't get her to care."

"Did she have any dependencies?"

"What, you mean like drugs?"

"Yes. Any history of substance abuse?"

"No, not that I know of," he thought a second. "But if she did, I wouldn't have known about it. She was good at keeping secrets. She could always keep her own secrets. Other people's, she always wanted to tell."

"Mm-hm," Crowe said, knowing exactly what he meant. "Not even prescription drugs? Anti-depressants or anything."

"No, she said she didn't want to change her personality. She liked who she was."

"Did she ever draw or paint?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, "Not seriously."

"Did she ever talk about death a lot? What it might be like to die?"

"Yeah, but that was usually talking about our mom or other people we knew who died. You're asking me if she had any suicidal tendencies." Avery didn't ask, he stated.

Without a beat, Crowe said, "Yes."

Avery shook his head. "She didn't have any of that. She didn't talk about failure. She hadn't lost anything at school, hadn't lost any friends. She wasn't withdrawing from others. She didn't have any break-ups that I know of. I guess she might have been in a relationship with one of the other kids in the shed. She didn't have mood swings. She didn't say goodbye to anyone. She didn't give any of her stuff away."

"You seem to know a lot about this stuff."

Avery didn't respond.

"So you don't think she committed suicide?"

"Well, the police report says she did, but I don't know. I never thought she would, I never saw any of that."

"Would it interest you to know that we think that too?"

Now Avery was taken aback. "What? I thought the investigation was over."

"Well, officially it is. To be honest, we ended it early officially, because your father wouldn't stop hassling us. He wanted to get the funeral done with. Kept saying he had work to do."

"Yeah, that's him. So why are you asking me questions? Aren't you guys finished?"

"I've been doing some post-investigation myself. The state of Texas takes any sort of occult-related death very seriously, in case it's involved with a secular religious group."

Avery nodded. He had seen the Waco stand-off on TV when he was younger. And cult reports were always in the newspaper. They seemed drawn to this state for some reason. "You think it was cult-related?"

"Well, I'm not sure. The earmarks are there, but I can't find what specific cult it might be connected with."

"Sophia wouldn't have joined a cult."

"Mm-hm," he said. "Well, try and look at this objectively. Lots of people believe that at first. There are certain types of people who are more drawn to cults. I'm still trying to find out if your sister was one of them. She was drawn to occult things though, wasn't she? Like death?"

"...I guess, but that doesn't mean-"

"No, it doesn't. But there are other things that make me wonder. Do you mind if I break a few rules?" he smiled.

Avery said, "Uh, I guess not." He was the one with the gun after all.

Lt. Crowe rotated the folder. "Well, of course the first thing is that we could not verify a cause of death. That's not really uncommon if you know how post-mortem works. Her cause of death was registered as a heart failure, which means they couldn't find one. And then we're trying to figure out the connection between the three others. Do any of these names look familiar, besides your sister?"

Avery read the piece of paper. Caleb Sanguis. Sophia Price. Josiah Cordero. Quentin Talachina.

"Nope," Avery said. "Are those the other boys?"

"Yes, they all went to the same school together. And some people remembered seeing them hanging out together, but that's about it. One person said Caleb and your sister may have been in a relationship."

"I haven't really talked to her since school began. I suppose he could have been dating her. I don't really know. I don't know her friends either." Sophia never mentioned anything about her relationships, and he didn't care to hear.

"Mm," Lt. Crowe said. He sounded disappointed. "Well, for some reason, I think he's the key to this all. I can't prove it, but it _was_ his shed."

Then Avery remembered what his dad had said about his mother. "Mother!" he exclaimed, "He does have a mother. Caleb does."

"Yes, we know. In fact, she's the only one we haven't been able to get in touch with. She won't return our calls. She's never at home when we come. Figure she must work all day every day."

"Where does she work?"

"A company called Cabalco. Their headquarters are close to the city actually."

"Can't you bring her in, like me?"

"Well, there's a thing called a material witness warrant, where the person can be jailed for non-cooperation. But we can't get through. Their lawyers keep stopping us at the gate. Keep bringing up these cases about 'false suspects' and threatening to sue us, since there's nothing directly tying the mother to the deaths. And now that the cause of death is final, there is no crime to accuse her of."

"Oh." Avery thought maybe the mom was the missing key to it all.

"You'd think the mother would be more interested in what the police had to say about her boy. Or the fact that she owned the shed where four people died, and all those things were discovered."

"What things?"

"Some very weird things. Maybe you wanna take a look. See if you recognize anything."

Crowe flipped through a handful of files until he came to some glossy color photographs. The first one was a walking staff with a skull tied to the end. One lidless eye stared out of the eye socket.

"Ew, oh my god," Avery said.

"We don't know what this is. It was in a box also in the shed, but it didn't look like the kids brought it in. We ran a DNA test on the skull, but there were no matches. One test says its older than dirt, but that eye's too fresh."

He flipped to another photograph. This showed the inside of a gray steamer containing all sorts of pistols, machine guns, ammunition, even some bundles of dynamite. "This was in the shed too?"

Crowe nodded.

"Were they planning some kind of massacre?"

"Most of it was too old to be used, rusted out or decomposed. Weapons that old needed constant maintenance or they'd either misfire or blow up in your face. The dynamite was old enough to be sweating. Had to get a bomb squad to get it out. We think these might have belong to the original owner."

"Who was the original owner?"

"Dunno. The records don't go back that far. But it looks like it was probably built sometime around the 1920's, 1930's." He showed a picture of some candles, some tall and skinny, others short and fat.

"They look like ordinary candles," Avery said.

"They are. Your sister didn't own them?"

Avery shrugged.

The next photograph was a pan with a symbol that looked vaguely like a steer skull. "What's that?"

"A pan. Made of cast iron. We found remains of hair, blood, and paper in there, all burned."

"Their blood?"

"Yep."

Avery scowled. You couldn't get more ritualistic than that. Was Sophia involved in all this? What the hell was she doing?

Crowe said, "The last thing is a book. Again, looks like it was made in the 1920's. A journal of some kind, almost faded completely. All written in a foreign language, and nobody can identify it."

"Really?"

"Well, the linguists know that it's some combo of Latin and Sanskrit, but it looks like a master text. You know what that means?"

"No. I don't know what any of this means."

"Neither do we. So you see my frustration. It's been nothing but dead ends. None of this stuff looks familiar?"

This stuff looked like it belonged on the set of a bad 80's horror flick. There was no denying that it looked related to a cult. Did that mean Sophia was into that sort of thing? Was she pretending she was a vampire or something? He never imagined she'd descend that far into her darkness. Was this how she lived? How long was this going on?

As Avery took one more glance at the photo spread, a secretary came up to Lt. Crowe and handed him a folder. She whispered something to him about 'the file he wanted'. Crowe nodded and opened it up.

He grimaced. "Uh... Mr. Price?" Lt. Crowe said. He sounded like he was trying to maintain composure. Avery knew that tone well.

He looked up from the tops of his eyes. The folder had his name on the label. He didn't need to know what was in there.

Crowe said, "You said your mother died, right? When you were twelve?"

"Yes."

"Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?" he said.

"No."

"Nothing," Lt. Crowe stated. "Any problems dealing with that?"

"No."

"How about other significant events in your life? Anything traumatic happen to you?"

"Nothing relevant to this case."

"Try me."

"I'd prefer not to. I've told you everything I know about her life. That is the only reason you brought me here."

Lt. Crowe shifted his eyes back and forth from the folder to Avery. "All right. Well, if you think of anything, anything you want to say, anything that would help, give me a call." He handed him a card with a telephone number on it. "I'll get Suzy to walk you out."

* * *

It was nearly nine o'clock when Avery got back to his dorm, and his dad had yelled at him the entire three and a half hours for getting home so late. He was tired and cranky and wanted to get to bed and go to sleep.

Tucker was already in bed and snoring, probably trying to catch up from a three-day non-stop party. So Avery took the chance for a shower.

The bathrooms were one of Avery's most-hated aspects of college life. He never realized how much privacy he took for granted until he was denied a personal bathroom. This communal one was an eternal conglomeration of elbows in the face at the sink, and being paranoid about some drunk prankster tearing through the showers, ripping off the curtains.

He took his showers at night, so he'd avoid most of the morning crowd, but there were always some people who had the same idea as him. He always felt like they were watching him shave, brush his teeth. No one in here tonight though. Which was good, because he needed some time to sort things out by himself. No better place for that than the bathroom.

He squeezed some Crest onto his brush and thought about what he knew and what he didn't. The big question was whether it was a suicide or murder. Skulls, candles, blood, fire? It was nothing like he'd seen before, except on TV. That stuff only existed in people's fantasies.

Maybe Sophia had become involved in some occult stuff. That meant she was likely influenced or coerced by someone. But he couldn't imagine someone like Sophia being influenced by anybody.

So that meant she chose for herself? Well, it wasn't impossible to believe. She started getting goth in high school. And there was really only one logical progression from there.

What did she hope to accomplish? What was she doing with that? Black magic rituals? To do what? Make herself glamorous? Gain power? Hurt people? Maybe why that was why she had the guns.

No, those weren't her's. They were there before they came in. So who the hell owned the shed before? Some psychopath? Maybe it was like Poltergeist, and the shed was built on Indian burial ground. That was how they all died mysteriously. That was another thing death without a cause. Avery couldn't even begin to comprehend that. So he chalked it up to a mistaken autopsy report.

Maybe then, it was Caleb. It was his house. But wouldn't Sophia have better sense than to hook up with a mass murderer? She was street-smart, as he'd said. She wouldn't have hooked up with someone as dangerous as that.

Oh, who was he kidding? He didn't know anything about Sophia. They were two totally different people. They grew further and further apart when high school hit. He gained ambition and goals. He had things he wanted to complete, things he wanted to finish. She was content to wander around for eternity, picking up whatever and dropping it the next day. Avery would hate a life like she had so unreliable, so unpredictable. He needed to know where he was going, and what was on the other side waiting.

A life like her's would be pure hell for him. And she'd chosen to associate with these people of her own free will. Just looking at her, most people would call her a freak. Who knows what her friends were like? The same as her? Maybe worse?

He wasn't getting anywhere with this, why was he even trying? What was he going to do that the police couldn't? The police were officially finished. And the detective could go about on his little personal search all he wanted, but he was just as clueless. The important part was that Sophia was dead. The person who may or may not have killed her was also dead. So what did it matter. There was no way he could get an answer. So why play the game? He had no time to write his own murder novel. He had assignments to do.

He was probably in denial, because it was _his_ sister. The classic 'It happened to other people, not to him' scenario. It's not like cults were any stranger to the south Waco, House of Yahweh, Westboro, Tennessee snake handlers. And for every one that made headlines, ten little ones went under the radar. He even knew some kids in high school who thought the Branch Davidians were cool, cause they had the balls to stand up to the government. Maybe that's what Sophia was doing, trying to create her own sect.

No, that was a bit major. Maybe whatever she was doing had connections, but he couldn't imagine her starting a cult, or becoming a member of one, no matter what they did.

But either way, there were little things like that in the newspaper every week. My kid's card game turned him into a vampire. My kid's video game about demons turned him into a Satanist. The TV had the devil in it, that's why he blew his brains out. Any death related to demons or hell automatically made news, especially if they involved an impressionable young mind. It was sad to see it happen to one of his own. That was why he felt guilty.

But it was survivor's guilt. It would pass, if he let it.

Avery picked up his shower caddy and walked back to his dorm room in a t-shirt and boxers. It was nearly ten o'clock, but he didn't feel like sleeping at all. He was still trying to convince himself that it was all over.

Quiet as a mouse, he opened his drawer, popped a "Relax-Z" sleeping pill out of its bubble pack and swallowed it with a collection of saliva. In half an hour his thoughts slowed down to a crawl, and he fell into dreams.

It was the last occasion he would get a good night's sleep for a very, very long time.


	6. Chapter 6

Avery shook the last of the Mountain Dew down his gullet, draining a few last drops of nectar, and threw the can in the trash. His body felt like an overused battery, stopping and starting with pained whirrs. He looked at the clock and saw it was 12:30 A.M. Tucker had thankfully left the room vacated for a Monday night party, allowing him to finish what he couldn't get to last weekend.

He'd been researching this paper for near two hours, and still hadn't found what he was looking for. All the books he'd checked out from the library were either too difficult to paw through or had no pertinent information. This left him with some serious gaps he had to fill creatively.

The other problem with papers was that he was never quite sure how much more he had to go. How much more research would fill four pages? How much could he pad? He was a decent writer, he knew tricks like smaller margins and two spaces after a period. But sometimes he couldn't think of anything else to say.

It wasn't going to come tonight though. It was a new day already and he could feel his body breaking down, pleading with him to go to sleep. He was past the point of being able to learn, and now felt irritated and resentful of everything.

He labored through the typical bedtime routine changed clothes, went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth. He just wanted some sleep. Long, beautiful sleep. The bed had never felt comfier. His eyes closed, and at ten minutes to one o'clock, he drifted off.

Click.

He thought he had fallen asleep. But the light was on. Was it a fire alarm? He'd been woken up by those before. And now three people were coming into his room. One of them was Tucker, and two other friends. From their wheezing, coughing laughs, he knew they were high or drunk, or both.

"Dude, I'm so fuckn' hungry. Is there anythin' to fuckn' eat?" an unfamiliar voice said.

"Ooh, Doritos," someone else exclaimed.

"Hey, let me have it," Tucker said.

Avery opened his eyes, untangling the last threads of what the hell was going on.

"Ooh, nacho cheese. These are so good." Munch, munch, crunch.

Tucker changed the TV to an infomercial and stood there watching Mr. Popeil demonstrate the Juiceman 5000. "That juice looks so good. Look, you just put in the whole orange."

"You gotta peel it first."

"Yeah, that's why you get the dial-o-matic thing too," he pointed out.

"Hey, guys," Avery said, "I'm trying to sleep."

One of the people he didn't know started looking at Avery's CD rack at the foot of his bed. "Dude, are these your CD's?"

"No, they're his," Tucker said. "Mine are over there in the wallet. What, you want to listen to something?"

"I wanted to see if you had the new Slayer album."

"Oh, yeah, it's fuckn' great. You gotta listen." Tucker grabbed his CD wallet and flipped through the plastic.

Avery watched them dumbfounded. They were awake and partying this late at night on Monday, and hadn't even seen him. "Hey. Guys," Avery shouted over the music. "I'm trying to sleep. It's one in the morning."

They ignored him, even though there was no possible way they couldn't have heard him. "Yeah, these are my CD's," Tucker said. "Look at the fag shit he has." Tucker bent down to look at his CD tower. "Billy Joel, Elton John, Foo Fighters, Nickelback, K's Choice."

The other two laughed.

"Oh, dude, check this out," the one left with the remote said. The channel was MTV. "That looks just like that ho we saw tonight."

"Aw, no it doesn't."

"Dude, yes it does. Look at her tits."

"Goddamn, her tits are perfect."

"I know, you just wanna bury your face in there. Suck off those nips."

That was it. Avery flung the covers off. They knew he was here, and they didn't care. And nothing he could do would change that. He grabbed the jeans from the hamper, put them on over his boxers, and grabbed his keys, wallet, and a windbreaker. He had to step over their feet to get to the door.

As he opened it, Tucker said, "Oh, you leaving?" The others giggled.

Avery wanted to slam the door, but that would punish the other people who wanted to sleep. Fuck this shit. He fucking hated that guy. Why did they get stuck together? How long could one man take this? How could he treat college like one big party for so long and not get kicked out.

If he told the RA, they'd prank him in the morning. He could file a complaint with the residence hall, but what would that prove? It would just piss Tucker off. He'd already tried asking his RA for a 'new roommate' request form, but had been told his chances were slim to none this time of year. There was no way he could stay in the dorms next year. He had to find someplace else. He couldn't take living with these immature high school assholes anymore.

As he exited, he braced for the cold night air. The pit of his body begged for sleep.

He could go down to the study lounge to nap on the couch. But he didn't have his alarm clock so he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't oversleep. Maybe he could call a friend and ask them if he could sleep over, but that would be rude at one in the morning. Maybe he could take a sleeping pill and conk himself out over the noise. But he'd already taken a sleeping pill yesterday. Two in a row and he got close to becoming dependent.

All he wanted was some sleep. But until his stupid roommate got high enough that he passed out, there would be no sleep, so he had to walk. In a half-hour, they'd be gone. Christ, he had class at 8:30. Seven hours away. Didn't-

"Hey, kid. Over here."

Avery heard a faint voice. No clue what direction it came from. There was a man across the street in a duster, black as the night. No wonder he didn't see him. He was waving him over.

Shit, he was probably some drug dealer or crackhead. Maybe if Avery ignored him, he'd go away. He kept walking, pretending he didn't see or hear anything.

"Hey, you, kid," he said again, but Avery couldn't see him. Without knowing it, he walked a bit faster towards the campus buildings where there had to be an emergency call box.

A black shape jumped out from the tree he was about to walk under. "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you."

"Aaah, Jesus!" Avery called out, "Don't hurt me!" He cowered back, waving his arms in the air.

"Jesus, quit your crying. You want to find out about your sister?"

Avery pulled back his jacket. "What?"

"Your sister. You were so close, and then you chickened out. Where's your spirit of adventure, kid?"

Avery struggled to close his mouth. "Who are you? How do you know about my sister?"

This man looked about fifteen years older, and had short hair starting to recede. Avery felt like the man towered over him, despite that he was only an inch taller.

"You know nothing... yet."

"Who are you? What are you talking about?" Avery stammered.

"Shut up and listen, squirt." The ferocity of those eyes made Avery listen. "No one has a clue about how she died... not even close."

"How do you know?"

"I know, kid. I know the people that did this."

"What people?"

"Cabalco."

"What?"

"Can't talk about it now. Look it up, college boy. Meet me at the street corner at 10 tomorrow. There." He pointed to an intersection where there was a bar and a convenience store. He leaned in close. Avery could feel his hot, humid breath on his nose. "Be there." He walked away into the shadows of the campus buildings.

Avery shook his head, wondering if that encounter was real, and looked up to make sure there wasn't a full moon. The drunks in this town. He was sure he was alone now and started walking again. What was he talking about? What did Cabalco have to do with his sister?

He only got two hours of sleep that night.

* * *

Feeling like a bag of bricks, Avery picked up his bag. The lack of sleep was starting to kick in. He'd spent it all before noon. Now he was overdrawing. Fortunately, he hadn't needed to think so far today, just listen and do what everyone else did. What everyone else did right now was shuffle out of class. At least he had the sense to make the right turn to the public computer lab.

What kind of person jumps out of a tree and then starts talking about your dead sister? How would he know what killed her? What was his role in all this? Maybe he'd find out with an Internet search. He had some time in-between classes and figured he might as well find some answers.

At first the lab was full. Two people were already in line outside, waiting for someone to give up their chair. He stood for a grueling ten minutes. The only open computer console was a Macintosh, but he couldn't be choosy. All he needed was a web browser anyway.

Why him? Wouldn't his father be the better person to talk to? Wouldn't he have more power to do something? Why not bother him? What was so special about- well, he must have been followed for some time. Was he being stalked? Avery looked back over his shoulder, as if he was expecting to see the dark man in the computer lab. That was the lack of sleep talking.

The first thing he did when he logged on, with the scary thought of being stalked by a shotgun messiah fresh in his head, was search for the state's police database. There he found a list of wanted and escaped criminals. Of course, he didn't have a name or anything, just a dark face. He clicked on each possible match up, but when he saw the number of white male criminals age 18-45, he realized it was pointless. Besides, what was he going to go to the police with? I saw a guy that looked like someone I saw on your website?

Maybe it was someone who had a vendetta against his father. There were plenty of those in the world, himself included. Maybe it was some guy who had a bad deal, got wrecked in some construction rip-off. Plenty of people had been hurt by his father throughout his career.

So many questions, so few answers. He wished he could have seen his face better. Maybe if he concentrated really, really hard he could remember, but all he saw was a pair of eyes, worn face, and a long black coat. No distinguishing marks, no scars, no moles.

And all he said was Cabalco did it. The same place Caleb's mother worked. Why would a big company care about some kids from Kilward?

Before his conspiracy theories became too strong, he put "Cabalco" in the search engine to find some rational answers. The first hit he got was for the corporate website "". He clicked on it and, after twenty seconds, was shown an ugly page with frames, flashing text, and a 'red x' where the picture of their corporate CEO was supposed to be. The text on the home page was meaningless jargon, a lot of blurbs like 'building a better tomorrow' and 'progress through innovation'. It also introduced the 'family of staff' several fat, bald guys in horn-rimmed glasses and one token woman.

The last news posted was the creation of 'New Town' which was a 'bold new step' for the 'future of the world'. The few photos of the construction site were blocky, like they'd been badly enlarged.

It was still loading the link to 'our mission' when he decided how useless this was going to be. The only link that did work was 'Be Part Of Our Team', which led to the hiring page and a large link to the application for employment. It was the only page free of errors, but also had a lot of rhetoric with a big headline that said 'Be part of our future! Are you interested in a truly challenging career? Then join the ranks of Cabalco's corporate division!' Certainly made him want to join.

He failed at finding some sort of employee directory or complete staff listing. He wanted to see if he could find information on Mrs. Sanguis, but there was nothing. He surfed back to the search engine and tried entering her name directly, but there was nothing but irrelevant entries. He did find a link mentioning the son, Caleb, which led him to his school picture. Nothing special there. He didn't look like a killer, but you never knew with those types.

Then he tried 'Sophia Price'. The only relevant hits were mentions of her unusual death in a handful of online newspapers. They told him nothing that helped him unravel the connections.

Too frustrated to keep going, he logged out and left the lab, grumbling to himself. He headed back to the dorms and grabbed a student newspaper on the way out. Maybe he'd find something in the police blotter about a strange guy harassing students on campus.

Again his hopes were dashed. It looked like he would have to meet his stalker after all. It was the only way to find out more.

* * *

The sun went down and Avery was there, waiting outside the convenience store here for God knows what, and God knows why. It had been a half hour so far, and his mystery man still hadn't shown up.

Where the hell was this guy? He had class in the morning, dammit, and he was tired as hell. He couldn't drop everything for no good reason. He was in college. There were deadlines to meet.

This was so stupid, why was he out here? Sophia was dead. Nothing could take that back. That was the end of it. Who was this jerk-off who had the nerve to push his way into his life?

This was so pointless. What did he expect to accomplish here? He was just going to go back to campus, get a Mountain Dew from the vending machine, and get that report done. He zipped his jacket back up, and put his hands in his pockets. That guy must've been some escaped nutcase, pestering people to get his jollies. If it was anyone other than Sophia, he wouldn't have even come here.

As he was about to go, the door to the convenience store shot open, so hard Avery thought the glass was going to break. The dark man stepped out, still wearing his coat.

He wiped his mouth, not acknowledging that Avery was there. "Mmf, goddammit."

"Hey," Avery said, "What the hell-"

"Even rotgut would call this rotgut." He pulled out a bottle marked 'Coleman 800 Malt Whiskey' and took a giant gulp.

"What the hell are you doing? You've been in there the whole time?"

"Ahh, crap" he said like Avery had bothered him. "All right." He moved forward, then looked back at Avery. "You gonna stand there gawking like a fish all night. Get on up, we got work to do."

Work? What work? And was he in there the whole time? Avery hightailed after him as he moved away. They headed into an unlit part of town, away from campus.

"Hey, what the hell were you doing in there this whole time?" Avery said. "Didn't you see I was out here?"

"Yeah, yeah. Pipe down, jackrabbit. Save your breath, you'll need it."

"Need it for what?"

"You always talk this much? Keep your jawing to a min, you'll live longer." He took another slug from his bottle. Avery looked around for cops, worried about being caught drinking in public. He couldn't go to jail, that would ruin his resume.

"Hey, you said you had something to tell me about my sister?" Avery said meekly.

The dark man smacked the bottle from his lips. "Ah, that's the stuff. In my day, we didn't have any factories for this junk. Just the still, looked like a chemistry set."

"Okay, great. What about my sister?"

"Jameson always liked good whiskey." He raised the bottle high. "Here's to ya, Jameson."

Avery ran up alongside him. "Hey, you know, I've got class in the morning, and if you're not gonna tell me anything-"

"You know, for someone with yer whole life ahead of you, you sure're eager to get things done."

"I don't know who the hell you are, but you said something about Sophia. So unless you wanna tell me something about her, I got better things to do."

Avery turned to go, but the man grabbed Avery's shoulder and squeezed a squeeze that could have crushed bones. He looked Avery straight in the eye. "My brother. Do not worry. You will get what you desire. You will get your closure." He let go and started walking again.

Avery waited a moment, then asked, "Hey, buddy, " Avery almost called him the Dark Man. "Who are you? What's your name?"

"...Call me Walker."

Avery smiled, "Like _Walker, Texas Ranger_?"

"That a song?"

"Okay, Walker. First of all, how do you know my sister? You look forty years old."

He scoffed. "Close, but no cigar. But I did know your sister. I know she dyed her hair. I know she went to Kilward High School. I know she had a reputation most people I used to know would blush at. And I know what she was doing the night she died."

"Oh my god, you were stalking her?"

"Hah. No, don't think so. Not my type."

"What was she doing the night she died?"

"We'll talk about that when we get there."

"Where are we going?"

"A place where the sunlight doesn't touch anymore."

Avery had had it with this cryptic bullshit, talking about things 'in his day', people he used to know. Just trying to be dramatic and intimidating. "What are you, some vampire or something?"

Walker whipped around. "Don't call me a vampire. I fuckin' hate that. I'm not a fucking vampire. Vampires don't exist. Vampires are stories for horny little girls in their bedrooms."

"So are you some homeless person or vagrant?"

"I have my own term, but you can call me any which way."

There was another pause as they continued to walk. Avery asked, "Where are we walking to?"

"Always a goal in mind, isn't there? It'll be there when we get there, so don't worry your pretty head. In my line, you don't need to worry much about your next destination."

"What's your line?"

"Nothing you need to know yet. Just think of me as a messenger."

Avery furrowed his brows. "Are you some agent from the government? Like Deep Throat?"

"Nope."

"Are you, like, someone who had a past life..." Finding out what this guy was had become more important than Avery's original intention.

"I don't have a past or a future. I am eternal."

Avery didn't know what to say to that. His line of questioning reached a brick wall. "Riiiiight... But you're gonna tell me about Sophia, right?"

"Oh, yeah."

"And we need to go somewhere for that?"

Walker whipped around. "You know, you've got a mighty big mouth. You might be chattering so much you won't be able to hear what I have to say when I say it. Get my drift?"

Avery was not impressed. "One more question?"

Walker sighed and waved his hand.

"How do you know what happened to Sophia?"

Walker smirked, "I know the guy that the shed belongs to."

Avery had a split second to choose whether that was good enough to go on for, and decided it was.

They headed into a vacant lot, then into a blank field of prairie grass. Avery wasn't worried about getting back to campus, since they were moving in a straight line. But he was getting further away from civilization with someone who could be a psychotic axe-murderer.

They walked through the field, with terrain growing unstable, stepping over the odd fence or rock every now and then. Avery's watch didn't have day-glo, so he had no idea what time it was.

"Where in the hell are we going?" Avery said, after surmising that they were at least an hour and a half away from school. "How far is this thing? Can't we take the bus?"

"Ain't no buses run here. You look like you need the exercise anyway."

"You know, I walk to class, and to the dorms, and to the store every day. I don't need any exercise."

"Certainly not for your mouth."

They were well outside any city limits now. All traces of civilization had dropped.

"Look," Avery said, "I seriously can't walk all this way. I can't be this far from campus. How am I supposed to get back?"

"Same way you got here I suppose."

"If you don't tell me what I'm walking all this way out here for, I'm gonna turn around right now."

Walker kept silent. And Avery kept walking, because he simply didn't know what else to do. He'd already walked this far, maybe it was just a little further.

Finally, Walker stopped ten feet ahead of him, at the drop off of a hill. Avery walked up beside him and looked down into an old train yard. It looked like it had been abandoned a hundred years ago, like some giant child's train set. Rusted train cars lay on their sides next to partially extracted tracks, like stitches in the flesh of the earth.

"What's this?" Avery asked.

"This was a battlefield."

Avery watched Walker's solemn face, waiting for him to continue.

"Cabalco started out small. Not even a company, just a group of 'young go-getters'. They wanted power." He sighed, "They've always been about power. Gaining power, retaining power. They would grab whatever they could get their hands on and choke the life out of it."

He leaned forward on the rail. "Around the turn of the century, power came in the form of transportation. They took the railroads."

"They bought a bunch of them?"

"No, they took them. They invaded them. That's how they work under the scope. They take what they want and keep under the radar. They took the railroad, and then they had access to the entire continent. Tons of supplies, thousands of men, shipped back and forth from town to town, plunging their fingers into the ground and squeezing."

"Uh-huh."

"Power comes in many forms political, social, economical. They first got it through weapons, now they want the rest food, housing, medications, transit. They will be everywhere soon. Whichever way the world goes, Cabalco will reach from under and seize it first."

"Why?"

"Why does anyone want power? To control destiny. To bend people to their will."

"I mean, who wanted this done? Who was leading them?"

"That doesn't matter. But when the battle was through," he pointed to the trainyard. "They had no leader. They descended into chaos and panic for nearly fifty years. They're only now starting to rebuild. Oh, and rebuilding they are. And it's all because of a new leader in the ranks. They say he's gonna take them into a new direction. Instead of living under the world, they will be the world. I think he's gonna do it too. He's taken all that chaos and panic and turned them over.

"What does any of this have to do with Sophia?"

Walker whipped around to face him. "Is any of this coming through yet? Are you getting any of this or are the pretty lights distracting you?"

Avery was not going to be intimidated any longer. "I have no idea what you're talking about. You sound like a loony. It's some company, not a force of Satan."

"It was the Cabal first. It was the Cabal that wrote the book on black magic, ritual voodoo, everything dark and sinister. Everything that had to do with the same ritual that your sister performed."

"What?" Avery shouted loud enough to carry down to the trains. "She did do some kind of ritual? Why?"

Walker smiled, "It was in her blood."

"What does that mean?"

"Time for a little life lesson, kiddo. You ever heard of a soul?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well, they're real. I've seen them. I've devoured them. They exist. They've existed for millions of years. Every human's got one, but the one's they got ain't there's."

"What do you mean?"

"Would you shut up and listen. Now you're setting me off." He took out his whiskey and drank another great big gulp. "Souls ain't created, they're inherited. The soul you got's probably been in more people than a transatlantic sailor." He started walking away towards the street.

"Are you talking about reincarnation?"

"Sort of, 'cept it's a bit more to do with genetics. That's why I said inherited."

"Then who's soul do I have? I can't have my dad's soul. He's still alive."

"It's different than blood. Souls ain't exactly passed through family, more like they're floating around out there somewhere. And when someone's born, they pull the lever and out pops one. When you die, they go back to floating up there."

Avery still didn't get it, but had to refocus the conversation. "So Sophia had one of these souls?"

"Yep, a particular one."

"And there was something wrong with it?"

"Heh, not wrong... Not wrong at all..." They reached a corner, illuminated by a single lamp post. Walker sauntered into the road. "Just a bad combination of black soul and black magic."

"There's no such thing as black magic."

"You see the stuff in the shed?"

"That skull on a stick? No way that would have lasted without decomposing. It was a prop."

"Yet, it did. Dark, eldritch magic. The same magic your precious sister was doing."

"Why? What kind of ritual was it?"

He stopped in the middle of the road. "It was the Cabal! Don't you get it yet? The Cabal won't stop with her, you, or anyone, until they consume everything. You and me are some of the last who can do something about it. Getting the Cabal is all that matters now. They caused your sister's death. They're the ones responsible. Don't you want to-"

A blue sedan screeched. It lifted Walker up with an undramatic 'whump'. He spun cartwheels in the air and landed twenty feet away.

Avery fell back, landing on the sidewalk under the streetlight.

The sedan slid to a stop, skidding on its tires to end up perpendicular to the road. Their overhead light clicked on and Avery could see four boys inside.

Walker lay dead on the black pavement, arms twisted and spread out like a chalk outline. Avery gaped, helpless to turn away.

The four boys got out of the car, screaming, not noticing Avery. He could only pick up strings of muddled words. "oh my god, oh my god, what happened, what did you do, you mother fucker, what did you do, it's not my fault, I didn't see him". They neared the body, hesitant to approach.

Walker wiggled one arm and pressed it against the ground. The boys all stopped moving, mouths open. There was no way. He had to be dead. No one could survive that.

Walker picked himself back up like he was getting out of bed. With inhuman speed, he dashed forward and punched the driver in the gut, throwing him backward.

"Goddamn cars," he said.

Before the other three had the chance to run, he picked up another.

"Always going too fast."

And threw him across the street. He skimmed like a stone on the pavement, his face torn up.

"Messing up my stride." His hands were splayed out like claws and he hunched his spine like a wolf pouncing on prey.

Walker grabbed another that was about to run by his jacket collar and kicked him in the back. He stumbled forward, managing not to land on his face. Swearing and limping in pain, the boys ran to the car and sped away.

Avery, stunned at everything he saw, uttered a soft, "Jesus."

Walker spun to the noise. His eyes were glowing red. Blood red. He stared at him like a lion.

A faint echoing police siren sounded in the distance. Without a word, Walker ran to a fence next to the road and jumped away.

Avery stood there, wondering if he would come back. If he did, maybe he didn't want to be here. After a few seconds, Avery backed away and ran back to campus.


	7. Chapter 7

Everything felt like some milky dream. Sometimes he would have flashes where he wasn't even sure where he was. He knew he had made it to class, but didn't understand what was going on. There was a tiny guy down there in the auditorium talking about something sociology related, in a smoke-heavy voice. Way down there. And he was being tired way up here with three hundred other students.

So tired it actually physically hurt him to be awake. He had gotten, maybe, four hours of sleep in the last two days. Homework was piling up because he couldn't concentrate.

Avery laid his head down on the desk/table. His head was too big to keep up anymore. He wasn't going to sleep, just going to rest, keep his eyes open. The professor was lecturing anyway, nothing interactive. He could listen without having to watch, he'd remember and make some notes later.

He felt so bad, so rotten from the inside. It was like some leech eating away at the pink of his brain. One of those with pincer hooks that sunk in and sucked away...

Everything was irritating him. He'd like to just take a pistol and shoot everyone that looked at him wrong. Everyone that irritated him. That girl's ponytail was irritating him. That other girl's oversize college sweater was irritating him. It was too big for her, and that irritated him. Probably having a fat day. He was irritated with fat days.

He became aware of some girlish giggling around him, and a gap of silence. What happened?

He lifted his head and saw his professor standing next to him. Avery was only vaguely aware of his presence before he spoke.

"Excuse me, could you stay awake for my class, please? Thank you." He started to walk back down the stairs.

In the brief moment where Avery watched him start to walk away, looking at his smart argyle suit, his shiny, troll head with square glasses, remembering the fact that he'd written his own textbook and forced the students to buy it, the fact that he had answered his own request with the expected response and left like it didn't matter who he was talking to, and that the last thing Avery wanted was some old fat fuck ordering him around, plus all the other crap that had happened to him in the last seven days everything compiled together. And Avery lost all sense of caring.

"Go away," Avery said, and dropped his head back on the desk, facing away.

"I'm sorry?" the professor turned back to him, not surprised.

"Leave me alone."

The professor came back to his row and said, "If you want to sleep, do it in your own bed. This is class right now. You're supposed to be paying attention."

Avery turned back over, "Look, I pay, like, 7,000 a year to this college. I'm paying for this class, okay? I'm paying your salary," Avery picked up the book he was using as a pillow. "I paid for this textbook your textbook. I'm paying to sit way back here, and get up at 8:00 in the morning, so you can fail me. If I wanna pay 7,000 to come here and sleep, let me sleep."

The class was stunned. Some were laughing, some were dead quiet. The professor was the latter. "Excuse me?" he said. "You can just march right out of here if you've got that atti-"

"Oh, shut up. I'm paying you to have this attitude. Look, I'm not snoring. I'm not disturbing anyone. I'm not disrupting the class, until you came up from way down there and bothered me. So leave me alone."

"Get out of my class right now," the professor demanded and pointed upstairs to the exit.

Avery grimaced, swiped his book and notebook into his backpack and stood. He shuffled around the chairs, pressing students forward, and giving his professor the stinkeye. He muttered to himself how he couldn't believe he got up this early and walked fifteen minutes here just to leave.

"You can expect a notice of insubordination in your mailbox," the professor called after him.

Avery waved back. "That'd be fine if you even knew my name."

He left the school building and went outside. A breeze blew through the stark campus mall. Next class was at one, but his body couldn't take walking all the way back. Not today. So he figured he'd go to the student center to nap. He'd never napped in a public place before, too afraid of people stealing stuff or playing tricks on him. On the other hand, if he didn't, he felt like he might die. He picked a spot in a low traffic area and laid down. But he couldn't sleep.

He kept thinking about what happened. Jeez, he just yelled at a professor. Now he'd be getting a nice letter of insubordination. What did that mean? Was that a fine? Did they cost money? Did he have to appear before a board or something, like people who violated residence hall policies? Revoke his tuition? What were the penalties?

He'd yelled at the professor. But he was frustrated and sleep-deprived. It could happen to anyone. They'd see that he just had a death in the family and forgive him. They'd understand.

And he couldn't even know his name, there had to be three hundred students in that class. How would he file a notice? Did he really care, out of three hundred students? Even suffering like he was, he came to class. Didn't that count for something?

 _Stop thinking about this_ , he told himself. _Go to sleep._ Sleep he desperately needed. He didn't want to blow up at any other teachers today.

 _Okay, instead let's think about Walker from yesterday. Let's think about how you followed some maniac into an abandoned train yard, and then he turned out to be a demon._

 _No, he wasn't a demon. The red eyes were a reflection of light. The brake lights from the car._

 _Yeah, he wasn't a demon, cause regular people throw frat boys around like bean bags all the time._

Oh god, and what did that psycho want with him? What was with the train yard, why did he want to show it to him? And what did it all have to do with Sophia? Her soul? He was crazy, had to be. All that junk about souls was existential nonsense. He had to be crazy. He wasn't going to go to him again. Just let sleeping sociopaths lie.

That didn't stop the fear when he thought of last night, or the fear of what would happen about the insubordination. All these unknowns, all things he had to wait for, to find out what would develop. It was like being in a waking nightmare. No matter how much he tossed and turned he couldn't get comfortable. And he never got close to sleeping.

He constantly looked at his watch, and when it reached 11:00, he gave up. His clothes were a mess, his hair all bedheaded, and he still felt like a stiff corpse. But the cafeteria was open.

Today wasn't an eating day, but given the circumstances, he could excuse one meal out of sequence. He'd make up for it later. He wasn't even hungry, but it was something to do, something to take his mind off all this crap. And it might give him some energy.

He walked into the cafeteria and grabbed a tray. He couldn't even focus on what he was picking out. He was more worried about being kicked out of college than the potential stalker. Like maybe, even if he didn't know his name, he would ask the people around him what his name was. Did he make a seating chart in the beginning of the year? Would he be watching next time he handed in an assignment to see what name was written on there?

God, why did he say those things? Why didn't he keep his trap shut, like he always did? What made him jump out of his skin for a moment and cuss out that teacher. It wasn't like he wasn't an asshole who didn't deserve it.

They all came here together, all suffered together, all paid to have someone to give them bad grades, paying to have rude, obnoxious roommates, paying for being alienated. Goddammit, his life was shit.

Why didn't things like this happen more often? In college, wouldn't there be free-thinking students who believed you could talk back to the uppity professors and not get in trouble? Tucker was someone like that. Wasn't college all about rebellion? Being wild for one last time? Guess most students like Tucker rebelled by cutting class, instead of sleeping through it.

But that didn't matter, and wouldn't change what he did. What mattered was that he had no power. The school administrators were about to hand his ass to him. God, he'd never done anything like that before.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Sasha coming towards him, holding a tray full of food. It was a welcome sight, and the first happy moment he'd had in days.

"Hey, Avery. Why are you wearing long sleeves? It's so hot out."

"Ergh," Avery made a zombie-like groan, and put his head in his hands.

"Whoa," she said, "You look like the living dead... moreso. What's wrong?"

"Did something bad."

Sasha's eyes widened. "You did something bad?"

Avery nodded.

"Really? What?"

"I just yelled at a teacher."

"In class?"

"Yeah." He told her the whole story, as best as he could remember it, using exact quotes.

"Oh my god," she grinned. "I've never heard of that happening before. That's awesome."

"No, it's not."

"Jeez," she said. She realized how sincerely guilty Avery felt. "Don't feel bad, if you weren't sleep-deprived it never would've happened. And you're right, he could never know your name in a class of three hundred students."

"Yeah, but what's going to happen when I go back to class?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know."

"That's the part I'm dreading. Showing my face again."

"Well, don't worry about it. Whatever happens, happens. You can't change it now."

"I know. And I can't believe I said that part about the money. I sounded like my father. He was always using his money to get his way. I always hated that, and now I'm doing it."

"No, you're not. That part actually made the most sense. Why are we paying these guys to give us bad grades? Why pay for something I may not get."

"Yeah," Avery spooned up some lime Jell-O and contemplated eating it. "What the hell am I doing here? There are so many more people here who did totally worse in high school than me. There are still the dumb blonde cheerleaders and the neanderthal jocks. There's one of them who lives with me. How did I end up in the same place as them? How did they ascend to this level. Or did I descend to their level?"

Sasha said, "I think they just had the money."

"So money determines where you get to go," Avery scoffed, "I could have been so much more. I had potential. I was smart. I could have gone to Harvard or... well, maybe not Harvard, but somewhere where smart kids go. If I could have afforded it." He rubbed his forehead. "Why is it that I have no aspirations for myself? I dont know what I wanna do with my life. I got no idea where I'm gonna be in the next three years. I'm as lost as anyone." He rubbed his forehead. "Sorry. I didn't mean to unload. God, I feel so bad. I feel like living death."

"You're sleep-deprived. What did you do last night?"

"Homework," he lied.

"Well, it happens to all of us. It'll get better. Homework seems to come and go in surges."

"Yeah, I've felt like that too," Avery said.

"So, that means you'll get a nice lull here, probably after midterms are done. How late did you stay up last night?" Sasha asked.

"I don't know, I didn't look at the clock when I turned in. I just hit the pillow. I felt so bad." He left out that he had been walking for four hours. "Just out of curiosity, you haven't seen a strange man wearing a black trenchcoat around campus, have you?"

"No, why?"

"Just curious." He coughed. Hopefully, the sleep deprivation wasn't killing his immune system and getting him sick.

"You're not hallucinating, are you?" Sasha asked.

"No," he confidently said. "Just tired and depressed."

"Depression does funny things to you sometimes.

"This isn't depression," he said solemnly. It didn't feel like depression, he knew what that felt like. He pulled his long sleeves down. "Just need some sleep."

He was done with his meal, had been for a long time, but he stayed with Sasha for the remainder of her's. He had nothing better to do, and she talked about boys, and how hard her classes were. Half as hard as his, since she was in art history.

At the end, they said goodbye and he went back to the lounge. Knowing sleep wouldn't come, he just laid down.

His second class came and went. The thought of his insubordination tumbled around, but faded away, replaced with the image of those red eyes staring at him. Red like blood, hungry for death. Convincing himself it was a trick of the light was failing.

At three o'clock, he went back to his dorm room, not sure if he was going to nap or not. It was hard to nap in the middle of the day, and he'd been trucking so long, he may as well wait for night. The pain had mostly faded.

The phone rang as soon as he closed the door. Avery ground his teeth in frustration and he let it ring twice before picking up.

"Hello?"

"Hope you're still with me, boy. We've got more to see, more to show." The grinding voice could only be Walker.

"What?"

"Meet me outside the tavern. That one with the yellow lights on it. At the end of the street."

Avery knew which one he was talking about, but there was no way he was doing it. "Forget it, I'm not spending any more time with you."

"Oh, why not?" he whined sarcastically.

"You're psycho. And you're not telling me anything about my sister. What are you? Some kind of druggie?"

"Meet me, and I'll tell you all you need to know."

"What do I need to know? She's dead. Nothing can change that. And you're stalking me. You're a maniac. I'm not going anywhere near you. What the hell was that last night? What was with your eyes?"

"Boy, I ain't gonna hurt ya. I only hurt people who get me riled up. You don't want me to get riled up, do ya?"

Was he being threatened? Avery said, "I'm not going to be bullied." Then immediately thought how foolish saying this to a vagabond was. Someone who didn't care who lived or who died. "I don't respond to threats."

"Ya learn that from your textbook? Maybe you should learn how I respond to not responding to threats. Now you're gonna be at that tavern at ten o'clock P.M., or I'm comin' lookin' for you. And looking for people always gets me riled up." Click.

Now Avery felt like a rabbit in a pen and the farmer had showed up holding a knife.

But he couldn't meet him. There was no way he was doing it, he'd be killed if he showed up. Or he'd be killed if he didn't show up. Best to keep the crazy person happy.

No, he couldn't go without more sleep. He had to report this guy to the police.

And say what? Well, he had a name now, he could report him, except it sounded like an alias. He hadn't done anything. And Walker would hide from cops. A guy like that knew how to avoid capture. He'd kill him if the cops got involved.

No, he needed to do it, just this night, then deal with him later.

And God, what to do. None of his choices were desirable.

Avery grabbed his jacket. It might be another long night.

* * *

Outside the tavern, the wind came down loaded with mist and ice crystals. Why was it so cold this time of the year? Shouldn't these buildings be protecting him? Maybe his blood was thin.

It was now 10:30. But he was too afraid to go back to his dorm until Walker found him. He had pondered over and over if he was at the right tavern, the right street, the right anything. The slightest slip would give him a smashed head.

Then he saw a body exit the bar across the street, wearing a long black coat. That was definitely Walker. He stumbled around, not apparently looking for anybody. Avery rushed across the street, worried that he had been in the wrong place. "Hey."

"Ahh, there's nothing like a good scotch," Walker said, still moving forward. "And that was nothing like one."

"Didn't you say the tavern with the yellow lights?" he pointed across the street.

"Yeah, maybe. But this place looked more my style."

"You said to meet outside."

"Yeah, I'm always saying things. I should really listen to myself."

Avery grunted. "Look, if you're gonna tell me something, you need to do it. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in three days."

"You got the daytime."

"I can't sleep during the day, I got 8:00 classes."

"Then nap."

"I don't like napping."

"Oh, boo-hoo, poor baby. You want a shoulder to cry on. Maybe a bottle?" he mimed wiping his eyes, "Or do you want redemption?"

"What?"

"Conclusions, comeuppance, restitution for your sister, maybe sprinkle a little vengeance on that. If you want that, I'm your man, I'm your messenger."

"Then quit being so cryptic and tell me what to do."

"First you gotta understand the game. Gotta understand the stakes. Can't just jump in the water without knowing there are big mouthed beasts waiting for you." He grinned, wide and toothy.

Not looking where he was going, Walker drifted into the street. A car raced by and droned on the discordant horn. Walker, unmoved, glanced back at the vehicle, snarling, "Goddamn cars, I'll kill them all."

His eyes glowed with a reddish tinge. Avery stepped back in horror, ready to run. Whatever it was, it was not a trick of the light.

"What is that?" Avery said in a small voice.

"What?"

"The eyes."

Walker turned away from Avery, looking into the street. "You should see them from my end." He walked across the street without another word. Avery skittered up to him, ready to ask again.

Walker said, "It's the bloodlust, kid. Part and parcel of the Unforgiven." They began walking into a dark part of town, away from other people.

"Unforgiven?" Avery asked.

He sighed. "Imagine everything you ever loved, everything you dedicated your life to, everything you served. Imagine your soul carved to shreds in loyalty to those you loved. And then, you were cast down for no reason, no fault of your own, no answers. Only that you were forsaken. And not knowing why. That is what it means to be Unforgiven."

"I don't get it."

"It is what we are. It's why I stay in the dark, because the light doesn't want me. We are those that have been rejected by life. I have a heart that beats for no reason, a soul that can never be lifted from this mortal coil. All you can do is watch your own body rot. We have no wind to our backs. Our steps make no sound. No one wants us. No one will have us."

"Ooookay." Walker was speaking with such grief, Avery was starting to sympathize. He was putting into words what he had felt most of his life abandoned and rejected.

Walker said, "If you think I care if you believe it or not, you're wrong. That doesn't matter now. I've been here too long for it to matter."

"And that's why your eyes turn red?"

"The bloodlust. I gave my heart in service, and never got it back. The rage has nothing to hide behind, so the eyes can no longer lie. Good thing I'm pretty even-tempered."

"Why's that?"

"We've been cast out of all things, cast out of nature, cast out of time. We have been abandoned by everyone and everything. Even death. That makes us held to this reality. Not even a bullet to the brain would release my soul. That's why we have to be careful. Most of us are smart enough to keep away from those situations. But some of us are too stubborn to quit and too stupid to die."

"So you can't die and you can't heal?"

"Oh, we can heal. But the way that it's done... well, nightmares don't compare."

Walker stopped at a bridge. He leaned over the railing and watched the white and black ripples dance with each other. "I fell down. We all fall down, but others can pick themselves back up again. We stay down. We never come back. Nothing will let us."

"Maybe there's a way."

"Heh, nice optimism, kid. Keep it up, it's cute."

"So how did you get to be this way?"

"A ritual. Simple as that."

"The same ritual Sophia was doing?"

"Sophia, Sophia, Sophia. You always want to know about her, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. That's the whole reason I'm here."

"You ever think that maybe she wasn't the important part? Maybe she was just a bit player?"

"Bit player?"

"Caleb was the one they wanted. Caleb was the one responsible. It's ironic how the other souls found him."

"Wait. You mean, Caleb found Sophia and the rest?"

"Turn it around, boy. They found him. Guess that's one thing about the spirit that's always true. They keep making the same mistakes. Isn't it delightful how fate is so unbreakable."

"Then the ritual?"

"Sophia and the others introduced Caleb to the vengeance ritual. A pitiful bit of eldritch magic. It wouldn't have worked for anyone but the four of them. All together. Once the big one joined in, the key was in the lock. And their fate was sealed."

"And how does Cabalco figure into it?"

"Who knows how they would have done it, but they wanted his soul. Sophia was just a side-victim. Nice to have, but meaning little. Not essential to their plans."

"So what were their plans?"

"Mm, can't say I know."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Avery said too loud. "You bring me all the way out here, force me to stay up till the wee hours of the morning, then keep me running around in circles. All the time baiting me with the truth about what happened to my sister. And then you don't know?" Avery grabbed his shoulder, pulling him face-to-face.

As he did so, he felt... something. Or rather, a lack of something. Like warmth, maybe the life spark, or the bio-electricity of the person. It was on a deeply sub-conscious level but it was there. This man didn't have that.

It was like pulling on fleshy cement. Empty and void, thick like rubber. Avery was speechless.

Walker glared at Avery. The gaze froze Avery like a deer. "I've got your number, Jack. You don't want my help, you don't need to take it." He ran off into the blackness.

Avery stood still, trying to regain his old self. He had been waiting for Walker's eyes to turn red again and rend him like pulled pork. But he disappeared.

Avery ran after him but realized it was useless to pursue, the dark had swallowed him. And he had lost a tie to the truth about his sister. There were still unwrapped threads the ritual, Cabalco, Caleb. And he had lost his grip on those threads.


	8. Chapter 8

"So you'll be receiving a written notice in your mailbox. It should arrive next week. That will be your copy of this report."

"Uh-huh."

"You need to sign it, tear off the top copy. That will be for your records. Then mail it back to us in the envelope provided."

"Uh-huh."

"It will be held on your permanent file, as long as you attend this university. If future incidents of this sort occur, it will be presented as evidence in a review board of the department."

"Uh-huh."

"And, uh, that's it. So, I hope future incidents like this don't occur, Mr. Price."

"They won't."

"Just remember you are an adult now, attending school of your own free will. We take insubordination very seriously. You still have to abide by our rules."

"I understand."

"All right, goodbye then."

"Bye."

Avery clicked off the phone, shutting out Mr. Who's-His-Face, one of the representatives of student affairs. It was a slap on the wrist, but to Avery it felt like the death penalty. A permanent black mark on his record.

He'd 'uh-huh'ed his way through to get it over with. He knew what he'd done, he had no intentions of doing it again, and so on and so on. He never knew what they were looking for in those calls.

Avery put on his jacket and left for the store, leaving Tucker reading a car magazine on his bunk. It was raining, with thick, sporadic droplets got into his eyes, and made things miserable. The grocery store was fifteen minutes away by foot, and his leg was starting to cramp when he got there.

On the way he wondered if he would see Walker again. Did he want to? He hadn't given any useful info in two days, so what was the point? If he wanted answers, what were his questions? Were there any questions? Or was it all made up by some psycho? At least either way, his absence meant something good for him either he'd get sleep or he'd get answers.

In the store, he walked on grimy yellow tiled floor, searching for staples. He needed some of the basics - shampoo, floss, cereal, and some ramen boxes for the no-eating days. He looked hard at a new product, a can of instant meal from some new brand Silver Sword Meats, but it was too cheap and fatty, even for him.

The cashier girl looked like she was still in high school. That was how he really knew he was adult, when people serving him were no longer peers or older. It used to be the other way around a few years ago. He knew people who were married now. People who were having kids. Things he always thought were for 'other people', people older than him.

Avery toted his two plastic bags (paper was too hard to carry and too risky to get spilled) back through the rain another fifteen minutes, thinking about what maturity meant, and trying not to get hit by traffic.

He walked back in to his dorm building and up the stairs to his room. The lights were off, but window gave enough light that he saw a heavyset girl in the middle of the room, sweatshirt over her head, naked boobs hanging out.

Avery stared a half-second longer than he should have and pulled the door shut. A shriek and an explosion of laughter sounded behind it, as Avery lowered his eyes to the ground.

And there he saw it a sock, the universal sign for 'I'm fucking someone in here, go away'. It had fallen off the doorknob.

He stood outside the door, waiting, forbidden from his own damn room, still hearing people talking in there. The girl, from the brief glance he got, was not at all attractive lumpy tits, mousy brown hair, stocky trunk, and wide hips. He passed the time by reading the ingredients on his shampoo bottle, wondering what glycol distearate was, and how it made his hair shiny.

The girl came out a moment later. She gave him a brief glance, turned red, and walked away. Before the door closed, he walked in. The lights were still out and Tucker was in his bunk, shirtless. Avery flipped on the lights.

"Dude, didn't you see the sock?" he laughed.

"It fell on the floor."

Tucker laughed again. "Man, if you'd come in a minute before you would have gotten a show. Man, I was giving it to her. Fuck, you should have seen it. Fat chicks always give the best fucks."

Avery gritted his teeth. Tucker was always bringing women in here, absolutely wretched-looking girls that wouldn't have gotten Avery's attention in a million years. But Christ, it was four o'clock in the afternoon.

Avery ignored anything else Tucker blabbed about his encounter and picked up the phone. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to go home. The last time he'd gone home was so abnormal he needed something to wipe off the slate. See the familiar streets and buildings. Sleep in his own bed. Get back to normalcy.

The first time he dialed home he got an annoying beep that needled in his ear. Dammit, he'd been using his phone card so long he forgot how to dial off-campus numbers. He pulled the card out of his wallet, hoping he still had a few minutes left on it.

"Hey, dad?" he said when it was picked up.

"Oh, hi, son. How are you?"

"Fine, how are you?"

"Fine. That cop call you back?"

"What? No." He'd forgotten about that.

"Listen, if he calls you back. Don't say a word to him until you get a lawyer."

"Yeah, listen, dad. I'm not calling about that. Can you come pick me up this weekend?"

"You wanna come home again?"

"Yeah, well, last weekend wasn't... well, this whole week has been a mess. I just need to get back and relax."

"Sure, I understand, but it'll have to be late Friday night."

"That's fine."

"I had a miraculous cancellation. I was supposed to be on a conference call that went into midnight. Midnight? Can you believe that? This is the bush league crap they pull?"

"Uh-huh."

"He cancelled today because he said it'd be going too late. Well, of course! Why the hell did you make it for midnight in the first place? Jesus Christ!"

"Uh-huh."

"Anyway, are you doing all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just want to come home, I had a hard week."

"I understand. It's your sister, isn't it? You're experiencing some loss."

Avery could always imagine him flipping frantically through Dr. Grey's home medical journal to find words to use whenever he tried be sympathetic. "Yeah, I'm fine, dad. I just want to come home."

"It's okay. I understand." His dad waited to see if Avery would say anything else, "Well, I'll pick you up around nine, nine-thirty on Friday night."

"Okay."

"You know, I'm here for you if you need to talk." He sounded like Oprah.

"Yeah, I know," Avery said.

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

Avery clicked off. Every time he talked to his dad, he remembered how much he missed his mom.

He went out to his mailbox. There were no personal letters, no bills, two ads, both for pizza places, and one handwritten note, scrawled on a crumpled piece of paper. It said _Meet in the woods behind this place at midnight_.

Christ, no, no, not anymore, no more. Why couldn't he just go to sleep. Just sleep.

* * *

Avery waited up until midnight, watching talk shows and pounding his Mountain Dew. He had given up on studying a long time ago, nothing was sinking into his brain anymore. Nothing had since yesterday. He could have forgotten the whole thing, but Walker was giving him another chance. This man was drawing him toward some sort of conclusion, and Avery had to figure out what it was before he could move on with his life.

He traipsed through the woods behind his dorm a young forest that held thin, but tall trees and wind-blown plastic bags. Branches cut his legs and tugged on his long sleeves. When he was so deep he lost sight of the dorm, a voice said, "That's far enough."

Avery stopped and rubbed his itching legs, wondering if he had walked through poison ivy at some point. He couldn't see Walker anywhere.

"Where are you? Come out."

"I think not."

Avery sighed, looking around for lights, an emergency post, or a nearby witness.

"What do you want now?" Avery told himself to shut up. That was exactly the sort of attitude that made him run the first time.

"If you don't want my help, I can always leave again. Although you might leave more... liquidy."

"No, no, I'm sorry. I was just overtired. I haven't been... I haven't gotten any sleep for a week. I can't study. I'm... I was just frustrated. I've been through a ton of stuff lately, you know. And I got sensitive."

"Get rid of it," he said coldly. "I've never seen a fatal flaw that didn't involve feeling sorry for people. They don't feel sorry for you."

"Well, look, you have to tell me about Sophia. If I keep staying up like this, I'm gonna die."

Walker snickered. "You're cute."

"Anyway, can you please tell me more about... everything."

"Everything could take a long time. Maybe you wanna pick what you want to know."

"About my sister. About how she's connected to Cabalco?"

"Sophia has nothing to do with Cabalco. I told you that already," he gritted. "They didn't care about your sister. Caleb was the one they wanted. The only one they cared about."

"Okay," Avery said, suppressing anger. "So why did Cabalco want Caleb?"

"Caleb is the key and the Cabal is the lock. They wanted to use him as a bargaining chip. Meat for the beast."

"What are you talking about?"

"Caleb had a special soul. They all did the souls of the Chosen. Caleb's soul was the leader."

"The Chosen? Chosen for what?"

"To serve the One that Binds. A long, forgotten god. That was what the vengeance ritual was for to bring souls unto Him. Not that they knew that."

"Now we're talking about gods?" Avery was barely hanging on to all this talk of rituals and gods that sounded like a bad H.P. Lovecraft novel.

"There's more in heaven and earth than in your pea-sized brain. But the Cabal worship the only god that matters. The Sleeping God. You don't have to worry, though. He no longer exists. But he's the key to retaining their power."

"But I thought Caleb's soul was the key to power for Cabalco-"

"The Cabal! Use their true name!" the darkness barked out.

Avery rolled his eyes. "The 'Cabal' wanted Caleb's soul? Why? You said it was a bargaining chip."

"Aye. Not essential to their ultimate goal of world domination, but it'd make a handy token on the mantle. Just in case. Just a little insurance."

Avery sighed. This line of questioning wasn't getting him anywhere. "So, did Caleb kill Sophia?"

Silence from the darkness. Was Walker thinking? Was he trying to make something up? "No," he said, "They were all responsible for their own deaths. There was no way back, where they went."

"Look, all you're doing is giving me more cryptic answers that make no sense. I still don't know a damn thing about how Sophia died, and what Cabalco or Caleb has to do with it, if anything. What's the point of all this?"

"Don't you see? Cabalco is the enemy. First they came after him. Then they will come after you. They will come after your family. They will consume everything. Can you let this go? Can you let them get away with this? What will they do next?"

"I don't see anything that Cabalco did wrong. You said they were responsible for their own deaths."

"But the ritual, that was the Cabal."

"How? The police have tons of evidence, and they never said anything to me about Cabalco." _Except that it was where Caleb's mom worked_ , he reminded himself.

"Does the phrase 'world domination' enter your ears? Look at them. Look closely. Look at all the products they make. All the services they provide. Oh, they all have different labels, different front companies, but under every one is the same phrase 'Another fine product from Cabalco.' You bought yourself some today. In a year, only one out of ten won't be part of the machine. Everyone who works for them becomes part of them. One big machine that works towards one goal ultimate power."

Avery hadn't believed a single word so far. Why should he start now? "So Cabalco is trying to take over the world. What does that have to do with anything?"

Walker sighed, "Guess the only way you'll believe me is to go there. You'll see the difference. There's a division in your hometown. Caleb's mother works there. See her. Find your answers there."

"The police can't get in there. Why do you think I can?"

"You think they're stupid enough to let anyone in? They don't respond to outsiders. Is any of this clicking in your brain yet?" he yelled out louder. "This is so much deeper than you think. It goes all the way to the core of the Earth. You gotta be more subversive than that. If you're gonna kill the beast, get to the heart."

"Why? I don't get the connection," Avery shouted back, as if he were talking to God. "I don't know what you want me to do. What am I supposed to do about all this?"

"Don't you have any sort of vendetta against them?"

"No, but you do." The thought came out before Avery had even finished thinking it. This guy was trying to make his own fight into Avery's fight.

"What?" the darkness said.

"You were in Cabalco, weren't you. You worked for them or something, and they fired you. God, you're probably making all this stuff up just to get back at them. And you probably deserved it."

Two small red lights flicked on in the darkness.

"Uh-oh," Avery said.

The red lights, the eyes that had all the anger of hell behind them. They rushed forward fast as a moving car. Avery stumbled back and put his hand in front of his face, acting on pure instinct.

* * *

Avery opened his eyes, and realized he was staring at the light blue sky. Somehow, he had ended up on his back. No idea how he got that way. It was a peculiar sensation to suddenly change orientation and gravity without realizing it. He didn't feel any pain. He had no injuries, no soreness. He'd... blacked out.

And someone was saying something to him. "Wake up, kid. Wake up." A man, not much older than himself pointed a flashlight into his eyes. "Hey, kid, you all right?"

"Huh? Yeah," Avery mumbled after the rent-a-cop repeated the question.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Ah..." He had to make something up. "Sleeping."

"Sleeping? You camping out? Where's your tent?"

"Uh..." Best to keep his mouth shut now.

"You know its illegal to sleep outdoors?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry."

"Have you been drinking?"

"No."

"Did you pass out?"

"Uh, I'm not sure." Avery sat up and felt his head. It didn't feel like he had fallen.

"What were you doing out here?"

"Um, meeting a friend."

"You meet this friend in the woods often?"

"Sometimes."

"Is it your girlfriend?"

"No."

"Boyfriend?"

"No," Avery said more angrily. He stood up and brushed the leaves off his butt. "If you don't mind, can I go home?"

"All right, well," he checked his eyes again, "Go ahead. But don't let me see you here again."

Avery walked off.


	9. Chapter 9

In between classes, Avery went to the computer lab again. He searched for Cabalco, trying all the combinations and regurgitations of the word that he could think of. He searched for members of the Cabalco administration, he searched for items that had been on their news page. He searched for mentions in the news. He searched for Caleb's mother. He found nothing.

He was starting to feel nauseous. How much sleep had he gotten in the last seven days? Any? His body was breaking down. He needed to lie down.

He went down to one of the student commons' centers and laid down on a couch. No one bothered him, so he slept well. He slept through all the rest of his classes for that day. When he woke up, he looked at his watch. It was 3:30, halfway through the last class.

"Fuck" he said. He grabbed his bag and headed out the door before he started wondering what the point was. He'd already missed two others and he didn't want to interrupt everything, all those heads turning towards him.

He tooled around his dorm room until 8:00 and sat on the dorm stoop with his gym bag beside him. His dad wouldn't show up until nine, but Tucker had kicked him out because he was waiting for a hookup.

He spent the time looking at the stars, couples walking by, cars zooming past. Happy people going to the bars or hooking up with friends. Meanwhile he was wasting away waiting for his dad.

"Good, you're already here." Walker's voice came from above. Avery didn't even bother looking up. He was too tired and too depressed. A black shape jumped off the dorm entrance overhang and landed on the grass. "I hate calling animals."

"Hmph," Avery uttered.

"Cheer up, buttercup," Walker said. "No one likes a sourpuss."

Avery furrowed his brows and said, "I'll make you a deal. If I go to Cabalco, and I talk to Caleb's mom, and I don't find anything connecting them and Sophia, you never bother me again." Avery didn't think Walker would ever leave him alone unless he did that.

"You'll find your answers," Walker said, no gratitude in his tone. "You'll find enough to keep you going. You'll find the truth."

"I'm not going to fill your petty vendettas. I'm going for myself, for my own answers. Not yours."

"That's fine. Your answers will become my answers. And when you're done, you're going to want something. The same thing I want. Redemption." Walker stood to his full height. "When you get back, I'll be ready for you. We'll give you what you've been wanting."

"What do you think I am? You think I'm the same as you? I want people to accept me. That's why I don't go stalking around in a trenchcoat. I'm just a college kid. I don't go around like I'm some sort of undead vampire."

"I'm not a vampire. Say that again, and I'll beat you so bad your dog'll be retarded."

Avery sighed. There was no way around this guy's one-liners. "Just answer me one thing. Were you in the Cabal?"

Walker stared at him, giving no hints. "Bastards," he finally said. "They asked for my loyalty, and I gave it to them. I gave it in spades." His voice kept switching between anger and desperation. "They could have had everything from me. I gave them all that I had, I gave them more than they deserved, and they took it all away from me. They loved me, and then took it away." His voice kept switching between anger and desperation. "No warnings, nothing." Then his eyes began to glow, the blood lust shining through. "They loved me and took my love. Then they took my life."

And then he walked around to the back of the building and left. Avery watched him go, nonplussed.

His dad arrived shortly thereafter. He spent the entire car ride on the phone, talking to his co-workers about real estate holdings, resources to allocate, and mostly, 'the deal'. Avery pulled out his CD player from his gym bag and listened to some comforting music until the batteries went dead.

The low night traffic allowed them to get home at five minutes after midnight. Avery tumbled through the door, ploughed down to his room, and slept a good long sleep.

He would not see Walker again for a long time.

* * *

In the morning, he found the phone number in the Yellow Pages. Three rings later, he heard a pleasant female say "Thank you for contacting Cabalco Enterprises. All of our representatives are currently busy. Please stay on the line." Avery stayed on the line for thirty minutes. Every two minutes, the saxophone was interrupted with "Thank you for contacting Cabalco Enterprises. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line."

Avery had enough and shut it off. The address was right next to the phone number, it was right in town. Logic said the building wouldn't be open on Saturday, but if Caleb's mom really did work at all hours, why wouldn't the doors be open?

He took the spare car and gradually honed in on a large and wide building, at least thirteen stories high and covered in a reflective glass exoskeleton. A soft blue sign at the top of the building said "Cabalco", and the second 'a' was having trouble staying lit.

Avery found where visitors were meant to park and took the last empty space between two SUVs. When he pulled the wood and glass door open, the size of the lobby immediately humbled him. It was as big as a ballroom. The floor was covered in white and black tile, with the Cabalco logo in the center of the floor three interlocking half-circles. It almost looked like a biohazard warning. Everything reminded him of a hospital clean, sanitary, sterile.

Avery approached the desk far way at the back wall, with one lonely secretary. She had been watching and smiling during his entire awkward walk forward. "Hello, welcome to Cabalco. How may I help you?" she said and smiled.

"Hi, I'm here to see, uh, Mrs. Sanguis."

"Do you have her contact information?"

"What? Uh, no."

"Who are you representing?"

"Uh, just myself."

"What is this visit regarding?"

"Uh..." Avery had even thought about this on the car ride over. What excuse was he going to use? Why was he driving over? What did he hope to accomplish? _Hi, I'm the brother of a girl that your son potentially murdered, just dropped by to chat._ "Uh, personal business."

"Ok, please sign the guestbook." She pointed to a flat three ring binder on the table at the far end of the desk. There was a place to write in his name, address, phone number, and reason for visiting.

When Avery looked up, the secretary said, "Please have a seat. Someone will be with you momentarily."

Avery walked all the way back across the great hall to a tiny corner where three chairs were set against the tinted glass. A tiny coffee table had three magazines _Time_ , _People_ , and _Sports & Fishing_, none of which Avery liked.

So he waited. Time ticked away on his watch. He waited five minutes. Five minutes became fifteen minutes. Thirty minutes. He paged through _Time_. He looked outside. He watched the clock tick by. Each time the long hand passed a number, he decided maybe he'd wait a few minutes longer. She had to be on her way.

Until he realized he was getting close to waiting for an hour. Getting into another unit of time metric was the breaking point.

He got up and walked the mile to the secretary. He knew what to say, but not how to say it. "Hi, um, is Mrs. Sanguis in today?"

"Yes. She knows you're here. She should be down shortly."

"All right." Avery walked back to his chair again. The uncushioned plastic was starting to hurt his butt and lower back.

He waited longer, beginning to hate the place. The glass, the perfect rectangular table, the modern art on the gray paneled walls. Everything that evoked neutrality and professionalism bred hate in him, fertilized by growing impatience.

Two hours later, the hall finally experienced some activity. A group of four suits came down the elevator on the left and headed towards the doors. They looked like they only had business on their mind and didn't talk to each other. They were probably going to lunch.

All throughout the lunch hour, Avery waited, figuring asking again would be pointless. Mrs. Sanguis was probably at lunch. At 1:30, he approached the desk again, not believing he had waited so long.

"Is Mrs. Sanguis here yet? I've been waiting about four hours now."

She shrugged. "I haven't heard anything from upstairs yet. She may be in a meeting. Please wait some more and I'm sure she'll come down."

Avery was ready to rip her shoulders off from that shrug. Getting to see Mrs. Sanguis was becoming an obsession. He went back to his seat and shuffled his feet.

Was he really spending his free Sunday like this? In a corporate waiting room? He wanted some gum or water or something to bang his head on.

1:30 became two. Two became three. There was nothing to do but think his own thoughts. All he could do was daydream. At first, he had daydreamed about school and girls he thought were cute, now he was thinking about barging in and going up the elevator, throwing aside the weak little girl behind the desk.

Then he thought about going Terminator and crashing through the office in the Camry. Taking a sawed-off shotgun and blasting the speakers way up in the ceiling playing the gentle muzak.

Only twice had another person come in. Both times, someone had come down the elevator to greet him. They always shook hands wordlessly, and headed back into the elevator no checking in, no signing the guestbook.

Three became four. Four turned into five o'clock. Five o-frickin-clock. It was quitting time. Avery walked up to the desk. "Can I see Mrs. Sanguis now, please? I've been waiting all day here. I've been waiting since ten o'clock."

"I'm sorry, sir. You can make an appointment if you wish."

Appointment? Why the hell didn't they say anything about appointments before? Who the hell was so busy at work on Saturday that you had to have an appointment? "Can I make one for next week?"

"No, I'm sorry, she'll be unavailable."

"What is she doing?" he said with threatening tones.

"I'm sorry. I don't know. All the people who work at this office are very busy."

"Busy doing what?"

"Building a better tomorrow," she smiled.

Avery grunted. "Forget it," he said and waved his hand. God, was he ever pissed. He should have figured on behavior like this. If the cops couldn't get in to see her, what made him think he could?


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, his dad was gone. There was only one other place he could have been on a Sunday.

Upon entering his dad's office, Linda, the secretary looked up and said hi. This was dad's second home and most everyone who worked there knew Avery. He'd done some administrative work in the summers for under-the-table pay.

Alex, his dad's primary partner, caught sight of him as he walked by, his head bobbing over the cubes, and. "Avery!" he exclaimed. "Hey, how you doing?" He came up to him, shaking his hand vigorously.

"Hi, Alex," Avery said, trying to be adult, even though he'd known Alex since he was five.

"My god, it's been so long since I've seen you. How's college going?"

"Good."

"Lemme look at you. Wow, I haven't seen you in years." He pushed and torqued Avery's body up straight as if he were a mannequin. "Bet you're getting in trouble with the ladies, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Remember, college is your last chance to go wild. Make sure you sow your wild oats."

"Oh, I am," Avery lied.

"When I was going to school... Man, I missed out on some opportunities. The co-eds, I don't know why, but they seem more open to things when they're in school. But once they're out, they turn into old maids. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm not really looking for anyone right now. College is hard enough."

"Right, what are you majoring in?"

"Undec- well, pre-law, I suppose."

"Ah, gonna be like your dad? What kind?"

"What do you mean?"

"What kind of law? Like business law, copyright law, family law."

"Oh, I haven't decided yet." Avery shrugged. "I chose the school cause I liked the environment."

"Sure, that's good. When I was in school, we didn't have a whole lot of choices about majors. I had to go to New England for what I really wanted. But the people there are so uppity. It's about as far from Texas as you can get. Are your pre-law classmates like that?"

"Sort of. So how's work been?" Avery asked, trying to steer the conversation away from his ever-dwindling supply of lies.

"Oh, it's good. Kind of a war zone now. Dad told you we got a deal coming through?"

"Yeah, something about that. Some merger or something."

"Merged my ass. More like consumed. That's why we're all here today. We've had to drop all the other projects just to work on this one. It's a lot bigger than we thought it was gonna be. They keep trying to give us the run-around. It's like chess we make a move, they make a countermove. Those Cabalco bastards."

"Cabalco?" Avery reacted.

"Yeah, can you believe it? They were using some sort of S & L subsidiary as a front, but the parent company is doing all the legwork for them. I never even heard of them until last year. They were nothing, and all of the sudden they're growing as fast as Microsoft did. Now it looks like they might be threatening to buy us out to prevent the deal."

"They can't do that. They can't force a company to sell."

"No, but they're taking all our resources. They're enticing clients to their side. We lost three contractors to them in the past month. They scooped up our two interns. They bought the phone provider, the paper company. They even bought our landscapers. Your dad had to bring his own mower here to cut the grass."

"Really?" Avery said, trying to imagine him in a stained white work shirt, pushing his mover around the grounds.

Alex rubbed his forehead. "I know. That's what it's come to. How the hell did this happen? I mean..." He trailed off. If Avery didn't know Alex so long, he'd think he was close to crying.

But that was understandable. He and his dad had invested his entire life into this company, sacrificing their family, time, and money. And now, some faceless thing was taking it away.

"So what are you gonna do if they buy you out? They're gonna dissolve the company?"

"Probably. They obviously don't need people like us."

"So you're gonna lose your jobs? All of you?"

"Yeah. It's not like there's any job security anymore. The biggest fish eats the little one. That college degree you're earning? You could probably wallpaper your room with it, for all the good it's going to do you. You can't get a job with just a degree and nothing else. You need some other kind of 'in'."

"Well, what about you guys? You're close to retirement age. If you lose your jobs-"

"Oh, don't worry. We're not out yet. We're not gonna let them win." He pumped his fist insincerely.

"All right," Avery smiled. "Where's dad?"

"He's in his office," Alex thumbed behind him.

"Thanks, good seeing you."

"Yeah, good seeing you too. Enjoy college," he called back.

Avery wondered how much danger his dad was in. This was a small private business. How were they to compete with a company as big as Cabalco.

He could feel the doom hanging in the air, on the faces of the men and women in the cubes their eyes red-rimmed with desperation and insomnia, toiling away just to keep their heads above water. The business was dying, if it wasn't already dead.

The door to his dad's office did nothing to muffle the screams carrying out.

"And I told you, I don't need that crap. The way it works is you show me that paper, that permit, and you fax it over. Otherwise, I'm not gonna tolerate these threats. Do you understand me?"

Avery opened the door to his office. It was empty except for one bookcase in the corner that had a collection of motivational volumes, such as "Power Quotes" and "How to Win Friends and Influence People". A rack of Japanese samurai swords was mounted behind his desk, next to a calligraphy painting. His dad had never been to Japan, as far as he knew.

"No... No... No... I am, under no circumstances, obligated to show you anything. The burden is proof is on you... No, I don't care about that. I'm not taking this bush league bullshit... Do you understand the word 'blackmail'? ... Let me talk to him... right now, if he's available... Fine."

If his dad knew he'd come in, he gave no signs. At the pause in conversation, Avery said, "Hey, dad, do you have Mrs. Sanguis's business card?"

There were no questions, no surprised looks. Mr. Price opened the desk drawer, rummaged a bit, and produced a small white card. He held it out, while staring at the wall blankly.

Avery was about to leave when his dad pointed at him and said, "When you get back I want to talk to you about this insubordination thing."

"What? They called you?"

"Yeah, they called me. Right now, I gotta deal with this, but I'll talk to you when I get back. Got it?"

Avery nodded and left the office. Jeez, they called his parents, like he was a fifth grader. What kind of school was this? Hadn't everyone told him he was going to be treated like an adult once he got into college? How adult could you be when they called your parents over things like this.

Avery got into the car and looked at the business card. Karen Sanguis, Research Associate, Cabalco, Inc. It also listed the address of the company address and their slogan 'Building a better tomorrow'.

* * *

Avery drove into the lot, parked, and thought.

The worse that could happen was some security guard politely led him out. Someone would catch him snooping, he'd go 'sorry, officer, I got lost. Yes, I'll leave right now, no problem'. And that would be the end of it. What did Walker expect him to do? Break the law?

From the car, he watched the parked cars and the occasional person or group walk in. All the cars were small sedans no trucks, SUVs, or family vehicles. And the people who entered were all employees no visitors, no deliveries. They sure did act suspicious, like government agents. Someone trying to cover something up. Maybe there was another way in.

With a cleansing breath, he escaped from the car, and headed into the building like yesterday. He pushed on the big revolving doors and stepped onto the tile. The same secretary, sat behind her desk and didn't look up.

"Hello, welcome to Cabalco," she said. "May I help you?" She didn't indicate she recognized him from yesterday.

Avery slammed the business card face up on the desk. "I'm here to see Karen Sanguis. This is an emergency."

"Who are you representing?"

"Dammit. I don't have time for this. I'm representing myself. Now you better let me on that elevator or... this company is going to lose millions." You had to hit them where it hurts.

"What is this visit regarding?"

"Classified."

"I can't allow access without proper authorization."

"Look," Avery leaned in closer, "I don't have time for this bush league crap. She gave me her _business card_ as _her_ contact information. I need to contact her. So you better tell me a story about how I need security clearance just to see a research associate."

"I'll have to contact my supervisor."

"Oh, that's good. Bring in more talking heads. That way I can tell them how you're going to be responsible for the smaller profit margin this quarter." He held up the card like it would get him out of jail for free. "She already gave me her card. She's expecting me. So you can either look forward to a dismal performance review. Or you can let me in. Those are your two choices."

The secretary pondered for a second, then retrieved a visitor pass from the drawer. "Ms. Sanguis is on floor 2." The elevator opened up.

"Thank you. About time," he grumbled and yanked away the badge.

Avery had to stop himself from leaping in and getting to the invisible sanctuary of the box. The doors closed and moved up to floor 2.

Wow, that was easy. No security guard stopped him. No alarms went off. He'd gotten in clean. That was the nice thing about super-corporations you faded in easily. He could be strapped up with dynamite and no one would notice.

The elevator opened onto a big cubicle farm, with a stale smell of antiseptic. It was silent except for clickety-clacks of keyboards and muffled voices from the other end of the hall. Two posters were tacked to the wall, one of which was a map of the floor with each cubicle labeled with its occupant. 'Karen Sanguis' was near the southwest corner.

Two people walked around the corner. Avery only noticed them by their loud voices. He ducked into the empty cubicle ahead.

"... maintain that the threshold of the continuity matrix goes down," one said.

"And that causes the rips. Yes, I see. I'm not sure how to deal with it yet, but as far as I'm concerned, the functionary principle works. That's what production wants. R & D's job is done."

"No one will know the difference anyway, the threads are so small."

"Yes, as they say you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. Let's send..." They walked off.

He traveled in between the cubes, reading the names on the placards and peeking in as he passed. For a Sunday, there was a surprising amount of people here. Almost every cube was filled with someone staring at a glowing screen. Besides that, nothing suspicious.

In the one marked with a 'Karen Sanguis' placard, he saw the back of a lady's head, about forty, with dirty blond crimped hair. She was hypnotized by her computer, feeding keystrokes into it like a slot machine.

Finally, he'd been able to do what neither his dad or the police could do. Avery cleared his throat and knocked on the padded wall.

Karen Sanguis turned around with a glassy but friendly stare, much like the secretary had. Apparently she wasn't surprised at seeing a visitor.

Avery said, "Um, Miss- missus Sanguis. Um, I'm from..." The lie formed quickly. "From the department of... HR. I'm with the HR department. Um, I need to ask you some questions."

"How may I help you?" she said in a smooth, motherly tone.

"Uh, I need to ask you about your son."

"Yes. Caleb."

"Yes."

Avery wanted to ask her about her son, but realized he didn't have any concrete questions. What did he want to know? What info was he missing? Should he ask 'are you going to take over the world?'

"Um, about Caleb. Um, could you describe him for me?"

"He was 18 years old. Brown hair. Five feet and eleven inches tall."

"Do you know if he had a girlfriend?"

"Maybe. He was a private person."

"Uh huh." He was losing composure, trying to think up questions. "Um, did he do anything odd? Ever?"

"He was a good boy. A bright boy. I loved him very much."

"Did he ever show, like, signs of darkness, preoccupations with death?"

"No."

Avery tried to remember what Lt. Crowe had asked. "What kind of music did he listen to?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know how he dressed. Did he dress normally?"

"He wore normal clothing. He had a trenchcoat that he liked. Otherwise, he usually wore jeans and a shirt, nothing to draw attention to himself."

"How about religion?"

"He practiced none that I was aware of."

"Nothing dealing with, say, the occult or black magic?"

"No. I knew my son well. He would never do anything like that."

"Did he ever talk about, maybe a cult, or something? Joining one, or being part of one?"

"No."

"Do you know anything about Caleb's friends?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did he have any friends? Maybe a girlfriend?"

"I do not know. He was a very private person. And I regret that I couldn't spend as much time with him, due to my job. He was very lonely."

Avery thought Caleb sounded like someone he would have gotten along with. "So you don't know if maybe, Sophia, I mean, anyone, introduced him to... I mean, whether..." he trailed off. He felt so stupid.

"I do not know."

Avery nodded. "What about the shed that was behind your house?" Avery crossed his arms.

"It was locked since I had ever lived in that house."

"Then you know it was opened. Probably by your son."

"I have no responsibility for what went on in that shed. I didn't open it."

She sounded like someone else had given her these answers. Probably a lawyer. "What about his family? Where is Caleb's father, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I don't know."

"When did he get out of the picture?"

"I don't remember."

"You don't remember?" Avery said.

"It was nearly twenty years ago. I've tried to forget it."

This was really getting him nowhere. Nothing she knew was shedding any light on Cabalco. "Um, you don't know anything about 'the unforgiven', do you?"

"The what?"

"The Unforgiven? Ah, forget it, never mind," he looked around trying to think of things to ask.

"No, I'm interested."

Avery raised an eyebrow. "Why are you interested?"

An alarm went off on the floor. Not as severe as a fire alarm, more like an alert a beep like a pleasant alarm clock. Avery nearly fell back against the cube walls.

"Excuse me, I have a meeting now. Please take my card." She passed him by and headed to the middle of the floor. Everyone else on the floor left their cubes and headed in the same direction, probably to one of the conference rooms. Soon he was completely alone on the floor. And no one seemed to care.

He shrugged and headed for the elevator. He'd asked her everything he thought of and it got him nowhere. He couldn't think of anymore to do.

Walker said when he was done he'd have a thirst for vengeance, but he didn't even have the thirst for a glass of water. He had no desire to continue anymore. No relation, no clues, no ties to Sophia. There just wasn't as much there as everyone made it out to be. It looked like whatever Caleb had done died with him. Even if he was the murderer, he was dead, and the story was over and done.

He was tired of getting yanked around by everyone, being shoved in directions he didn't want to go. It was interfering with his schoolwork, his health, his future. It was time to drop it all, and let Sophia R.I.P.

And at that point in time, that was exactly what he did.


	11. Chapter 11

When he got home, Avery told his dad they could go back to school any time. He'd had enough of home for now. It was time to get back to normal. If Walker ever contacted him again, he would call the police. If the subject of Sophia ever came up again, he would remember where all the non-evidence had led to. He would go back to school, do his homework, graduate, get a good job, and so on.

At three in the afternoon, he said goodbye to his dad. He drove off quickly, as he had a meeting at six. Avery pulled up his bags and entered the lobby.

"Hey," the front desk worker looked up from his magazine. "You're Tucker's roommate? You need to do something about him. He's stinking up the whole joint."

"What? Errgh," Avery uttered as he smelled something reminiscent of fecal material. "He probably set off a stink bomb or something."

He was not looking forward to opening his door and living in a smelly room for however long it took to dissipate. It was perfectly within Tucker's sense of humor to do something like that. He loved to play the 'whose-fart-smelled-worse' game with Headphones, especially after a bag of Doritos.

Why did he ever bother coming back here? Why did he always dread seeing these buildings again? Why hadn't he screwed up enough so that he would get kicked out by now? The world would be a lot better off he fell off the face of the planet.

As he walked down the hall, the smell got stronger, but it wasn't like a stink bomb. More like old garbage. He inserted his key, eager to find out what this putrid odor was, and swung the door open.

When the human mind sees something, the first thing that registers is color. Red was the first thing that registered in Avery's mind.

Red on the walls, the floors, the desk, the bed sheets, the TV, the ceiling. Tucker's body was in the middle of the red, arms outstretched like he was crucified. His stomach was rent to a giant pit, encrusted around the edge with thick black tar. Streaks of blood and lacerations marred his once smooth features. His shoulder was torn open like lunchmeat. Blood trickled out both eyes. Brown liquid had puddled and dried around the crotch of his jeans.

Avery stared. He would have thought he was looking at an exhibit in a wax museum, because of the stillness of the body, but the smell negated that fact.

To prove it was real, he stepped forward. His foot landed on some blood that had not quite coagulated yet, and he slipped. He landed hard on one knee, with his hands in the viscera. He lifted them out, leaving the imprints of his palms.

At that point the reality hit him. This was not a movie. This was not corn syrup. Avery had to resist the bile that had flooded into his stomach.

He stood up, nearly slipping again, and backed away. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what happened. All the conscious parts of his mind were shutting down.

So he ran, bouncing against the walls like a bat trapped in a garage, swooping from corner to corner. He was moving like he was drunk. The blood on his hands left behind streaks. His footprints left red tracks. It was everywhere.

 _Leave... get away...no, don't go towards the front desk, don't go where they can see you. Find an adult, find someone to help you. They'll think you did it._

There was no one in the halls. He left out the back way, down the stairs, into the outside air. There was still no one around.

 _Got-to-no-there's_

His shoulders were grabbed. He was turned around, facing Walker. Avery somehow recognized him in his daze.

"You!" Avery said.

"Now do you see how big this is? How deep?" Walker said.

Avery tried to wrest from his grip, but was unable. "You killed him!"

"No!"

"You killed Sophia too!"

"No! They did it! You don't know what you're talking about."

"You bastard, you psycho, get off me!" Avery succeeded this time and backed away.

"Besides, is it so bad he's dead?"

"No!" Avery held his hands to his ears and shook his head. "I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this." He wrenched back and forth like he was trying to shake off something.

The hands over his ears did nothing to block the police sirens and lights as they pulled into the dorm's parking lot. Here! Police! They'd help him. They were the good guys. The protectors, guardians of the people.

"Here!" he called out. "He's the one that did it!"

Avery pointed to thin air. Walker was gone.

Over the din, the voice came, "Put your hands on your head and lie down on the pavement."

Avery looked at his pointing finger, doused in red paint. Common sense and reality seeped back in. He was covered in blood, sticky with it. They thought he did it.

Why wouldn't they?

"Put your hands on your head and drop to the ground NOW!"

They were here to get him. They were here to arrest him. Avery bent his throbbing knee into the grass, and then the other. Defeated. There was no other time in his life when Avery felt so powerless.

A cop came up behind him and shoved him into the ground, then yanked his hands back, circling them with cold, heavy metal. They pulled him up by the chain and threw him into the car like a rag doll.

The voices of the cops faded away. Avery couldn't hear them now. The noise meshed together. All he could see were guns and shadows.

He was now one of those people you saw on Cops. They were going to arrest him. His life was over. There would be a conviction on his record. He would never be accepted at college again. He would never be able to get a job. He would never find a girl to marry. He would never have kids. No one would have him now.

* * *

He was back at the police station. Only this time, he wasn't on the nice side of the glass. He was a suspect and suspects were dragged into a gray room with a threadbare table, uncomfortable chair, and a long mirror that let them see in. He'd been offered ten cigarettes, and told each person that no, thank you, he didn't smoke. They had asked him so much he was starting to crave them.

"So what was your roommate's name again," said the black officer sitting next to him. He was nothing like Lando Calrissian.

"Tucker Carlson."

"Unusual name."

"That was his real name."

"Tell me about him." He said as if he was a therapist. This must have been the 'good' cop.

"He was a dick." The vulgarity flowed out of his mouth at this point. He was becoming what _they_ thought he was a juvenile delinquent. "He was always playing tricks on me. He bugged me in the middle of the night. He slept around. He kicked me out of the room on a few occasions."

"Sounds like you two were pretty different."

"We were totally different."

"How'd you get paired up with him?"

"I don't know."

"When I was in college, they had us take a little survey to see who we were compatible with. Didn't you do anything like that?"

"I don't know. I don't remember. Maybe we were the last two to get paired up."

He scoffed. "Seems to me he was a typical college guy, going wild in his last years as a free man. And you were the bookworm, serious with your studies. Pretty quiet guy, huh?"

"Yeah."

"What was the last trick he played on you?"

"I took some scissors from him and he pretended that I cut him. He hid blood capsules in his fist that made it look like he was bleeding and everything."

"That must have made you mad."

"I didn't kill him!" Avery said as he leaned forward. He wouldn't take these accusations. "You can't lock me up without giving me access to a lawyer or saying I'm mentally ill."

"Are you mentally ill?"

"No! I'm just saying I didn't kill him."

"I'm not saying you did."

"Then why won't you believe me?"

"Just answer my questions, kid. Were you ever friends with him?"

"No."

"So you hated him?"

"No! Well, yes, I hated him, but I didn't kill him."

"Then who did?" the cop said quickly.

"There's this guy following me around. He thinks he's the spectre of death or something. His name's Walker. He keeps talking to me, but he won't answer my questions. He probably killed him."

"Yeah, Walker. Where is he? Can we talk to him?"

"I don't know where he lives. He's a tall man in a dark coat, about thirty-something. I told you about those four boys he rampaged on. Find them, ask them. I don't know their names. Aren't there any hospital reports?"

"Sorry, you aren't giving us much to go on. We haven't had any reports of the man you described. Doesn't mean he doesn't exist though."

"I didn't make him up. He's not some figment in my mind. Go find him. I didn't kill him, he did. You need to let me go, I have a test to study for tomorrow."

"Is it true that you visited Cabalco recently?"

"Yes, he told me to. He told me there'd be answers there about my sister's death, but there wasn't."

"How many times did you visit there."

"Once."

The officer leaned in closer. "Did you go in through the front desk or did you sneak in?"

"I didn't sneak in. He said there'd be answers, but I didn't find anything."

"They just let you by?" he said dubiously.

"Yes," Avery said desperately.

"Why did you go in there?"

"To see Caleb's mom."

"Caleb's mom is..."

Avery took a breath. "Caleb was one of the people in the shed. I guess he was Sophia's boyfriend. I thought he might have killed her, so I went to talk to his mom to see if there was anything suspicious."

"And?"

"I didn't... really find anything."

"So you trespassed on private property."

"No! I didn't do anything bad. I just walked in and talked to her."

"If we talked to her, would she be able to confirm your story?"

"Yes, but good luck getting to her. Even the Kilward police are having trouble."

"Trouble, why?"

"Well, why do you think I had to sneak in? I got stopped at the entrance."

"So you did sneak in?"

"No, they let me in."

"Well, which is it? You just said you snuck in, but they let you by? Did they see you?"

"Yes. I told them I had to see Karen Sanguis. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Is that all you told them?"

Avery sighed.

The officer continued, "Because I find it unusual that a company that can stop a police investigation couldn't stop a college kid."

"The secretary made me wait, like six hours."

"You spent six hours in an office lobby? Waiting?"

"Yes."

"Mm-hm."

"That seems rather unusual. Not many people would wait that long."

"What are you saying? That I'm a sociopath?"

"Are you?"

"Look, I didn't kill him. You have to believe me. I wasn't even there at the time. I went home. Call my dad. They saw me back there. There was no way I could kill him. Just let me go!"

Avery collapsed into tears, finally unable to control his emotions.

From behind the mirror, two men observed Avery's emotional breakdown. One was a suited detective with a mug of coffee. The other had a slim figure and a suit much too expensive for his age, with a visitor's badge pinned to the lapel.

"There he goes," the one with the coffee said, gesturing to Avery. "Surprised he lasted this long without the water works. You saw his personality profile, right?"

"Yes, I got the gist of it. Obsessive-compulsive tendencies. A need to finish things, to complete things. History of family trauma. He's hysterical, obviously."

"But he knows more than he's telling."

"See how he rants about the test he has to study for. Getting back to school. He doesn't realize where he is. He does not have a firm grasp of reality," the young one said.

The man with the coffee 'humphed' and took a sip. "Well, his alibi did check out."

"But the body may not say the same. He could have been killed anytime this weekend."

"Yeah, we'll see. And this Walker guy. Some vagrant around campus," the detective pondered. "Can I have that report again?"

The detective set down his coffee as the visitor handed him Avery's papers.

The detective said, "Did we ever figure out why all these parts are blacked out?"

"No, not yet."

"Hmph," he said. "This Walker guy, the mutilation of the body. I don't know could be drugs, could be schizo, could be anything."

"I agree. It's clear that he's not mentally stable," the man in the suit gestured to Avery, who was wiping the snot from his nose. "No one could take him seriously. Mentions of phantom people the unforgiven being able to enter Cabalco without any security detail. These are illusions. Notice how he neglects to mention them now. He's afraid his reality will be shattered. He's been disturbed by the incident, not to mention two deaths in the immediate family, one recent. Add that to the pressures of college. That could be enough to manifest itself as we're seeing."

"Yeah, guess so."

"But what he knows might be leaked to the public," the young one said after a pause.

"How do you mean? Thought you said it was garbage."

"Garbage can be sifted through. Someone may try investigating."

"They'll just think he's crazy."

"Then we better give him an excuse."

 **-END PART 1-**


	12. Chapter 12

**PART 2: Music in the Madness**

The road up had one tree every three seconds. Each had a trunk no thicker than a tent pole, rising up into an oval-shaped clump of emerald green leaves. One after the other. Trimmed to perfect roundness. Spaced evenly. Relaxing. Tranquil. It kept his mind off the metal rings around his wrists, which were pinned behind his back. And the ache in his shoulders from the position.

"1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12, come back," a squawky female voice uttered from the radio box. The policeman, a heavyset black man, picked it up with a flourish.

"Go ahead, sweet Kendra."

"What's your location?"

"Heading into Pulpwood. Got a drop-off."

"Oh, you're taking care of that kid."

"Yeah."

"Kay, make sure they don't get you too."

"Ha-ha. C'mon, Kendra, I know you'd spring me out."

"Yeah, I'd do a real MacGyver number on you."

The policeman laughed a heavy laugh.

This was Avery's first conscious memory in the past few days. The sedatives had made everything else was a haze the moving of custody, the legal process, the meetings with lawyers, doctors, businessmen, stranger after stranger.

Or was he trying to block it out? Trying to repress the bad memories. Or maybe the drugs did the blocking for him.

He wasn't exactly sure where he was right now. He might have been in another state for all he knew. Bits and pieces were flittering in his mind. How did he get here? Why hadn't his dad come for him? Or was it he that signed the papers? Or maybe it was the state, since he was an adult.

Sweet Kendra said, "Sgt. Halsey wants you to pick up some smokes for him on the way home."

"What kind?" the policeman said through his smile.

"Morleys. He'll pay you back for them."

"Hah. All right, but tell him don't expect no change."

"I'll be sure and tell him that."

"All right, Kendra. Out." He replaced the microphone and chuckled to himself. "Smokes. Thinks I'm his delivery boy."

The car's brakes squeaked in front of a guard house. A great brick wall encapsulated the property, except for a single iron-wrought gate. A man in a blue uniform walked out, holding a clipboard.

"Hey, there-" the policeman started to say.

"Name," the guard said.

"Sergeant Bradshaw. I'm here making a drop-off." Once he realized the guard meant only business, he dropped his jovial demeanor.

"You have papers?"

Sergeant Bradshaw picked up a folder from the passenger seat and handed it to him. The guard opened it and glanced at the first page, eyes moving left and right. "All right."

He kept the papers and walked back to the guard house. The gate hissed metallically as the door parted, whining with age. The policeman released his brake and drove in. The next thing Avery saw was the sign identifying the property. A long, wide single tombstone in the ground, bordered by brick and emblazoned with four words in capitalized roman lettering "PULPWOOD GROVES PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL".

Bradshaw drove on a curvy road up a hill to an isolated building that was completely cubed, with slit black windows on each side. The entrance bore the same title. When he found the closest empty parking space, Bradshaw shut off the engine, and got out of the car.

"Out," he said when he opened the door.

Avery swung his chained legs out, and followed Bradshaw into the building.

The lobby was small and lit with weak, sickly-yellow light. There were no pictures, no decorations, no plants. Just a few chairs. On the right was a nurse/receptionist behind a glass wall with a movie theater-style speaker. On the left was the door in two metal-barred gates with taupe paint, chipped away to reveal rust.

"Name?" she asked.

"Sergeant Bradshaw. I got Avery Price here."

"Papers?"

"Uh..." Sergeant Bradshaw checked his pockets. "The guard at the gate took them."

"The guard at the gate isn't supposed to take the papers."

"Well, he did."

"I cannot admit him until I see his papers."

"The guard took them," he reiterated.

"The guard's not supposed to take them."

"Look, call the stupid guard, all right? He has them. I don't know why he took them either, but he did."

"Just a moment." She swiveled away. The policeman looked around and tapped his finger on the counter. He saw Avery watching him blankly.

"Je- sit down over there, kid," he pointed to a barely padded bench against the wall. Avery shuffled over, metal cuffs clinking as he walked. He overheard the cop mutter "kid gives me the creeps".

Avery managed to sit down as best he could. The voice of the cop arguing with the receptionist drowned away. Were the drugs kicking in again? He felt dazed, as if in a moment between awake and asleep.

The dream was broken when the cage next to him clanged. Avery recoiled in shock. There was a man shaved head, red jumpsuit, and wild eyes. He was staring at Avery like a zoo animal.

"Hey, hey, you."

Avery leaned back and looked away. The man reached through the bars. "Hey, hey. I got a question. I got a question for you."

Avery looked at him from the corner of his eye.

"Hey, I got a question," he clasped the bars with both hands. "Have you found Jesus yet?"

Avery ignored him, as he did anyone who asked him this question.

"Hey, have you found Jesus yet? I found him. I found him, and I was saved by him. Yeah, that's the secret ingredient, you know. You see?"

Avery stared straight ahead.

"You know how I found him. God bless you. It's difficult. They had to drill a hole in my head to find him. Yeah. You can almost see it. You come in, you find Jesus, all right? You find him, you get saved too."

The man jumped, squeezing almost half his torso through the bars and grasping at Avery's face. Sluggishly, Avery drew back.

A nurse came up behind the man, and grabbed him under the arms. The patient didn't resist, but screamed back "It's not too late. You can be saved by him. You have time. You must find Jesus!" The nurse, with a bored look, dragged him back into the building. The last thing Avery heard was, "The end is near! Find Jesus!"

They turned a corner and the screaming stopped. Avery was reminded of a joke Sophia used to tell: I found Jesus. He was in the bushes.

* * *

At some point, Avery remembered being led through the double cage doors. He remembered being given a flat pile of clothes a white cotton sweatshirt with a faded nine-digit number and gray sweatpants and being told to change into them. He left his other clothes in the room.

Out of the slit windows, the sun was setting. The environment he was in was starting to become more coherent sort of a hospital merged with an assisted living home.

An orderly was leading him around with a device that looked too thin to be a riot club, but resembled a metal telescoping pointer, like a TV antenna. It didn't look threatening, but he didn't protest when it was used to point out doors to go into. He was led to the bathroom, where he expelled his waste and took a shower, just as he was instructed. The time alone gave him to the opportunity form questions.

This really wasn't a surprise. He knew he'd end up here eventually for the plenty he'd done. He deserved it. But these sorts of things had formalities didn't they? Such as a formal charge, papers to sign, evaluations. What about a court case? Who was responsible for holding him here? How long until he got out? Why? Who? What? Where? When? They couldn't lock him up and say he was mentally ill without some kind of criminal charge. Unless he was committed by someone else.

When he exited, he talked to the orderly. "Excuse me, what's your name?"

"Kevin."

"Can you tell me how I got here?"

"Car."

"No, I mean why I'm here."

"Dunno. I just work here. You should know." He made a little circle with his stick, prodding Avery forward.

"Well, I don't really know. Did I get charged with murder?"

He shrugged.

"Am I being held for observation?"

"I just corral the cattle. Keep moving."

Avery frowned at being called cattle, but walked down the hall. Each had a door had a tiny window. Each doorknob was locked with a heavy-looking latch. The guard opened one and shooed him in, locking it behind him. Avery patted the wall next to the door for a light switch, but found none.

When his eyes adjusted he saw one bed in the room. Not a cot, but a nice looking bed with a wood frame and cheap red sheets. He supposed there was nothing left to do but sleep, so he fumbled around in the dark, eventually banging his toes on the footboard. He pulled off some sheets and slipped in, still wearing his clothes.

Thirty minutes later, he was still up was because the moon had positioned itself in his window and decided to shine into his eyes.

* * *

At a time Avery thought was ten o'clock in the morning, someone knocked on the door, then opened it. "Mr. Price. We're ready for you now."

Avery lifted his head off the pillow and looked up at a female nurse. "For what?"

"It's time for your primary evaluation."

Avery was excited. Finally, he could start the healing process and find out how he got there. He yanked off the sheets, and followed her out.

As he was led from the building, the halls became less barren, and covered with decorative touches. The floor became actual carpet instead of cold tile. A secretary sat at a mahogany desk at the end of the hall, looking from papers to computer. Behind her were two cherry wood, six-paneled doors, which held a plaque saying 'John Birch Head Psychiatrist'.

The orderly dropped him off there and left. Avery stood around stupidly, expecting the secretary to do something, but she didn't.

He sat down at one of the chairs, figuring he was early for a scheduled appointment. If the secretary had looked up from her work, she didn't see him. So he waited for something to happen. Nearly fifteen minutes passed before Avery got impatient enough to do something. He 'ahem'ed a couple times, but she kept at her clerical work. Finally, he said, "Excuse me."

Then she looked up. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, someone brought me down here for... something." Avery couldn't remember the exact words the orderly had used. "An evaluation."

Before he'd finished his statement, the secretary interrupted in a huffy tone. "You need to go through the door to see the doctor," she said as if she were addressing someone mentally retarded.

"Oh," Avery mumbled. "I thought you had to..."

"Just go in," she waved him off.

Avery, red with embarrassment, pulled the brass handle down and pushed the surprisingly heavy door open.

This room was amazing, especially in the contrast of the rest of the hospital. It reminded him of the sitting rooms of rich men from the 1940's, ones about to sail around the world in eighty days or find diamonds in an African Congo mine. Two red velvet chairs sat in one corner with an end table between them, upon which sat a yellow globe. The walls were composed of built-in bookshelves, except for a handful of panels of either pull-down maps, windows, or classic art.

The desk, also mahogany or cherrywood and finely varnished, held many traditional desk implements, such as a pen stand, name placard, and desk calendar. No computer, but he wouldn't be surprised if he carried a laptop. Or even if it was integrated into the desk.

Behind the desk, the psychiatrist sat in a crimson naugahyde chair with an unusually high back. He was looking to the side when Avery, feeling much like a peasant visiting a king, came in.

"Mmm... hello," Dr. Birch said.

"Hello," Avery said, trying to sound sane.

He offered his hand. The doctor looked at the hand as if he'd been offered dog poop. "Sit down, please."

The only other chairs were the two by the globe. He went to the other end of the room and sat. He thought about pulling it up closer to the desk, but didn't want to be yelled at for moving things around. Avery clasped his hands together and waited for the psychiatrist to make the next move. The less he resisted, the faster this would go.

He leisurely sorted some papers. "Now... let me... let me see." Avery wasn't sure if he was re-organizing or looking for his folder. While still shuffling through papers, he said. "You came in... last night, didnt you?"

"Yes."

"Hmm... well... let's see."

Avery was so sick of this tumbling by now he made a show of rolling his eyes. "Can you tell me what I'm charged with?"

"Charged? What makes you think you're under arrest?" he said.

"I don't, but I don't really remember what happened. It's kind of a blur. I remember I was shuffled around to police station after police station, then a couple places that looked like doctor's offices, then here."

"Memory loss," the doctor said to himself.

Avery continued, "No one ever told me anything, but I assume I'm here for some reason. Can you tell me what that is?"

"You think you're here for a reason?"

"Yes. I figure there's got to be something that says specifically why I'm here."

"Why do _you_ think you're here?"

"Look, can you just tell me what it says on the paper, and then I can explain it." If he'd learned anything about doctor's visits, it was 'don't give up any knowledge that they're not looking for'. He wasn't about to give them anything new to diagnose and delay his departure. Avery was perfectly willing to discuss his problem, but first he had to figure out what his problem was. "You have to tell me," Avery said. "It's the law. In the constitution it says you have to tell me what you're charging me with. It's called 'Habeus Corpus'."

"Habeus Corpus?" Dr. Birch spoke like a turtle, and didn't make eye contact. He considered that for a moment, then wrote something down in his ledger.

"I'm not making up a word here. It's a real law."

"I'm sure it is."

"It's gotta say why I'm in here. Some mental illness?"

"Do you think you have a mental illness?"

"No, well, yes. I don't know. What does it say I have?"

"I can't tell you that, I'm afraid. Not yet."

"You can't tell me what I have? Then how am I supposed to get better?"

"We'll come back to that in a minute." He grabbed a stack of papers and tapped them together, still not looking at Avery. "Now on the police report," he read, holding his glasses by their frames. "It says you did kill your college roommate."

"No, I DIDN'T kill my college roommate."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I didn't," Avery didn't know how to make that any more clear. "I was nowhere near him when he died... or was killed."

"Then you admit he was killed."

"Well, I don't think his intestines leapt out of him."

"Mm, I see. That's... very interesting."

Avery hoped he would say why that was 'very interesting', but he didn't. Instead he muttered, "How did that make you feel?"

"What do you mean? When I saw him lying there in a pool of blood?"

"Please answer the question," he stated smoothly.

"Well, I was scared at first. I didn't know what to think. It didn't look real, you know. Maybe it was some trick he was playing on me." Avery had never thought that, but it made sense now. "I was scared. Horrified. It was like being drunk, I was so confused."

"So you bathed in his blood?"

"What?" Avery almost got sick from the thought. Then realized what he might have been talking about. "No, I slipped and fell. The blood was everywhere. I stepped in and slipped on it. I didn't bathe in it."

Dr. Birch found a piece of paper and read it, eyes ticking back and forth. "It says that the police found you covered in blood, all on your shirt and pants and hands. Were you performing a ritual?"

"What? That's ridiculous. Who said that? I wasn't doing any ritual."

He flipped the paper over. "You mentioned several times about a ritual performed..."

"No, no, no. That's not it at all. What in the world does it say on there? Is that your report? Is that the police report?"

"You are not allowed to read the files," he said calmly.

"I can't read my own files? Why not?"

"We'll come back to that. Why don't you tell me why you were performing a ritual on your roommate?"

"Look, I don't know where you're getting this from, but it's wrong. I never killed my roommate. I never performed a ritual. And I still don't know why I'm really here. You need to get your facts straight."

"Okay, then. What are the facts?"

Avery thought about giving him the whole spiel once again, but he was tired of repeating everything, and then answering the same questions.

Avery spoke slowly, trying to make the psychiatrist understand and calm himself down. "The facts are you have are an incorrect report. I didn't kill my roommate, and I don't believe there's any evidence that would tie me to it. I did mention some stuff about a ritual that I thought my sister was involved in, not me. I was apparently wrong."

He read the file some more. "You also mentioned the existence of a cult."

"That was wrong too. I thought, with the ritual, she was involved in some sort of cult, and the... I mean, there was no cult. I thought there was, but there wasn't."

"What was this cult supposed to be?"

"I don't know. Something to do with an ancient evil, I guess. Black magic, rituals, typical cult stuff. Like I said, it wasn't real. I was wrong."

"If you were wrong, then why were there so many black magic implements in the shed where your sister died?"

"I don't know. Look, I'm convinced that the whole thing was a lot less significant than it seemed. She just died, okay. She committed suicide with a group of friends."

"Suicide?" the doctor said calmly.

"Yes."

"You told the police that you believed it was not suicide."

"I... well, I don't know." Avery realized he might be sounding too much like he was just telling what the doctor wanted to hear in order to get a speedy recovery. "There were a lot of strange things about her death, like the exact cause. Stuff I can't explain. So maybe it wasn't suicide."

"Do you not believe it was suicide because you don't want to believe your sister killed herself that way."

"Wait, what?" Too many double negatives, Avery had to sort out what he was saying. "I don't know. It... I don't know."

Dr. Birch sifted through his papers, looking on the front and back of each one until he found something. "And then there's the matter of the invisible man."

Avery decided not to say anything. He was already worried that the present picture had painted him too far gone.

The doctor waited for him to make some sort of response, then switched to another piece of paper at his left. "One person described your personality like a fortress that you build a giant wall to keep people out. Now, you understand that if you build a wall that high, you will never let anyone in. If you don't let people in, they cannot understand you and help you."

Avery had heard that before. Since it wasn't a question, he didn't answer back.

Dr. Birch said, "Let's move on to your family," he said after a slow pause. "Are you resentful of your father?"

"Am I resentful of my father?" Avery repeated, hoping for clarification. When he got none, he volunteered, "What, of his success?"

"Are you resentful of his success?"

"No, he just made a lot of money. If you want to call that successful, you can, but I don't. Money hasn't gotten me the things in life that I wanted."

"And what did you want?"

"The non-material things, I guess. Like friends and love and so on."

"So therefore, you resent the money your father made, because it divided you."

"I resent him because he's an asshole. He was a horrible father. At least when my mom was alive, she made things tolerable."

"I see. And how much affection did your mom give you?"

"I don't know. Enough. She was a good mom, especially compared to Dad. It really hit us hard when she died."

"And when she died, your sister was the only other female in your life."

"Yes, that's right."

"I see. And how close were you to your sister?"

"I dunno. Close enough. We were living two different lives at that point, with her being in middle school, and me in high school, going on to college."

"Yet, you still showed her affection."

"Huh, what are you talking about?"

"Are you aware of what an 'oedipal complex' is?"

"WHAT?" Avery almost jumped out of his chair. "You're saying I was in love with my sister?" The thought made his stomach churn. "That's it," he said. "I'm not saying anything else until I see a doctor." Avery crossed his arms and looked away.

"I am a doctor."

"A real doctor. You obviously have no idea what you're talking about. You keep putting words in my mouth, looking for things that aren't there."

"I am the head psychiatrist of this hospital."

"Then I want someone else to come here. Someone impartial who can give me a full evaluation." Avery was afraid if they misdiagnosed him, he could be here forever. "Someone who can show me some credentials. Where did you go to school?"

"This session is not about me."

"Well, I'm not saying anything more until I get access to a doctor... and a lawyer. I want someone to tell me exactly why I'm here, and what the prognosis is." Avery hoped he used the word 'prognosis' correctly.

"This is the procedure in this hospital. Our methods may seem unorthodox, but that does not mean you should not follow them. We use it because it works."

Avery kept his mouth shut and stared at him. Just stared. He would show him he meant business. If thought he was a fortress, he'd be impenetrable.

The doctor stared back, expecting an answer. When he didn't get one, he turned back to the file and read some more. "Let's move on. What about this trip to the emergency room and the hospital three years ago?"

Avery slipped and raised his eyebrows. But he put the wall back up in no time.

The doctor again waited for an answer for thirty seconds. "This silent treatment is only hurting yourself."

Avery stayed quiet. He wasn't going to yield, and he would never yield until he got access to a phone. The doctor waited. Avery's eyes watched the clock up on the wall tick seconds away. A few minutes must have gone by before Dr. Birch began writing on his ledger, not looking back up.

When he was done, he said, "I have finished your primary evaluation." He put his pen back in the stand, folded his hands on the desk, and looked at Avery. "You will be staying with us for an indeterminate amount of time, until your psychosomatic silence is remedied."

"What? That's it?" Avery said, surprised at both the diagnosis and suddenness of it. "I don't have psychosomatic silence! I was just not talking!"

"We take mental conditions such as spasmodic dysphonia very seriously. We'll be taking care of you as long as your symptoms continue to manifest." He pushed a button on his desk. "Nurse, you can take Mr. Price into the living center."

Avery leapt out of his seat. "Hey, listen to me. I don't have spasmodic whatever." The doctor did not answer him. "Hey, I'm talking to you right now. Listen to me."

The door opened and a nurse approached Avery. "You're not gonna get away with this, you quack. I'm gonna sue you. This is malpractice." Avery shook his fist at the so-called doctor. "Do you hear that? I'm gonna sue your ass, dickwad. You can't treat me like this."

"Shall I take him to his room?" the nurse asked.

"Yes," the doctor replied.

The nurse took Avery's arm and led him out. He'd never been so angry, so indignant at being mistreated. Even the school administration wasn't this bad.

He'd get on the phone with his dad, tell him all the ways he was being mistreated, and he would come to get him. Then they'd meet with a lawyer and sue the pants off this place. He hadn't gotten a proper evaluation, hadn't met with a therapist or a lawyer, hadn't been told what he had, and hadn't any contact with the outside. There had to be some rights that were being violated here. He'd get the ACLU on their asses and tear them apart.

But he didn't take anything out on the nurse, she wasn't at fault here, she was a cog, doing what she was told. He let her lead him politely to his room and shut the door behind him.

There he stayed for nearly twelve hours.


	13. Chapter 13

Avery had been peering through a window the size of his eyes for hours, like a dog at a pet shop. No one had come to get him. Once, a tray of food, the quality of high school slop, was tossed under the door, then quickly shut again. Since then, he'd been peering through the tiny window, trying to observe the hospital.

There was really nothing out there. Most of the time he spent watching a white hallway, wondering when something would happen. He could go for nearly an hour without seeing a nurse pass by and not let him out.

Those who weren't nurses were people wearing outfits similar to his white shirt with nine numbers and gray pants.

Early in the morning a woman's head appeared below his line of vision. It startled him so much he stumbled back as he heard a key in the latch. But the door did not open.

"Mr. Price?"

Thank god, some human contact. All too eagerly, he replied, "Yes?"

"Are you ready to come out now?"

"Why was I here in the first place?"

"Bad behavior." She turned the key the whole way and opened the door, showing a little nurse unaccompanied by guards.

"I can leave my room?" Avery said.

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay."

Avery got up, peered around the doorway, then stepped out. The tiny nurse watched him the whole time with her arms crossed. She said, "You have the freedom to be nearly anywhere in the hospital, as long as you behave yourself."

"Can I leave the grounds?"

"No."

"Then it's not freedom."

She said seriously, "Contradicting the staff is also a sign of insubordination."

Avery tucked in his chin like a disciplined boy. "I'll be good."

The nurse said nothing else, but waved her hand to the outside. Avery walked toward some sunlight, and took a right.

He ended up in an empty lounge area. There was a green table near the window that looked appropriate for either ping pong or cards, but no one was playing on it. Two couches sat against the opposite wall, along with a single TV.

The nurse led him to the couch and handed him a magazine. "Thank you," Avery said.

"Now you be good." Avery nodded back as the nurse left.

Avery read the first part of the magazine, all the way up to the embarrassing things teen girls had done to impress cute boys, when the reality of the situation started crawling back in. He had to find out how to get better so he could get on with his life. Why were they keeping it so secret? It couldn't have been anything he didn't already know about.

He looked around for someone to talk to. At the farthest wall, a nurse's station had been set up where a tight-bunned woman read a romance novel in a glass-paneled booth. When he had screwed up his courage, Avery put the magazine down and approached her.

"Excuse me," he said. She took a good three seconds to finish whatever sentence she was on before she looked up. "Hi, my name is Avery Price, I got here not too long ago. I was wondering if you could tell me why I'm here and how long I'm expected to stay?"

"I don't know," she said, and her tone indicated she really didn't care.

"Well, is it possible you could go look up my file and tell me?"

"No," she turned back to her book. "Can't do that. Patients don't have access to their own files."

It was the same thing the psychiatrist had said. "Why not?"

"You don't have the right to see it. It would breach the patient-doctor contract."

"But I'm the patient."

"But you're not the doctor. It's part of the contract you signed when you entered the hospital."

"I didn't sign a contract when I got here."

"Then whoever admitted you did, because you were incapable of doing it yourself."

"Then who admitted me?"

"I don't know. The state, maybe."

"Well, then, how am I supposed to get better if I don't know what I have?" Anger was seeping into his tone again.

"That's for the doctors to decide."

"Look. I am a patient here, I have rights. You can't just take me away from my life. I've got obligations, I've got classes. I haven't been charged with any crime, so unless you can tell me the reason I'm being held here, I'm going to leave."

"Threatening the staff is considered bad behavior."

"...Sorry." Avery lowered his head, and sighed. "But, can I at least make a phone call?"

"Sorry, that's not allowed either."

"Why not?"

"You're forbidden from contact with the outside world at this point in the therapy program."

"Huh?"

She finally put her book down and looked at him. "What we have here is called a Retroactive Psychiatric Isolation-based Program. It's geared towards those with semi-schizophrenic complexes, but the hospital uses it for patients with other maladies that prevent them from functioning in society. It's called 'therapyless therapy'."

"You're kidding me. How is that supposed to help me?"

"Basically, the process relies on self-healing, by readjusting to social climates. And the regiment is supplanted by a personal prescription." It sounded like she was reciting a brochure.

She picked up her book again.

"And someone signed me up for this?" Avery asked.

She shrugged. "It's sort of experimental, which means its cheaper. If the state booked you, they would have chosen this option."

Avery wouldn't have put it past his dad either. "So how long is this supposed to go on?"

"I don't know. As long as it takes."

"That's not therapy. That's prison."

She looked up at him again, with fire in her eyes, but did not put her book down. "Do you see any cells around here? Any prison guards with guns? Are you cuffed? Are you wearing an orange jumpsuit?"

"But in prison, at least you get phone calls."

"If you'd like to go to prison, I'm sure we can arrange it."

Avery bit his lip, wondering if he should keep arguing. "But I don't even know if anyone knows I'm in here."

"When you were admitted, someone notified your next of kin. Either by letter or phone."

"And that's good enough? So how am I supposed to know if anyone got that?"

"It's the policy here. Part of maintaining isolation."

"Isn't there any way I can get a message to the outside?"

"You are allowed to write one letter per month to the person of your choice."

"That's it?" Avery waved her off and went back to the couch, even more frustrated than before. "I might as well go outside and send smoke signals."

"You can't go outside. Isolation policy."

Avery threw his hands up in the air. "Oh, sorry, I forgot."

* * *

He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. In the early morning, there were the choices of educational cartoons for spastic children, or chirpy newscasters gabbing about the latest fuck-ups in Washington. Avery flipped back and forth between programs, and read the magazines on the table.

Around the nine o'clock hour, other patients began milling into the area. They were unaccompanied by guards and moved around freely. Avery guessed they could rise whenever they wanted to, at least those who weren't on bad behavior. No alarm woke them.

That was insane, letting crazy people walk around unsupervised, without any structure or regiment to keep them disciplined. At that point, Avery realized he was scared to death. He was locked in an insane asylum full of crazy patients who had free-roaming access anywhere. They could be carrying shivs, they could want to anally rape him.

One of the people sat down on the couch to his right and said "hi" as he pulled apart his newspaper. Avery nearly jumped out of his skin.

No, no, he was just paranoid. They wouldn't let people walk around if they were going to go ballistic at the drop of a hat.

But that wasn't true. These people could snap at any minute. They were here because they could snap at any minute. He looked around, trying to be nonchalant about watching them. Some were looking out the window, a lot of them were talking to each other, holding cups of coffee, one even was having a conversation with the nurse about a dream he had. No one seemed particularly threatening.

Over the hour, the area filled up so that it reminded him of the student center. But Avery kept his eye on everyone and never said a word.

A different nurse wheeled in a cart covered with tiny paper cups. The patients looked up like dogs and sauntered over. Avery waited and watched before following them. Each took a cup of pills and a cup of water, then walked away.

He inched to the front of the line. Each cup had different colors and amounts of pills they were definitely not the same. "What's this?" Avery said.

"Your medicine. You are required to take a dosage of pills at the prescribed times during the day."

He looked in the cart. "Which one's mine?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter. They're all the same."

"They're all the same? What's in them?"

Avery was aghast. They were treating it like a lunch cart. There was no assigning of cups. They just took random ones. Didn't they have different diseases that needed different prescriptions?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, is it Zoloft? Depakote? Xanax? Placebos?"

"Mr. Price, you are required to take your dose of medication."

"I'm not taking anything that I don't know what it is."

"If you don't take it, you will be disciplined."

Avery shirked again. "Is that like... bad behavior?"

"It's different."

"How different?"

"I'm not allowed to tell."

One of the stragglers coming over to pick up his pills nudged him. "D-Ward. Don't do it, trust me," he whispered.

Avery watched him down his pills and walk away, then turned back to the cart. The thought of another twelve hours in his room with no stimulation, no light, and nothing to do came back to him. He picked up some water and a cup with three tablets and two capsules. He felt ill.

The nurse pulled the cart away, having finished delivery. Avery walked back over to the couch. He poked in his cup, looking if there was a brand name or label on any of the tablets.

"Try the pink ones, man. They're the best," said someone sitting next to him. Avery looked up and saw a fellow patient sipping the last of his water. He scooted next to him. "You're new, ain't ya? Welcome to Disneyland. When did you get here?"

"Yesterday."

"Didn't see you around."

"I was... kinda tied up."

"Oh, yeah. First night. Let me introduce you to the rest of the crowd. Basically, we got what you call your archetypical crazies." He pointed out towards the crowd staring at the window. "They've seen Awakenings one too many times. They're just playing the part. I don't know what they have, but I know they're not catatonic, they just get off on acting that way." He pointed to the opposite corner. "Over there, you see in the corner, are the adjusters. I call 'em that because they've adjusted to this way of life. They're pretty cool, pretty friendly. If you're looking for a game of cards, they're your guys. Be careful of the shysters, though. They think this is _Shawshank Redemption_. They'll tell you they can get you stuff on the outside, then they bring you dental floss."

"Huh?"

"Oh, I forgot about Russell. Yeah, he's over there... no, wait. Guess he's not here yet. He might be still sleeping. Anyway, he's a cool guy, you'll like him. He likes his pills though, so if you see him, better down them fast before he asks you for them. He's kind of a sponge."

"He takes other people's pills? Isn't that dangerous?"

"He's not dead yet. Thin as a stick though. Sometimes, I think he takes pills instead of food. Got them confused or something." He paused a second to watch the TV. "Did they give you a tour yet?"

"Tour?"

"Ah. Well, this place is the lounge, only one on this floor. And then everyone's rooms are in the halls. Meals come from that door over there," he pointed over to a solid door with no window, just a slot and table, big enough to shove out a lunch tray. Or they have a free vending machine over there, if you need a snack, or sleep through breakfast. "And... actually that's it. Guess there's a reason there's no tour."

"That's it? This building's huge, what are all the other floors for?"

"Oh, well, there's a couple a different divisions. I guess you got the children's ward down below. You can hear them at night when you're quiet."

"You can hear them?"

"Yeah, they scream. They cry. Typical children stuff. Probably nightmares from the electric needles."

"Electric needles?"

"Yeah, that's one of their treatments, at least that's what I heard from someone. They jam them into your spinal cord, root around for a bit."

Someone walked in front of the couch. "Hey, Sam, why you lying to this guy?"

"Come on, Raoul. He's new."

Raoul shook his head sadly. "He's yanking your chain. They don't have electric needles here."

"Just because you've never gotten one, doesn't mean they don't exist," Sam said.

"Have you ever gotten one?"

"Not... not a big one."

"Yeah, right, shut up." Raoul headed to the window, and Sam followed, still trying to make his point. Avery turned back to the TV.

Someone had decided to watch figure skating. He didn't care enough to say anything and didn't figure anything else was on. So he watched the triple lutzes, the anorexic girls in leotards, and fruity commentators commentating on the beauty of the spin or the history of the Russian girl with the unpronounceable name.

Someone walked past the couch, saw what was on TV and stopped over Avery's shoulder. "Change the channel," he said.

Avery looked up and saw a big man with wild, dark gray hair and three days of stubble on his strong chin.

The two others on the couch looked accusingly at the one they held responsible. A thin scrawny patient who resembled Ron Howard said, "William? But... I wanted to watch this."

William walked up to the man and lifted him up by his shirt collar from the couch, as if he were picking a puppy up by the neck. The people in the lounge gasped, anticipating violence any second. Ron Howard muttered a faint 'eep' as William shoved him away and sat in his spot.

Two orderlies rushed into the room, probably signaled by the sudden silence.

Just as the orderlies approached the couch, the wild-haired man, without breaking away from the TV, held out his hand to stop. "All taken care of, boys."

The orderlies stopped in their tracks. They backed off, put the wands back on their belts, and walked away. Avery's eyes widened.

He snapped his fingers, and pointed to the TV. Opie almost leapt up and changed the channel to a college football game.

This guy was like Chief from _One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_ , except he'd probably throw the water fountain at someone.


	14. Chapter 14

As days went by, Avery conformed to better speed along the process. The place reminded him of every mental asylum he had seen on TV the white walls, the casual attitude from the patients, the offish attention by hard-nosed nurses.

Three times a day they delivered pills to everyone, a different clump every time. He took them only because of the risk of punishment. None of them felt like they had an effect.

The patients would lounge around, play board games, stare out the window, watch videos. There was no one-on-ones, no self-help program, no group meetings, not even Oprah books. He felt like a cow in a farm.

And chow-time was a send-up of some ridiculous prison movie. The tray was shaped like a TV dinner. There was a little turkey, a little mashed potatoes. And in the center was a bowl filled with something that looked like gravy. Little chunks of meat floated in the gray goo. It was way more gravy than anyone could possibly need.

When lunch was over, they wheeled in another group of pills. Avery carried his around for a while, strongly considering if he should take them. No one ever watched him, he could just dump them on the floor somewhere. Kick them under the couch. Unless there were security cameras somewhere.

No, that was paranoid. Or was it? Was it worth the price of insubordination? What would defiance get him? He guessed it would be dealt with pretty seriously, since drugs were the basis of the treatment. He looked around to see if anyone was looking at him.

"Hey, Aves," someone called out. "Avery!"

He looked up from the paper cup and saw a group of four playing poker around the card table, including Sam and Raoul. "You wanna play?"

"Uh..." He approached the table. The pot was a collection of pills red ones, blue ones, yellow tablets, capsules, lozenges, pellets. It would make a pharmacist wet himself. One of the players pulled in his winnings, licking his lips.

"Is this all right? Playing for pills?" Avery asked.

"No one seems to mind," one shrugged. "Besides, not like we have money. It works great."

"Yeah," another said, "Mix 'n match!"

Avery shrugged. The others scooted away to clear him a spot. Raoul peered into Avery's hand. "What do you got?" Avery tilted his cup towards them, they all peered in. "Ooh, you got a good haul this time."

"Yeah," Sam said, "You should be able to play with that easy."

"Let's see." Raoul picked out each pill. "A firecracker, that's worth five. One, two redrums, eight each. A pogo for two. Nice, a shell-shooter, that's worth ten. And a coupla onesies." He organized them in piles according to denomination. "Okay, let's get playing. What's your game?"

"Uh, I don't know a lot about poker. I know the basics. Five-card stud."

"Oh, man," the one next to him said as he rubbed his forehead. "Never admit that you don't know what you're doing. That's the first rule of poker. That's like telling St. Peter you don't know much about heaven."

Raoul said, "S'all right. It's not like this is _Maverick_ or anything. We just play for fun. Okay, guys, no one bluff for at least thirty minutes. Give the poor guy a chance to build up his pot."

"Pfft, I didn't want to play no rookie game," Sam said.

Avery piped up, "Well, it's not like I'm terrible at card games. I just haven't played a lot."

"You know the basics though right? Royal flush? Straight?"

"Yeah."

"You'll do fine. Ante is one."

Avery plopped a blue 'onesie' into the pile. They played some easy poker. Five card stud and draw, mostly. Avery played well, relying on the luck of the cards. He managed to double his initial holdings when the lights started flickering on and off, as if there were a thunderstorm.

"What was that?" Avery said, looking alert and scared.

"Man, don't you know?" Sam said.

"Hey, he's new. Give him a break," Raoul said.

"Relax, it's just treatment for D-Ward," one named Carlos said.

"What's D-Ward?" Avery asked.

"One level up. You can guess what the 'D' stands for," Raoul said.

Avery gave him a blank look.

"Disturbed," Raoul said.

"Oh. I guess that's for the ones really bad off?" Avery asked.

"Yeah. We're nothing compared to the psychos up there. They got sickness they don't have names for."

"Then what do we have?" Avery asked.

"Me? Nothing. Totally sane. Right, Carlos?"

"Yep, perfectly sane, like me. And you too, right, Arthur?"

"Right, I'm sane. No reason to be here. You're sane too, right Aves?"

"Sure. Just as sane as you, I guess." Avery tried to play their game, but felt awkward.

Sam continued, "So, yeah, D-Ward gets most of the hardcore treatments. Then they come back here, to learn how to interact with people again."

"Isolation within isolation?" Avery questioned. "Do people come in like that and then get downgraded... or?"

"Oh, every once in a while, one of us gets to experience D-Ward. I guess it's sort of half-treatment, half-punishment."

"Yeah, but believe me, you do not want to go there. No one who's gone there acts the same for weeks. Lost lots of good poker buddies that way."

"Yeah, most people just want to watch TV when they come back," Arthur said.

"Really?" Avery said.

"Yeah, that's why I say behave and you'll be fine," Raoul said.

Sam said, "Yeah, this place has really revolutionary methods. It's the only place that uses an entirely drug-based treatment. It's the best place I've been at, really," Sam said.

"Yeah, no more blathering to a therapist about your family or kids who were mean to you or any of that bullshit. No monthly visits you gotta clear your schedule for, talking to someone who doesn't care, who's just in it for the money."

"And then what do you tell people at work? I gotta take the day off to see my shrink? I'm having an off day, before I kill everyone?" Carlos popped a blue pill from his winnings into his mouth. "Here you learn to interact with people in a controlled environment, no strange variables. That's what I call integrating into society. You don't have to worry about who's better than who, you're all wearing numbers. And the drugs rebalance your chemicals. It doesn't matter which one I take, they're all good."

"I think they're all the same drug, they just change up the forms for variety," Raoul said.

"Yeah, but what is the drug?" Avery asked.

They looked at each other. "I don't know," Sam said.

"Doesn't matter. I still feel better," Arthur said, "Honestly, I can't tell the difference from when I entered and now. But I feel a lot better about myself than I did out there. Because people here aren't jerks."

"How successful is it?" Avery asked.

"What do you mean?" Raoul asked.

"How successful is the program? How long does it take people to get out of here?"

"Uh, well... let's see... um," Raoul looked around the room, as if looking for ideas or reminders. "There's... ooh, I know, there was Rick?"

"Who?" Arthur said.

"Rick, the guy with the mustache?"

"He died. He had a heart attack." Avery grimaced, until Sam added, "He was seventy-two."

"What about... uh, McClanahan?" Carlos asked.

"Heeeeee...," Arthur thought, "He was in D-Ward, last I heard."

"Oh. Craig?"

"I'm not sure what happened to him. I think he just doesn't come around any more."

"Is there anyone else we don't see anymore? I'm trying to think."

"Oh, Jackson. I think Jackson's left."

"Yeah, he did get out. Jackson, I remember, he was telling us about this apartment he was getting. So yeah, there was Jackson," Sam nodded.

Avery was not impressed. "So in all the time you've been here, you only remember one person getting out?"

The four card-players looked at each other, dejected, realizing the truth.

A nurse came up behind them and put a hand on Raoul's shoulder. "The reason is because the treatment is long-term. For you, it has just begun. We have top doctors working at this facility. People do get better. Everyone receives the proper care. You usually don't hear about graduates of the program because they are transferred to other facilities. This is only an initial treatment area."

"So where do people go from here?" Avery asked.

"Since it's behavior-based learning, they go to different places, depending on what the doctors diagnose. Don't get discouraged because a patient forgot to say goodbye. As soon as you all graduate the program, you'll likely see them again."

"The doctors? I haven't seen any doctors since my first day. I thought it was all drug-based," Avery said.

"Right. That's part of the genius of the program. Unlike orientation to the individual, this is a cheaper, mass-produced treatment. Everyone gets the same medicine, everyone gets the same results."

"But that's only if everyone's got the same thing."

"It's better for the common good. No unknown variables."

"How is that better? Shouldn't the treatment be oriented to the individual? We're all different."

The nurse smirked. "How many polar bears do you need to study to find out about polar bear behavior? All of them? No, you just study a few. We've studied a few humans with social disorders, found out what works, and made a cost-efficient treatment program based on that. Think about other state-run programs, ones that treat the patient for a month or two then dump him or her back on the street when the money runs out. Is that the kind of world you want to live in?" She paused for an answer, despite the question's rhetorical nature. "Our facility is isolated for exactly that reason, and every ward is isolated to prevent contamination."

"Contamination?" Avery said, "These are mental diseases, not physical. We don't need to be isolated, we need to be integrated. Society is out there." Avery pointed to the window.

"Both are sicknesses, and both affect people. That is the plan you were signed for. The more you resist treatment, the longer it will take. Otherwise, you'll find you're going to be here a very long time." The nurse waited for Avery to respond. When he didn't, she walked away.

The five poker players looked around at each other. Avery didn't know what they all were thinking, since they were veterans, but he felt a little bit his own hope for getting out quickly disappear.

"Well, want another deal?" Raoul said.

"Yeah, sure, why not," the others muttered. Everyone ante'd in their chip, while Avery ate one of his.

* * *

"Mr. Price, here's your medication," the nurse said.

Avery stirred. He couldn't have gone to bed that long ago. "What? What is it?"

"Your medication, sir." She offered him a paper cup of pills.

Avery blinked his bleary eyes. A dark shape stood in front of him. "What? Why am I getting medication?"

"Just take it."

"But it's not time..."

She gave him a look.

He said, "Isn't it dangerous to give too many pills? Isn't there any worry of an overdose?"

"No, just take them." She shoved the two cups in his face. Avery swallowed the collection and the water. It kept her happy, and it wasn't as if they made him feel any different.

The nurse took back the two cups and left. Avery stayed upright a little longer. For being a drug-based treatment, there sure didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to the medication. They shoved it at you even if you didn't need it, they let patients hoard pills, taking them whenever they wanted. And no one had an actual prescription.

And through it all, he hadn't felt any change in either his behavior or his biology. Still the same old melancholy Avery. How the hell many of these things had he taken since he'd been here? The time was starting to blur together, and now he was no longer sure of how many days he had been here. Five? Six? Was it a matter of days, or weeks?

If it was weeks, it couldn't have been too many. But it was probably long enough to form a dependence on these drugs. So, how was he supposed to maintain sanity once he got out? Would he need to have a prescription all his life? Was he a junkie? Was he afraid of losing who he was? Sometimes, he just took one because he was bored. But they weren't helping to improve his situation.

And if the drugs weren't working on him, how was he supposed to prove that he was sane and get out? No one was coming to talk to him, and he didn't express himself much. How would they know if he was making progress? How did they measure? Would they ever find out? Did anyone know he was here? In this hell?

Then the screaming started. It was muffled, coming from somewhere else. Avery stopped breathing for a moment, and listened. The screams were low and sounded far away. Below him, maybe? He moved his head around a bit, but couldn't place the location. Were those the screams of people getting electric needles?

Avery pulled his pillow over his head, thinking real mental patients strapped to the bed, as fluids were jabbed into them. He hated this place. The days were tedium and the nights were torture. Everything piled on one thing at a time.

No matter how hard he pushed the pillow in, he could still hear a little bit. And the little bit he could hear was all he could hear. Shadows shrouded him as he turned over.

* * *

Avery didn't get much sleep that night, and awoke in a foul mood. He felt like a porcupine with quills spread. He sat on the couch and diffused his internal bomb by spending time away from others. Most of the day he watched TV, but everything he saw irritated him, from the hurried commercials to the perky newscasters to the Christian evangelicals spouting 'the truth'.

There were three other people watching TV with him, two on the couch to his left and one to his right who was bouncing on the cushion like he was on a sugar high, mumbling "out of pills". His name was Simon a nervous, spastic, scrawny guy. He looked like he was going through withdrawal.

Avery crossed his arms and tried to ignore him as he watched TV. He felt fine. Maybe they only affected certain people.

Simon got up and started wandering around the couch, muttering to himself. He went up to someone leaning against the pillar and said, "Do you have any pills?" He was ignored.

Undaunted, Simon moved on to another person who refused to give him any. Then the man went back to the couch, having exhausted the two closest candidates for a quick fix.

After twenty seconds, he began jumping up and down on the couch like a kid who had to pee. "Come on..." he whined. "When's it gonna get here? It's late. Grrr..." He leapt up and sat on the couch right next to Avery. "Hey, hey, buddy, you've got some pills right? Eh?" He smelled like patchouli.

"No, I don't have any," Avery lied to get him to go away.

"Come on. I lost all mine. I don't know if they're gonna give me anymore."

"Of course they'll give you more. They always do."

"So where are they? Come on, just one to tide me over. Just one. Just something small. I need something. What do you need? What do you think?" he came up close to Avery's nose.

"Dude, you're, like, an inch away from my face."

"Grr... whatever." he waved his hand and pouted on the other side of the couch. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot as he pretended to watch the TV. "Ah," he grunted. "I hate this show."

They were watching the news. Avery rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. The man continued. "Turn the channel. I want to watch the Barnaby Fun show."

"There ain't no cartoons on," said the at Avery's left. "It's six thirty at night."

"Barnaby Fun show. Barnaby Fun show!" He took a throw pillow from the couch and clung to it. "Come on. Change the channel."

"Dude, just because you don't have your pills yet is no reason to spaz," Avery said.

"Oh, you shut up. You did this to me. You wouldn't let me take any of your pills!"

Avery considered what would happen if this man became violent. He tried to remain still, as if he would blend into the background.

"You don't know the struggle, man," Simon said, "Where are the goddamn pills!" He shouted this last line to the ceiling. There were a few murmurs from the crowd, but most were content to wait for their share.

However, Simon wasn't. He threw his pillow across the room, which knocked over a plant. Then he sidled up and reached in Avery's pocket, digging around. "Give me some!"

Avery flushed red with embarrassment at this sexual assault. He grabbed the man's sweaty wrist and yanked it out. "Hey, man, quit it. I told you I don't have any."

"Nurse!" someone shouted. Immediately, one came into the lounge. Two orderlies followed, holding telescoping wands. Avery scooted away and joined the others who were collecting behind him like a typical mob of onlookers.

The orderlies disappeared behind the couch. Each took an arm and dragged Simon up. He looked up at them with puppy dog eyes.

"No, no, you can't take me yet. I haven't gotten my pills. Please, please don't take me yet." His upper body stayed motionless, but he kicked as if he were doing the backstroke. They took him out of the lounge and down a corner.

"What's going to happen to him?" Avery asked, as he thought of the screams last night.

"Electric needles," someone said.

"Dude, shut up," another patient smacked him on the chest. "They'll probably swaddle him. They do that when you're hyper."

"Swaddle him?" Avery asked.

"It's where they wrap you up in sheets real tight so you don't move. It's supposed to calm you down."

"And it makes you look like a burrito," someone added.

"And when you're helpless, they stick you with electric needles," Sam added.

"Look," he shook his finger, "You mention one more thing about the goddamn electric needles... " Avery craned his neck behind him to see what was going on.

That was why he didn't see Simon running back down the corridor, with the two orderlies running behind him.

He made a revving noise and tackled Avery. The two of them missiled to the ground, knocking away the others behind him like bowling pins.

Avery screamed girlishly and tried to push the guy off.

"Jesus, get off me." Avery had never been in a fight before, so he didn't know how to grab him and push him off. Simon moved around too much. He straddled Avery and slammed him against the floor.

"How... dare... you..." he throttled Avery. "You got me in trouble," he screamed in a weird, squeaky voice. Avery thought of how he might be choked, gouged in the eyes. He was certain he was going to lose something. Simon said, "You got me in trouble, you sonova-"

They rolled end over end until the orderlies yanked Simon off so hard, Avery was surprised his shoulders weren't ripped off his sockets. The nurse barked orders to "stop them, hold him".

Simon kicked his legs out and caught Avery in the jawbone. He fell into the other orderly as the first pinned Simon's arms down and carried him off like a stuffed toy. Avery recovered and struggled to his fit. The orderly still held on.

"Hey, hey," Avery called out. "I'm okay. Let me go." The orderly wrapped his arms around Avery's torso. "Hey, stop."

The nurse pointed to him and said, "D-Ward."

When Avery heard this, he wrenched away, but to no avail. "No, I wasn't even fighting. I wasn't fighting him."

"Sedate him. He's raving."

"No! Stop. He attacked me. I didn't do anything." He didn't see the orderly reach into his pocket and pull out a small syringe. "Why do you have to solve everything wiiiiiiith druuuuu..."


	15. Chapter 15

Black hate was filling into him. This place was filled with it. He was breathing it in. Avery was convinced this place was meant to shower despair and dismay.

The walls of knotty brown wood, the floor of some cushy substance that made Avery think of a gym mat. One single rectangular window, split by the three iron prison bars, shining broken light on the rectangular room. And Avery could swear he could hear a broken music box, when it got real quiet, playing somewhere behind the walls.

And to top it all off, they gave him the premiere outfit of a crazy person a strait-jacket. His own was unwrapped now, the brown straps hung loosely at his sides. They may as well have been buckled, as his arms were wrapped around his knees as he cried into his lap.

 _Again, crying. Always crying. So sick of crying. Crying about everything, you damned girl. You weak and worthless thing, no one is here to hear your tears. And no one cares either. No one is going to help you here. You will rot in this coffin._

But at some point, Avery dried up. The sadness remained, but there were no more tears to cry.

He stared down into his lap, unwilling to face the world. This was isolation within isolation. Except for the fundamental difference that he was with a bunch of other prisoners wandering around aimlessly. All this did was keep them away from the good patients, the ones who had a chance.

But no one talked to each other. No one passed the time swapping stories or telling jokes. There was no rule or enforcement against it, they simply didn't do it.

They all moved like animals at the zoo, ones who only half-knew they were in a cage. One was bumping into the wall over and over. Another was pacing back and forth, his arms strapped, mumbling to himself. Here he was, in not-so-suspended animation. Waiting until something... anything... happened.

"Hey," someone above him said.

Avery wiped his crusty eyes, hoping whoever was up there didn't notice.

"Hey, dude, what's your deal?" he said again. He had olive colored skin and seemed okay on first impression.

"What?" Avery said.

"You're a new face. How'd you get up here?"

"What? Me, oh," Avery had to swim up out of his sea of self-deprecation to talk to this person. "I, uh, I got in a fight. But it wasn't my fault. He tackled me, and then they-" he said as if he were talking to his lawyer.

"Hey, man, don't worry about it," he waved him off. "You never been in D-Ward yet, have you?"

"No."

"That's what I figured. Don't worry, goes a lot faster than it seems," he sat down in another corner. "People come up here, they think their life is over. The thing you gotta do is let go of your sense of time, otherwise you're always going to be wondering 'when am I gonna get out of here? When am I gonna get out of here? What time is it? When will it be three o'clock? You go nuts if you think like that."

"Really?" Avery grumbled. He was in trouble. He always thought like that.

"Yeah, you just gotta go with the flow. Don't make waves. That's what got you up here in the first place right?"

Avery should have argued. He should have said 'no, not really, some guy attacked me out of the blue and they blamed me for it'. Instead, he said, "Yeah."

"Yeah, just roll with the punches. You probably ended up a lot better than the other guy, didn't ya?"

"What do you mean?" Avery had always thought Simon ended up getting swaddled or whatever. That's why he wasn't up here.

"Well, that's what I hear. They probably sent him down below."

Avery couldn't believe there was a worse place than this. "What's down below?"

"Heh, not sure really. It's just rumors. Not even big rumors, just little whispers of rumors. And personally, I'm not even sure if it's true. Could be something guys who get up here say to convince themselves that there's hope."

Avery nodded. "You been here before?"

"Two or three times, and it keeps getting easier. The first time, they don't tell you what to expect. Scare tactics."

"I know. They won't even tell me what I have. How am I supposed to get out of here to prove I'm not crazy?"

"Hmm, that's a tough one. What do you think, Ebenezer Pedro?" The man changed his hand into a sock-puppet mouth and turned it to him.

The hand/head shook negative.

"Nope, no idea."

Avery sighed and turned away. So much for sane and rational.

* * *

Avery judged time by when light struck different points on the wall. In between, he watched the patients, comparing himself to them, so he could believe he was not like them. The most entertaining one was laying on the floor, watching the light from the window slinking across. Every time the light touched him, he reacted like he'd been shocked.

And he kept hearing that music box, playing its twisted, tinny tune, over and over again. It was so faint he could never latch onto its song. Every time he thought he heard something, someone would shuffle around or make noise, and he'd lose it.

The door clicked and creaked, revealing the orderly who opened it. A man wearing a lab coat and a clipboard stood behind him.

The patients of D-Ward froze, like they were playing 'Red Light, Green Light'. Without looking up, the man with the clipboard pointed to someone and said, "That one."

The orderly walked into the room and grabbed hold of the arm of the man that had been pointed to. The others jumped around him, moaning and pleading, like chimpanzees trying to get a banana.

The assistant slapped at them with his other hand, shouting as if he'd done this a dozen times before. "Get off, get off, mother fuckers, just him."

The orderly smacked one back against the wall. The others saw this and calmed down. He dragged the man out as the others shambled to the door until it slammed shut. After a few more minutes of perching, the group dispersed.

"Where'd they take him?" Avery asked without realizing he was speaking out loud. Avery didn't think for one second they were taking him back downstairs. Not after he'd seen the man gnawing softly on his arm five minutes before.

One with wild eyes said, "They're taking him down, man. Taking him back down."

"To the regular area?"

"Nope," one of them said. "All the way down."

"Hell," another said.

" _Hell_?"

The others shrugged and looked longingly at the door.

Avery said, "If it's Hell, why does everyone want to go so bad? Couldn't it be worse?"

They shrugged again. "There's no way it could be worse," the one with wild eyes said.

Useless. Avery sat back down and huddled into his corner. "It could always be worse," he said quietly.

* * *

And he waited. He waited and thought, letting his mind wander. The more he let his mind wander, the more irrational thoughts kept barging in. Even when he knew they were irrational they still seemed logical. He could see how people left in isolation could easily go crazy, left with only their thoughts to think, their own universe to live in.

But wasn't that counter-active to the healing process? These were the people who needed more help, but they were more apt to go crazy here than in the common area. The mind jumped from one thought to another, and there was no way to control it, no way to hold it down.

Avery tried walking in a circle, looking out the window, examining the door, counting the panels. It couldn't stop him wondering when he'd get out. How many more days? They never told him.

He probably looked like shit. The dirtiness, the dead skin, the body oils weren't getting washed off. It was like being lightly brushed all over with slime. He couldn't believe cavemen lived this way, covered in their own filth.

Did they get a dinner last night? What was the last meal he remembered? Some sort of stew? He knew he'd eaten while he'd been in here, he just couldn't remember what, specifically.

And he didn't feel like he was starving, just hungry. It was so weird that he couldn't remember. He did know he was craving some food though, a good, hearty meal. At this point, he couldn't focus on anything, because he was always thinking about food. Good food, like pork roast with pineapple glaze. Collard greens, biscuits with melted butter, corn on the cob with thick, seasoned tomatoes. He couldn't focus on having rational thoughts, because he could only think of how hungry he was.

No one delivered them pills, and that's what confused Avery the most. Even if he was being punished, didn't he still need the treatment? Was that their punishment? Being deprived of the chance to get better? Didn't that contradict this therapy-less therapy?

He actually wanted some pills now, just because it would be something to do. The chemicals would break apart in his stomach and move all around like magical pixie dust. At least then he'd feel like he was making some progress toward recovery, even if he was trapped inside a soft box. Whatever he was recovering from, it was the only way to get out.

Through his half-closed eyes, he saw the door open a crack. Then another patient was shoved inside. His arms were wrapped and buckled by the strait-jacket.

It was William. The one everyone was scared of, even the orderlies. And he was trapped in the same room with him, with no authorities around.

The door slammed shut, which woke the other patients.

"William?" one of the sleeping men said. "Hey, William, you're back."

"Certainly am," he said with pride.

"Hey," he shoved someone next to him. "Hey, William's here."

The man woke with a start and looked up. He also smiled at the sight of him. "Hey, William. Good to see you again."

"Good to see you, Andy."

"That was a long time. Another escape?"

"Ain't it always?" William said.

"What've you been doing out there?"

"Ah, not much. Saw some family. Went to a few movies."

"Yeah, that's what I hear. What'd they catch you doing this time?"

"Decided on something a little different running through a convenience store with no clothes on. Pissed on the frozen foods."

"Nice. Here let me get your suit." William turned around, letting Andy unbuckle the arms on his jacket.

Avery didn't move, didn't say anything. He knew when he saw an alpha wolf. William was someone who had been around in life. He had no fear of D-Ward, no fear of the time or punishment he'd be serving. And everyone knew his name, everyone liked him.

Others started waking up, and realized a new friend was here. They sat up, listening to him as well.

"Yeah, I went to Jersey to see my old aunt, and then just tooled around for a while. But I got sick of it."

One of the patients in the corner, the one afraid of the light stood up. "Mr. Bill is here. Hi, Mr. Bill!" he said.

William whipped around, quick as a cat, and smacked him across the face with a backfist. He tumbled into the plush wall, and William pounded him in the stomach once, twice, three times. The patient collapsed on his side, coughing his guts out.

William adjusted his straitjacket's lapels. "Do not call me Mr. Bill." He regarded his audience and saw Avery staring with white, scared eyes.

Avery realized he was the only person not to greet William, not to show respect.

William approached him. "You look new," he said.

"You don't," Avery answered.

Oh crap, why'd he say that? It was purely without thinking. He tensed his arms up, preparing for a beatdown.

William stopped and looked at him a moment. Then laughed. "You're right." He nodded. Then he leaned in close. "Here's some free advice. Don't mess with the mad dog. The mad dog always wins in the fight against the sane dog."

Avery nodded. He almost said 'believe me, I already know that lesson'.


	16. Chapter 16

Eventually, a nurse entered D-Ward, and told everyone there that they were free to leave, and that any further bad behavior would not be tolerated. Everyone sauntered out the door and went back downstairs.

This confused Avery. They were all put in at different times. Shouldn't they be let out at different times? Especially William who just got there. Maybe they didn't care enough. It figured unfair punishment, unfair release from punishment.

Avery walked into the lounge and sat near the window. The rest of them sleepily reintegrated. No one said anything about their absence. No one talked about how long they'd been gone.

Now Avery had lost all perception of time. How long had he been here? Weeks? Months? All he had were the cycles of sun and moon. He walked over to the couch and sat down, loving the comfortableness and the open air no longer rank with waste. The TV was on a fuzzy channel about the weather. No one was really watching it.

Avery realized that he could no longer afford to make waves. He had to go through the program, like they said. Take the drugs. Eat the meals. Watch the TV. Take the hit. He couldn't take it for granted that he was there temporarily. He was going to have to play the game, and be a good little patient. Just live day to day, pill to pill.

Someone would get him out eventually. Either the doctor or his father or someone would say he was cured. Honestly, he couldn't remember why he had to get out in the first place. Then he realized how little he cared about getting out. He hadn't thought about college for what seemed like months.

And then he realized why. There were no tests, no roommates, no assignments, no non-eating days, no papers, no professors, no problems, no pressure. No one told him what to do or how to do it, save for the nurse who wanted him to take a pill every once in a while. No one egged him to make decisions, they did it for him. No one told him where to go or who to be.

And that was fine. If he had to stay here, he would. That part of his life was finished, so why not stay here and enjoy the languid life. Ambition was work, goals were hard. Achievements were unnecessary when people gave you what you wanted. Why go back when this was much better.

This existence was easy. The world was overpopulated as it was, they didn't need another teetotaler with no self-esteem out there. No need for some trust fund baby.

So he could sit here, watch TV, and not care. Not care in the slightest. He could exist and do what he wanted. Maybe he could ask the nurses to bring in some movies or video games.

Life became nothing more than passing the time. He no longer waited for something to occur, no longer waited for an event or a goal or a deadline. There was no change here. Life had no bumps and bruises.

There was a free vending machine in one of the halls. He couldn't remember when it had been installed or why, but it was there. No one paid much attention to it, but occasionally he saw someone with a candy bar or gum. Avery hadn't used it yet though.

He stood looking at six rows of candy and soda, wondering what tasty treat to have. A little reward for the day, not that he had done anything to merit one.

In the background, Avery could hear a Parcheesi game going on. The problem was, no one knew how to play, so they were making it up as they went along. Red pieces could kill the blue pieces. Passing someone meant you could move backwards. The object of the game became to land four tokens in the center by moving around someone else's pieces, but no one could remember which piece was their's.

Despite their made up game, they sounded so normal as they rationalized which piece to move next. They didn't seem crazy. So why were they here.

Why were any of them here? He had regular conversations with people who seemed saner than those he went to high school with. Shouldn't the definition of insanity be one who can't function in society? They weren't sociopaths. Sociopaths flung their own shit at the walls. They didn't play Parcheesi.

A nurse stepped in front of him and shook him by the shoulders.

"Mr. Price? Mr. Price, come back to us."

Avery couldn't think of anything to say. Why was this person shaking him? "Whoa, what? I'm fine."

"Oh," she said. "I'm sorry. I thought you were autistic." She walked away.

Avery looked back at her aghast. Autistic? Is that what they thought he had today? Yesterday, someone had poked him because they thought he was catatonic when he was watching TV.

William strutted in from the opposite hall. The nurse pursed his lips and backed up against the wall but still managed to summate a smile. William courteously returned the gesture and traipsed back into the lounge.

Man, that guy was cool. That sort of dangerous-cool like James Dean. The sort of guy Avery wanted to be but knew he could never get close to. William wasn't scared of any patients, even the psycho ones. If they could talk once, he thought they could be friends, but he was a leader and Avery just a pawn.

Anyway, back to the machine. He once again checked his selections. Most of the candy was stuff he'd never heard of before, knock-offs of Snickers and Starburst. Items had ingredients like 'Fizzy Bunches', 'Hot Wild Stretch-e-goo', and 'Dynanougat'.

Nothing was tickling his fancy. Some lump of sugar would just sit in his stomach. He selected a maroon and gold soda from the bottom row. The machine made a churning noise and clunked out the selection.

He picked it up and read the label 'Max Blast THX a tasty sugar-cola beverage'. Who made this stuff?

He turned the can around and read the ingredients, mostly chemicals he'd never heard of. 'Another fine product made by Cabalco'. Hmph, they were really making everything these days. Soda, too. What a company.

He popped open the can and took a salty-sugary sip. Not so bad. He could get used to it. He walked back into the lounge.

"Hey," a friend called out. "Avery, get in here. Movie time."

"Oh?" Avery answered. "What is it?"

" _Steel Magnolias_."

"What?" Avery yelped. He rushed in the lounge, thinking everyone had lost their minds. On the TV, he saw Bruce Willis on a plane.

"Just kidding. It's _Die Hard_ again."

Avery sighed. Goody. More violence and explosions from the 80's.

He watched TV until evening. Fewer people were in the lounge at the time. Some people always knocked off early and went to their rooms. But Avery was staying up. No reason to go to bed early.

The TV was on, but he was staring and not thinking. Just passing time in a limbo. There was nothing to start, nothing to finish.

William came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. Avery looked up, a little surprised. "Come with me," he said, and crooked his index finger.

Now this bothered and confused Avery. What would a local legend want with a scrubby kid like him? "Uh, okay."

William led him to a locked supply closet. He hit the door with the flat of his hand and jimmied the knob open. "Get in there," he ordered.

Avery did without saying a word, but worry lined his expression. Would he get caught? Would this send him back to D-Ward? William shoved Avery in, right into a mop handle that poked him in the ribs

William got in himself and shut the door. He pressed Avery body-to-body, giving no personal space. He could feel William's breath on him.

He started to speak quietly. "Ah-"

"Shut up," William hushed. "Don't talk 'til I tell you."

Avery nodded. He wasn't about to disobey this guy's orders for a second. He even tried to breathe less, but that didn't work well.

They stood there, waiting. All the things William could potentially do to Avery flashed in his mind like a slideshow zoetrope, mostly involving stories he'd heard about prison. Not that he was sure William swung that way, but the only females were the nurses and they barely qualified.

But William kept as silent as Avery. When a half-hour passed by, the light under the door winked off. Now it was pitch black in the closet. Everyone had gone to bed. The lounge was closed.

They stayed in the closet for what was probably ten more minutes before William moved again. He opened the door and peeked out.

This worried Avery somewhat. There were no bed times or wake times, but if they were caught out without supervision, what would be the punishment? Sent to D-Ward again? Or was that better than incurring the wrath of William?

Once William was out, he followed too, eyes adjusting to the light of the moon.

"Come on," William whispered. He led him down the hall to an emergency stairway William easily opened it without setting off alarms, leaving Avery to wonder why they'd even been locked in the first place.

Then William opened a door at the end of the stairwell, and Avery felt a cool blast. Nothing like he'd felt in... what seemed like years. Air. Cool night air. Like magic.

William almost shut the door on him and his perfect sensation. Avery lunged out, nearly getting his fingers slammed. William ran into the yard. Avery could barely see him in the dim light. Images of spotlights and dogs barking flashed in his brain.

When they were in the field, well away from anyone's earshot, Avery whimpered, "Aren't we going to get caught?"

"Going out for a bit, had a craving for some Swedish fish," he replied. They walked a long way through the field, until they came to a chain fence with barbed wire at the back of the property.

Before even asking, William pulled a chunk of the gate back and gestured to Avery to go ahead of him. He was out of the compound. The concept seemed so foreign.

Avery asked "How..."

"How long do you think I've been here?" William ducked in after him, leaving the gateway open. "Think I don't learn anything?"

The two of them walked along the side of a road toward an aura of light, a small town. "Do you do this all the time?" Avery asked.

"Every once in a while, if I've the inclination. I've been in and out of there so much I've got it down to a science."

"Ever been caught?"

"Pfft, what are they gonna do? Put me in D-Ward?"

That was true. William was treated like a king there.

William continued, "And they never have half the stuff I need. Free board and lodging, sure. But the implements of life? Little skimpy. Have to do it yourself. You can't even rent videos, sheesh."

"So... why did you bring me along?" William needed no second party to screw things up.

"Wanted some company. You seem like a nice kid. Need to get laid though."

Avery barked out a single laugh at that.

William continued, "You don't deserve to be in there. None of us do, 'cept I'm the only one with the guts to understand that."

"So you keep doing this? You escape, they catch you, you stay there awhile, and the cycle repeats?"

"Heh, kinda, but the other way around. They don't come out looking for me. They never do. They're too concerned with the people they got already. I look for them. I make myself get caught."

"Why?"

"It's cheaper than finding a place to stay. You have to rent an apartment, get a job. Trying to fit in with the system is for chumps. The system's meant to abuse you, so why not abuse it back."

"What do you do out there?"

"I tool around town. Then when I get bored, I do something that gets their attention. The guys with the butterfly nets find me and shove me back in. And I always make sure and do something that gets me back in D-Ward. That way it takes longer for me to filter back out through the system."

Avery nodded. "You know, you really aren't that intimidating."

"Naw. I'm a pup. You know those animals out there, like a blowfish or that bright blue rainforest toad that's instant poison if you touch it. They have those things to fight off predators. Couldn't fight a lick if they had to. But goddamn, does it scare them off."

"So, it's all an act?"

William nodded. "Osteoporosis. Special kind. If someone punches me hard enough, my bones are liable to snap like a dry twig. That's why I make a big show of it. And no one messes with me. In there, there's a lot of mad dogs. A few of them aren't operating on all cylinders. Lots of potential to get in a fight, so..."

"So you bark the loudest."

"You got it. You'd be wise to do the same."

"But why an insane asylum? It's not any better than a homeless shelter. How hard can it be to integrate into society?"

"It's not the difficulty of integrating, it's the difficulty of fitting in once you integrate. You can put on a show for some time, but eventually your walls crumble. You can't take the bullshit they lay on you. That was my problem. I couldn't take all the lies people kept feeding me. In that place," William pointed behind him, "There are no lies, because there are no truths. Just one big existence. I never seen a place like it. None of us are mad, just victims of unfortunate circumstances. But there's a certain music in the madness."

They walked for a bit longer before Avery asked, "You've never heard of the Unforgiven, have you?"

"What's that? A band?"

"No," Avery smiled, "You just act like one."

They approached a gas station, the nearest building on the edge of town. The attendant barely looked up from his magazine, oblivious to their nine-digit numbered outfits.

"See if you can find some Swedish fish," Walker said, "I'm gonna pick up some stuff for the guys."

"Okay." With only a few aisles to choose from, Avery found the candy easily and plucked off a small bag of tiny red fish. He would have no problem bringing these back in under his shirt.

And then Avery saw it. A phone. A pay phone.

Of course! Why didn't he think of it before? He was outside the walls. He could get in touch with the outside world. Someone could know he was here. He could tell someone he was trapped, he was unfairly accused, he was unjustly punished.

He picked up the black earpiece, and was about to hit the buttons when the dial tone reminded him he needed some change.

"Hey, William," Avery whispered desperately. "William, do you have a quarter?"

"What the heck are you doing?" he grabbed the phone and slammed it on the cradle. "Are you insane? Oh, wait, you are." He laughed at his own joke, slapping his knee. "I love that one."

"What are you doing?" Avery said, not amused. "I need to call somebody."

"You call anyone, they're gonna know we're here. There's a reason we snuck out, remember?"

"But I need to let someone know I'm here. I need someone to come get us."

"Who are you going to call?"

"My dad?" The first name that came to mind.

"If your dad was going to come and get you, don't you think he'd have already done it?"

But... but that's not possible. My dad would want me to get out."

"Then why haven't you seen him so far? Or heard from him? If he hasn't come for you already, then either he can't or he won't."

Avery couldn't believe him, but couldn't argue with his evidence either. "Well... well, I've got to call someone. I'll call Sasha. She's my friend." Avery put his hand on the phone again.

"And she's going to help you out how?" William asked.

That stopped him again. What was Sasha going to do? Organize a prison break? She was just a kid, a rookie adult with no power. The police? They put him here in the first place. Wasn't there anyone else? Anyone that would care enough to save him?

There wasn't.

Avery took his hand off the phone.

"Come on, let's pay for this stuff." William walked away.

Avery glanced between the checkout counter and the phone, and realized how alone the world had left him. Even with a way to make contact with other people, he still couldn't reach out.

He was alone. Holding a bag of Swedish fish.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, anyone seen Carlos lately?" Avery asked.

Sam, Raoul, and Arthur looked around. "Was he missing?"

"Oh yeah, we do only have four people. Who should we ask to join us?" Sam said.

"Do you think he left?" Avery asked.

"D-Ward?" Arthur asked the group.

Raoul said, "I don't know. He's done crazy shit before, and never got sent there, much as he should have been. If he got too out of hand, they wheeled in some pills. Speaking of which, can you give me one those Firecrackers?" Arthur pointed to a pink pill Avery was playing with like a coin.

"Trade you for a slippery pip?"

Arthur grabbed a green translucent tablet. They traded and swallowed at the same time. It was not calming, just a nosh, something to do, like eating candy.

"I was wondering if either he did go to D-Ward or he got to leave," Avery said.

"Could be. The nurse did say they transfer to different hospitals."

Avery said, "You ever know of anyone who did, specifically? I mean, someone who said, 'I am going to another hospital now. See you guys later.'"

They looked at each other and shook their heads. "Guess not. But it doesn't mean it might not happen. Maybe it's too quick for a goodbye."

"Maybe they take you in your sleep?" said Arthur.

"Maybe you dreamed him," said Sam.

Avery gave him a sarcastic look. "I've never had a dream that I played poker with."

"I don't know man, they have some crazy things in dreams these days. Last night I had a dream where people were running from sandworms in this desert, really windy. And the sandworms were thick and short, but really tall, and they had five jaws that sucked people in like a whirlwind and vaporized them with saliva before eating them. And this family was trying to get away in this shack in the middle of the desert, like a cabin. And you could tell the sandworms were coming because the sand sifted under them where they were moving, but in the wind, the sand always sifted, so you couldn't tell. Then the kid goes out, and the worms start to talk to her telepathically, right? And it's a quiet whisper voice that says 'there's nowhere to run'. And she's trying to negotiate with them or something."

"I had a dream once that I lived with Jewish people," Arthur said.

Everyone looked at him.

"That's not quite the same thing, is it?" Raoul said.

"They were really Jewish," Daryl replied.

"Hey, if you die in a dream, does that mean you're gonna die for real?"

No one had an answer for him. "I don't know," Avery said, "Maybe anyone's who's dreamed that they died, has died."

"Ooh, scary."

William came over to the table, dragging a chair up. "Make room, gents, make room, don't want to have to pop any of you." Arthur, Sam and Raoul were all too eager to scoot away. Avery smiled and stayed put. "I'm barging into your conversation, because I've got shit to do before lunch. Whatcha talking about this time?"

"Just rapping about dreams," Raoul said.

"I heard. Wondering if you die if you dream it?" William asked. "How do you know we're not dead already? And this is the dream."

"Ooh, cosmic," Raoul said.

"You wanker, I just made that up," William said, "Dreams don't mean shit. I never had one that did. The whole reason you're obsessed over it is because you're obsessed with death. Everyone is. That's why you're here. My grandma had a stroke when I was nine. She told us she didn't want to be plugged into machines and tubes, she didn't want to end her life like that, she wanted to end it with some dignity. But my parents didn't follow her wishes at all. They kept her plugged in feeding tubes, bowel scrapers, I.V.s, beeping machines. She stayed that way for two years. Never got out of unconsciousness, and my family had to take out a second mortgage because of all the expenses. They were too focused on her 'not dying'. Every second she could 'not die' was worth the twenty-five thousand a week."

People were silent for a second. The nurse walked by. Arthur looked up and asked, "Nurse, do you think if you die in a dream, it comes true?"

"Uh, don't know. Here, have some medication." She produced five cups, one for each of them, and put them down as if she were setting the table. This was the fifth time today she had delivered their drugs.

Avery took his without blinking. It was the way of life take a breath, take a pill. The body was just a big chemical lab anyway. Pills were almost better than food at this point, but only because the food was disgusting. Thinking of his breakfast today made him shudder.

He missed the meals his mom would make real food. Nothing fancy, but hearty and homemade. Mac and cheese with sliced hot dogs. Scalloped corn. Tacos. Homemade pizza. Steak and baked potatoes with chives and sour cream.

The soft beep pinged in the room, in answer to his prayers. People stood and lined up at the food door without rush. If it was going to be the same slop, what was the point of hurrying.

Avery didn't even know why he was up here waiting. He didn't remember much of his previous life, but good food never withered away.

He eventually shifted all the way to the beginning of the line. The metal slot with chipped taupe paint opened up. A nurse behind a grated booth shoved a titanium tray onto the counter, screeching metal against metal. Turkey, covered in gray gravy, along with a big bowl of more gravy. Frozen and dried peas and carrots. Half a soggy potato.

Avery hauled his tray over to the couch where he would usually sit down. "Turkey," he muttered. Something stirred in him, the same thing that made him want to be like William.

The turkey was changing. It was changing into bullshit. The same bullshit the asylum had been heaping on him since day one. The same bullshit that people had been heaping on him since he was born. The same bullshit William had told him to strike back against.

"Turkey again," Avery said, a little louder. "It was turkey yesterday. It'll be turkey tomorrow too," he took his tray over to the couch. "Aren't you sick of it?" he asked a familiar face in line.

The man shrugged.

"Don't you want a pizza sometimes?" Avery asked.

No response.

Avery took his tray up to the line of waiting diners, muttering, "Look at all this gravy. I can't eat all this gravy." He picked it up and looked at it like he'd seen it for the first time. "I'd eat maybe like a tablespoon of it. Why do they give you so much?"

No one responded.

Avery sat back down. As he picked up his fork, he wondered whether the effort of even picking up a utensil was worth enduring this mush. Was it too much to ask for a good meal every now and again? If they were stuck here they might as well make it worth it.

When he realized there were hints of blue in the gray fluid, he dropped his fork on the tray. Without thinking of the consequences for once in his life, he took his tray back to the serving door, budging in front of the next person.

"Hey!" Avery slammed his tray down on the counter and pounded on the metal grating. "Hey, is there anything else in there? Is blue meat all you got? What've you got, a vat of gravy in there?"

"What the heck are you doing?" the person behind him said, concerned and confused.

"I'm sick of this," Avery said to him. He pounded on the wall next to the counter. "I'm sick of this junk."

"This food," the nurse said from behind the window pane, "Has been engineered to provide maximum nutrition to you, in time of recovery."

"It sure hasn't been engineered for deliciousness. I'm getting sick from this shit."

"Eat it and get out."

Avery tossed his hand back, surprised at this curt answer. He was so used to brochure rhetoric.

"N-no." He cursed himself for stuttering, but he was cutting through the bullshit. William would want him to. He felt like a scared little girl who couldn't stop pedaling the tricycle. "I'm not even insane. I don't deserve this. I want a goddamn steak. Or pizza. Not this half-assed TV dinner." He cuffed the tray and it splattered to the floor, spilling gelatin in a daisy pattern.

"Shut up," one of the people in line hissed, "You'll go to D-Ward."

"I don't care. It's another room, just decorated differently. They're all the same. Same patients. Same walls. It's all the same. Don't you all want a good Texas steak?"

Some people in the line nodded their heads. Murmurs of affirmative spread through the crowd.

Avery didn't see or hear the nurse contact anyone, but in no time an orderly came into the room. He walked casually towards him, ready to grab. Avery clenched his fist, channeling all his rage into it.

Not this time. Not again. This time, he'd fight.

Either the orderly was so used to the patients capitulating, or he didn't see it coming, but when Avery wound up and delivered a cowboy punch across his face.

He'd never hit anyone before. He was always the one getting hit by someone.

A great cheer rose from the line of patients. Avery looked down at the orderly on ground, nursing his jaw. "I'm sick of subordinating to you," he said. "I'm not gonna take it anymore. I want some fucking respect."

The orderly crab-crawled back. Avery stomped him in the stomach. He felt dirty, kicking a man who was trying to get up. But it also wasn't fair to serve him gruel, to tell him when to go to bed, to not tell him what disease he had.

"Stop that!" Raoul called out and approached Avery. He grabbed his shoulder. "What are you doing? Do you think you're going to make a difference from this?"

"I don't care. Is it too much to ask for some better food?" he said to Raoul. "Is it?" he called out to the crowd around him. Almost half of them behaved like Raoul, unwilling to give their support to a cause that would only result in imprisonment and suffering. The other half remembered that the best changes in history were made by those willing to take risks. They pumped their fists in the air and cheered.

Avery pointed at the orderly skittering away. "You can tell whoever's footing the bill for this that we're sick of it. We're all being held here against our will, with no reason."

The nurse poked her head out of the window pane, "You're not getting it," the nurse called back. "You follow the system, you get out."

"What system? The system of pills you shove in front of us at random times? The system of discipline where the innocent get punished with the guilty? FUCK YOUR SYSTEM," he flipped her off.

The nurse called to the orderly. "Go get back-up. Get-"

A potato from lunch came flying out and hit the grate where her hand was. The soft starch couldn't have caused any pain, but she staggered back from surprise. Avery turned back. William had his arm outstretched.

"Bullseye!" he shouted and pumped his fist.

Then the food fight started. Flavored meat flew around the room. Drips of gravy rained down, arcing in gray globs, like it decided to erupt off the trays. There were casualties on both sides, but the majority of victims were the establishment. There was nothing but chaos, anarchy of the insane.

When a fork struck him in the knee, Avery realized just what he'd gotten himself into. He hunkered down on instinct, realizing how powerful this riot had really gotten, and that he was the one that incited it. This was no longer in his control. No one looked to him as a figurehead. They were just fighting.

He crawled under the card table, avoiding deposits of mush on the floor. This was actually pretty dangerous, he thought as the lounge got messier and messier. Food was one matter, but they were throwing knives and forks and trays. Someone could get hurt.

William slid under the table next to him. "Nice going, mate," he said, genuinely pleased. "But I didn't think you'd take my advice to heart so quickly."

"I didn't realize this was going to happen," Avery replied. "But I'm kind of glad it did. I wanted to fight back against the B.S."

"Yeah, right on you for that. Should be interesting to see how this plays out."

An arm grabbed Avery and yanked him out, nearly popping his shoulder blade. Two orderlies grabbed his arms in such a way that he couldn't struggle.

Avery still grinned though. The war, the food and fluid flying. He had caused a little chaos in this place. He had showed the establishment that they were not cattle. The flow was dammed. The calm was over. He had taken a stand, and he would be remembered for it.

The orderlies dragged him out of the lounge. They passed eight more waiting in the hall, holding their metal rods. One slapped his against the hand a light blue spark sizzled out like a cattle prod.

Avery's grin faded to a grimace. How much good had he really done.

* * *

Life had ended for Avery. Sitting in a corner, watching his padded shoes wiggle, arms at his sides (no need for a straitjacket, when the only one you could hurt was yourself). He looked over at the hole in the floor, wafting up a faint fecal scent. Above it, a rusted spigot dripped water into the hole soundlessly every ten seconds.

The reality of the situation was about eight feet by eight feet. The light came from a flat dingy yellow bulb recessed in the ceiling. The floor, the walls, and the ceiling were all covered in foam vinyl padding a fleshy material stained rubber gray, and brown in spots. Springs protruded from peeling panels, threatening to stick and disease him with gangrene.

The door had a single window, only big enough for a pair of eyes. He'd get up and look through it from time to time, but the only thing he ever saw was the opposite unoccupied cell.

Whenever he heard footsteps, he'd jump to the window, but the only thing he ever saw was a man in a lab coat moving across the hall.

This was the punishment for those people that D-Ward didn't work for any more. Once it was over, he'd be moved back up, maybe back to D-Ward, then down to the lounge to reintegrate with everyone.

And in this room, the only sensation was the impulses of his own brain, uncontrollable lingering thoughts. Time to think, time to regret. There was no measuring of moments. At least in D-Ward they had the sun. Here, the light stayed on all the time. At least, he couldn't remember if it had ever gone off. He didn't remember the transition from the lounge to this room even. He just knew he was here because he decided to make some waves.

Why did he keep doing these things? Why was it every time he thought he could be part of the system he had to do something to screw it up. Why did he listen to those impulses? What was he trying to prove? Why? Why? Why? All he did was bring suffering and misery. And not just short-term misery. Long-term, far-reaching, stuff that would never end, scars that would never heal.

The world was nothing but pain and disappointment. Disappointment for others and for himself. He wanted to resist the isolation, but that was what he's always craved to be away from everyone, in a dark hole. That way, he was safe. He didn't have to prove anything to anyone, he didn't have to ask for help. Pain was caused by other people. And since there was no way he could live without being around people, he might as well be here. He might as well be dead.

That's what he wished this was. Some sort of death row. The last mile. The end of it all. The last chapter. This was the story of Avery Price, the boy who couldn't fit in, who couldn't live the life everyone wanted him to lead, even for himself. He had no direction, so he went down. Avery's brain took him in an endless loop of guilt and shame, a repeating video of his flaws. It spread to the rest of his body like a black disease. It dug in his mind like sandpaper mired with shards of glass. This room was where the story ended. Living in here like a schizo who couldn't function in society. That could, but he didn't want to.

The slot at the bottom of the door opened. A bowl of food was shoved in. Avery leaped up. "Hey, hey, wait," Avery said in a loud raspy whisper.

"Huh?" the man in a blue uniform turned back.

"Hey, what's going on? What am I doing here?"

The guard looked surprised at Avery's enthusiasm. "Must be fresh," he muttered. Avery didn't understand what he meant by that.

"Can you tell me how long I'm going to be here?" Avery asked.

"This is D-Ward, I don't know anyone who-"

"D-Ward? I thought upstairs was D-Ward that big wooden room where they put us all."

"Oh, that? That's a holding place. For punishment, for rowdy patients. Takes 'em out of the way."

" _That's_ punishment? Then what am I doing down here?"

"I don't know." He started to turn away.

"I mean, the last thing I remember was causing a food fight at lunch. If I'm not here for punishment, why am I here? Shouldn't I be up in that holding room?"

"I don't know. This is D-Ward. This is for the disturbed people. Special patients. People with uncontrollable violent tendencies."

Avery's mouth dropped open. "Violent tendencies? I hit one guy. I was angry. Everyone's been in one fight. Murdering your parents, that's violent tendencies."

"I don't know what you did. But you're here to get some treatment for it. Change you into a more usable member of society."

"...Usable? What does that mean?"

The guard shrugged. "I'm sure you'll see."

"I don't want to see. I want to know."

"Sorry, I'm not even sure myself. I rarely see the pris- patients."

"Well, how long until they start the special treatment?"

"Not too long."

"Listen," Avery said, proceeding to his next phase. "You gotta get me out of here. I can make it worth your while." He grimaced at his own clich. He had thought of a dozen different things to say, and that was the best one. "My dad's a powerful businessman. He can pay you."

"They pay me well here. I have no need for a bribe."

"He can get you anything you want. Women, fame, whatever."

"I have no need for such things, and I doubt a kid like you could get them for me."

"Come on, what's in it for you? You're a hospital guard? Meager salary, no benefits."

"I have no need for anything you could give me. Neither is there any way to escape. The compound is well-guarded, and any intruders will be detained." Avery sighed. The guard continued. "Also, do not try to fake being sick. I am under orders not to attend to seizures or illness effects."

Jeez, he knew what Avery was going to do before he even thought of it himself. "Well, what if I really am sick?" he asked.

"That's irrelevant. In fact, they instantiated those orders because of it."

The guard turned around. Avery tried to think of anything else to say to get him to stay, to find out more about this place and how he could get out. He looked down at his tray a bowl of soup with a piece of bread sticking out, like a sunken ship in a swamp.

"This food," he said, "Is this really a complete meal?"

"It's been engineered to provide maximum nutrition to the human body." He walked off. Avery sat down cross-legged on the floor, picked the bread up out of the goo and nibbled at it.

What did he mean by usable? He didn't like him using that word. Tools were usable, not people. Maybe he meant usable by society, as a worker. Well, why not send him back to college? That's what it was there for, right? To train able-bodied men to serve in society's highly skilled positions.

Avery finished up his meal, swiping the last bit of gruel-soaked bread around the rim of the bowl. It was sickening that this was the highlight of his day. After spending some time thinking about what the ingredients might have been, he shoved it back out the doggie door flap.

He laid back and tried to get to sleep. There wasn't anything else to do here but sleep. That's how prisons worked. They couldn't make you pay for your crimes with money or lives or anything with economic value, so you paid with time. Time was something you could never get back. It wasn't just any time either. It was torturous, numbing, scratching time. Wasted time. Waiting for the end.

Avery chastised himself for thinking such things. If he kept going, he would surely go insane. There was no way to control his thoughts. They were as erratic as a dream. He probably would end up becoming a schizoid vegetable, if nothing happened soon. He could hallucinate, end up eating his shirt, think he was a big glass of orange juice.

Instead, he closed his eyes, and tried to empty his mind of everything. Whenever a thought came up, he stuffed it back down. Even when he tried to congratulate himself on not thinking, he stuffed it back down. He had to make his mind a black hole. Not thinking at all. Nothing. Nothing for hours, nothing for days.


	18. Chapter 18

The door. It moved. As if someone outside was trying to open it. He kept still, until he heard two voices outside.

"Uh, this is subject 3-A. Male, age twenty, blood type O negative. Nationality Caucasian. Origin: Kilward, Texas."

"In America?"

"Yeah."

"What experiment are we taking him to?"

The man sighed, "Don't say that. They're projects." There was some paper flipping. "Uh, says he's a recipient for the singularity project."

Through the eye slit window, Avery saw two scientists flipping back and forth through their notes. A guards shifted his jaw beside them.

"I was under the understanding that they needed no more subjects for that project for the time being," the scientist said.

"I thought so too, but that's what's on my manifesto."

"Maybe you oughta make a call to R & D."

"All right." He moved out of sight, down the hall. Avery sat against the padding, listless and tired.

The other scientist peeked into the window. Two blue eyes stared at Avery like he was in a sideshow.

"Oh, he's remarkably healthy," the doctor said. "How long as he been here?" he asked. No one answered. More clipboard flipping. "One day? Why aren't they recommending him for the Ridley project?" Again, no one answered.

There was silence for a while. Avery didn't move. A minute later, the other person came back, "They said it didn't matter. They said to use him at our discretion."

"He's only been here a day. Perhaps we should take him for the Ridley project."

"Ah, good idea. Take him out."

The door unlatched and opened. Light leaked in, and Avery hobbled up. The guard stood in front, partially obscured by silhouette. He waved his arm, and Avery lumbered forward.

The guard gestured to the utility belt around his waist. "Don't try anything funny. I got a gun, a taser, pepper spray-"

Avery kicked him in the balls before he finished.

The guard's hands went for his crotch, and he made an 'ooooohf' sound as if air was rushing out. Avery balled one fist and rammed it into the guard's stomach. He doubled over, and Avery threw a haymaker at his outstretched head. He dropped in a heap. Avery kicked him in his ribs and head for good measure, spraining his toes.

He had a brief pang of worry that he had caused brain damage, but it was squelched once Avery emerged and realized he was free.

Of the two scientists, one was backing away with his clipboard pressed against his chest. The other had fallen down to his knees, shielding the back of his head with his clipboard. "N-no, no, please."

No time to waste with them. They weren't a threat. He ran down the long hallway, lined entirely with cells placed in walls of red and sienna brick.

The weak light and dirty colors made him feel like he was underground, but he could have been in a penthouse for all he knew. He could hear some cheers and yells from other occupants, most sounded like crazy screams. Avery ignored all of it, he'd gotten in trouble the last time he listened to them.

He ran until his lungs started protesting, then came to a four-way stop. No one had pursued him yet. Each way looked the same, and there was no sign saying 'exit', not even one for an emergency. He took the left hallway. It felt like it led away from the complex.

More cell doors, the same as his, all lined up. Partway through, the cells stopped, and became solid brick. At the end, he reached a door. He opened it and was greeted with a vast change.

This area had a strong organic smell to it, like a farm. The walls were metal paneling, with big painted numbers and arrows. The doors were metal and had square windows instead of eyeholes. He looked in the first one, but it was dark. The second was an office. These weren't exits.

He jogged down the hallway to a T-intersection. One path ended abruptly in an 'employees only' door. He took the opposite path to more hallway.

It was deadly quiet here. Why hadn't anyone come after him yet? He slowed down to a fast walk so he could hear if anyone was coming, and his breath could catch up. These rooms had the same doors as the offices, but it was hard to tell what they were for. They had tiled floors with drains in the middle. Some had electronic equipment and tools. Some had scientists inside, some had scientists with patients. None were exits, so he didn't stop.

And then he saw one person, all alone, and nearly slipped on the floor doubling back.

"William!" he called out.

William was sitting on an outcropped bench in a room tiled in white. It looked like a large bathroom without the fixtures. He could tell it was William because of his signature wild gray hair. But his eyes were covered in a dirty bandage, and his numbered shirt was stained with blood and dirt.

Avery tried the door, found it unlocked, and bounded in. "William! Thank god I found you. Come on, we're getting out of here." Avery grabbed his hand.

William didn't move. Avery tried to pull him up, but William sat there like dead weight. The hand was cold and mushy. It felt like pumpkin pie filling under the skin. If he held too hard, he was afraid it would squish out.

Avery looked closer at him. The gauze around his eyes was blood-stained all around. The shirt was caked in red, concentrated in a seam running down the chest. "Are you okay? William? What..."

Blood stained his cheeks, his arm, his neck. His lips were chapped and dry, almost sewed shut. He said nothing.

"You... you... what's wrong with you? What's wrong with your eyes?" Avery leaned close to his face. "Can you... see me?"

William said nothing. Eerie silence. What was so bad William didn't or couldn't leave. Avery raised his hand to lift off the bandage. He had to see what was so wrong.

William's clammy hand grasped his wrist.

"Don't do it," he whispered. Avery's fingers stopped just before the gauze. "You won't like what you see."

Avery pursed his lips, unsure of what to say.

A baton came cracking down on Avery's hand. He yelped and fell on the floor. A prison guard stood over him with a cattle prod, a scientist behind him. The guard jammed the stick into Avery's ribs and the cracking electricity made him surge forward.

"What is a Ridley member doing here?" asked the scientist. "He should be with the others, or in containment."

"They were transporting him to another cell block," someone said.

"I've told these people before Ridley's must be escorted at all times. They're very unstable. You're lucky no one got hurt. Fortunately, this one's still in the early phases. See, he hasn't even sewed his lips shut yet. Meaning he hasn't screamed- "

"Doctor?" the guard said.

"Oh, take him back, wherever he was. Knock the fight out of him. You see, this is a perfect example of what can happen if-"

The cattle prod jammed into Avery's stomach. He felt like he was having a heart attack. All his muscles locked and stiffened. The guard kept the prod on him until he lost consciousness.

* * *

He was in a haze, like he'd taken a massive overdose of drugs. His muscles throbbed with pain, like he'd run a thousand miles.

Back in the cell, still not restrained in the strait jacket though. He was no threat anymore.

"Awake yet?"

A voice from outside. Avery blinked and saw a pair of eyes staring out from the window.

"Who's that?"

"It's Doctor Birch."

Avery stood up, almost losing his balance. "Oh, you," he grunted. "What are you doing? I thought this was supposed to be therapy-less therapy."

"It is. In light of recent events though, you are being given a second evaluation."

"Recent events being my escape?"

"That's correct. I see you have gotten over your psychosomatic dysphonia."

"My what? I never had-" he sighed. It was useless to argue. "We're doing this here? Not in your fancy office?"

"You might try to escape. All we need to do is talk."

"Sure," Avery scoffed. "Much easier to talk behind a metal wall where I can't kill you."

The doctor made an acknowledging murmur. "D-Ward patients are not regarded lightly. This will be fine for communication."

"You're gonna tell me what experiment I'm good for? Which one do you recommend, doctor? Cut me open? Turn me into a zombie? That sound good?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, stop with the bullshit, doc. I saw William. He was not... well, I don't know what he was, but they're doing something to him. And it's not treatment."

"Who is William?"

"William. He's got wild gray hair, crazy eyes. Oh, come on, surely you must have seen him some time. He's got his own revolving door."

The doctor pulled his eyes away to write that down.

"I'm not making this up!" Avery said.

"I believe you. What do you think these experiments are for?"

"Who knows? Maybe you're messing with DNA or something. Cybernetics. Maybe you're creating a biological weapon. I saw William. He was not... he had some disease maybe. Biological warfare. Bacterial weapons."

"Why would we want to do such things?"

"Come on. This isn't a normal hospital. You know it, and I know it. That's why you're giving all these misleading answers. You're trying to distract from the truth."

"What truth?"

"I don't know," Avery threw up his hands, "That you're doing something unnatural. That you're doing human experiments. I know it. You call them 'projects'."

"This hospital is researching new techniques in psychoanalysis all the time. We have many employees working on and testing these techniques. That is probably what you heard."

"You don't get flesh that feels like rotted fruit from different psychoanalysis techniques."

"All mental diseases are simply a product of the biology of the brain. Some are damaged, some are underdeveloped, some are chemically imbalanced. These are all physical defects. These techniques try to correct those, instead of using therapy sessions, which consume time and money to both the patient and hospital."

Avery wasn't about to capitulate to his bullshit, like William had taught him. "So turning him to mush was just a side effect of his cure?"

"Why are you trying to take away the focus from yourself?"

Avery shouted in frustration. He waved his hands dismissively at the doctor, then crossed his arms. He wouldn't give this asshole one more ounce of ammunition.

Doctor Birch looked at his clipboard. "Let's begin. Have you ever had any violent tendencies previously?"

"No."

"No?" the doctor asked, either trying to confirm or trying to edge out more information.

"No, never. I never liked hurting people."

"Ever watch violent movies or played violent video games."

"What kind of stupid question is that? Of course. Everyone does. You can't see any movie without someone getting hit. Even the romance movies, when the guys are fighting over the girl."

"So that's a yes."

Avery sighed. "Yes." Maybe the short non-committal answers would get him out of here quicker.

"What about your tests in school. Did you do well in those?"

"Yeah, I got A's and B's."

"What about the standardized tests? The SATs and ACTs."

"Uh, I don't remember, I think... I got 31 on my ACT and I don't remember what I got on the SAT."

"So that would indicate you did well in academics."

"Yeah, I did pretty good."

"How would you rate your attention span, your ability to pay attention to something, on a scale from one to ten."

"Eight, I guess."

"What about alertness. Do you react quickly to surprising situations?"

"I guess."

"Can you keep a clear head about you during a crisis?"

"Yeah, I try to. I'm pretty calm."

"When was your last eye exam?"

"About a year ago."

"And what were the results?"

"Twenty-twenty."

"What about sports? Did you play any sports?"

"No, not really. I played soccer from fourth to sixth grade."

"Running. Any track and field experience?"

"No. Just pee-wee soccer."

"Have you ever tried weight-lifting?"

"Just as a unit in gym."

"Do you know what your last bench limit was?"

"This is not a psychological evaluation."

The doctor reset himself. "Please answer the questions to the best of your ability."

"No. I'm not gonna answer, because these aren't questions for an evaluation. You're not asking anything like 'do you feel irritable', 'do you feel lethargic at times'. 'Are you depressed?' 'Do you have trouble sleeping?' 'Do you have highs and lows?' The really stupid obvious questions."

"What do you mean by 'obvious'?"

"Questions that, if you could answer them, you wouldn't need a doctor to diagnose you. They ask you if you have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and then declare 'oh, you must have OCD', like they thought of it."

"How would you know that unless you've had a previous visit to a therapist?"

Avery stopped. A smile of smug satisfaction was on the doctor's face. He had all the answers, all the questions, all the cards. He'd won. He always won. He would always win. Because he was the one with the power.

Avery kept silent, anger building up inside him. He lunged at the door and pounded on it, unaware of the stinging pain.

"Listen, you mother fucker. I am not sick. No one here is. They're just here by chance. Someone screwed me over. All you do to cure us is give us some goddamn pills that don't do shit. They never solve the problem. They just fuck with your brain chemistry. But it never fixes what caused your brain chemistry to be that way in the first place."

The doctor backed away from the door.

Avery continued, "You're right. We are just chemical labs. But the chemicals are caused by outside stimuli. The pills fill up those voids, make you normal. But as soon as they go away, you're back where you started. Shoving chemicals in my brain doesn't help."

The doctor stared at him. This was Avery's last stand, weak and useless though. It would never accomplish anything, but it was his.

Avery continued, "Nothing changes. Because that's the way people are. Some people are generally happier than others. Some are generally sadder than others. Some are optimistic, some are pessimistic. It's not a disorder. It's a balance. Nobody ever says that the people that are happy and energetic all the time are sick. Nobody thinks to check if their brains have a chemical imbalance the other way. Nobody thinks they're not normal. You can't cure us, you can't cure what isn't broken. So deal with it, accept it, and let us go so we can get on with our lives."

Avery felt like he had run a mile, his shoulders rising and sagging with breaths.

The doctor looked at him for a long time, either thinking or waiting for the next thing. Maybe he saw the truth in what Avery said. Maybe he was actually considering letting him out. Did he allow himself that much optimism? Avery flinched.

The doctor looked back to his clipboard and wrote two things down, one at the top, one at the bottom. "Unfortunately, Mr. Price. You won't be getting your wish very soon. Your history... your full history, is simply too obscure to allow you to reintegrate at this time. And your current conditions do not indicate any improvement. In fact, with that attitude, you're going to be here for a very long time." He signed the paper and left.

Avery ran to the window and shouted out, "I'm not crazy, I'm normal. I'm NORMAL!" The doctor did not come back.

Avery stumbled back into his cell, the stress finally getting the better of his body. He plopped onto the padded floor, against the padded wall. His arms flopped out in front of him, and Avery stared at them.

 _Just one screw-up_ , he thought, _just one screw-up, one moment of bad judgment, and they doom you for life. Life, all of life. Not just for a few years, but when you're middle-age, when you're in a retirement home, it will still be there haunting you. They'll never think I'm normal. They'll never let me escape. It's not fair._

He backed up, tucking himself into a corner. He cried. Again he cried, and there was shame in the tears, there always was. He asked anyone around him why this couldn't all end.


	19. Chapter 19

Avery woke to the sound of rumbling. No, not just the sound. The feel. The room had vibrated. Then it stopped. He didn't even know he fell asleep. Was it an earthquake? He'd never been in one, had no idea what one felt like. Or maybe it was thunder. He had no idea what the weather was like outside, but if he really was underground, would he be able to hear it? Or feel it? That seemed unlikely.

Then he heard screaming.

He couldn't tell if it was male or female, but he had seen few of the latter. Two heads ran by his window, fast as sprinters. There was something going on. Something that was sending up panic.

Avery stood up and ran to the window, trying to angle himself so that he could see down the hallway. "What's going on?" he called out. No one answered him.

There was another rumble, definitely coming from above. More people screamed. Scientists ran around in front of his door, waving their arms in the air. Two ran into each other in front of Avery's cell.

"What's happening?" one asked.

"He's here!"

Gun shots muffled the next thing said. Loud ones he couldn't pinpoint.

The man said a hushed, "No... the betrayer..."

"He can't possibly think he's going to escape. This compound-" A muffled explosion.

"He got in. You think he can't get out?"

"The police?"

"We can't bring them in. Not enough time. Not enough control."

"But the media..."

"They'll just blame it on an escaped inmate that found a weapons locker."

"Dear god, we're all dead!"

"It's the perfect crime, the perfect massacre." Another explosion rocked the floor.

"Where is he now?"

"Up top, still. We'd better get the hell out of here."

"Isn't there anyone to stop him? Where are the orderlies?"

"Running, if they're smart. You can't possibly think they're going to stop him."

"They could slow him down."

"Nothing slows _him_ down. There's no time for this. Take what projects you can and leave out the west hatch. And pray to the Dreaming God. I'll meet you there."

"Right."

They left as the biggest explosion he'd heard yet sounded. Some ceiling crumbled on his head.

More people came shrieking past his cell, scurrying like mice. Sirens went off, surrounding his ears with a resonating wail.

What the hell was going on? Who was 'the betrayer'? Was he an inmate that had gotten loose? One of their experiments? They had squelched revolts so quickly before, he could hardly believe it was someone they couldn't handle.

Whatever he was, he had penetrated the compound, something that the guards had told him was impossible to do. And all hell had broken loose because of him. Which was fine by Avery the enemy of his enemy was his friend.

Then he heard a booming explosion, like a shotgun blast. In his hallway.

Oh shit, he was here.

More gun blasts. Shrieks and groans, surprised gasps and cries, pleading and yelling. Pitiful cries of 'don't kill me' and 'help me'. Avery pressed against the window hard enough to leave a mark. Noise came from all directions.

Two scientists ran past his cell to the right. A half-second later, there was another shotgun blast from the left. Blood spattered across the window and into his eyes, like someone had flicked a paintbrush at him.

The blood made Avery realize this person may not want to be his friend, even with the possibility of escape. Trapped in a cell may not have been the best place to be. Avery backed away from the door. Maybe it would be better if no one knew he was here.

Before he even stepped back a foot, a haggard face with glowing red eyes appeared in the window.

"Walker?" Avery was about to say, then faded out. His face looked like it had been through a meat grinder - wrinkled, scarred, torn, leathery. His eyes glowed bright red, no pupils or irises. Throbbing red, like a heartbeat. "You're not Walker."

"No shit, sherlock," the man said. His voice was low, as gravelly as a dirt road. He looked Avery up and down. "And I thought I was ugly."

He ducked out of view, and the door rattled hard, dust puffed out the seams. He was trying to open it.

"Ergh, locked," the man said. "They just don't make them like they used to."

Then there was a stripping sound like duct tape, and more jostling of the door.

Avery stayed solid, too scared and confused to move. Then a faint beeping started.

The man popped up, and waved a little device that looked like a remote control with a blinking red button. "Get back, if you don't want to test your afterlife theories." Then he disappeared.

Avery jumped back to the farthest corner of the cell, cradling himself in the padding. He wanted to look out the window and find out what was beeping, but there was no way he was going to defy his orders.

The beeping sound stopped, followed by a click. Avery covered his head.

The door exploded. It didn't blow inward or outward, it just shattered. When Avery was sure there was no shrapnel either still flying or embedded in his body, he dropped his arm.

From out of the wisping smoke, a gnarled hand reached in, attached to a long arm sleeved in leather, and yanked him out of the cell with inhuman strength. He crashed into the opposite wall.

The dark man who saved him looked like he was from the same clan as Walker. He wore a black trenchcoat in much worse condition, and a flat black cowboy hat. In one hand, he held a sawed-off double-barreled shotgun like a giant pistol.

He cracked open the barrel, snapping out the empty shells, and popped two more red and yellow cartridges in, all in one smooth motion like the gun was part of his body. And this was the guy who was... saving him?

The dark man emptied his gun eight times into various scientists and guards. Running toward him or away from him, it didn't matter. They were all lambs to the slaughter.

Two guards holding sliver pistols ran straight at him. "I'll taste your blood," one shouted, a maniacal look in his eye. The patients and their keepers were no longer distinguishable.

The dark man held out his gun and it clicked empty. He looked at it, swore, and reached under his coat. From nowhere, he pulled out a long stick with a skull on the end of it.

Avery stared. It was the same. The same as the photographs.

The dark man launched forward, spinning the staff around his body. The guards fired off shots, but missed wildly. He moved the skull-staff around so fast it was distracting their aim.

He brought the staff down on one's head. He reached out to grab it, but the dark man brought the skull-end on his gun arm, making him drop the pistol with a snap.

He pulled the staff back, side-swiping his head skull-to-skull, then thrust the pole end in his gut. He whoofed as the air and life rushed out of him. The dark man shook the stick loose and the guard fell over.

The remaining assailant sprung forward. The man circled around and crouched, using his weapon to trip his attacker. He didn't get the chance to fall before the man brought the staff in front of the guard's face.

Light flared in the skull's eye sockets. A beam of yellow energy shot out into the eyes of the other man. Sparkling particles that looked like fireworks dripped off the beam as the man cried out in abject pain.

The guard's face dribbled away like candle wax. Skin sloughed off his bones. His body collapsed into a dry pile of mush. The dark man pulled his staff away and returned it under his trenchcoat.

"Come on. Show's over." He started walking again, and Avery skittered right after him.

They ran all the way to the end of the hall, without any other guards coming to bother them, then turned right. The lights were getting darker, but there was a red sign hanging from the ceiling that said 'EXIT'. It gleamed like a divine beacon.

When he was about to get to the door, the dark man stopped and Avery almost collided with him. The dark man pulled out a bundle of dynamite with a green electronic piece attached.

"Open it," he said, nodding to the door.

Avery grabbed the cold metal handle and pulled it open. The exit led to stairs leading upward, confirming Avery's suspicion that they were underground. At the top, a set of ten guards stood with handguns and rifles, chatting with each other. But as soon as the door opened, they stopped and turned toward Avery, who stared back with equal stupidity.

The dark man appeared over his shoulder and said, "Happy birthday," then lobbed the dynamite about three steps away.

The guards all barreled down the stairs, nearly tumbling over each other. The man pulled Avery back and yanked the door closed, almost crushing his hand in the jamb.

Gun shots fired behind the heavy metal door, but pinged harmlessly. Avery crawled back from the door, breathing heavily from exhaustion of all the excitement. The dark man stood with his arms crossed, grinning like the devil.

"Rest in pieces."

And then there was a thunderous boom, a series of low guttural screams that were all suddenly muted. Avery shut his eyes for a split-second. The dark man pulled the door open and went up. Avery followed him in and nearly gagged.

The explosion had coated the walls with blood and bone shrapnel. Red coated pieces of clothing fabric and shining wet debris were strewed about the steps. It smelled like the inside of a farm.

This was carnage. This was worse than any horror movie he'd ever seen. Did he want to be saved anymore?

He walked up the metal stairs, taking care not to slip on the mess. He couldn't avert his eyes from the gore, trying to identify the pieces he was looking at.

"Keep moving, or I'll leave you like them," the dark man said.

Avery ran faster, keeping well out of the man's personal bubble. Aboveground, it was daylight. The corridors were abandoned. No patients or guards. Either they'd escaped, hid, or already been killed. The dark man turned at the stairs to the second story and started climbing.

"Wait, the exit's over there," Avery said.

"Not taking the exit, chump," he rasped. "There'll be a million little piggies there. A few too many guns for your hide."

"Then how are we getting out?" he said as he U-turned and went up the stairs.

"Leave the smarts to me." They ran all the way to the back of the building, to a custodian closet. He practically ripped off the hinges off the door, and approached a small metal hatch with a twist handle that said 'trash only'.

"The garbage chute?" Avery asked. The odor of rotted food was stale and repulsive, but it was mixed with something else that he couldn't place.

"Right, jack," the man tore off the chute door and threw it away. "Off you go." He picked up Avery by the neck and flung him feet first into the chute.

He scrambled for a hand hold but the surprise made him panic. Any wall he touched slipped from underneath his fingers.

As he fell down the slippery slide he became aware of what that other smell was burning garbage. The incinerator was right below him. A bright light under his feet confirmed it. He was falling towards a pit of fire.

Avery flailed his arms on the smooth metal, trying to stop his descent, but he ended up cutting his palms on the seams between aluminum plates. The pipe spouted him out into the open air and he screamed as he was about to tumble into the flames.

A hand grabbed the back of Avery's shirt and yanked him up like a parachute. His feet dangled over the roasting furnace, ripe with the smell of human waste.

Once Avery realized he was not dead he looked up and saw the dark man hanging above him, one hand on his shirt, the other holding onto his skull-staff wedged in the chute.

He swung once and tossed Avery over to the side. He landed free of the incinerator, but hard on the pavement road. Avery struggled to get up, as the man dropped next to him. Avery was overwhelmed by feelings of shock, fear. His muscles cried out against any more movement.

They were behind the asylum now, at a shipping and receiving garage next to the reinforced garbage bin. A parked semi-truck faced them.

"The truck," the dark man said and pointed to a semi-truck that faced them.

Avery ran his aching feet over the tiny sticking stones in the gravel. He was about to crossover to the passenger's side when the dark man pushed him away.

"No," he said. "You drive."

"What, but..." Avery almost stopped to protest, but remembered that this was not his show. He had absolutely no say.

Avery hoisted himself up, holding onto the side-view mirror for leverage. An overweight man with a cap sitting in the seat turned to Avery.

"Hey, what the hell-" he said with his arms half-raised. Before Avery could get over his surprise and finish thinking how he was going to grapple this man for the driver's seat, a gunshot sounded. A small squib of blood burst out from the trucker's forehead. His eyes rolled back and he flopped onto Avery, who tried to stop himself from squealing.

Avery pulled himself out of the dead man's grasp, then gingerly took the back of his shirt and dragged him off the seat and onto the asphalt, where he made a sickening crack. The dark man hoisted himself into the passenger's seat. Avery did the same and closed his door, while his partner reloaded the gun he'd used to take out the trucker. .

In the side view mirror he saw a group of prison guards, doctors, and orderlies, all armed with guns and prods, running around the corner of the asylum towards the truck.

"Drive," the man commanded.

Avery whimpered. The dashboard looked like an airplane. There were so many gauges and dials. Buttons lined the center of the console, all labeled with vowel-less words. Three gear shifts stared him in the face, daring him to choose one.

"Uh... I don't know... I've never driven a truck," Avery said.

"Learn."

Avery fumbled under the steering wheel, which was more horizontal than vertical, and felt something jingling. Keys? Still in the ignition. He turned them over. The engine bellowed like a bear shot up with cocaine. Avery held the key for what seemed like five minutes, until he thought the massive engine had finished starting.

Then he tapped his foot out for the pedals and felt three. Damn, one of them must have been the clutch. The only time he'd driven a manual transmission was racing video games.

He tried to remember the order of the gears from the pixelated graphics as he stared at the gear shift on the floor, the slots covered by a leather skirt. Didn't you have to push down on the clutch to get going? He pressed the leftmost pedal with his left foot in a wholly unfamiliar experience and tried to shift. The engine made horrible grinding noises like it was in pain.

Gunshots rang outside the window. He felt one impact the back of the cab. Avery started to panic, fluttering his hands to all the buttons and switches, trying to get something to go. Then he felt something cold and metal on his forehead. Avery moved his eyes right and saw a pistol pressed against his temple, and the dark man glowering at him.

"You've got fifteen seconds to get us out of here."

Avery swallowed. He had no doubt the message was honest. He took one and a half seconds to calm down, then pressed down on the clutch. _Fifteen seconds, fifteen seconds._ And moved the gear to the leftmost down position. _Fifteen seconds, how much time now, fifteen seconds._ He lifted his foot off the clutch, and pressed the gas pedal. Three seconds passed.

The truck started heading towards the building. Avery slammed on the brake. They lurched forward. Seven seconds.

"Dammit, where's reverse?" Avery said as he grabbed the lever and positioned it top left, while keeping the clutch pressed. When he tried the gas again, the truck started making a repetitive beeping noise, and crawled backwards. Ten seconds.

The gun was still pressed against his temple. This was apparently not fast enough for his liking.

His rear view showed the people clambering up the side of the truck. No time to be delicate. He slammed on the gas.

The truck pitched backward, gradually accelerating. A loud ker-thump sounded as the cab rose up about two feet, then came back down, followed by a loud gasping sound.

Avery leaned out his driver's window to see. "Oh my god, did we just hit a guy?"

"MOVE."

Avery refocused on the windshield. He guessed it really didn't matter now.

They continued backing out. The speed gauge said they were moving at thirty miles an hour and climbing. The people who had been chasing them from behind were now in front, firing their guns. Every shot went wide. The dark man rolled down his window and fired several shotgun blasts at them, felling two men for each cartridge spent.

The truck rolled on the grass lawn surrounding the building. The road out lay in front of them. They'd cleared the compound, now where was forward?

He almost changed gears while the truck was still moving, then slammed on the brakes as hard as he could. The truck coasted almost a hundred feet before it came to a slow stop. God, this thing was unresponsive. He pulled the lever down one, then hit the gas again. Like a turtle it began crawling down the small incline.

Avery rotated the wheel back and forth wildly until they were pointing the same direction as the road. The cab wound left and right as Avery tried to find the mark. As soon as he made contact, the insensitive controls kept him from staying on the pavement, so they kept snaking down the path.

"Move faster," the man commanded.

"It's a winding road," Avery said.

He heard the click of the revolver.

"Okay, moving faster." Avery pushed on the gas. The truck felt like it was going to flip over with all the centrifugal force.

The gate ahead of them was still closed, but Avery didn't think for one second that it was going to keep them from getting out. As long as he aimed right. He shut his eyes just before they punched through. A corner of the truck scraped off a chunk of brick retaining wall.

The road became perpendicular. Avery slammed the brakes (there were only two speeds he knew in this truck full gas and full stop), and spun the wheel around before they ended up in the ditch. The back of the truck scraped against the edges of the wall as it emerged at a strange angle. Then they were on the main road and out of the compound.

Avery looked behind him one more time. No one behind him, no one ahead. Ribbons of metal on the trailer curled outward, evidence of the bullets and scraping.

"We're not through yet. Keep driving." The man pointed to his side-view mirror.

In it, he saw a black sedan peeling out of the asylum entrance. Its occupants had black glasses and suits on, like FBI agents, though he was positive they weren't. Avery tried accelerating the sluggish bull of a vehicle, but the cars gained on them easily.

The passenger of the sedan leaned out the window and fired his side arm. Each shot hit the cab's exterior with echoing metal bangs, making Avery cringe.

"Jesus," he exclaimed. "We're gonna die. Aren't you-" Avery was about to ask why the dark man wasn't doing something, a bold move really, when he saw he was pulling something out of his front pocket. It was a metal sphere, like a large ball bearing.

The man had his head bent down, like he was praying. His mouth was moving, but he was saying something in a different language, something like Latin.

"Pestis cruento vilomaxus pretiacruento. In marana domus-bhaava crunatus," he whispered. At least that's what Avery thought he said.

The ball bearing levitated off his palm, bobbing up in the air. It made a whirring noise, and four razor-sharp blades flicked out, one on each side.

The spiked ball flew up lightning fast and crashed through the passenger window lightning fast. It left a trail of white vapor as it headed behind them. Avery gaped and switched his eyes to his own side-view mirror. The last he saw of it was when it plunged into the driver's side of the sedan.

The car started winding back and forth on the road, as if someone had lost control. The truck had drifted too far away to be able to see the interior, so he had no idea what the ball was doing.

The windshield of the sedan exploded with red, as if someone had flung paint from the back seat. Then the car really buckled, and with one turn too much it fell over and spun up into the air, rotating like a spindle. When it landed, it exploded in a humongous fireball.

Avery swallowed and turned back to the road, and then to his... savior. He had pulled a flask out and was gulping it down. After drinking enough so that he must have swallowed the whole thing, he wiped his mouth and sighed like an airplane engine winding down. "Better than kool-aid," he mumbled.

Avery glanced at the flaming wreckage, getting smaller and smaller in the mirror. "Is... is that it? Is that all of them?"

"No more piggies," he muttered.

Avery breathed deeply for the first time since this started. He was afraid to say anything, but didn't want to seem ungrateful. He asked one question, "What's your name?"

The man lowered his hat in front of eyes, signaling that he did not want to be asked questions. He did answer the first one though.

"Call me Caleb."


	20. Chapter 20

Avery drove where Caleb told him, with only a few freeway changes. By the signs on the road, they were still in Texas, but 197 miles west of Dallas. He didn't dare ask if he could get to a phone, or some food, or use the bathroom. He was clearly dealing with a maniac, as dubiously benevolent he might be. Even if he could get to a phone, he was too afraid that he was now wanted for murder.

Was there any relation to him and the real Caleb, the boy in the shed? The coincidence was too uncanny to let go. What had he been told about Caleb? Something about a special soul and needing it for some reason. He was fuzzy on the details, and he wished he'd paid better attention now. He thought it was all a joke at the time.

But Caleb was dead. His dad saw the body, and so did the police. Plus he was a teenager. This was a man who'd seen many years. That meant the Caleb here now was not the same. But they must have had some sort of connection. That was as far as he got without making completely wild conjectures. After today, everything he thought was real about laws of nature had flown out the window. Just like that spiked ball.

Sunset had painted the sky red when Caleb told him to pull over. Avery trailed the truck to the shoulder and put it in park. Caleb got out and started walking. Avery did the same, once he figured out he was supposed to follow.

They headed for the bright lights of a nearby town, silent all the way. It took them two hours to reach the outskirts and another two to get to their destination. They kept to the dark alleys to hide Avery's blood stained mental asylum outfit and Caleb's insane red eyes. It was no ghost town, but the place felt abandoned. When they reached downtown, Caleb led them to a seedy motel complete with buzzing neon sign. It was only two stories high and looked like nothing more than an converted apartment.

There was a permanent smell of old cheap liquor, like the off-campus housing he'd visited. A tiny desk on the right, stairs on the left. The hotel manager wore a stained wifebeater and held a flyswatter at the ready, cigarette dangling out of his mouth. He looked Italian or Turkish and glanced once from his magazine. The two other people in the lobby didn't look up at all. This was a place where you didn't ask questions, because you didn't want answers.

They took the stairs up, which leveled out into another platform with two numbered doors on either side, and then more stairs. Two people, one that looked like a black prostitute and one that looked like a child molester were talking on the landing.

"And he keeps carrying that basket with him, wherever he goes. I always ask him what's in it. He says something different each time. Clothes, books."

"Not as weird as the guy in 'five', from Michigan. He keeps telling me about this cabin in the woods he come from. Well, why don't he go there if it's so nice?"

Avery missed the rest of the conversation after they passed.

Caleb opened the door to room number seven with a rusted key, even though it looked like it could be shattered with a sharp kick. Blue paint was chipping off the ceiling, sprinkling on the single bed that was hardly distinguishable from a cot. Besides that, the room contained a dresser, a TV with rabbit ears, and a window.

"Can I use the bathroom?" Avery asked.

"Free country," Caleb rasped as he went to the dresser and put away his tools of destruction. Metal banged against metal.

The bathroom was probably built back in the days when they were referred to as 'water closets'. No one had cleaned the closet for years. When he was done he found Caleb sitting in the bed, lining him up through the sight of the pistol.

Avery sucked in his breath until he saw the brush and disassembled metal parts next to him, and realized he was just cleaning.

Caleb had hung his trenchcoat and hat on the door, and now wore jeans and a collared shirt, yellow with age and smeared with gunpowder.

Not quite sure what to do, Avery walked over to the window and looked out. Not much to see besides the brick face of another building. The fire escape blocked most of the view.

He put his hands in his pockets, and stood there awkwardly, watching Caleb clean his gun. He didn't want to disturb the silence. None of his fear of this man had subsided. He'd seen him do terrible things and those memories were still fresh. His eyes were still glowing red.

Caleb reassembled the gun and stared down the barrel like a telescope. Then he snapped it back in place, making Avery jump. He laughed as he shoved a bullet in each chamber, then spun the barrel, like a wheel of fortune.

Avery was almost sure he was going to kill him. But then that didn't make sense. Why help him escape just to kill him? Maybe he wanted to do it personally? Duel at ten paces?

"Um..." Avery said.

"Where's my book?" Caleb interrupted.

"What?" Avery had no idea what he was talking about. What book? When did a book come into this?

"Where is my book?"

"Um... I don't... know... what..."

In one second, Caleb leapt off the bed and held his revolver at Avery's temple. He stumbled back, trapped between the wall and a madman. Caleb clutched Avery's larynx with his sandpaper hands.

"Listen, punk. I'm not playing twenty questions. The shed behind the house had a book." "It's not there anymore. It is gone. Simple concept. Who took it?"

What was he talking about? He'd never been in a shed. "What shed? I don't know any-"

Caleb clicked the safety off.

"Aa! Aa! I don't have any book. I don't have it."

"Then who does?"

Somewhere in his panic, he remembered the shed where his sister died. If the book wasn't there... "Uh, maybe the police? When they died-"

Caleb shoved the gun in further like he was going to punch through. "Where?"

"Aah! The police station. They took it. They have it."

He grinned like a devil. "There's a bullet with your name on it in here. Don't play games."

"They have it, I swear. They took it for evidence. They showed me a picture. It's probably in some police locker. In Kilward."

Caleb released his throat and put down the gun. He patted him on the head. "Good boy." He grabbed a shotgun and a flare pistol out of the second dresser drawer. Avery eased back to the wall and rubbed his neck.

Caleb said, "Now you be a good boy and stay here." He dug in the third drawer, which clanked and rattled with bottles. "Here, have some wine. It'll cure what ails ya."

He threw the bottle at Avery who somehow had the presence of mind to catch it. A break or spill could mean instant death. 'Pierre Bourchat's Luscious Grape-Flavored Alcohol. Contains 10% actual fruit'.

It looked as cheap as the hotel. But far be it from him to disobey the orders of someone who had put a gun to his head about five times today. He was about to ask for a corkscrew when he realized it had a plastic screw top.

"Do you want any?" The whole bottle was way too much for him, even if he wanted to drink it.

Caleb already had his trenchcoat and hat back on and was heading for the window. "I never drink... wine." He climbed out onto the fire escape and leapt into the darkness.

Avery ran to the window. No sign of him.

Who the fuck was this guy? Some sort of demon? An agent sent from hell? An anti-angel? A guy on PCP with an unhealthy lust for firearms? Maybe it was best not to ask.

He certainly wasn't going to drink the whole thing alone. That was what alcoholics did. He placed the bottle on the windowsill.

Instead, he looked around Caleb hadn't forbidden that expressly. He would have to be careful not to touch anything or move anything out of place. He didn't want to risk getting a face full of a psycho yelling 'you been touchin' my stuff?'.

He started by opening the top drawer, which contained a scattered selection of small handguns and pistols. Ammo too long bullets, small bullets, and half-opened boxes dotted the bottom layer like loose change. Nothing valuable to Avery in here though.

The second drawer was the same, except they were larger guns, like his sawed-off and a canister labeled 'napalm'. It had the strong odor of gasoline.

The third had nothing but half empty bottles of whiskey and scotch, with weird labels he'd never heard of, like 'JoJo's Black Label #47' and 'Ol' Red 89'. They all smelled like they could strip paint. The fourth drawer had some clothes, including a spare leather trench coat. Nothing else in the room had Caleb's personal touch.

He didn't dare leave, that was an explicit instruction. So he flipped on the TV. Nothing but static. He fiddled with the antenna trying to get a picture, but all he got were teases a snippet of dialogue here, the image of a newscaster at another. He finally gave up after ten minutes of cat and mouse with the channels. After that there was nothing else to do.

So here he was. Still trapped in a way, but it was a hell of a lot better than his previous situation. The wheels had been set in motion that would make him free. Soon he could return to normal, to everyone's good graces. Every journey began with a single step, and finally he'd taken the first one.

 _And that deserved a little reward,_ he thought as his eyes met the bottle of wine on the windowsill. He screwed off the cap and a vinegar smell puffed out. He took a sip. It was closer to cough syrup than wine. But it was something to do.

Avery drank until he fell asleep... or passed out.

* * *

 _Lightning flashed outside the cave. Sounds of hissing and spitting in the crevices of the red rocks. A crimson glow from the ground. The walls spotted with unseen striations coming together at strange angles that shouldn't have been._

 _The cavern rumbled and voices beckoned above. He walked towards the dark void ahead, the only way out._

 _"I've carved my soul to shreds in service to a forgotten god."_

 _It was a long dark tunnel. The spitting and squealing grew louder. It sounded like an animal, but there was none to be seen._

 _"All I've earned by my labor and my sacrifices are more and greater promises."_

 _The cave opened like a jaw into a wide field, surrounded by mountains. Flashes of lightning cracked the black cloud-ridden skies. The red light from the ground was the only way he could see. Six irregular stone pillars stood in a circle on the paper-flat valley._

 _"All my loyalty bought were false promises and betrayal."_

 _At the top of the pillars were spheres of light. No, they weren't spheres. They looked more like black holes, purple swirling vortexes. Streaks of electricity flashed between them. He walked further into the circle, unaware of what was expected of him, only that he was doing what was fated, what he could not escape._

 _"What little humanity I retain is corrupted by the Beast."_

 _The area dwarfed him a tiny speck in the blood chaos around. The air was edged like a knife. His soul cut to ribbons. The place was corrupting his mind, draining it of everything except its most primal urges._

 _"The time has come to sate its appetite."_

 _And even those urges drained, until only one feeling remained._

 _"And bite the hand that feeds."_

 _Fear._

 _Someone was behind him. Something huge._

 _He turned around and saw the Nightmare staring back._

Avery woke up with eyes shot open, forehead sweaty and sore. He had the worst headache in the world right now. "Goddamn nightmares," he muttered.

Then he realized he was on the floor, a thin puddle of drool under his mouth. What was he doing on the floor? He lifted his head, trying not to think of the diseases he might have picked up. His hand was still around the bottle, and all the muscles in his body ached from this stupid sleeping position he'd been in.

"What in the hell?" he whispered. "How'd I get on the floor?"

He sat up, no balance whatsoever. His body was wrecked, and felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his head. He had alcohol poisoning. He hadn't eaten or drank water for hours, coupled with his exhaustion and stress. He was going the right way for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Caleb was in the bed, snoring loudly in the sunlight. It was nine thirty in the morning, and the day and month were still a mystery. And he was starving.

It was taking all his willpower not to throw up. He went to the bathroom and drank as much coppery water as he could stomach, cupping his hands and taking air-filled gulps. He returned to the room, thinking of where he could get some food. There was certainly none in here. Something told him that Caleb didn't eat food. Given that he'd absorbed enough bullets to wipe out a city block, needing to eat was probably a low priority.

He stared at Caleb a long time, afraid to wake him up. All the fear and nerves were fighting with his instincts for food and healing. He tried to will Caleb awake with his eyes.

"Um, excuse me," Avery said meekly.

Caleb made no motion.

"Excuse me?" he said a little louder. Caleb stirred and snorted under his hat. Come on, he brought you here, he wouldn't kill you if you asked for some food.

"Excuse me? Um, I'm hungry."

"I ain't your waiter," Caleb said.

"Um, I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten anything in like eighteen hours, and I've been running around-"

"Have some wine."

Urrgh, the mere thought of more wine made Avery want to upchuck, but this was a man who treasured his alcohol. He didn't want to offend his delicate sensibilities.

"Uh, for breakfast?" Avery asked.

Caleb replied with nothing.

"I need some real food. I feel like crap. I can't have any more wine."

Caleb grumbled and picked his hat off his head. He said, "I ain't your babysitter. Go get a burrito. Whatever you kids eat these days. Ain't no one stoppin' you."

"Do you know where there's a place to eat around here?"

"Christ, you're a baby. Go ask the clerk. I ain't your directory service."

Avery thought it better not to ask anymore questions. As his hand grabbed the doorknob, he caught a glance of his clothes. A shirt with a serial number, stained with dried blood on the front. He wouldn't get two feet in this, especially after what happened at Pulpwood Groves. The police would be on him in a flash.

"Um, do you have a change of clothes?" he said as he tugged on his shirt.

Caleb groaned with disgust and sat up. Avery half-expected him to pull out another gun and shoot him for being annoying. Instead he pulled his coat off and threw it at him. Avery looked at the ratty thing, wondering how this was an improvement.

"No one fucks with you in a trenchcoat," Caleb said and flopped on his side.

It fit well, at least. And had warmth, despite being riddled with small holes and tears. That seemed to be everything he needed, except... Oh, god, he didn't want to ask again.

"Um, I don't have any money."

Caleb turned his head back and those red eyes shot into Avery's gut like a bullet. "B-but, I'll find some..."

Caleb fished out a fat roll of cash from his pocket, then threw it in his general direction. Avery almost fumbled the catch. "Wow, thanks," Avery said, sounding like a child. Where did he get this... No, he didn't want to know. He could live on suspicions alone.

He opened the door, his trenchcoat buttoned around him tightly. It didn't stop him from looking like a maniac, but at least it covered up the blood. It felt like a bathrobe with his treaded slippers.

The same hotel clerk was at the bottom of the stairs same clothes, same magazine, same flyswatter.

"Um, excuse me, do you know where there's, like, a breakfast place around here or something," Avery said timidly.

"You... you with man in room seven?"

"Yes," Avery said even more meekly.

"He not pay bill for three months. He squat there. You tell him if he want to stay here longer, he pay. Or I call police," he said in a thick accent.

Avery thought of paying right now with the wad of cash, but didn't want to risk using it all. "Oh... uh, yeah, I'll tell him."

"You, pretty boy. You make sure he does no funny business to you."

What? What did he think... "No! No, he's... no, it's not like that. I'm just staying there."

"Uh-huh. Right."

"Look, can you just tell me where I can find some food?"

"Beefy Queen. Go left on corner," he thumbed. "Can't miss it."

"Thanks," Avery said. God, what a freak.

Avery ignored the looks he got from other people on the street early this morning. He was outside though, back in the city, back in civilization. In fact, he could leave right now if he wanted. He had plenty of money. He could get some clothes, get a cab, get the hell out of here, get back home.

Then what, though? No wallet. No license or ID. His dad? Where had he been during all this. College? They thought he was a murderer. They all did. He had nowhere to go now. Plus Caleb would probably hunt him down and bring him back as a sack of red Jell-O. There were still things he needed to finish. He had to clear up Sophia's death, and expose Cabalco.

The Beefy Queen was covered in window signs that said 'The New MAXIMURGER - Now With Over a Pound of 'Cooked' Meat - only $2.95'. Right next to that were yellow jagged lines reading 'Try Our New 'Meatcakes'! Five Different Flavors' with a picture that looked like an amorphous blob of meat and cheese. He'd hate to see the nutrition facts on it.

Inside was much the same, with ads for all its 'premium sandwich supplements', made with 'Secret Flavoring'. The smell of deep frying oils brought back a sense of familiarity that he thought he would never get back.

The corpulent dark-skinned cashier stared at him while he looked up at the menu, like he was interrupting his day. Finally, Avery couldn't take it any more and approached him.

"Welcome-to-Beefy-Queen-the-beefiest-burgers-in-the-country-would-you-like-to-try-a-combo-meal".

"No, thank you," he said. "Don't you have any breakfast food?"

"Kay, breakfast food."

"Like an Egg McMuffin, or pancakes?"

"Mm, no."

"So you've got your regular menu now? At eight in the morning?"

"Yes."

That sounded ridiculous. Who in the world wanted a MaxiMurger with their morning coffee?

Avery turned up to the menu, picking random items. "Can I please get one Beefy Burger. One Tender Chicky Birdburger. Two deer-flavored meatcakes. A large fries. And a medium Mountain Dew."

"Will that be all?"

"Yes."

"12.76-is-your-total."

Avery paid, got the food, and walked the block back, picking at his meatcakes on the way. When he got back to the hotel room, Caleb was still sitting on the bed, looking at an oval picture frame.

"I got some food. Do you want any?"

"I don't eat that shit," he replied, eyes on the frame.

Avery shrugged, and replaced the roll of cash on the dresser. Munching a partially wrapped bird burger that tasted like sausage, he leaned over to see what Caleb was staring at. The frame had a sepia portrait of a woman.

"Who's that?"

"Mind your business." Caleb snapped the frame shut, and shoved it in the crack between mattresses.

"Okay," Avery replied without thinking. Caleb put his hat over his eyes again. Avery shrugged and sat down on the floor to finish up his heavy breakfast. Now that he no longer had biological urges taking precedence in his mind, questions came to him.

Now what were they supposed to do? Why did Caleb spring him out in the first place? Was he free? Was he supposed to stay here? Where would he go? Was there a warrant out for his arrest? Was he even still on the grid? Was anyone looking for him?

"So... what happens next?" Avery said.

"You shut up and sit down," Caleb said. "I'll take care of you when it's time."

"Take care of me? What do you mean?"

"You know, you ask a lot of questions. If I were you, I'd take a nice warm glass of 'shut the hell up'."

Avery closed his mouth. Take care of him? When? How? Like an execution? Was he some sort of bounty hunter? Maybe hired by Tucker's family so they could torture and kill him? Wait, that sounded a little far-fetched. On the other hand, making people melt was far-fetched.

What the hell was he talking about? He had zero idea what 'take care of' meant. Maybe it meant being delivered back home. Yeah, it was twice as likely that his dad hired him to break him out. He might have spent the last of his money on this.

"So, can I leave in the meantime," Avery asked.

"No," Caleb sneered.

"So I'm just supposed to sit here?" Avery tried to say it in the nicest way possible.

"Ergh," Caleb said. He reached over on the side of the bed and tossed back a magazine. "Baby," he muttered.

Avery untangled the periodical, something called 'Guns N' Gibs'. Caleb had his hat back on his eyes so Avery decided not to bother him anymore.

He had trouble getting the pages to open because they were stuck together, with what looked like bloody fingerprints. He paged through, poring over women holding guns and guns holding women, and disturbing articles about exploding-point bullets and shatter-shells. It only took half an hour, and he put it down without any desire to read it again.

Caleb's snoozing droned in the background. Avery looked around the room and saw the picture frame sticking out of the mattress. He pulled it out cautiously, making no movements to disturb the sleeping body, and opened it.

It was a woman with long brown hair, wearing a cape or shawl, and looking into the camera with her hands clasped. It was old. Damn old. Like Civil War old. Maybe it was taken with one of the first cameras. The detail was faded. All he could see was the shape of her body, and some of her face. He pulled the picture closer. The girl looked a lot like S-

A hand grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him up. He dropped the picture.

The gun pressed against his head went click-click-click before Avery could process what was happening.

Caleb stared him in the face, eye to glowing red eye. Avery felt his bladder drop.

"Hmm," Caleb said. "Forgot to load it. Your lucky day."

He shoved Avery back to the ground, and picked a clip of ammo out from his jeans. "No touchee," he said. He picked up the picture and brought it to his side of the bed.

After several stunned minutes, Avery thanked his lucky stars he didn't wet himself. Maybe he would read that magazine for a while. A long while.


	21. Chapter 21

They left the hotel at nine o'clock, as soon as all the natural light had been extinguished from the sky. Caleb got up like the risen dead and left.

Avery followed him into a bar, having filled the time with a short nap, but mostly laying still and worrying. He felt like a zombie from the lack of sleep and fear of his fate, and definitely didn't feel like going to a bar. But he hadn't been calling the shots since... had he ever called the shots?

He was too tired to fight back now, anyway. He just knew he was in some bar that smelled like cheap beer, bad cigars, and perfume worn by women of dubious moral character. The speakers blared some boppy radio craze, completely inappropriate for the environment.

But at least he wasn't afraid of being killed here. This was a bar, filled with glorious witnesses... er, people. The girls all wore black tank-tops and cigarettes. The men looked like they were more comfortable riding bikes than women. Seedy people, but people with eyes and phones to call police.

Caleb looked like he always had, a grim reaper who'd been laid off. The only time he'd seen him smile was when he was knee deep in guts. He walked up to the bar, and Avery sat next to him, looking like his retarded younger brother.

"Gimme a Jack," Caleb muttered.

The bartender delivered a lowball with dark liquor. "What are you supposed to be, the evil Indiana Jones?"

"Eeeerrrugh," Caleb sneered and slapped some cash on the bar. He shot half of it down, before the barback had scooped the money in his hand.

"Is this what you normally do?" Avery asked.

"Oh, a little song and dance, bloodbath here and there. What's it to you? Swilling rotgut in a dive bar too good for you, college boy?"

"N-no. I was just wondering. Just making conversation."

"Remember what I said about the questions?" Caleb pointed a grimy finger at him. Avery kept quiet and asked for a glass of water when the bartender came back around. He nursed it for an hour, watching SportsCenter, watching the slutty girls get drunker and drunker.

Caleb didn't speak a single word, and was now on his fifth shot, showing no obvious signs of inebriation. This was probably one of those guys that could drink and drink and drink and never show it.

"How ya doin'?" the bartender asked.

"Keep 'em coming." Caleb pounded another ten on the wood, and the bartender kept them coming.

The music changed to an even poppier noise, brought on by the woman in pigtails by the jukebox. Some teeny bopper in a voice so synthesized it could have come from a computer was singing about love, skies, and being true to yourself.

"I love this song," she said slurrishly to her athletic boyfriend. "Come on, let's dance." She took her boyfriend's arms, one still holding a drink and pumped them back and forth, hopping up and down. Her balance shot, she tumbled into Caleb, making him splash a drop of brown liquor.

He growled. Avery tensed.

Caleb spun around and with a strong flourish and shoved the girl aside. She protested with a shrill "hey!"

Caleb walked up to the jukebox. He looked like he was trying to comprehend the digital readout and CD's instead of records. Then he delivered a sharp hit to its side that would have shattered bones. The CD inside skipped and flew off. As the LED display read "ERR", he inserted his own quarter, pressed some buttons, and Sinatra's "Fly Me To The Moon" started playing.

"Aaah, much better," he sighed.

"Hey," the boyfriend stood up to him as Old Blue Eyes started the first verse. "What the hell are you doing? My girl picked that song."

"Your girl needs her ears checked."

"Hey, son of a bitch. Change it back, old man."

"Oh, a music lover, eh? Let's change the tune."

He smashed his fist through the plastiglass, blood dripping on the jutting shards, and grabbed the shiny spinning disc.

"Silence is golden," Caleb said slyly

His girl shrieked. The boyfriend held his hands to his face. "Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with you?" His girl buried herself in his abs.

"Just a music lover like yourself. Here's your first cut." He flung the disc like a ninja star and stuck halfway in the meat of the boyfriend's leg. He grabbed his thigh, blood welling around the half disc.

"Aah, you son of a bitch," he said.

Caleb wound up for a kick, when the barkeeper came up from behind and pinned his arms over his head in a full-nelson. Some of the bar's rougher and courageous patrons, bikers and vets, grabbed Caleb's other limbs and tossed him out the door.

"Hey, get off me. You're all dead, you hear me? You're all dead and you don't know it yet!" That was last Avery heard of him. He stayed motionless, not knowing if they would associate the two since they were both wearing trenchcoats.

The place was mostly empty now. Everyone else had gone outside to see the fight.

"The place was too crowded anyway."

Avery looked up to the other end of the bar. Walker was there holding a lowball with golden liquor.

"Walker?" Avery exclaimed.

"One and only. Need anything? The candyman seems to have left the store open." He bent over the bar to look at the selection.

"What the hell? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Pick-up, drop-off. Had to gather some cargo."

"But... but... but..."

Walker stood up. "Come on, let's get out of here before he comes back. He forgot his guns at home."

"How do you know that?"

"Because if he hadn't, he would have used them."

Avery bit his lip.

"Let's go." Walker left out the back way without checking if Avery was following.

Once out of the way, Avery had no compunctions about posing questions to Walker. He was a saint compared to Caleb, good riddance to him. "Okay, what the hell is going on? What did- why is everything? Why am I here?"

"Slow down, son. Don't jump out of the plane before you checked your parachute. You'll get all your questions answered. Think about what you want to know."

 _Yeah, right,_ Avery thought. "Well, what happened?"

"You're a free man, Avery. The ultimate freedom. Off the radar, off the scope. No one knows where you are, or who you are. You are under the bed."

"What about Pulpwood Groves?"

"The biggest inmate massacre since '86. Some poor schizo found the guards' supply of anti-establishment toys and decided to test them out with a small sample of innocents. Spin is beautiful, ain't it? It serves everyone."

"So it's a cover-up?"

"Granted. What would you expect from Cabalco?"

"Cabalco? They covered it up? Why?"

"Cabalco owns the asylum," he said as if he was talking to a child with special needs. "They own the building, they own the lot, they owned the agents that chased you, they owned the truck that got you out of there, they own the candy in the vending machines. They own everything. Haven't you figured it out yet? They are everywhere. And they have to be stopped."

"Look, I'm not fighting a personal war. I just want to go home."

"We're not going home. You have no home. Home has forsaken you. Where was your home when you were in there? Cut your ties and lose it. It doesn't matter now. All that matters is what lies ahead. If you look back, all you see is a dead road."

Avery sighed, exasperated. "Then where do we go from here?"

"The train."

* * *

The train car was already chugging along when they reached the valley. Walker ran down the hill, and Avery struggled to keep catch with him. His body was wracked with pain, begging him to give up with every heartbeat.

Walker jumped onto the orange corrugated metal that read 'SOO LINE' and reached out his hand for Avery. Sidling along the foot boards, they reached the door inside. Walker tore the handle off to unlock it and they walked into an icy dark room.

"I feel like a hobo, riding the rails," Avery commented.

"There's nothing romantic about this," Walker answered. "Don't think this is some Hemingway journey. We're not off to seek grand adventure. We're here to kill. We're here to ruin lives."

Avery looked up at Walker the way a puppy looked at his owner holding a newspaper. But neither saw the other's expression, only outlines from what little light the open doorway would give. Walker found a seat on some boxes and took a flask out of his pocket.

"Drink?" he offered and jangled his container.

The thought of alcohol made his stomach clench. He rubbed his belly and shook his head. Walker took his nip. "Remember that plan we talked about?" he said.

"What plan?" Avery asked.

"Ending them. Stopping them. Vengeance. Redemption. All that jazz. The heart is Cabalco. We strike at the heart now."

"Why me? I'm just a college kid. You're much better suited to this stuff than me. You actually want it. I've got things to do at home. I've got school. I've got to get a job. I'm not a hero."

"Who said you were becoming a hero?" he laughed. "Believe me, nothing you could be doing right now is as important as this. And no one at home cares about where you are at this moment. Don't you want to save the world, kid?"

"No," Avery said emphatically. "I don't want to save the world. I don't care about redemption, or vengeance, or anything. I. Just. Want. To. Go. Home."

"None of us can go home, kid. Your home's owned by the Cabal. Your furniture, your flowers, your future. All owned and templated. What would be the point of going home? Like I said. You can only look at what's ahead now."

"I don't care. I'll deal with it," Avery mumbled, trying to hold back tears of exhaustion.

Walker gulped another shot down. "You go home, you don't think there's going to be a lot of outstanding issues? What about the classes you missed? The time you were gone? Your enrollment? Your family? The police station? The arrest and commitment? There's going to be a lot of questions for you. Where were you all that time? Are you still going to school? Weren't you that one who killed his roommate? Did they ever follow through the arrest with a trial?"

"I didn't kill him."

"They don't know that. And they never will. It's in the record now. Avery Price, considered lost after three tragic deaths of those close to him. You don't think that doesn't raise a few eyebrows? Face it. You're as dead as them. Only difference is your heart's still beating."

Walker paused for another shot. "The only way they're going to let you back in is if you come back with the truth. You've dropped off the world. Use it to your advantage. Bring the fuckers down."

Unable to stand anymore, Avery slid to the floor against some boxes. He was so far down the well he couldn't even see stars anymore.

Over and over he had let himself become debased from ineffectual college kid, to criminal, to mental patient, now to... nothing. It had gotten so bad that his goal was just to integrate into society again. When that was your biggest challenge, how in the world could you ever hope to be successful anymore?

Walker tipped his flask back one more time, emptying the last of it, and said with a gravelly sigh, "So... you got to meet Caleb, huh? And lived to tell the tale."

"Who is he?" Avery asked. "Besides a psycho."

"Sorry about that. Would've done it myself, but I had some things to attend to. I'm surprised he took the job. Must've been because I mentioned the book."

"Wait. You asked him to get me?"

Walker nodded.

Avery said, "What book? The one in the shed?"

"Yeppers. That was his book. His shed. His land. Over a hundred years ago. Caleb was the first of us to become Unforgiven."

"So he has the same 'bloodlust' as you. That's why his eyes were red." Avery remembered.

"Right. He has the Bloodlust the rage and pain in one's heart so deep the eyes can't shield it."

"But they were always red."

Walker sighed. "Yeah. There's good reason for that. See, back in the day, Caleb was a gunfighter, made his kicks gunnin' down anyone who looked at him two shades shy of gray. He was on everyone's shit list west of Ole Miss. Wanted in twenty states. Unwanted in all the rest. You get my drift? Well, turns out he fell for a bird who come a cropper of the Cabal. Or her husband did, before they made her a grass widow."

"Was that the woman in the photograph that Caleb keeps?"

"Could be. Let me finish this heap first. See, Caleb fell for the girl, but the girl fell for the Cabal. And what cult wouldn't want a deadshot in their ranks? Pretty soon they were all in good graces, them and two others. So much that they were considered The Chosen, the four generals of the Cabal, elite servants. And serve they did. With the power they had, there was nothing left of their humanity when He was done with them. And so it came time for the betrayal."

"Who's 'he'?"

"Not important. Their leader, let's say. I don't know when it happened, exactly. But they were condemned, forced to rot inside their own shells. They burned. Oh, they burned. And Caleb was the only to make it back ali-... well, whatever you call it. Who knows how? Happened 70 years ago. But he came back with vengeance. His love taken, his life taken, what else did he have?"

"He came back for the Cabal?"

"Right, he came back and killed nearly all of them. That was the end of the Cabal, for a while at least, you know how it is cults aren't people, they're ideas. Bad ideas. And you can never kill an idea. It lays low, sleeping, until someone picks it back up again and runs with it. So that's where the Cabal is, and that's where Caleb is. He's been wandering the earth ever since no home, no master, just his gun and his rage. Hard to find employment when you're an evil cultist. But as I understand it, now he's making a move."

"What move? Against the Cabal?"

"'Spect so. I didn't ask. But it's why he wanted the book. I think it's got instructions in it, instructions Caleb made, on resurrecting the other Chosen."

"You mean my sister?"

"No, the original one-of-a-kinds. No, he won't try to regain their souls. That's what your sister had. And the Chosen lost theirs a long time before they were made unclean. Souls don't make good Chosen. That's why the Cabal wanted Caleb's. They wanted it for a bargaining chip. Heh, wouldn't have worked. Who would have it now?"

That was it, Avery realized. That was the missing piece. "That's why my sister died?"

"About right."

"The Cabal really didn't want Sophia. They wanted Caleb. And she had to pay for Cabalco's crimes."

"What's that word? Collateral damage?"

Avery clenched his fists. "So that's our plan, right? Strike down the Cabal? Take it back?"

"Hell no," Walker uttered. "That's Caleb's agenda. That's what he wants. I couldn't care less who rules the world. The Cabal will always exist. If they could still live on after their god was destroyed, there's nothing that could stop them. They survived thousands of years like rats and cockroaches, and still came out in the end smelling like a rose. There's nothing that's going to kill them totally."

"Then what are we doing?"

"You leave the knowledge to me. It's all part of the plan."

"Does it have something to do with where we're going?"

"Sure enough. The best way to get at a rotting apple is the core. Infiltrate the system and get us what we need. Then the powers that be will lose a lot of theirs. Vengeance, redemption, it can all be yours." From inside his coat, Walker pulled out a thick yellow envelope and passed it to him. "It's all there for you. Cabalco manual, employment papers, W-2's, phone records, resume, photo ID..."

"I'm infiltrating Cabalco?"

"Why not you?"

Avery scoffed, "Look at me and ask that again."

"They know the Unforgiven, kid. They made me, they rejected me, and I can never get back in. You, on the other hand, are a clean cut kid with fresh ideas and strong arms."

Avery pulled out the contents of the envelope. The picture, from what he could make out, looked a lot like him. "How did you get all this?"

"Been planning this a while. You're in their system, all official and everything. We decided to let you keep your own name, didn't want you to screw up and give yourself away accidentally. They're crafty."

"I thought you said everyone was looking for me, that I was on the police radar. Aren't they going to find records of my so-called employment at Cabalco and find me?"

"They couldn't even get in to talk to a research associate, you think they'll find out about you? No one's got a tighter lock on their lips than Cabalco. Part of the new training program, which you will gladly partake in."

"Oh, that's the plan?"

"That's the plan. And you better not screw this up, cause you won't have any backup. No one will be waiting for you on the other side of the fence. It's all you.

"Well, I'm just going into the building, aren't I? They've seen me there before."

"You're not going to the corporate building this time. You're going to the training grounds. Sort of an employee retreat. It's a weak link in the chain, perfect for someone to slip into. They won't be expecting anything out of a fresh-faced recruit like you. They expect you've already gone through the mental conditioning."

"Is that where we're headed now?"

"Nope, going to Old Town now. Still need to pick up a few things." He hopped up on the box and stretched out. "Best to sleep for the time being. We'll be there in a few hours. The details have already been worked out. You just need to follow them. No thinking involved. I know that's not your strong suit."

"Just like your civility."

"Hah," Walker yelped. "Good one." He turned over and said no more.

Avery wrapped his coat around him for warmth. He could have gone over and shut the door, but preferred the blackness with being chilled.

Once again, he was being led. Caleb had led him to Walker, Walker led him to the train, the train was leading him to somewhere else, and from there, somewhere else again. People were always deciding his future for him, making his decisions, and Avery had never spoken up. Even if he did, where would he change direction to? He didn't want anything out of life, so life was deciding what it wanted for him. That's what his life was a slow-moving train with no destination.


	22. Chapter 22

They dropped off as the train was still moving, not a hard thing to do with its turtle's pace. A factory made of brownstone lay across the field. Criss-crossing pipes streamed between buildings like burrowing snakes. Thick cottony smoke puffed out of the stacks.

Walker took him around to the shipping garage. Two semi trucks were parked in the corner beside a wooden fence.

Walker hoisted himself onto the docking platform and broke the chain apart with a shot from his revolver. The garage clickety-clacked all the way up, letting the odor of meat spill out. The combination of spices and preservatives kept it a hair's breadth away from smelling like feces.

Avery's nostrils cleared as if he'd eaten a big glob of horseradish. The deeper they trespassed in, the closer he held his hand to his face. This must have been a rendering plant, or a big organic chemical factory.

They moved through industrial halls tiled with forest green over taupe. Cardboard boxes and crates sat in stacks in each dirty corner, a clear fire hazard. As Walker hit some buttons on a door panel, Avery said, "Could you have picked a worse place?"

"Yes," Walker replied. The door beeped pleasantly and opened to another hallway. They passed a door reading 'FLAVOR ROOM Where the _Magic_ Happens!' So many spices and flavors in bad combinations floated outside, like bacon and grape juice.

They entered a gigantic room in the middle of the factory and climbed a ladder to a catwalk. Big steaming vats full of bubbling brown goo sat below them. They acted like fat smokestacks, wheezing their stench into the air. Avery thought he was going to barf when he first inhaled, and then imagined no one would be able to tell the difference between that and the substance in the vats.

The sound of their feet clanking on the loose metal of the catwalk was joined by a third. From behind a square vertical pipe, a man stepped out of the shadows, shorter and fatter than Walker, but dressed in the same black duster. Another Unforgiven.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said.

"Fancy," Walker replied. "Watch our backs," he said to Avery.

Avery looked around for anyone else. Piping encircled the ceiling. Dials and boilers were coated thick with rust. Vents emitted steam every ten seconds. But all the humans had gone home for the night.

"This has gotta happen fast. Stealth ain't my style," the other man said and produced a small suitcase.

Walker took it and checked its ingredients. "It's all there," the other man said. Walker nodded in confirmation. Avery looked over his shoulder. There was a dry cleaner's claim ticket for a suit. Several bundles of foreign money. Airline tickets?

"What's that? Where am I going?" Avery asked.

"I told you. You're going to the Cabalco training grounds. In the Carpathian mountains."

"What?" Oh god, he never would have agreed to this if he knew he had to leave the country. The only time he'd ever gone outside the U.S. was to Cancun for vacation. Now they expected him to navigate some through some third-world European country with no language and no contacts.

Walker continued, "Your supplies are already there. You're already in the system, and they're expecting you on the date on these tickets."

"What the hell am I supposed to be doing up there? Spy on them and report back?"

The two Unforgiven looked at each other. "Sorry. It _was_ going to be that simple," Walker said. "But something else is going down. They have lots more people gathering there than they should."

"That's why it was so easy to get you in," the other said.

Walker said, "Something's happening there. Something where they're going to need a lot of people. That's suspicious, because the only use the Cabal has for a lot of people is cannon fodder. I think they're making something, maybe a new weapon. The only other thing I know is it involves a ritual."

"Thanks, that's a big help."

Walker shrugged. "Your job is to find out what it is, then tell us. Oh, almost forgot." Walker dug in his coat and handed Avery a thin book. "It's a diary. You can use it to record your evidence, but mostly it's to keep your sanity."

"My sanity?"

"The Cabal is a cult, pure and simple. They use every trick in the book, and plenty that aren't. They will take your mind and body and break it, they'll make you one of them. You don't want that. You're lucky because you're gonna bypass most of their brainwashing, but that won't stop it totally."

"I hate writing journals. They take so long."

"You wanna come back from this, don't you?" Walker screamed. "They think they've got you halfway, so they're gonna use their worst techniques on you. You won't even know they're doing it. Physically, emotionally, socially. They'll indoctrinate you and make you love them. You will know its wrong, but you can't do anything about it unless you stay on the outside. The only way you do that is this."

Walker held up the diary. "This keeps your mind free. They can't take your thoughts if you put them somewhere else. This keeps your mind thinking, keeps it reflecting, keeps it evaluating, criticizing. That's what they don't want, because if you can see the lack of rationality in what they do, they can never have you. Cause once they get you, there's no going back. Right?" Walker turned to his partner.

The other Unforgiven looked like he was about to nod but his arm exploded in a burst of red mist.

The shotgun blast registered in Avery's mind less than a second later, then the short man's scream, then his facial expression. Three people wearing black body suits and holding submachine guns stood at the other end of the room. The one in the front waved his arm to move them in.

Walker grabbed Avery and the suitcase and jumped off the catwalk. He landed on his feet and held Avery up, preventing him from breaking his legs. The events started to set in Avery's mind as he was dragged behind a steaming meat vat.

"Jesus, what-"

Walker shushed him loudly, taking a sawed-off shotgun out of his coat and checking its ammo. He turned his head up, left, and right, searching his environment, looking for exits and escapes.

"Aw, goddammit, you shithead." Walker pounded the vat they were standing behind loudly. "You stupid motherfucker..."

"What?" Avery asked.

Walker pointed up. Avery cranked his head around and saw it written on the vat in painted stencil. "PROPERTY OF CABALCO, INC."

"Oh, shit."

"You fuckin' moron," Walker kept saying.

"Was he a traitor?" Avery whispered.

As Walker leaned out the side of the vat to look up, pistols in both hands, he said, "Doesn't need to be."

Avery leaned out. Their ally was kneeling on the metal, his palm hovering over the shoulder stump, painting his hand red. The guards walked forward, unafraid.

"What are they doing?" Avery whispered.

One of the guards took a canister from his belt. A grenade? No, he was waving it around, spraying him with something. Then he saw the other guard take something in his hand and hold it next to him. Suddenly his body whoofed into flames.

"Jesus Christ! They can't do that!" Avery said.

"Sure, they can."

"There's got to be police or inspectors or something."

"They're Cabalco. They can do whatever the hell they want."

Avery was so fixated on the flames, he didn't see the guards hear him and approach the railing, firing their guns. As bullets peppered their cover, Walker pulled away from the vat and traded shots, then crouched back.

"We can't stay here forever," Avery said.

"No, shit." He reloaded his guns fast as a rabbit. Then he grabbed the suitcase and put the diary inside. "You. You hold onto that." He jammed it in Avery's chest. "Whatever you do, whatever it takes, get it done."

Walker sidled around the other side of the vat, squatting low. Avery stared at the case for a moment, then followed.

"There," Walker called out. Avery saw there was a double door with the standard red exit sign, straight ahead. "Go! Now!"

Avery didn't think how scared he would be trying to dodge bullets from three assault rifles. If he had thought of it, he never would have emerged from cover.

He sprinted to the door, Walker covering him from behind, and barreled through. He thanked the door for being unlocked, then ran around the hall corner and waited for Walker.

He was backing away from the door, arms outstretched and firing for all he was worth. He could see sprays of blood and bits of clothing being torn away by the bullets. _He's taking those for me_ , Avery thought. _How much can he take?_

When Walker fired his last shot he dove into the same hallway Avery was in.

"Go! Now!" He pointed to the end of the hall while he dropped more bullets into the chambers. Avery sprinted down to the other end, where a crate sat, and dove behind it.

"Fuckin' go!" Walker shouted. Apparently, he was not supposed to be diving for cover.

Avery poked his head out and saw two more Cabal soldiers coming down the other end of hall, rifles poised. He ducked as the first couple shots pelted the crate.

Walker stepped out in front and returned with his own ammo, bearing the brunt of the fire. The two guards flailed their arms and fell on their backs.

"Get up," Walker rasped. He was breathing heavily and holding his chest. Avery poked his head out.

"Are you okay? What are-"

"Getting weak. Come on, I can't last forever. Get going."

They passed through an office and down more corridors, following the exit signs. They finally saw a door with a window that said "FIRE DOOR Keep closed in case of emergency". Avery garnered his last strength and ran towards it.

Halfway there he heard more gunshots, harder and louder than before. A blast hit the wall above him, shattering bits of plaster and paint down. Avery didn't see this because Walker fell on top of him, cracking his jaw on the concrete floor. Blood started to fill in his mouth. The two of them turned back to look, Walker with his pistol held out.

This soldier wore a full camouflage jumpsuit with red armbands, and a gas mask connected to his utility belt by a tube. Black bug eyes reflected at him. He looked like he was part of a military operation, so what was he doing in a rendering plant?

"Get to the exit," Walker said and leapt off of Avery.

"You will die a slow, slow death," the soldier said, muffled by the gas mask. His voice was thick with sick enthusiasm.

"Little thing like death never stopped me," Walker said.

Avery scrambled to his feet and ran for the door. Each step seemed like a mile. The assault rifle sounded rat-a-tat bursts and Avery kept running.

He punctured through the opening and fell against the fire escape railing. Then he spun around and shut the door.

Avery peered through the square window marred with criss-crossed wiring. Walker walked towards his antagonist, firing shot after shot like a wild west gunslinger, absorbing every shell fired out of the soldier's assault rifle. Walker threw the pistols away, must've been the last of his ammo, and pulled out a bowie knife from his belt. He launched himself and swept the knife upward. The assault rifle flew away, along with the man's hand.

"I will enjoy kicking your corpse," the soldier said and punched Walker in the face with his remaining fist.

Walker took it, like all the damage that came his way. Then he grabbed the outstretched arm and shoved the soldier's elbow down and in with a muffled crack. The man screamed in torturous pain.

While he was doubled-over, Walker rammed the knife into his gut. He made a guttural noise and dropped to his knees with his hands over the dark spot on his gray camouflage.

Walker turned around and started back towards the door.

The soldier grabbed something out of his pocket, it looked like a syringe, and stabbed himself in the chest with it.

"Euragh!" he screamed like his blood was boiling, his arms outstretched.

Walker stopped at the door as the man stood up and ran at him. He turned back to look. "What in the world?"

The soldier was still screaming when he exploded like a living grenade. The blast burst the door open and tossed Avery aside. The last thing he saw before he lost his balance was the blood splattered on the window.

He fell backwards down the metal stairs, end over end, banging his head against the iron scaffolding. Then slid on his back to the landing below. Breathing hut. His whole body tingled with soreness. His spine felt bruised. The shell shock and the fall that had rendered him temporarily immobile, like he was paralyzed. All he could do was stare up at the smoke puffing out from the door.

The disorientation faded. He realized, how he had become spread-eagled on the fire escape.

Did Walker make it? If he'd taken all that damage before, could he have survived that blast? Where was he? Why wouldn't he come out?

The door shot open, and a body in a trenchcoat took one, two heavy steps forward. It stopped. His hands hung lifeless at his sides. He lurched forward one more step, and fell on his face.

He was staring right at Avery. Whitish liquid dripped from his empty eye sockets. Chunks of charred flesh flaked off his skull like wrapping paper. Blood dripped onto Avery's cheek, thick liquid, like red rain.

Avery only had one thought before he lost consciousness.

 _I'm on my own now._

 **-END PART 2-**


	23. Chapter 23

**PART 3: Tourniquet**

"U kijkt vandaag scherp, de heer."

Avery sounded out the words, analyzing each syllable. The train bumped, then continued its rickety rattling. Then he turned to the window, where an orange sun had ducked under the rocky landscape.

If he was going to be in Romania, he thought he'd better learn the language. This wasn't like Japan or Mexico, where everyone knew enough English to direct you to the bathroom. This was a country on the butt of the world. A country that America hadn't done shit for, so why not detest the lone English traveler.

But Avery didn't care. The old Avery would have been scared to travel by himself. He picked himself up after the travesty at the Cabalco plant. Either Walker was the one they wanted dead or no one had noticed him. Maybe the explosion covered his escape. But he got his clothes, his tickets, and flown halfway across the world. He could have turned away, but when the alternative options presented themselves, the fear no longer mattered.

This life was stressful, it had been stressful since the beginning trying to make flights, get money exchanged, talking to people who mumbled in foreign accents. And that was just getting to the train. When he made it in the cult, he would always have to be walking on tiptoes to prevent getting discovered.

But he was nervous what sort of language they would be speaking in the Cabal, if learning Carpathian was necessary. If they really were brainwashing, they could probably drill languages directly. If he went in there without knowing everything they knew, he would be drawn and quartered, or whatever they did to traitors.

An olive-skinned stewardess shoved up a clattering drink cart. She spoke in strange words that Avery hadn't learned yet, but he guessed she was offering a drink.

"No, thanks," Avery answered. She pushed the cart away.

Why in the world was he here? Who the hell was he doing this for now? There were more Unforgiven out there, so maybe one would find him. Maybe he could find Caleb... no, that was the mother of all bad ideas.

Maybe it was for Sophia. Maybe he was trying to preserve her memory, or try and seek revenge. The problem was he didn't feel vengeful. Cabalco never did anything personal to him. Sophia made her own decisions, and she should have accepted responsibility for them.

What was going to happen when this was all over, operating on the assumption that he would be coming back. Would he be able to? What would he do when he was done with his mission? Start living under an assumed alias? That wasn't a bad option. If he was able to bring down the cult, there would be no ticker-tape parades for him, but he would be a hero. Some of the greatest heroes were unknown. No one remembers who fought against big tobacco. Or who exposed the corruption of presidents. Or the nameless firefighters, policemen, and astronauts who risked their lives to help humanity.

Avery set his English-Romanian dictionary on the empty seat next to him. He needed a break. He pulled out the diary that Walker had sacrificed himself for. The first bunch of pages held short instructions and tricks to remember.

Keep your head low. Don't excel at anything. Don't make waves. Don't do anything that draws attention to yourself. Keep in the middle. Write in the diary every night. Keep it where they can't find it. If they find it, you're dead. Never tell them the truth, they will twist the truth and convince you it's their truth. They'll tell you you can't think straight. You are right, they are wrong. You don't need fixing. Trust your own mind, trust your own feelings. It sounded like a self-help manifesto.

There were other documents as well a Cabalco letterhead describing what benefits he would have been receiving, had he ever worked there. Medical, dental, something called legal enforcement protection, and guardianship. Avery read it several times, but couldn't punch through the legalese. An employee's manual outlined the policies and rhetoric set by the management. It was as thick as a Stephen King novel, and Avery did no more than flip through it. Walker had probably wanted him to memorize it, but there was no way.

The packet also contained a pocket knife he had bought at the depot, in case he needed some tools for breaking and entering, and his three remaining Carpathian dollars most of it spent on getting to this point. He'd been on a straight shot to the transit station so he wouldn't get caught, sleeping on the planes and buses. Whoever had gotten this money didn't know how expensive eastern Europe was.

He shoved it all back in the bag. No need to look at it anymore, really. This train was the last stop between civilization and the training grounds. Whatever he didn't know now, he wouldn't know then.

He picked up his book again and spent ten minutes practicing, mouthing words to get the pronunciation of the 'O' with the slash through it down.

"Hello."

Avery looked up from his book. An rotund old man was standing there, wearing a derby hat, waistcoat, and a silver-topped cane. The shit-eating smile on his face said he had the heart of a salesman.

He sat down in the seat in front of him. This was the lounge car, and the place was almost empty. There were plenty of places for him to sit not by him.

"Hi," Avery said. He returned his eyes to the book as the man got comfortable.

"Ah, a fellow English speaker," he said as he ground his cane into the floor. "American?"

Avery looked out at him from the tops of his eyes. Why was this guy still talking to him? Didn't he see the book in front of his face?

The salesman kept smiling his kind old man smile, expecting an answer.

"Yeah," Avery replied.

"Aha, whereabouts?"

"Texas."

"Ah, Texas. There's some fine people down in Texas. Some damn fine people. You go to Texas, you get treated like you were a brother, just flown in to say hi. Everyone's a member of the ranch. Good country people, they're the salt of the earth, I always say."

"I lived in a suburb of Austin all my life. Not the country," Avery growled.

"Ah." The man looked disparaged, but picked himself right back up. "But still, we're all Americans, aren't we? Traveling this world gives you some perspective on who you are and where you belong, don't it now? It makes you appreciate the good stock you come from."

He waited for an answer, and didn't get one.

"Yeah, you young ones, you don't know it yet. You're not old enough to appreciate the world. You need some perspective first. You feel like everything's so new for you, you've got to experience it all before it goes away. For instance, I bet I can guess why you're here."

Avery kept staring at him from behind the book trying to telepathically send him off. It wasn't working.

"I got it." The old man slapped his knee and pointed to Avery, not even stopping for a breath of air. "You're the kind of guy who's traveling to see the world, right? Got tired of life at home. Wanted to see what life had in store for you. I'm sure you've had your fill of people telling you what to do, where to go. College didn't have what you were looking for. But you didn't want to take the 'eurotrip' they all do, you wanted to see what life was really like. You wanted to see the places they don't make into postcards. They say young people are all lazy these days, but I see you have that spark of life in your eyes. You'll be something someday. I know."

He gave a knowing wink. Avery wasn't sure whether he was a pervert or an asshole.

"I used to be the exact same way," he continued, "I'm the vice president of a large manufacturing firm back in the states. Don't ask me the name, you wouldn't have heard of it. When I was in school, I thought the world yearned for me to take it. And look at me now."

He dug into a pocket behind his waistcoat and brought out a metal square. It took a second for Avery to realize it was a old-fashioned cigarette case. Light reflected off the initials 'R.J.' when he opened it and took a stick. "Smoke?" he offered the case.

 _He won't go away, and now he wants to give me cancer,_ Avery thought as he shook his head in the most menacing way possible.

"I can't blame you," R.J. continued. "I got hooked in my teens, back when they were healthy! Hah! I even remember the slogan. They were smooth on your 'T-Zone, that's T for taste and T for throat'. Well, I certainly am showing my age, aren't I?" He brought a lighter to his cigarette. "I was just saying how amazing it is that something healthy for you one year can kill you the next. But I can tell you're a wiser man than that."

He held in a puff and looked out the window. Avery breathed out, thinking he was done yapping, and returned to the book.

"Oh, the languages," he yelped, as if he had just remembered. Smoke emitted from his mouth. "My, think of all you'll learn from the languages. Not just those Latin-based ones like French or Spanish. Any bloke with two nickels to rub together can tell what someone is saying in those languages. But Slovakian, Ukrainian, Polish. Those will bake your noodle. You've probably already been to the places everyone goes to, eh? Spain, France, England, you're probably coming back from Russia now. I knew it." R.J. said as he pointed wildly with his cigarette. Avery kept his eye out for ashes flying his way.

"I knew it with one look. Round out the European tour with a visit to Red Square. A historical buff, eh? I knew it. What traveler isn't? Much the same myself. Much rather be reading a book on the civil war than the latest 'whose-it-who' crime thriller. And traveling all on your lonesome. Bachelor, huh? I knew it. Don't want to hear anyone's opinions but your own. Admirable, admirable. I'm not the marrying type either." He held up his hand to show a lack of metal. "I'd rather fall asleep in front of the fireplace with my newspaper draped over me like a blanket." He made a contented sigh that indicated he wished he was back there right now. Funny, Avery wished the same thing.

He snubbed his cigarette in the ashtray under the window and put both hands on his cane, twisting it into the carpet. He laughed, "Came close a couple times. But they'll just break your heart, won't they? Conniving, manipulative, but you gotta love 'em. I tell ya, I'd rather spend a week working on business with my closest men than one night on the town with a woman." He sniffled and rubbed the space under his nose with one finger. With a few more twists of the cane, he said, "So, where are you off to?"

If Avery looked out the window, he would have seen the flat expanse of a town, nestled in the crook of nearby mountains. The loudspeaker announced "Eind van de lijn. Krijg van mijn trein." The train whistled, indicating it was slowing down. But while all this happened, Avery stared at R.J.

After a good uncomfortable silence had passed, Avery said, "Listen to me very carefully. You don't know me at all. You don't even know my name. You don't know where I came from. You don't know who I am."

He stood up, trying to make the most of his size. His shadow cast over the man.

Avery continued, "You pretend like you know everything about life because you're older. But you only know about your own life. Don't pretend like you know mine, because you know nothing," Avery said with as much venom as he could spit.

The man was, finally, speechless. Avery piled up his belongings, then took the suitcase from the shelf above and left.

He was able to leave the train without pushing and shoving. He was used to a bottlenecked crowd from years of trying to get off a school bus. However, that didn't stop people from crowding on the train platform. This place was like fifty years in the past. Everyone wore brimmed hats like in the Dick Van Dyke Show.

Where the hell was he supposed to go from here? There were no signs he could read, no indications of any exits or directions to anything Cabalco-related. He palmed the training manual one more time, looking for an address or landmark or something, but all the locations listed were in the United States.

Feeling lonely and abandoned, on a different side of the globe, far away from everything he knew, everything that was familiar, he started to well up again. A thin man passed close by, wearing a expensive gray outfit that was halfway between a jumpsuit and a business suit. It had an emblem on the back three half-circles interlocking. Cabalco.

Avery yanked up his suitcase and followed him, weaving between the entering and exiting passengers. Years at an overcrowded, underfunded high school had trained him for seeing the paths and gaps to keep up.

The man headed towards a big city bus, probably air conditioned and lined in velvet. The strip under the windows read 'Cabalco Buslines' in a curvy 50's style font. A man holding a clipboard stood beside the bus door and smiled like he hadn't seen the sun in years. The person he was following walked up without a word and entered the bus. Avery approached, catching the eye of the concierge.

"Hello!" the man chirped, as pleasant as a rooster.

"Um, I think I'm supposed to be joining you, on the bus. This is for Cabalco, right?"

"What is your name?"

"Avery Price."

The man looked at his clipboard, running his eyes over each line. There must have been nothing on the first page, because he flipped it over to the second. Nothing there either, and on the third, he studied for a long time. Then he went back to the first page.

Avery tried to consciously stop himself from sweating. Why was he taking so damn long with the paper? Wasn't he on there at all? Had the plans not gotten through? Was he not on the list? If he wasn't, he'd just get turned away right? They wouldn't set him on fire and shoot him, right? They'd just say 'sorry, not on the list'. Then he wouldn't have to go through this horrible mess.

He flipped the paper back to its starting position again. "You're the last one. Go ahead and get on."

Avery let go of the breath he didn't realize he was holding and walked up the stairs. There were plenty of seats open. Those that weren't had a lot of people like him young men and women that looked like they'd been in the workforce for years. No one over thirty.

Avery sat down in the front, swinging his suitcase under his legs. The one who had checked him spoke briefly to the bus driver, who nodded in response. The bus started as the coordinator raised his hands and looked over his flock.

"All right everybody. Welcome to the Cabalco Advanced Training Program. My name is Torrance. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. It will be about a half hour to climb up to the summit. Until then, sit back and enjoy the view." He sat down with his clipboard in his lap.

The bus chuffed to life. The sweet scent of air conditioning blew on him from vents above, like angels blessing him. He also noticed some other signs on the ceiling 'Building a better tomorrow', and 'Victory is at your fingertips'.

It was pretty quiet the whole way up. Other employees didn't talk to each other, so Avery kept his mouth shut too and watched the scenery. He'd never seen a place with so many hills and valleys. The last thing he saw before civilization gave way to wildlife was a general store. This place really was out of time.

The rest of the trip was punctuated by a steep incline that made him feel like he was in a rocket ship. Instead, he focused on the rolling fields of grass and wildflowers

At one large curve that made Avery lurch, consumed by the sensation that the bus was going to roll down the chasm, the destination poked out like a weed. It was a brownstone building with maybe five hundred years of history behind it.

They stopped outside its double-door entrance. Their leader got up from his seat for a second time and addressed his congregation.

"We've arrived at the training grounds. Please gather your items and enter the lobby to register." Avery tried not to look too eager and only picked up his suitcase after everyone else had. As they all shuffled off the bus, he purposely slowed his steps so he would integrate into the crowd.

It looked like half-church, half-small town museum. Maybe it was a monastery in a former life. The chapel of the building had been converted into a lobby. They weaved through the pews to a stout woman wearing a white robe standing on a raised platform. Behind her was an archway that led to the rest of the building.

To Avery's left, the walls had been modified to include a hotel-style receptionist desk embedded in the side. The walls above and below the inset remained stone, but inside was as white as a hospital room, with advanced computers and two secretaries with headsets manning their posts.

On the other wall were boxes as large as refrigerators with blinking lights. They must have been computer servers. But why so many of them? And why were they here? It gave the place a weird cyberpunk vibe like technology merged with the mystic.

"Welcome, everyone, to Cabalco's training grounds," the woman said. "You're here because you are the backbone of the corporate infrastructure. We're going to increase your skills and augment your wisdom, so that you will be... invaluable to our future. We know you've spent a long time in transit, so we'll be giving you the room and advisor assignments now. When your name is called, please pick up your papers." She held up a sample of stapled eight-by-elevens, "And proceed to your rooms. All the dormitories are down the hall, and you can follow the signs. Your advisor will be there to meet you. Brian Hammack."

She read off the names one by one. Each walked up to her, received their assignments, and trickled out one-by-one. The twenty-five reduced to four, at which point Avery became nervous, since he was still there.

"Unger Washington," she called out. Down to three.

Maybe it was by Cabalco ID, in which case Avery would likely be last because of how he was entered, probably.

"Steph Englewood." Another woman with black hair and a tight business suit left.

"Monica Tharons." She walked up and received her papers, then exited into the hallway.

Avery stood there stupidly, about ready to throw up.

The woman looked at Avery puzzledly. She had no more papers to give. "Oh," she said. "I guess..." She stepped off the platform and approached him. He was caught for sure now. "What's your name?"

"Avery Price. I-" He was about to start making excuses, but decided to keep his mouth shut rather than be caught in a lie. Instead, he looked like a retard who couldn't finish a sentence.

She walked over to the receptionist desk. A girl who looked like a eurotrash teeny bopper with thick mascara and unclean hair stopped filing her nails and looked up.

"Pakna souk da heteo durbentia?" she said.

Avery was taken aback. What was she speaking? Carpathian? Maybe a local. They both looked American, and sounded American, no accent. Imported employees? The receptionist turned to Avery, like she was sizing him up to be a traitor or spy.

"Kin tankutuku cocha amunut, azar asta, esco rudsceleratus" the receptionist responded to the businesswoman. They exchanged a few more foreign lines before the leader looked at Avery.

"Uh, I'm new. I- I'm-," Avery said.

"Present your ID, please," she said, dropping the pleasantness from her tone. Avery checked his pockets. Nothing. He checked his wallet, even though he knew he didn't put it there. The only other place was the yellow packet.

Without thinking about revealing any of his secrets right in front of the Cabal's eyes, he clicked open the latches on the suitcase. Kneeling down, he rifled through his secret plans, and handed her the Cabalco ID.

She gave it back to the receptionist who popped it into a device next to her monitor. The machine sucked it down and hummed violently.

Avery desperately wanted to ask what was going on, so he could tell whether he should start running. But he had to maintain the illusion that he was supposed to be here, that he deserved to be here. He must stick to his story or be condemned forever. He tried to think of convincing lies, like his flight being delayed, while he waited.

The computer gave an unpleasant buzz and spit out the card like a distasteful bit of candy. The receptionist handed it back to the speaker, not to Avery. She glanced between the card and his face.

"Rud'minuox, velui keseben?" she said to the receptionist.

The eurotrash stretched to her right and smacked a button on a speaker box. "Ready," the box squawked.

"Do we have any new transfers expected in today?" she asked in perfect American English.

There was a pause, and the intercom said, "Anne Puckett and Brian Mammadov." Now Avery could feel his face turning red and his 'fight-or-flight' instincts thrummed. But he stood there. Both the receptionist and the lady stared back, waiting for him to run.

The receptionist called back, "What about Avery Price?"

The intercom responded, "There was a Avery Price due in tomorrow."

"Yes, that's me," Avery exploded. "My flight was delayed. I mean, I had to take an early flight. I took an early flight." It was an out-and-out lie. Every mode of transit he'd been on had been without delay. That was probably something they could check on and Avery swallowed once he realized this. "All the other flights were booked. I had to get here early to show up on time."

The two of them stared, like he was a wax statue come to life. Were they waiting for something more?

Avery's mind froze. He couldn't think of anything else, any other details to make it more believable. Were they onto him now? Were they thinking of how to call security without setting off this psycho?

"Just enter him for now," the lady said to the receptionist. "Stateside isn't as efficient yet. They probably got the time zones wrong."

Phew.

The receptionist typed some information in, then wheeled her chair to the printer to grab the emerging sheet.

"You're assigned to room 217," she said as she handed him the papers. "Your advisor is Frank Cotton. He should be waiting at your room to meet you, but his schedule includes a two-hour literary training block at this time which your advance arrival coincided with."

"Yeah, sorry about that," he said.

"Don't bother. You won't be seeing me again."

Avery scrunched his face in surprise. Clearly, it wasn't necessary to be nice to the clientele here.

The businesswoman, who had suddenly regained her pleasant demeanor, handed Avery his ID back and said, "Your supplies will be found in your room. This includes your uniform, schedule, and necessary implements. You won't be needing whatever's in your suitcase, so I can take that and store it for you."

"N-no. That's all right, I'd rather keep it if you don't mind."

She sighed, "Very well, I recommend storing it under your bed then. You know our policy regarding the use of foreign objects. Your advisor has been informed that you're waiting for him. He will come to your room as soon as possible to begin your orientation. Proceed down the hall and to the left." She swept her hand towards the hallway.

"Thank you," Avery mumbled and picked up his suitcase. He almost floated out of the lobby and down the hallway. He was in. He couldn't believe it. He'd gotten in, undetected, and now he was one of them.

Away from everyone else, the corridor divided to a left and right hallway. There was a sign that read '260-221 ' on the top line and ' 201-220' on the bottom. That probably meant room numbers, but which way was which? Did the arrow refer to the number set on the bottom, or the set on the same line as itself? Avery took a shot and headed right.

There were no doors on any rooms, but each one had its inner wall curve inward, creating a privacy partition. Metal plates set beside each door had the room numbers, and they were increasing. At 217, he ducked in right away.

The room reminded Avery of some Japanese hotel rooms he had seen on the Travel Channel, ones for businessmen who were too tired to commute and needed a place to sleep for one night. This one included a bed, a dresser, a wall painting, and a girl.

"Ah!" she shrieked and stood straight up.

"Ah!" Avery responded and nearly dropped his suitcase.

She stiffened and crossed her arms over her breasts like she had been caught naked, despite she was wearing a white robe. She had red hair and a thin figure, but Avery was most transfixed by her large eyes, like two glowing orbs dotted with thick oil-spots.

"Uh... uh..." Avery stammered. "I- uh, this... I'm sorry. I thought this was my room. I thought I was in room two-seventeen."

She stuttered in a voice that sounded as light as a butterfly. "Th- The male dorms are on the other side. These are the rooms for females. They-"

"Oh," Avery interrupted.

"They have the same numbers, but they're on different halves of the building," she said.

"Oh. Sorry." Avery backed out of the room and turned around.

God, stupid, stupid, stupid. He could feel his face turning red with humiliation. Not because he'd made a revealing mistake, but because it was his first day here and he'd already embarrassed himself in front of a pretty girl. She did say turn left, but she meant at the very first hallway. God, and he just traipsed down the hall, totally oblivious where he was going, and now two people probably knew he wasn't supposed to be here.

He had to stop making mistakes. Otherwise it could mean death. He kept repeating this to himself as he crossed over the hallway, passing the reception hall again, and into the same corridor with the floor plan reversed.

He arrived at room 217 and before he entered he poked his head in, not wanting to repeat the same incident. He couldn't tell if anyone was standing there or not, unless he moved his head completely around the privacy wall. It was empty, except for a bed and dresser.

The bed did not look comfortable two mattresses suspended on a metal frame, covered in a red top sheet. There was a pair of sandals and a thick woolen robe draped over the bed. It looked like a kimono or karate uniform. Thank god, it was long-sleeved.

Next to that was a pile of books. He took the top one which was titled 'Cabalco Certified Advanced Training Manual/Workbook 5th Edition'. It was as thick as his Plant Biology 110 book. The text was tiny, arranged in four columns, and there were no pictures except for a small diagram here and there. Did they expect him to read this? Did they seriously expect him to know the material in here? He was dead if they did.

Avery shoved it all to the end of the bed so he could make room to sit down and open his briefcase. Besides the clothes and toiletries he had picked up solely for travel, there was only the yellow packet with his official documents. He placed them next to the books, but his passport and driver's license he kept in the case.

Then he took out his diary and pen. In this room, it was going to be hard to feel secure enough to write incriminating evidence. No door meant anyone could catch him or read it. 'Dear Diary, they're trying to suck out my brain, call the cops'.

Walker said if anyone found it, it would mean certain doom. Avery realized a lot of things Walker did for him spelled certain doom. Nevertheless, he was determined to use it. But where would be a good place to hide it? Under the end table? No, there was no way to slip it under that wouldn't cause the table to tilt. Maybe the mattresses.

He kneeled down in front of the bed like he was praying. The diary slipped in-between easily, and with the sheets pulled down, he couldn't tell the difference. That would work, unless they did searches.

But, this wasn't prison, this was training. Why would they do searches? This wasn't _Shawshank Redemption_ , no matter how much it looked like Andy DuFresne's cell.

Avery sat down on the cleared bed and laid out. He stared at the ceiling which had only textured rock and a soft light installed. All he was supposed to do now was wait for his advisor.

He sat up and peeked into the hall. Well, no one was here now. It would be a good time to make an entry. Better to get started on it right away.

After propping up his pillow so he could sit up and write, he pulled the book out. Like so many authors before him, he stared at the blank page, faced with the ever-present question of what to write.

But, this wasn't a real diary, just a log of his time here. So all he had to do was write about what happened. It was meant to show the wrong things Cabalco was doing and expose them.

 _Have arrived at Cabalco training grounds after a week of travel. It seems to be constructed out of an old monastery on a hilltop near the foot of the mountains. Very isolated. It looks like we'll be isolated the rest of the time too. That's evidence of a cult. Almost didn't get in with my documents not being transferred right, but I'm here now. They are getting an advisor for me. Not sure what he's gonna do, but probably is going to follow me around and make sure I follow their way. So far nothing about any big project and nothing related to Sophia. No mind tricks that I can see so far._

That was all he could think of. He could mention the girl he bumped into, but that was hardly relevant. He stared at the rest of the space before him, wondering what else could be said? Something about the bus? Maybe about his motivations? That he had to finish this last mission before he could return to a normal life.

The more he stared, the more his eyes drooped. All the traveling he'd been doing had exhausted him without knowing it. Now that he had a chance to slow down, the need for sleep caught up.

But he couldn't be caught with this diary. He replaced the pen and shoved it in the mattresses before he could pass out. Then he rolled over onto his side to catch a few Z's before whoever was coming showed up.


	24. Chapter 24

"Wake up."

Avery opened his eyes and turned over. There was someone in a white robe standing over his bed. Someone about his age, maybe a little older, with a huge smile pasted on.

"Wha? Wha?" Avery said.

He whispered, "I know it's before the alarm, but I figured we'd start bright and early since we missed yesterday. That way we get the whole place to ourselves."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Forgot my introductions. My name is Frank Cotton," he held out his hand to shake. Avery held out his limp hand. "You can call me Cotton. I'm going to be your advisor while you're here." He spoke with such confidence Avery felt envious.

"Advisor?"

"Sure," he gleamed. "Someone to show you ropes, help you advance. We find that people do a lot better here when they're being mentored by someone. Guided, you know? At least until you reach your next class."

"Class?" Where was he? Why was he so disoriented? What was this room? Then it all came rushing back Cabalco. How long had it been since he'd had a permanent residence?

"Sure, the next class up. Let's see, where are you?" He reached over to the end table and picked up one of the papers given to him. "Ah, class A."

"Is that good?" Avery said with hope.

"You're in all the most basic classes. No specific strengths or advantages," he sounded disappointed, then smiled brightly again. "So you should be a well-rounded associate by the end of training."

"Associate?"

"Oh, our vocabulary might take some getting used to. None of it really makes a difference though. You can pick up what it means by the context most of the time. We're just trying to bring things to you in a different meaning. Everything has meaning, and we want you to realize that, so you can apply it every day. Like your uniform."

He held up the cloth. Cotton said, "It's white because you're entering the training with a pure mind. And we want you to leave with a pure mind. Higher members get other colors brown, gray, blue, green, red. You might see them around." He put it back down. "Well, that's enough jabbering. You feel like you're ready to go?"

"Uh, where am I going?"

"You need the tour, silly. It would have been yesterday, but when I came in, you were sleeping. I figured I'd let you wash that jet lag away."

Strangely, Avery felt supremely reassured.

Cotton said, "We know you're new here and we understand you're confused, so whenever you need something, just call on me. I'll be in most of your training episodes until you make it to your next class."

"Training episodes?"

"More vocab. They're just meetings, essentially, but with a little pizzazz. It's more fun if I let you see for yourself," he laughed.

Avery wondered who it would be fun for. He hated being kept in the dark about future plans.

"Okay," he clapped his hands. "Go ahead and take off your clothes and put on your uniform." He handed the piece of cloth to Avery.

"Uh," Avery stuttered. Cotton stood there, looking pleased as a plum. "Um, are you going to leave?"

"We have no secrets here. We don't believe in them. Fences only give way to bad neighbors. They create false trust. That's why there are no doors on your rooms."

Avery gave him the biggest puppy dog face ever.

"Oh, all right," Cotton said. "Since you're new, I'll give you this one time," he smiled and turned around. "But you'll get used to it."

Avery figured that was as good as he was going to get. Three years of needing to change clothes for gym, with teachers who had no concept of how long it took to redress for class, had trained him to turn his wardrobe around in under a minute.

Cotton turned back as Avery fluffed out his robe. "Ah, wonderful. Okay, let's go."

Avery followed him out of the room, and they walked down the hallway.

Cotton said, "I suppose they told you before you left, but there's a lot of stuff around here that might seem unorthodox to you, for corporate training."

"Like what?" Avery said, looking for clues.

"Oh, you'll see nothing illegal. But, for instance, we moved our training grounds to this location to keep people from being distracted by their families or American media or anything else. We want you to devote yourselves fully to the education. That way the training will go much faster and you'll retain more."

They turned right at the end of the corridor and were now at the back of the building. Their steps echoed through the dead quiet.

So far he'd seen nothing but dorms. Where were they going to train?

Cotton continued, "We get more murmurs about our methods being unusual. But there's nothing illegal about them, nothing that could be construed as controversial or dangerous."

"Like what?"

"You'll find out in due time. It's nothing overt, just the feelings many people get when they first start out. You might be tempted to call us out on it, to protest, even to lash out in destructive ways. My advice is to accept it for now, and then later, you can form your opinion. Everyone who goes through it ends up better on the other side. It's just a phase." He waved his hand.

More mysteries, but with Cotton, he felt assured that he really would find out in due time. This was a guy who was dedicated to his craft, to putting his all into his job.

Cotton said, "What you need to do is see it as more than the sum of its parts. All the 'weird'", he quoted in the air, "stuff you might see. It's all just part of trying to build a better tomorrow. That's what we're doing here, nothing more. Sound good?"

"Good to me," Avery replied. "How many trainees are here?"

"Well, I think," he calculated, looking up at the ceiling as he walked. "About six for one ratio... so maybe five hundred people, I think."

"Five hundred?" Avery said. "And staff? This place couldn't hold a thousand. That's impossible."

"Oh, you're just judging on the surface." Cotton stopped in front of a section of wall, grated like a criss-crossed fence. When he pressed a button next to it, Avery realized it was an elevator. The door opened automatically.

"We've expanded," Cotton said as they both got in.

The door shut and the box descended. They faced only blackness, but light was streaming in behind them, flickering through the metal bars.

The elevator shaft soon revealed a massive room as big as a sports stadium. It had draperies of purple and gold to colorize the grayness of the walls. The mountain sunrise punched through the frosted glass semi-circular window above.

A giant pillar stood on some sort of stage. The rest of the floor was dry, gray concrete, smooth and uncracked like an eggshell. At the east and west sides were two giant archways.

Cotton said, "Most of the monastery you see is what was originally built here. We've simply burrowed down. It's cheaper and easier than trying to add on. There's a limit to how much you can build up, but no limit for going down, as long as you hollow it out first. Plus the south end of the cliff face tapers off into a bluff, so that makes it great for outdoor activities." He swept his hand out, like an Indian chief presenting his land. "What we're looking at here is the great hall, the keystone of the temple, where we have our praise and worship."

"Praise and worship?" Avery asked.

"Yep. Every morning."

"You guys pray here? Isn't that... I mean, you've got to have people of different religions, right?"

"Oh, it's not really praying. That's just what we call it. Really, it's just a meeting place for us all to gather in the morning. Get ourselves together. Better than a cup of coffee, I tell you."

The elevator stopped and the accordion door compressed to let them out. Cotton said, "It's a collective greeting to everyone and our staff. It's thanking them for helping us to become better than we are. That's why we call it that. Not really any religious connotations. It's all corporate sanctified. You'll see it when we do it."

That sounded fishy why were they calling all these things something that they were not. But Cotton said, 'accept first, ask questions later', so he did.

They walked towards the left archway, as Avery kept his eyes on the pillar. Strange symbols, like hieroglyphics, ran in a line down the center. Was that corporate sanctified?

As Cotton led them out, he said, "After praise and worship, we go here to the meeting rooms. This is where most of your day is spent. Not really a name for it. Most people think of this as 'consciousness-raising'. It's just to help you be a better person, raise your potential." He opened a door and Avery looked in. It looked like a classroom, but without desks or decorations, just a whiteboard and a gym mat in the center.

"What do you do in here?" Avery asked.

"We run group exercises, discussions, behavior evaluation. That sort of thing."

"What does that mean?"

"It's better to show you once you get there. Run through it a few times before you make any judgments. Nothing to worry about. You have a permanent grouping that you meet with daily. You're actually in the group that I'm leading," he smiled. "Moving on."

Cotton let the door close and led him down some stairs. They ended up in another large hall, filled with long, long tables, and dotted with many chairs.

"This is the dining room," Cotton said, confirming what Avery suspected. "We take all our meals in here. Two a day."

"Only two?"

"Yep. You get used to it. Don't worry, you won't starve. We have things like ham, roast turkey, mashed potatoes, Salisbury steak, enchiladas, anything you liked in the states. We don't eat the Romanian food. It's not safe, no food regulations."

"But only two meals?"

"We find people digest better this way. One is sort of a brunch after morning exercises and then a dinner meal. We all eat together, around our meeting groups. It's a bonding moment. Those who eat together, work together better."

They walked through the dining hall, in-between two tables, and out again. Cotton took him past more meeting rooms, and some places that looked like offices. The next door they opened led to the outside.

Avery felt a rush of icy mountain air blow into his face, waking him up. The woolen robe did nothing to block out the cold his nipples stiffened like icicles and chafed against the material.

The grounds were blocked off by a concrete retaining wall that surrounded the grounds with snow-covered mountains rising in the distance. The monastery stood above and behind them on a cliff overhang, which shadowed the first rays of sunrise shining out over the peaks.

"This is our exercise area," Cotton said, "The first thing we do every morning is calisthenics for an hour. High-intensity. They help get the body awake, keep it fit. Strength of body plus strength of mind equals strength of heart."

"We do this every morning?"

"Sure."

Avery grimaced. The most physical activity he'd partaken of since tenth grade was walking to class. He had a mental celebration after his last gym class in high school.

"I know what you're thinking," Cotton said. "It'll suck at first. But you'd be amazed at how much better your body feels after a week or two of intense exercise. You'll see no fatties here, I guarantee it."

Avery wiggled his toes in the moist grass, so thick with dew he could drink from it. "What's the wall for?"

"To keep animals out," Cotton replied. "Mountain goats, cougars."

"You need a wall that big for goats?"

"Some of those animals can climb trees, they're very agile comes from moving around on the rocky terrain. Anyway, it's not a big deal. Moving on." He shooed Avery back into the building and into a curvy hallway.

"Oh, here, I can show you this." Cotton stopped in front of a room and flicked on its light switch. Against the wall were a movable chalkboard and stacks of cardboard boxes. "This is sort of a conference room, but we use it more as a study area."

Avery could see that it was meant for large amounts of people, all working at one time. But it seemed so dark and foreboding in here, unlike the 'classrooms' where the walls were bleached white.

"What kind of studies?" Avery asked.

"We learn from books. It changes from day to day. Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough." He shut the door. "Well, that's the end of the tour," Cotton said. "Sorry to end it so anti-climatically. The place is arranged a little strangely. I don't think they were thinking of corporate training grounds when they first built the place."

"What was it supposed to be used for?"

"You know, I don't know. Cabalco acquired it a long time ago. So, I'm not sure what happened to it after it was a monastery."

"How long have you been here?"

"Oh, years. I was an early trainee. And I liked it here so much, they couldn't get rid of me," he laughed.

"What happens when you get done with training? How long is it supposed to last?"

"Well, you should know how long it lasts from the manual. It depends on what assignment you get."

"Assignment?"

"Specialization. Some stay to learn and research, but most are sent back to the home offices to use the skills they learn here."

"How do you get a specialization?"

"That's why you're a class A, so we can find out and evaluate what you're good at. It's rigorous, but believe me, you're gonna like it here. Even better you're gonna like yourself here. Never forget that you're here for a reason, because we wanted you to be. We could have taken any of hundreds of employees, but we got you, because we liked what we saw. You deserve to be here."

He put his hand on Avery's shoulder and looked deep into his eyes. Avery felt strangely comforted. It left a definite impression, but still hadn't overshadowed the feeling that Walker had instilled, that this place was a big sheep meant to grow the wool over the eyes of the public.

An irritating buzzing noise rang out, pulsing and loud. Avery skittered out of Cotton's grasp and turned around, trying to find its source, wondering if there was a fire.

"Ah, the morning alarm," Cotton said.

"The what?" Avery shouted over the din.

"Time for morning exercises," he smiled, and began jogging in place enthusiastically, his robe fluttering up and down over his sandals. "Good, we're nice and awake too. We should be in great condition. Come on." Cotton continued his high-stepping jog at a walking pace as Avery followed along.

"Oh," Cotton said, and stopped jogging. "One thing I forgot. You may hear people talk about the Workshop these days. People going down there, stuff coming up from there. I don't think anyone is going to talk to you directly about it, but you'll pick it up from hearsay. It's stuff that upper classes are doing. If it sounds weird, don't pay attention to it."

"The Workshop? Where is that?"

Cotton looked forlorn. "I'm actually not supposed to say until you're at least a Class C."

"What goes on in there?"

"Nothing you need to worry about yet. Come on, let's get going." Cotton ran ahead of him.


	25. Chapter 25

Other people streamed onto the lawn from two large doors in the complex. They all lined up in a giant square without a hint of novice one after the other, all separated by an arm's length.

"Go ahead and line up with the others," Cotton said and merged into the crowd. Avery got in behind someone who didn't look twice at him.

An older man wearing a white robe with a gold decoration around the collar came by holding a small wooden platform. He set it on the grass, stood on it, and commanded, "Running in place. Ready-go!"

For the next sixty minutes. Avery ran in place, did sit-ups, did push-ups, did leg lifts, ran in place more, did some strange dash-push-up-jumping-jack-dash maneuver, and then sit-ups again.

He felt like he was going to die. Being forced into a decathlon after years of physical neglect was like torture. His joints stung. His side felt like someone was sliding a cheese grater alongside his appendix. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to pass out, he wanted a drink of water. He wanted life to end.

For the beginning, he just did as he was told. He swiveled his hips, stretched his back, and watched the others. This was his first chance to see his peers, and he was supposed to fit in with them. Everyone wore the same white robes and they all moved in unison, like synchronized swimmers.

No one could possibly have been over forty. No one had wild hair or tattoos. No one was different, no one was treated differently. No one stopped for those who were weaker, no one pushed anyone. They all did as they were instructed.

Then his body started hurting, and he could no longer concentrate on watching. All he did was repeat the mantra "I want to die, I want to die, I want to die." He had to keep his mind off the pain that surged through him with every heartbeat. He couldn't yield, couldn't give up, couldn't toss his cookies on the grass. He had to pretend he was as fit as them.

And then, they stopped. There was no cool down. The class leader simply quit spouting out directions. The people around him relaxed and took heavy breaths, but did not look out of shape, like Avery who couldn't resist stooping, panting like a dog. No one noticed him though.

The leader shouted and they all went back into the building. Avery followed them, trying to look as if he knew where he was going. There was no pushing, no shuffling, no traffic jams. Everyone knew when the other was going to move and moved accordingly.

It turned out to be the great hall, where again, they came in through both archways, lined up in neat rows, and faced the stage. Some murmured to each other, but Avery couldn't pick out what they said.

This must have been praise and worship, like Cotton said. Avery looked around with the fascination of a newborn, trying to drink it all in and not being sure of what to make of it.

A man wearing a red robe and white mask over his face walked onto the stage, holding a book. Several people dressed in robes like monks joined him. The ones in brown lit candles while the man held up his hands.

That was when Avery knew this was going to be the farthest thing from a corporate retreat he had ever heard of.

"Friends," he started. "It is a glorious day, and you are its light. Bask with us, brothers and sisters. You are pure of heart and pure of tongue. Open your mind and let our goodness bathe within you, to lick your soul and taste your brain. It will bring you to higher evolution. Pestis cruento vilomaxus pretiacruento."

Avery thought he misheard that last bit, until the crowd repeated it and he still didn't understand. It sounded like Latin, and he felt like he'd heard something like that before.

"Never before has mankind been given this chance. To become the future, to embody it. New enlightenment is at hand. Many of you do not see this, but you will, if you accept. Cruo-stragaraNa malactose. Peroshay cruo."

He opened his book and read something in that gibberish language again. "In marana domus-bhaava cruo crunatus durbe pretaanluxis cruonit. Your own minds cannot be trusted. When we were young, we ran to and fro without care. Ignorance in our hearts about the world around us. We cannot do this anymore. We cannot live in fear. There are places reserved for those who can learn this. We can learn to be better than we are, if we accept that which we fear."

Walker had told Avery to shut out their attempts to re-educate him, but Avery had tuned the guy out automatically. He kept blabbing on about how they were special, how they had to achieve past their limits and blah-blah-blah. It was half gibberish and half brainwashing, and Avery could drift off as easily as he had done in college. Their cultic doctrine had met its match.

"Let us bow our heads and meditate on this lesson," the orator said after finishing with some more foreign language. The audience knelt down, shuffling robes and sandals, and touched their heads to their clasped hands on the floor. Avery followed, watching the people to the left and front of him for the cues.

Cotton had said this wasn't praying. He'd said the distinction would be clear when he did it. Now he was doing it and there was a guy on stage telling them what to do. They all had their heads and hands prostate in submission. And they were supposed to be 'meditating' on something. Sure looked like prayer to him.

He couldn't believe people who came here accepted this without protesting or contacting the states. Didn't they ever get uber-Christians who kicked and stomped on anything that wasn't their own religion? Was everyone in Cabalco wiped out before starting?

He never understood prayer and never would. Plus, it was boring. The guy up there rattled on and on. He raised his head up slightly and opened his eyes. He was sent here to spy, after all.

Everyone else had their heads down, like in Muslim prayer. No one was moving. Even the minister wasn't watching them. He looked to his right.

The red-haired girl was sitting next to him.

It was the same person he ran into yesterday. Avery turned away at first, thinking he didn't want to be recognized, then turned back. He could get a good look at her now, while she wouldn't even be aware of it. Her skin was as pallid as the mountain snow, and her hair a deep crimson like blood. She looked as peaceful as a sleeping baby in that pose. He got a warmth just by looking at her, as if that was all he needed. She looked motherly and safe.

The chanting stopped and everyone stood. Avery whipped his head back to position. The orator kept on with his harangue. Like everyone, he faced forward, unwavering, but he kept sneaking peeks at her throughout.

"Now turn and go," the orator said. "Go and apply this to your groups. Find the truth that lies within you, find the purity. Give your control over. Stand. Take up your sword against your fear and doubt. And go."

Everyone went. People milled about, talking to each other, walking into the archways. Avery shuffled around, pretending he was one of them. It was time for the meetings, so he had to get going somewhere. Without thinking, he turned right, and ran smack into the redhead.

"Oof," he uttered. He managed to turn in time to avoid crashing foreheads. She shrieked.

"Sorry," she said.

"Sorry," he quickly turned around. Where was he supposed to go?

"Over here, Avery!" Cotton waved his hand above the crowd. Avery went over, hoping he couldn't embarrass himself any more than he already had.

"What'd you think?" Cotton said. Before Avery could answer, he said, "Pretty unusual, huh? Don't worry. It's more symbolic than anything. Don't take it word for word. It's more of a homage to the space we share with the religious sect."

"Religious sect? So you share the space with the monks?"

"Not the ones who used to live here. I mean, that's not important anyway. Doesn't matter. Come on, let's introduce you to the meeting group."

Cotton walked him through the archway, trailing behind the crowd. Most people had already entered their rooms. They stopped in front of room 258.

"Here you go," Cotton said. "Usually, I'd be leading this class, but I've got a special training meeting event to go to today. Sorry to abandon you on your first day. I'd reschedule it if I could. I hate these deviations from the schedule, they're really jarring."

Avery nodded, wishing the same thing. What was he supposed to do without Cotton? He didn't know anyone here besides him.

"So go ahead. Be honest, be truthful. Remember the lesson. I'll see you later." He waved and walked away. Avery breathed out and opened the door.

Five people sat on the blue mat in the center. One of them was the red-haired girl.

Damn, how did they keep running into each other? She averted her gaze as he entered.

Of the remaining four, three were males and one female with a black line around her collar, indicating she was someone in authority. She was a stocky woman with curled brown hair and a face like a Midwestern mother. She stood up and shook Avery's hand.

"Hello, you are Avery," she said. "Welcome." She pulled the handshake into a hug. Avery's eyes bulged.

"Let's sit down," she gestured. Her expression made him think of a twelve-year-old meeting her favorite boy band star, all starry-eyed and gawking. "Let's welcome Avery to the group. He's our newest member of the training."

"Hello Avery, I'm glad you're here," said one of the guys who had a mole on his cheek and reminded Avery of a cab driver. "I'm Jason."

"I'm Friedrich, but you can call me Fred," said another guy with blond hair.

"Neil," said the last male with short brown hair and bedroom eyes.

"I'm Jennika," the red-haired girl said and then looked away abashed. Avery nodded and smiled, not believing how cute she was.

"And my name is Christy," said the teacher. "Let me tell you a little bit about what we're trying to do here. And it may seem unusual at first, so bear with me. Our mission here is introspection. We want you to... look inside yourself and analyze."

She was either looking for the right words, or trying to stuff in dramatic emphasis. "We want you to analyze who you are and what your position in life is. We're going to look at what's holding you back, and give you the tools to push yourself forward. Sound good?"

"Sure," Avery said, trying not to sound apathetic.

"The key is to weed out the impurities in your mind that are holding back your own potential. What is the worst sin you've ever committed?"

Avery hooked one hand onto his wrist and his eyes widened. He was too surprised at her callousness and directness to be angry. "That's a rather personal question, isn't it?"

"It's okay," Jason said.

"No need to be hostile. We're just trying to help," Neil said, "See, whatever the worst thing that you've done is, it's probably a secret. Right?"

Avery didn't want to give anything away. "Maybe."

"And you've kept secrets before. They eat you up inside, they make you sick. And they make you a bad person, because you're holding back truth."

"Haven't you ever had a secret that you just couldn't keep inside you?" Christy said.

Avery thought he was actually good at keeping secrets. He never gossiped about anyone. He had kept his sister's driving tickets a secret. And he never told a soul about his Ace of Base albums. "No, not really," Avery said.

"Well, you must have done something terrible," Jason said, "Everyone has," he gestured to the group. "It's human nature, it's okay. If you admit your guilt, you can take the power out of it. We've all affirmed our own evils."

Avery said, "I don't see how my evils are any of your business."

The others, Jason and Neil especially, looked agitated at Avery's resistance. Fred said, "What will other people think of you if you don't tell us?"

Christy scooted closer to Avery, invading his personal space. In a motherly tone, she said, "Avery, have you ever felt like you're not living up to your potential? That's because you live in fear. Fear of people finding out your secrets, fear that you're not good enough, not strong enough. You think that's going to take something away."

Avery had never thought this, but in a way it made sense, in a philosophical way.

Christy said, "We do bad things to ease the fear. Instead of breaking through it, which can hurt, we run from it, rather than face the pain. Like you're doing right now. You have to break through the fear, Avery. Acknowledging what you've done in the past is the first step."

Avery rubbed his forearm. "It's not that I don't want to. It's just personal."

"I understand, Avery." Christy placed her hand under his tensed elbow. He tightened up even more. "You feel fear right now, don't you? It's limiting you from accepting us. Talking about it takes the power out of your sins. Why don't you steel your courage and break through that barrier?"

Jason piped in, "Fear is a creation of your mind. It's a soft wall that stretches on forever." He held out his hands to indicate how big. "It looks like you can't break through it, but it's really as soft as cotton. Most people don't want to break through it. But to overcome personal fear is really effortless if you can just 'get up'."

Fred said, "Have you ever been on a roller coaster?"

Avery nodded, "Yeah."

"Didn't it look scary when you looked at it from the ground, but when you got on it, it wasn't so bad?"

"Sort of. I never actually had a problem with roller coasters."

"Well, you seem to be having a problem now," Neil said. "Why don't you open up to us? We're like your family. Telling us will bring you closer.

"We shouldn't keep secrets from each other, right? So tell us your biggest one. Get it out of the way."

"Right," Avery uttered. "Well, I don't know."

"Tell you what," Christy said. "Why don't we go around the room first. And we can each tell our biggest sin. Will that make you feel better?"

"Sure." Whatever delayed his own turn from coming up.

"Jason?" Christy prompted.

Jason breathed deep. "I used to steal. I started when I was young. I would steal things like candy bars from the drugstore. Then little toys. Just stuff I wanted. It was there, I took it. At the time, I was too young to understand why stealing was wrong. I guess my moral centers weren't developed by then, and no one caught me. So I kept stealing and I grew up with no conscience about this. When I was a teenager I stole clothes. As an adult I stole everything I thought I could get away with."

This sounded rehearsed, like they'd done this before.

"And they never caught me. They never caught me because I was smart about it. I was never conspicuous, I avoided stores with high security. I tried to justify it with stupid excuses like that it was over-priced anyway, just lining fat-cat business executive pockets. Or that it was the fault of the store, they didn't have better anti-theft systems. Or that it was a victimless crime."

He sighed. "All those excuses were lying to myself. Taking something from others is not right. You have to pay for it. You can't take without giving. I hurt people financially and I hurt their pride.

"So that all changed when I came here, and they showed me all this. And now I feel absolved of my sin. I feel like a better person, like I had the best night's sleep."

He turned to Fred, who started. "I drank a lot. Wasn't an alcoholic, technically. I never hurt anyone physically with my drinking. I didn't drive a car into my best friend's wedding, and I didn't beat my wife or anything. But I always went out on the weekends with my buddies. And we always went to the local bar, and we always drank. And I always drank to get drunk. I didn't see the point otherwise it's vile, nasty stuff there's no reason to drink it except for the sensation. So I always got so drunk my friends had to take care of me. They had to bring me to the bathroom to puke my guts out, or drive me home, or get a taxi for me. But they were always taking care of me."

"Well, that's good," Avery said. "They weren't letting you hurt anyone, they were watching out for you."

"No, that's not it. Don't you see? I was being a burden on my friends. And wasting money on a cheap thrill. After I lost my first job, I got so drunk my friends brought me to a hospital for detox. Then I applied to Cabalco, and worked my way up till I got here. Now I'm glad, because now I know I don't need to drink to be happy. Now they've given me the self-confidence I need. The only thing I drink now is the sacramental wine at supper, and it's never tasted sweeter."

Avery had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"Neil?" Christy prompted.

"My father had an affair when he was married." He said no more than that. Was that his whole story?

"Why's that your fault?" Avery said.

"Because I'm the product of that affair."

Avery cocked his eyebrow, trying to use discretion. "I'm still not seeing why that's your fault."

"Because I'm the evidence of infidelity in my family. I have to wear that mark and everyone sees it. Most of all, myself. It's like a big boulder on my back I have to carry around, and I can never shrug it."

Avery leaned forward. "But you didn't do it, you can't blame yourself for that. You didn't cause your father to cheat. You didn't do anything but be born, and you didn't have control of that."

Christy held up her hand before Neil said anything. "Avery," she said, "Not all of our sins need be our own fault. Sometimes things happen that either we are not conscious of or have no control over, but that doesn't mean we still don't retain that sin on our souls."

Jason said, "If you stepped on an ant, but didn't know it, you've still caused the undue death of another."

"It's an ant," Avery responded.

"But it's still one of the creatures of the Earth," Christy said.

"But it's an ant. We kill millions of things every day. If you rub your eyebrows, you're probably killing millions of bacteria and organisms. You can kill brain cells by slapping your forehead. Do you think you're causing tree abortions by eating fruit?"

"It's a crime to kill people even without intent, right? It's called manslaughter," Christy said.

"Well, yeah," Avery said. "But that's different. That's for people like drunk drivers. People who were doing dangerous stuff anyway."

"That's still indiscriminate murder. As far as I know, that's how the law works," said Neil.

Avery said, "Well, there's no manslaughter in nature. And that's not even what we're talking about."

"Avery," Christy said, and touched him on the leg. "We're not here to judge these people's confessions right now. We're just here to listen and accept. They've already judged themselves, and no one judges more harshly than the self. We're here to listen and absolve. They feel their own shame and guilt and they have to live with that every day. We'd like you to focus more on the efforts to repair that sin. You must know that all humans sin, right?"

"Right," Avery said. He didn't believe that 'every man is born in sin', but you could hardly get away in life without doing a few things wrong.

Christy said, "So we need to look at why this happened, and see that everything lies in the same root fear. We're going to be specialists in fear by the end of it. Specialize, don't analyze."

"Right," Avery said.

"So, do you feel unafraid enough to tell us your sin now?" she asked in a sweet tone.

"Errrr," Avery stammered and looked around, trying to find an excuse. "Wait, she hasn't gone yet."

He pointed to Jennika. She hadn't said a thing so far except her timid greeting. He felt a pang of guilt pointing her out, but it wasn't like he was unjustified.

Her saucer-sized eyes widened, then she looked to a corner of the mat.

"Jennika?" Christy asked. "Oh, Jennika is special. She was born here. She's always been a part of the program. She has no sins to confess, because she's never committed any."

"But I thought you said all humans sin."

"Well, Jennika is special. Since she's lived here all her life and followed us, we've guided her so that she's never committed a sin. Only in the outside world can you commit sins to your soul. As long as you stay here, you stay clean. Make sense?"

"Yeah, I guess," Avery said. In the back of his mind, he was trying to comprehend Jennika's life. Nothing but group meetings and exercises and whatever else? No TV? No Taco Bell? No bicycles, telephones, or... jeez, the sheer number of things missing from her life was staggering.

"Do you feel more comfortable?" Christy said.

"I guess." And he did.

"Would you like to tell us now?"

"Umm, I'm just not sure."

"If you don't tell us," said Jason, "We'll have to assume you're trying to make yourself look better than us. You're not doing that, are you?"

"No," Avery said sardonically, "I'm just... nervous."

Everyone kept saying how wonderful it was how cleansing, purifying, the best thing they'd ever done. Sure, why not? Getting something off your chest felt good. But with this group of strangers? In front of Jennika?

"Tell you what," Christy said. "Why not tell us something small you feel guilty about. Maybe something you recently did?"

That made Avery relax because one came to mind immediately. "Oh, yeah," he exclaimed. "There was a really annoying guy on the train, so I cussed him out."

"You sound like you're proud of that," said Neil.

"Well, no, but I thought he got what he deserved. He was some big shot tycoon, trying to pretend like he knew me. He was probably trying to sell me something. Don't you hate people like that?"

"Why do you?" Christy said.

There was no hesitance in his answer. "Because they're pushy and obnoxious, and they lie to you all the time. They try to be your friend, but there's not a hint of sincerity behind it."

Neil said, "Is that something you hate about him? Or something you hate about yourself."

"Something I hate about him," Avery said sarcastically. "I don't have any of those traits. I'm not pushy, I'm not trying to be everyone's friend all the time. I mean what I say."

"Avery, Avery, let's back up for a second," Christy said, making the 'stop' motion with her open palm. "I'm hearing a lot of fear from you. Fear and doubt. Let's look at the situation. Now, here was an innocent man, totally unaware of your existence, who was trying to make friends."

"He was an asshole," Avery said, wondering if there were rules against swearing here. He opted to choose the word that best fit. "He was coming up with all these reasons why he and I were alike, and he was totally wrong."

"He was trying to compare yourself to him. And you didn't like that, because you didn't want to be that sort of person," Christy said.

"Right."

"But do you think he meant anything bad by it? Do you think he was trying to antagonize you?"

"No, probably not," Avery shrugged.

"See, you reacted with primal urges. That makes us no better than animals. You didn't think about the situation."

"Oh come on, I'm never going to see him again. It doesn't matter."

"But it does. You may have put him in a bad mood that day. Maybe his feelings grew and he went home and beat his wife or his kids."

Avery gave them a look. "I really doubt that."

"Perhaps, but maybe he was angry and flipped someone off at an intersection. And that person went home and beat his wife. You see the far-reaching implications your attitude can have? How a spark of fear and hate can grow?"

Avery shrugged, "Maybe. That might've happened, but that's a lot of maybes."

"The more you act like you did, the more likely it could happen. You see, you assumed that your actions had no harm. You did it because it felt good. And you can't tell what consequences your actions will have. Do you want to be like a bad dog, snapping and biting everyone that comes past?"

Avery thought the question was rhetorical, but the pause indicated it wasn't. Everyone stared at him with the same expression, a combination of wanting, hatred, reproach, and shame.

"No," he answered meekly. Then he caught a glimpse of Jennika. Her expression hurt the most because there wasn't a hint of anger in it, just sad despair. Like she was expecting something, and then lost it.

Christy said "It was selfish of you to think about your own desires and your own feelings above someone else's. And not even for a reward, just self-satisfaction."

"I was just frustrated at the long trip." Avery felt a glint of tears forming.

"It may feel good to lash out at someone at first, but it only leaves you empty inside. Don't you feel empty right now?"

"A little," Avery whispered.

"You lashed out because you fear unknown people. You feared what he would have said to you. You feared yourself."

They waited for a response from him. "Um... sorry," Avery said.

"You should be apologizing to yourself. You're the one that's hurt."

"But I thought you said I hurt him."

"But only you can control you. And you hurt now, don't you?"

"Maybe a little."

"And is there any meaning in your hurt? There is none, is there?"

Avery looked away and shrugged again. "Not really."

"Do you want to put meaning into it?"

"How do I do that?"

"You have to realize that you are born in sin and that serving others is the only way to absolution of that sin. You have to give of yourself as much as possible. The more you give of yourself, the more you get back. The human soul is strange that way, but it's the truth."

"Oh, okay," Avery said.

"It's the only way..." Jennika said. Avery perked up. "... that you'll be able to forgive yourself."

It was the first time she'd spoken during the entire conversation in her soft, melodic voice. He nodded, unable to turn away again.

Christy interrupted his gaze by holding his hand. Avery was forced to switch from Jennika's eyes to her ruddy face. "You feel any better?" she said.

"Yes," Avery lied. In truth, he felt worse. Guilty, rotten, like a risen corpse, someone who didn't belong there. But he lied to make everyone else feel good. They were trying so hard and he wanted to please them. Especially... well, never mind.

* * *

Christy and the others spent the remaining time analyzing Avery's situation. They tore it apart, nitpicking every detail, every word said, every tone and intonation of the voice, and showed Avery how he should have handled the situation. How Cabalco wanted him to handle it.

He learned that he did what he did because of the way he felt about himself, and how he had to cleanse that self. The activities of the group would help. Morning exercise would purge the body. Group sessions would cull out the weakness in people, capture it like moth, and crush it. And the other activities would take the emptiness that remained, and fill it with things that would create a better person. And it didn't sound too bad to Avery.

When it was done, Christy said to him, "Let me give you one last word of reassurance. Because I still sense some doubt in you." She put her hand on his shoulder, looking like she was prepping for another hug. "I'm glad that you've come here with some strong convictions. They're the strongest I've ever seen, in fact. But eventually, you will learn the 'word', and the 'word' is strong."

To the class she said, "Let's move on." This was the signal that class had ended.

Everyone rose, and brushed out the wrinkles in their robes. Christy congratulated everyone. Others murmured their thanks, but Avery was feeling too tired and hungry. Other people were walking about too, and disappearing into the cross-traffic. Avery followed after Jason and Fred, but stopped after a few feet out the doorway, wondering where he was supposed to go next.

"Avery, over here," Cotton called out. He was leaning against the wall, grinning like his best friend. Avery walked over to meet him, hoping his sunny disposition would reenergize him.

"Well, I'm willing to bet you had a good experience in there?" Cotton asked.

Avery paused before answering. "It was... enlightening." And inside he was asking, _why do I feel so bad about myself?_ "Are all the meetings like this?"

"You probably feel a little guilty right now. Maybe even light-headed?"

Avery nodded.

"That's perfectly normal. Everyone gets that, even me. That's the old morality." He pointed to Avery's brain. "From the old world. This is a new world. At least, we're trying to make it one. You'll feel better in no time once you absorb our philosophy. The group sessions are all taught in the same manner, but they cover different topics. Did you feel like today was all about you?"

"Yeah."

"That's because you're new. Once you're indoctrinated, you'll feel like their equal. Do you feel how your shoulders and arms got very warm, just now?"

"Uh," Avery performed a mental diagnostic on his arms, and, maybe, they felt a bit warm. "A little."

"Those are the sins lifting from you. Whenever you feel a little guilty, just check your arms, see if they feel that tingling warm sensation. Then you know you're doing right. Come on, let's go to your next activity." He started walking down the hall, deeper into the complex.


	26. Chapter 26

Avery shook out his wrist, which had been growing sore for the past couple minutes. Why in the world was he copying this book? What possible purpose could this have? Didn't they have computers? Printing presses? Why did they need human hands writing this down?

And why so many of them? Most of the chairs at the long tables were filled with bodies and heads, all looking back and forth between the blank page and the filled one.

The book itself was arranged like a salad. Half of it was some other language. The other half read like snippets from a literary journal written exclusively for Ph.D.s in big-word-ology. Then sometimes it read like an old fable, with metaphors and clichs. Maybe it could make sense if he took the effort to try and understand it, but they weren't giving him that luxury. Surely no one would buy this tripe, so they weren't couldn't be for commercial purposes.

So why were they copying this down? Why, why, why? How did this brainwash him? How did this indoctrinate him? How could he be affected by something he didn't understand?

Cotton said, "Getting bored?"

Avery shrugged. He couldn't let on he was anything but happy to be here.

"It's okay if you are. Most people are at first." Cotton nodded to the chalkboard at the head of the room, "Usually we have a teacher up there. Not sure where she is today. Maybe she got caught up. She makes the work go faster."

Avery didn't care. He was tired and hungry, and he kept coming back to what the people in the group told him, how wrong he was. He did feel stupid for being so angry for no good reason. Maybe this wasn't all smoke and mirrors. Mostly, he was sad because he wanted to please Jennika. And he wanted to find out more about her.

Avery said, "So you know that girl, Jennika?"

"Ah, Jennika, yep. Everyone knows Jennika," he smiled.

"What does that mean?"

"She was the first one born into the... advanced training program, I'd guess you'd call it. Both her parents were married when they entered Cabalco, which is unusual. They had a child here even more unusual as most of our associates don't have time to form relationships, let alone cultivate them. So that means she's grown up without any influences of the outside world. Meaning she's a pure soul. That makes her something of a celebrity here."

Avery felt self-conscious being the only two people in the room talking. His instinct was to whisper, but no one else minded it. "Really?" Avery said. "Why?"

"Well, the way she is means she's the perfect product. She's what we're all striving to be like to be clean of the outside world and its influences. She is fully immersed in the program. She can see with eyes unclouded. That's why she has trouble in some of the confessional lessons. She has no sins to confess."

"I see," Avery said. "So she's never seen the outside world?"

"Nope, but why would you want to, really? Well, someone like you might get homesick, but she wouldn't. She's had... twenty years of life here," Cotton pondered. "So, really, she knows nothing else but us. Pretty incredible."

Avery couldn't help but agree.

Cotton said, "I consider myself very lucky that I'm betrothed to her."

"What?" Avery's mouth dropped.

"Oh, it's not official yet, by any means. I'm sorry, I spoke ahead of myself. This is a rather unusual situation. Let me explain."

He put down his pen. "Usually, we don't have couples join together while in advanced training or afterward. It interferes with the process, and it's not good for the whole. People become focused on their individual needs rather than the group. Usually it's not even an issue. Once people get here, they dedicate themselves wholly to the training, that they forget about their individual needs anyway. That's the way it should be. The group is always stronger than the one."

"Anyway..." Avery prompted.

"Anyway, yeah, Jennika and me. Our leaders have indicated to me that we'll be matched soon. It was a bit strange to me, but I was too ecstatic to even think of questioning it."

"'Matched' meaning you two will be married?"

"Sure, although I like to think of it more as a joining. Two units becoming one, so they are stronger. Like the group."

"So the leaders created an arranged marriage with you two."

"Yeah, you could think of it like that. It's more like match-making. Sometimes people can't see what's in front of their faces, so the leaders help that along. It's rarely done. They only step in when they see two people who would benefit the group if they were together. I have every confidence that their decision is right, though. Not just for my own desires, but I agree that it would be mutually favorable to everyone."

"Why is that?"

"I would be her perfect partner. I must be, otherwise, why would the leaders choose me for her? I've advanced through my education with stellar marks. My class has risen faster than any other pupil. I know every aspect of this place. All the techniques. I don't mean to sound prideful, but they've told me they expect me to be running the program soon. Jennika will only help bring the people together. The one to lead them and the one to emulate."

"Like king and queen," Avery muttered.

Cotton laughed, "I never thought of it that way. That's cute," he smiled. "Not so totalitarian though. I like being a leader, a figurehead. I've had years to learn and absorb all the lessons, but its not just that. I've dedicated my life to helping the people here. I've got ideas for new reforms and new ways of spreading our influence. Sorry, I don't mean to sound so immodest. But these are the facts. Anyone can verify them for you."

"No, I get it," Avery said.

"Mm-hm. And my reward for taking this position is Jennika. It's perfect. Couldn't be better."

"Does she know about this?"

"Of course."

"She does?"

"Yes. I've discussed this with her more than once. I've told her my intentions."

"And?"

"She agrees it would be a successful partnership. She supports it. She's as dedicated to the system as I am. How good would it look for the program's stars to become married?"

Avery looked off to the side, wondering what else he could ask. "Do you love her?"

"Of course. She's perfect. I idolize her. She would be my perfect partner. I'd love to see her by my side every day. And she returns this feeling."

Cotton answered Avery's next question before he even asked it if they were so in love, why hadn't he seen them together yet? Jennika wasn't acting like someone in love, she was acting like someone hunted all her life, like a mouse.

Avery couldn't shake the feeling that everything he had said about Jennika was off. Cotton was either lying (which he doubted) or was oblivious to what Avery saw.

* * *

"Pestis cruento vilomaxus pretiacruento."

This was not praying. This was giving thanks. Their hands clasped on the dinner table, with hot steaming trays before them, plates below their chins. Their eyes were closed, and they were chanting in weird words. But this wasn't praying. Oh no, far from it. Just giving thanks. Of course, he had no idea what he was saying, so maybe he was giving thanks. Maybe he was reciting the Gettysburg Address.

The words they were chanting, everyone had already memorized. Everyone had them memorized when they came in here, so Avery had to follow along phonetically. He sounded like that one kid in the Christmas pageant who never remembered his lines.

With an 'In pache requiesce fortunato', the prayer was finished, and Avery opened his eyes, expecting to see a feast. It could have been garbage, and he'd lap it up like pizza.

Before him were communal plates of rice, chicken breast, and steamed vegetables. Decanters with a clear liquid, probably water, sat between the serving plates.

People helped themselves, placing conservative amounts of food on their plates. This wasn't quite what Avery was expecting.

Cotton caught him as he was about to ask. "Not quite what you were expecting, huh?" He already had a forkful of rice held up. Jennika, on Cotton's right, gingerly sliced and ate her chicken.

"Well, I thought you said... we had great feasts?"

"Oh, we do feast. Not all the time though. As we're still growing, we don't quite have the money for the finer things. A large meal every day would break our budget. It takes a lot to maintain this many people. Plus we're on foreign soil, conversion rates and shipping and so forth. Plus, if we feasted every day, we'd get fat and lazy. Can't have that!" he laughed.

Definitely not. At the pace that Avery had been tugged around today, he'd barely had time to think. Hauled from one station to another, with no time to relax, no time to think about what he was doing. It felt a lot like college, but with fewer breaks, and not so much homework.

"It's these long tables that fool you. Don't worry, though, if you think this is a pretty bland meal. We aren't fed the same thing day after day. We do feast, on occasion. Meanwhile, we get the food that gives us all the vitamins and carbohydrates we need. Very basic, but efficient."

Avery plopped food on his plate once the spoon was free. It made him appreciate the food in college a lot more. As he cut off a bite of dry chicken, a man in a brown robe with a hood that covered his face walked into their row. He stopped behind Jennika and whispered in Cotton's ear. He tilted his head up, chewing and nodding thoughtfully.

"Mm-hm..." Cotton said. "Workshop?" Cotton wiped his face off with the napkin in his lap. "I'm sorry, I have to go. Bit of a thing popped up. No problems."

He tapped Avery on the shoulder as he backed out of his tight-fitting space. "I'll see you soon, Avery. You know where your next class is? Same place your first one was. And after that, bedtime. I'll see you tomorrow." He leaned over and planted a light peck on Jennika's temple. She smiled slightly, but didn't look at him as he left.

Avery spooned in more rice and chicken, which tasted not much better than the water. Only the hunger made it desirable.

He also realized this was the first time he'd been left alone today. No one was talking to him, no one was trying to hold a conversation and tell him how great the Cabal was. And what's more, he was here with Jennika, who also had no one to talk to. Not that she was talking in the first place.

Even though he'd already knew that she was Cotton's girl, he still wanted to get to know her. Her origins intrigued him. Here was a girl who knew nothing about the wonders of life. If someone told her to make a wish, she wouldn't know what to wish for.

But he couldn't find anything to say. Her eyes stared down sorrowfully at her meal.

Avery tried to think of lines to open a conversation with. 'You're beautiful'. No, he was trying to talk to her, not hit on her. And who knows what wrath that would incur from Cotton. 'Pass the salt'? 'So you like it here in the cult'? 'Come here often'? 'What's your sign'?

Arrgh, didn't this get any easier? He needed something to open the doors, to get them familiar, to let her know he wasn't a creep.

Jennika shifted in her seat and placed her left hand on the table. There was a bandage over her palm, with a blotch as red as her hair.

"Jeez, are you okay?" Avery exclaimed without even thinking.

"What?" she whirled around.

"I mean..." he stammered. "Your hand."

"Oh. I cut myself accidentally. I scraped the scissors across my hand." She lifted up her wrist to show.

"Oh, that must have hurt." Avery sympathized.

"Uh, a little," she squeaked.

"What were you doing with the scissors?"

"We were constructing cardboard boxes for shipment. I was trying to cut the rope from a new bundle, I wasn't paying enough attention, and..."

"Oh. Accidents happen," Avery shrugged.

"It was my fault," Jennika said.

"No, it wasn't. It was just an accident."

She shook her head, her bangs wisped over her eyes. "I misjudged the scissors. I thought they were closed, and I hurt myself. I made a mistake."

"Well, that's fine. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are a way of life."

"I'm... I'm not supposed to make mistakes."

"Why not?"

"Because... I'm perfect."

Avery rolled his eyes and snorted. Then he realized that she didn't mean it in an egotistical way. She really believed she was supposed to be perfect and who around her would tell her she was wrong?

"Well, you're still human, right?" Avery said.

She smiled, for the first time he saw. "Yes."

"You didn't have any alien parents or anything?"

"No, everyone raised me."

"Yeah, but you still had some parents that gave birth to you."

"Yes, but they didn't raise me."

"What? Oh, you're an orphan."

"A what? Oh, someone without parents. No, I don't suppose I am, really. Because everyone raised me."

"What does that mean? 'Everyone raised me'?"

"Everyone took care of me." Apparently, she didn't know how to explain it any better.

"You mean the leaders here took care of you?" Avery said.

She nodded, "Up to the point when I was old enough to walk and talk. Then, I was given the same treatments as adults."

"You mean, like a trainee? Like us?" Avery pointed to himself.

"Yes. Everyone received the same education, so I needed to as well."

That made sense. But it also sounded like the councilship didn't know what to do with her, so they treated her like an adult. How would a five-year-old react to that?

Avery said, "So you had to do everything we do? With the exercises and classes and everything?"

"Yes."

"And all at an adult level?" Well, of course. He didn't see a day care center around here. Jennika must have really thrown them for a loop a perfect opportunity to exploit someone from the start.

"Yes. Before that, I don't remember. I don't think it matters," Jennika said.

"You didn't get to run outside and play, or get toys or anything?"

"No. Well," she thought, "I did have some exceptions because I was a child. Nothing big though."

"So you've never been anywhere else, but this? You've always stayed inside?"

"Yes. I've always stayed in the walls. I will until my training is complete."

"How long is your training supposed to last? Haven't you been training all your life?"

"They want me at the same age as everyone else before they graduate me."

"That's when they'll send you on assignment or something?"

"Yes, or I might stay here with Cotton."

That was the far likelier prospect of the two, given what Cotton said earlier. "So you probably won't go anywhere unless Cotton goes," Avery said.

"Yes, but that probably won't happen. He wants to lead the program."

"Isn't there anywhere you want to go? Any place you're curious about?"

Jennika stared down and picked at her food. She was silent. Avery knew she heard him.

"You should probably hold your tongue," she said, so quietly Avery almost didn't hear her.

Avery was about to ask why, then he realized it wasn't just her that was quiet. It was the whole room. People all around him were looking. He'd gotten too entranced in finding out about Jennika to notice.

She had asked him to hold his tongue so he wouldn't say something he would regret. And he likely would have, something that would contradict their beliefs, or reveal himself, or blow his cover, or confess his undying affection for her.

He went back to his rice and chicken. Dinner was not a usual time for conversation here, and he had made a major faux pas. He had to shut up or he would be under their microscope.

* * *

 _Entry 2: I'm writing this under the covers right now, really because I have no choice. I'm too worried about being caught. I don't know if they send people to check on us or not, to make sure that we're sleeping, but I can't take that risk. And it's too dark to see what I'm doing anyway. It probably looks like I'm jerking off. I can't see what I'm writing, I have to gauge when the paper runs out. That'll probably mean this will fill up fast._

 _Focus. I'm very tired and sore. I have to be quick before I fall asleep. First thing we did was exercises, then prayer. They didn't call it that. They spoke in tongues, and bowed their heads. Said a lot about how we were special, meant to the lead the world or something. Tuned it out. Weird language too. Very cultish. Then discussion group. Mostly we talked about a guy on the train I told off. I yelled at him just because I was feeling irritable and didn't want to be bothered. Guess they're right. I wanted to hurt him in some way. I didn't know why. It was my pride that made me want to hurt him. I felt incredibly guilty_

 _Wait a minute. I'm thinking. Why did it matter? Here they're making it out like I killed a man. He was just an irritating guy on a train. No one needs to make me feel guilty over that. No one asked him to sit by me, or start invading my space. I was reading my book, clearly indicating I did not want to be disturbed, and he kept bothering me. What an obnoxious little fuck. And they try and make me feel guilty about it. They are the ones who are wrong. Them. They weren't there, and they were throwing all these arguments at me like I was the bad guy._

 _Is this how they do it? They break you down and then build you back up in their own image. Is that how they did it with Jennika? Walker was right, they are insidious. You never see them coming. I can see why this diary is so important. I need to keep analyzing what they're doing and see the flaws in it, otherwise, they'll get me. I almost didn't make an entry tonight, I was so tired. I need to keep criticizing them so I don't fall in with them._

 _By the way, Jennika is one of the girls I know here. She was born into the cult and is supposed to be betrothed to Cotton, my advisor. I can't imagine how thick she is with the cult's teachings. I'd expect her to have absolutely no identity, to be as enthusiastic as Cotton is. But she seems sad all the time. I'd expect her to have no soul with the way they work. Or maybe the cult's only engineered their program for those who come from outside, and, for her, it worked in reverse, and she's invulnerable to their teachings. But she can't escape them either. That'd be a horrible life. The rest of the people want to be part of it, that's the difference. I can see Jennika's special in some way. Somehow she doesn't fall for it. She's like a doll that needs mending._

 _I've got to keep focused. Nothing other to report. No word on a project, secret or otherwise. Just writing books, like we're a personal sweatshop. No one seems threatening, no one with powers like Walker had. Jennika and Cotton are figureheads. Other than that, I know nothing. I think I still have a firm cover, but I'm getting paranoid about slipping. Who knows what little mistakes I might have made and didn't catch? I need to remember not to make waves, and not to listen to what they say about me._


	27. Chapter 27

"Weapons training?"

That was where the popping sound came from as they walked outside. He followed Cotton to a point outside the monastery, to a long set of booths made of straw and bamboo. Most were filled with other trainees, holding firearms and pointing them at archery targets near the giant wall. Three or four black-collared Cabal walked between them, watching their progress.

They used a wide variety of weapons mostly pistols and semi-automatics. One person was holding a sniper rifle, peering down the scope, at a target some three hundred yards away. Some guns he couldn't recognize. Was that a flare pistol over there?

Avery asked, "So how does this exactly help with 'building a better tomorrow'?"

Cotton laughed like he did every time Avery said something sarcastic. "I figured you'd say something like that. But remember what I said before about accepting first and asking questions later? This is one of those times. You see all these people here. They don't have any problem with it."

"Yeah," Avery agreed. Avery didn't have a problem with firing a gun. He was from Texas after all. But at a 'corporate retreat'? Were they even trying to pretend anymore? What would happen if they were inspected by the Better Business Bureau? Somebody had to monitor American businesses overseas, right? Of course, if they could infiltrate government facilities like the police and mental hospitals, why not the whistleblowers as well? Maybe no one even knew about this place.

They approached an empty booth which looked over a target about twenty-five feet away.

Cotton said, "The trainees balk at this activity the most. But what I can tell you is, it's not all about pulling the trigger and watching a man die. It's about accuracy, precision, timing, reflexes, strategy, form. There's a lot more to shooting a gun than hurting someone. That's why it's an Olympic sport, isn't it?"

"Uh-huh. So why is the target a picture of a man?" Avery pointed out to the paper silhouette of a human torso.

"Well, that's to give more targets to shoot. A bulls-eye is limiting and harder to visualize. Remember, shoot now, ask questions later. You might enjoy it."

"That's not what I'm worried about."

"Worried? Why are you worried? What reason do you have? We're in a safe environment. Everyone's well protected."

Avery was worried why someone like him, who was supposed to be a corporate pencil-pusher, was training on small assault weapons. But he couldn't make waves, no matter how strong his convictions felt. Shoot now, think later.

"All right, let's do it," Avery said, returning Cotton's enthusiasm.

"That's the spirit. Plunge into it. That's our philosophy. Whenever you find something unusual or something you feel an urge to resist, just plunge into it. Don't even think about it. Immerse yourself totally, right away, so you can gain all of its essences." It sounded like he wanted to drop Avery in a vat. "Now, here's your first gun."

From a shelf under the booth he took out a solid automatic handgun with a comfort grip handle and silver square barrel.

"This here is a Beretta 85-AB. Light, 9 millimeter caliber, medium range, high firing rate for a pistol, but low damage per impact."

"It's a gun. Does it really matter? A shot's a shot."

"Ah," Cotton held up his finger like a teacher. "Not always. You see those sub-machine guns over there." He pointed to an area where people with Uzis unloaded sprays of bullets. "See, you shoot someone with a gun like that, it looks like you get a lot of bang for your buck, but four or five bullets out of twenty might hit. Plus those kinds of guns have a lot of recoil, and you might find your gun wandering away from the target. Could end up shooting a buddy of yours. A shot from a pistol is powerful, thicker, because you don't need to fire so many so fast. That's why we train on pistols first, to teach accuracy and conservation of ammo."

"Just the basics," Avery said.

"Yep, exactly. This is an introduction. Eventually, you'll learn the more complicated guns like the Uzis and rifles. They all have their different quirks and they become more complex as you go along. But our mission is to show you how to get the most out of each. It's not always as simple as 'point away from face and fire'. Anyway, where was I?"

Cotton looked under the gun, saw it was unloaded, and plugged in a fresh clip. "Right, low damage. And if you get good with this, and need to use it in combat, it's best supplemented with a second gun. Now," he offered it to Avery. "Let's give her a try."

Avery had never held a gun before. It felt like a thick piece of cold, dead metal. Something not just devoid of life, but a thing that drained it.

Avery held the gun with two hands out in front of him. Cotton said, "Good form. Don't lock your arms, you don't want them to hyperextend, just bend them out a little so they can stay stable." He grabbed Avery's arm and shoulder and made minor adjustments. "Hold it still. Use the front sight to aim, which is that little notch on top of the barrel. Then squeeze the trigger."

Avery was hesitant, like he was losing his virginity. But the more he waited, the more nervous his advisor would get.

"Plunge into it," Cotton whispered.

Avery steeled himself and pulled the trigger.

A thunderous blast emitted from the gun, and a force pulled his arms up and back. It didn't really feel like he'd fired a gun, more like he'd caused a firecracker to go off. The kickback made his wrists sting, and he dropped his arms, making sure to move his finger safely away from the trigger.

"Ow," Avery said as he shook out his right hand.

"Wrists hurt a little?"

"Yeah."

"You need to develop more wrist muscle. But look, you hit the target spot on." Cotton pointed to the silhouette thirty yards away. It had a small hole in its shoulder that looked the size of a pin from this distance. Avery was surprised, as he hadn't even been aiming at anything. "Wow, nice shot," Cotton said.

"Uh, thanks."

"Right in the shoulder, in the nerve plexus. A hit like that would have caused him to drop his gun immediately, if he had one. Let's try some more."

Avery fired a few more times. Cotton made suggestions here and there, but often said how amazed he was at how few corrections Avery needed, that he had the finest form he'd seen from a rookie, that he was born to be a gunfighter.

It was the first time in a long while anyone had ever complimented Avery on something he had done for himself. When you became an adult, they stopped all those meaningless certificates for things like attendance and creative writing, and you had to scrape and claw to the top for people to recognize your talents, the things that made you unique and likable.

"Nice accuracy," Cotton said, after his last three shots had all landed in the heart. He took the gun from Avery and reloaded it with another clip from the shelf. "I really see high hopes for your advancement."

"Just from shooting?"

"Shooting is a good indicator of character. Like a litmus test of who you are. You've already shown me you learn fast, have good concentration. You're adaptable to new situations. It's indicative of your skill set. Let's keep going."

Cotton handed Avery his gun back. Cotton brought out new targets for him, changed the position of the target, to different angles and distances. Avery just fired.

Mostly, the training was to get Avery used to the gun. And even moreso to the concept of a gun. He was never violent, and he still hadn't gotten used to the fact that this gun was a device to take away people's lives. The more bullets he pounded into the man at the other end of the field, the sweatier and sicker he got.

* * *

"Today, I want each of you to tell us the number of sexual partners you've had," Christy said.

With no hesitation, Jason said, "Four."

"Zero," Jennika said. No surprise there.

"Five," Fred said.

"Two," Neil said.

"I'm so not doing this," Avery said.

"What?" Christy said.

"I'm not answering this question."

"Why not?"

"Er, uh," Avery stammered. To him it was obvious, but he couldn't put it into words. Avery wasn't ashamed of his number, so there was no good reason not to share. "Because it's personal."

"Avery," Christy said, "We're not here to pass judgment on you. I've heard people list numbers in the hundreds. I've heard people who barely knew what sex was. It's all the same. No one thinks differently of you if Jason had four and Jennika had none. That's all in the past now."

Jason said, "Those are the binds to the old morality. This is a new morality where we don't worry about judging people. You take away a part of yourself by doing that. You hide yourself."

Christy said, "We accept you for everything you are. Our goal here is to rebirth you into enlightenment. We want you to have the same goals as we do. The goals we want you to have so you can be a better person."

"And how does the number of people I've slept with have anything to do with that?"

Christy sat back. She looked exhausted. She looked tired of dealing with Avery's crap day after day, bringing up counter-points and conflicts. Why wouldn't he just accept that it was true, for crying out loud. Avery scowled back. He wouldn't give her that satisfaction.

"I'll field this," Cotton said. All eyes turned to him. "It's because we're talking about lust now. Lust is rooted in desire, and desire is the root of all suffering. You don't like suffering, do you?"

If Christy was asking the question, Avery would have given her a smarmy look. But with Cotton, he answered seriously. "Of course not."

Cotton said, "To clean you of suffering, we need to clean you of things that cause suffering, like snipping the branches before you chop down a dead tree. Telling us your past sins is a good way to start, it prunes them from your tree. Lust is one of the less intense causes of suffering, easier to carve. Ironically, it can cause great shame and great pleasure at the same time. It's a strange thing. But you want to be rid of that sensation, don't you? It limits you. It prevents your enlightenment."

Jason said, "If you don't tell us, we'll have to assume that no matter what, you're ashamed of it. And that you're trying to obfuscate your enlightenment, and our own progress towards enlightenment, by not telling us. Don't let fear dictate your actions."

Avery glanced at Jennika. She had a wanting look, encouraging him, giving him strength, and in a way, permission. If he told them, everything would be all right.

"Remember, plunge into it," Cotton whispered.

Avery gave a resigned sigh. It wasn't like he had anything to lose. "Two. One was a result of getting drunk at a party in high school. The girl I was going out with, she had her ex-boyfriend, and there was lots of drama and rebounding and all that. And the other was Ivy, she was my girlfriend in college freshman year, who may have been cheating on me anyway."

"You didn't love either of them," Cotton said, stating a matter of fact.

Avery thought that was pretty bold. "What makes you say that?"

"It's obvious. The first one was out of lust, pure desire for the carnal act, and probably a smattering of other emotions like guilt, resentment, wrath, etc. Plus intoxication, the lowering of your mental shield around those emotions. That's always a bad combo. You were ignoring the messages of your mind and giving into what your body wanted. The second-"

"Was out of longing," Avery interrupted.

Now it was Cotton's turn to raise his eyebrows. "Go on," he said.

"It was about the needing to be with someone. I was pretty lonely my first year. I didn't know how to make friends in that environment. All the friends I had in high school were from childhood. I needed to focus on my schoolwork.

"With Ivy, it was more like I wanted to hook up and she let me. She had a lot of issues. There wasn't any real love or affection, I guess. She wasn't using me or anything, and I wasn't using her. But the times I tried to act like her boyfriend, she ignored me and did her own thing. Like I was there in case of emergency."

Cotton and Christy were both stunned. The others held their heads up attentively.

Christy said, "Your progress is amazing."

Cotton looked at her, a grin on his face. "See? I told you."

"What do you mean?" Avery asked.

Cotton told him, "I've never had someone as new as you come up with your own analyzation before. It means you're learning to recognize the evil inside you."

"Well, I internalize things a lot," Avery said.

"No, no, it's good. Feel pride in this. And gratitude to those who brought it out of you."

"It's just, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Just... just that, I think love can keep a relationship, but it can't keep a commitment."

"No, no it can't," Cotton agreed. He addressed the group now. "The point of this discussion is that your desire for a companion caused you suffering. I'm sure we'd find the same situation from everyone else, regarding their partners. We are your partners now. Bring us in as you would have with someone else. Bring us close into your hearts and we shall do the same. Forget about your need for companionship. The group is all you'll ever need."

"I have a question," Avery said, half-raising his hand. Christy bit her lip. "How do you know when to do that?"

This looked like another first for Cotton. "What do you mean?" he answered.

"I mean, how can you know when to push someone away when they're getting too close and when to let them in. Because no man is an island. But the closer they are, the more they have a chance to hurt you. You know, it's a never-ending cycle. How do you know?"

Christy stuttered, "Well, it's more of a balance. Which is difficult, granted. But we're here to help you with that."

Avery said, "If you have someone that you might care a lot for but they might not care back. I mean, that's like being in love using your brain, not your heart."

Cotton looked to Christy, a worried and confused expression on his face. "I think that perhaps the scope of this conversation has exceeded our grasp of it."

Jason said, "What does that mean?"

"We've started talking about things that are too complex for us to answer at this level."

Cotton saw Avery's expression and said, "But perhaps in future sessions we can look at it closely. Right now, it doesn't matter. All these exercises are showing you that you can be rebirthed into a new age, a new way of thinking. Maybe Avery's already found a little piece of that."

Something about the enthusiastic way he spoke reminded Avery of the people in high school he always wanted to be the charismatic leaders of student council or yearbook. Ones who made friends wherever they went. With Cotton he felt like he could achieve that. So he wanted to make a good impression on him, to show that he was willing to be a good follower, to be like him.

But in the back of his mind, he remembered the words of Walker don't give in to them, no matter how appealing it seemed.

Christy said, "We only want you to achieve happiness. And that can only be done through learning these lessons. These questions you're asking aren't important. What we're telling you is."

Avery looked over at Jennika. She shyly avoided eye contact with anyone, her head bowed down. If he had looked, Cotton would very much have been making eye contact.

* * *

 _Entry 5: We had weapons training today, and I actually did pretty good. Cotton complimented me a lot. It might have been because he wanted to make it a positive moment. But I did hit the target a lot. After a couple tries, I got pretty good. I graduated from a Beretta to a Vektor, which is a bigger, heavier model. So it turns out I'm a good marksman. They might move me to small automatics pretty soon. Cotton seems to think I have a good future with them. I don't know how he can tell that from shooting a gun._

 _Wait a minute. Why am I talking like this is good? What the hell is with weapons training in a corporate retreat? Dammit, I did it again. I fell for their lies. Shooting guns at human-shaped targets is some wrong shit, even if there's no rule against it._

 _They're training us for something. It has nothing to do with Cabalco the corporation and more to do with... an army? Making us soldiers? Guard duty?_

 _There are definitely wrong things going on here, I'm glad I stayed up to make an entry. I hope I'm doing some good with this. It's hard to keep up when they barely you give you any time to sleep._

 _And the food is crap. Where is this fucking banquet I was promised? You eat twice a day, and everyone's watching you, so you don't take big portions. But I'm fucking hungry man. I want my goddamned glazed ham and pineapple._

 _I found out more about Jennika. She's been taken care of by the Cabal ever since she was a baby. I still don't really know what that means, but think about it. I can't even comprehend how she grew up. Didn't she play around? Misbehave? Does that mean everything was scheduled for her? When to eat, when to sleep, when to bathe, where to go, what to learn. Being told who and what you are from the get-go, and exactly where you're going in life. Having your whole life planned out for you in advance._

 _If all that was true, Jennika would be as encouraging or enthusiastic as Cotton. But I barely hear a peep out of her. It makes me thinks she's not that confident in their ways. She always has her head down, like she's embarrassed or shy about something, especially when Cotton's around. Maybe she feels dominated by him. He can be almost overbearing. I still like him though. He really evokes something good in me. He gives me encouragement to be better than I am._

 _Whatever this is, it's not important to the investigation. I'm going to have to get bolder if I want to get anywhere. I can't just wait for it to come. I won't last that long. The problem is they make me feel so welcome, I hate to leave. Then I think of the exercises, and the chicken and rice, and how tired I feel all the time. Fortunately, I'm not forced to stay here, like those other schmoes. I'm going to have to dig a little deeper._


	28. Chapter 28

"Okay," Cotton clapped his hands. "Bet you're all excited about this."

Avery sat cross legged on the mat, in a position where he could watch both Jennika and Cotton.

His normal 'hadn't slept in three weeks' look had been replaced with a natural 'hadn't slept in three weeks' look. The Cabal's demands were making diary entries sheer torture. He either had to write the full entry, or risk falling asleep with the book in his lap. His arm had pencil marks from stabbing himself to stay awake.

So when Cotton said to get excited, his spirit was willing, but his flesh was weak. But he wanted to make Cotton happy, so he corrected his posture and tried to look alert.

"We're going to play a game today." This surprised Avery, but it would be a welcome change from the routine of confession-guilt-acceptance. "The game is called 'I Never'. Anyone played this before?" No one said anything or raised their hands. "Hmm, okay. I'll explain it. Basically, I'm going to state an activity, or something you might have done in the past. If you've done the thing that I say, raise your hand. Make sense?"

This game sounded vaguely familiar. Avery might have overheard some girls talking about it at a slumber party or something. They must have called it something else in his region of the world.

"Now, a couple things to remember. Obviously, this game means you have to be honest. So if I say something, you can't keep your hand down, or let the group forget about you if we get involved in someone's story. I know none of you want to be dishonest with the group. We've already talked about the different types of dishonesty, especially letting a lie go unchecked. Best to get it all out in the open. So, let's go, first one." He cleared his throat and raised his hand like he was swearing on the bible. "I've never danced around in my underwear."

The group giggled. Even Jennika had a bemused look. No one raised their hands though. "No one?" Cotton said with a big smile on his face. "Aw, I'm disappointed. Okay, seriously now." He cleared his throat again, and relaxed his posture. In a lower tone he said, "I've never told a lie."

Jason raised his hand first, then Neil, then the others, except Jennika.

"Of course," Cotton said. "We've all told a lie before. Whether it was small or big, whether it harmed anyone or prevented World War III, a lie is still a lie. There are no good lies. Lies tell false information, no matter the circumstances, and false information is worse than no information. Neil, think of a lie you've told in the past."

Neil looked up at the ceiling, thought for a bit. "One time I got in trouble in school with the science teacher, and my teacher told me to go back to her classroom and apologize to her. She wasn't there, so I left. I'm not sure if that's exactly a lie."

"Ah," Cotton said. "Yes it is. Good. There's a good example of indirect lying. Did your teacher follow-up with you, to see if you did it?"

"No."

"Yep, right there. See, Neil was given something to do, but he didn't do it. And he never told his teacher. He never apologized for his action, whatever it was. Do you realize what you did was wrong?"

"Yes," Neil said with confidence.

"And you see how such a thing shows a lack of respect for the truth."

"Yes, I understand," Neil said, a little more sadness in his voice.

"And I bet that if the teacher had asked you if you'd apologized, you would have lied again."

"Yes, probably."

"One lie begets another. These lies are entanglements to the old morality. You see how you feel when you lie to others. Think of what would happen if you lied to us. Think of the consequences, for yourself, your well-being. Think of all you've worked for, gone away again. Starting over. Not good, is it?"

"So you're saying it's better to let World War III start than tell a lie," Avery said.

Cotton looked at Avery and smiled, unlike Christy, who looked like an angry mother. "Not at all. But in that instance, there are different levels of truth. You might say that there is only one truth. Not so. Think about the bible. One book, pretty much unchanged for hundreds of years. Yet look at all the different sects and divisions among them. They're what we call 'pre-clear'. They haven't been able to understand what the book is trying to say. Some think it's metaphorical, some think it's straight fact, and so on. There is one book, but each person extracts many truths from it."

"You're saying the bible is fact?"

Cotton didn't miss a beat. "Or think about an apple. If I say that apples are delicious, that would be true."

"That's an opinion."

"Yes, but it's a true opinion. If Jason says apples taste terrible, that would also be true, for him. So you see there are different levels, different interpretations of the truth. Avery, think of a lie you've told."

"Uh." Amazingly, at the moment he needed to present his false self, all he could think of were the ways to sabotage it. 'I've been keeping a diary', 'I'm snooping around in your cult', 'I'm not really part of Cabalco', 'I'm in love with your girlfriend'.

"I- I- I- I'm thinking. Uh, I've lied about... Oh, I lied to my father about what major I was in in college."

Christy said, "See, you have no right to pass judgment on our teachings. You yourself are guilty of the same short-sightedness as the rest of us. Until you've reached our level of consciousness, you have no right to criticize."

Avery had the sudden sensation he was caught in a good cop-bad cop game.

"Next," Cotton said, "I never stole from an employer."

Fred raised his hand. "I stole a stapler and some pens. And probably some other stuff."

"And did your company do anything to deserve this?"

"No, I guess not."

"It wasn't a sweatshop, was it? They never mistreated you, whipped you, stole money from you?"

"No. They stole time," Fred ventured.

"Don't try to justify it. What's done is done."

Fred shut up, bowing his head.

Cotton said, "I never had impure thoughts about someone from the training."

Avery had to concentrate hard on not making eye contact with Jennika. He focused on the space over Christy's head and kept his hand down. Add that to his list of lies.

"No one?" Cotton said, sounding like he was expecting Avery to break down in confession. Deadening silence. They wouldn't need a polygraph to tell he was lying. "Come on, this is a chaste organization. One of you-"

Jason slowly raised his hand. "I have." Avery breathed out.

Christy said, "Of course you have. Sex is natural. But it is easily perverted. And it should not be done for the purposes of pleasure. Most sins come from lust, as we've said before. To think of any of our members in such a way is wrong. These are your friends, your fellow travelers on the road to enlightenment. You may find it hard to stop such thoughts, you may feel like they consume you, like you're wrapped in dizzying whirlwind.

"We have the panacea for that this training. It's unexplainable, it might seem like a bunch of mystical hooey, but once you reach a certain stage of thinking, which you can only do through these meetings, you'll see how those types of thoughts flit away. Next, I never used drugs."

"Illegal ones?" Avery asked.

"Nope, all drugs."

"What? Even aspirin? Pepto-bismol?"

"Any drugs," Cotton said.

"That's unfair." Now Cotton gave Avery a look. "So if I've got a headache, and took some Tylenol, that means I've sinned?"

"It's the same as alcohol. It's putting a foreign inorganic substance in your body. Something that was not meant to be there."

"Who decides what's meant to be there?"

Cotton sighed. Christy said, "Why do you keep questioning us? Does it make you feel good? Do you feel like you're accomplishing something by nitpicking everything we're trying to teach you?"

Cotton said, "We're trying to help you, Avery. But you keep undercutting us and it's getting rather hard to deal with you right now."

"I'm sorry," Avery said. He was making waves again. He had to stop it.

Fred said, "Is it really so hard to answer the questions? Is it really that embarrassing? So much that you have to hurt us?"

"No." Avery felt his ears turning red, warmth spreading to his cheeks. "I'm not... I didn't think I was hurting you."

"Then please, let us help you. Let us help you see that the old way was wrong. We can show you how, if you just let us."

"Your problem is your ego. You still think you're better than some people. Please keep your tongue to yourself," Christy said.

"Yeah, it's not helping us either," Jason said. "You still haven't told us your worst sin yet."

Avery sat back. "Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I'll be quiet."

Cotton said, "We like that you're jumping in. It shows you're enthusiastic about the material. But try and do it in a supportive way, instead of trying to find out flaws. Any weak link in our chain breaks the entire thing. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Avery said.

"All right then. I'm sorry. I apologize for that, though I really shouldn't. Let's keep going. I never had sex with a co-worker."

Avery kept the protest in his mouth and listened to Fred tell his story.

He answered the questions, held up his hand when appropriate, and explained himself. He took the shame and guilt that Cotton and Christy delivered to him, and joined in shaming others when they had something to say.

* * *

 _Entry 11: When did all this become my problem? I don't want to stay here any longer. I feel so sick. I can't stop disappointing people. I can't stop worrying about getting caught. I just want to go home. The more time I spend here, the more chance I'll get caught. I'm getting paranoid. I don't feel like I'm achieving my goal here, and it's taking too long. I'll be in the cult for a year at this rate, I'll run out of diary space. Everything is washing off me now. I don't know why I came here anymore. I don't know why I keep coming back. I don't know why I stay. Who am I doing this for anymore? Walker? Sophia? The police? I don't know where to go after this. But I can't stop doing it. I have to keep doing it until it's done. I'm here to get revenge, to stop them. Stop them from doing what they did to Sophia again. So that's why I need to stay here and do something about it. Stop them, some way. They influenced her like they're influencing all these people. That needs to stop. And I'm the only one with the ability to do it. I'm the only one with the knowledge that all this is wrong._

* * *

Avery's footsteps echoed in the great hall. The early morning was the only time he could be sure that no one would be around. For the first time he'd woken before the alarm bell, so he had to take advantage and sneak down to take a look at the pillar. At worst, they'd tell him to go back. Maybe he could tell them that he was so interested in the pillar he wanted to study it, to immerse in its glory, or some crap.

He sat on a small bench near the stage, his diary on his lap, trying to draw it in the darkness. The hard part was copying the hieroglyphics. An eye, a bird, the symbol for female, and the rest he couldn't recognize. It looked ancient, maybe some of the details had rubbed out. Maybe it was part of the language they spoke at mass.

He bet if he asked Cotton what the symbols on the pillar meant, he would say they were for peace, and then have some explanation about the peace within all of us, the understanding that the group gave, blah blah blah.

A white robe fluttered near the top right corner of the stage. Avery stood up and, in one smooth movement, tucked the pen into the diary, and the diary up his sleeve. Like a fine magician, he had been practicing that move in his room for a few nights, in case this happened. The sleeves were billowy, though, and if he moved wrong, the diary would slip out.

The person in the white robe turned out to be Jennika. She came out of the hallway dragging her hand along the rough texture of the brick wall, like a figure from a dream.

"Jennika?"

"Avery." She smiled at him. Avery the smiled back, feeling like he might melt. "Are you supposed to be out here now?" she asked.

"Are you?"

She looked away and sadly smiled. "No one cares what I do, really. I couldn't sleep, so I came down here."

Couldn't sleep? _Couldn't sleep?_ With the way they worked them every day, she couldn't sleep? On the other hand, she'd been in the cult all her life. This was routine to her. The exercises, the confessions, the food.

She sat down on the bench in front of the pillar, looking at it like one would watch TV.

"Nice pillar, " Avery said.

"Mm," she murmured.

Avery gritted his teeth and groaned inside. Why did people like Cotton got the gift of a silver tongue and he couldn't say a thing that didn't sound retarded. Why couldn't he have charm and charisma? "Do you always come here when you can't sleep?" Avery said.

"Sometimes. Did you mean what you said before? Last time? About... people being close?"

Avery racked his brain, trying to remember what she was talking about. He'd spent so long here, the individual days smudged together into one big lesson. "Oh, that?" he remembered. "Oh, I was just asking for some advice. One of those things I could never figure out about life. Thought they might have an answer. They seem to have one for everything else."

She looked at him confused. "Why do you ask?" Avery said.

"Because I'm the model of behavior here. Many people try to get close to me. I don't... I don't know how to respond."

"Cause they're trying to be like you?"

"Yes. I don't quite understand it."

"Well, Cotton says you have no sin. Which I guess is pretty special."

"Yes, I suppose. So I don't quite know how... I want to give them something, but I don't know what they are looking for."

"Yeah, I get it."

"I try not to disappoint them. But I keep so much to myself. I don't..."

"Heh, yeah, I understand. You try and be close to everyone, so you end up being close to no one."

"Yes," she opened her eyes like she had just heard the meaning of life. "Yes, that... that's it, exactly. It doesn't make sense, but that's it."

"Well, that's okay. A lot of people in your position would feel the same way. Everyone wants a piece of you, so soon there's nothing left to give. Me, I'm the exact opposite. My therapist said that my personality was like a castle with a giant wall to keep people out. Which was fine, except I built my walls too big. I needed to lower them so I could let people into my life. I don't know. I didn't really get it."

"What's a therapist?" she asked.

"Um, it's, uh, it's..." Avery looked up at the vaulted ceiling. How in the world do you define a therapist to someone who doesn't even know what TV is? "Well, it's a guy you tell your problems to and he tells you what to do about it... or sometimes he doesn't. Or he tells you how you have to solve it." _And you pay him for that_ , he added under his breath.

Jennika nodded, like she understood, and looked back at the pillar. "Will you be my therapist?"

"What? Uhhh..." Avery averted his eyes and scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "Well, I'm not really qualified to be a therapist. Therapists have PhD's and Master's Degrees and I'm still working on my B.A." He laughed in spite of himself.

"What's... what's that?" Jennika asked.

"Uh, it's some papers that show how much education you've got. The more you have, the better a job you can get... or assignment, I mean."

"Oh," she nodded again. "I like how you explain things."

"You do?" Now Avery smiled.

Jennika nodded and said, "It's easy to understand when you talk. When I ask other people questions, I don't feel... satisfied."

Avery nodded. It was so sad that someone so beautiful as her had to stay here behind bars. All her life was manipulated by the Cabal.

"Yeah," Avery said, "I guess, here, you only need to know what they tell you. Not a lot of room for curiosity."

"No," she agreed. "I don't like that. I ask questions and they don't give me answers."

This was the first time he'd heard anyone say something even remotely negative about the cult. And from her, of all people? Did she know what she was saying?

Jennika whimpered and put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this."

"No, it's all right. I agree with you. I'm surprised how limited you are here. There's no real education of facts, just reasoning, personality, and thought process. They keep you focused on nothing but training. Especially when they keep telling you how the training is supposed to expand your limits."

"Yes! That's what it is!" she exclaimed. Then she made a little utterance like a squirrel, placed her fingers to her mouth, and hunched back down.

Avery continued for her, "Things you think mean something, but they have some kind of spin on it."

"What's 'spin'?"

"Spin? Spin is something where someone says something, but then they go back and say they meant something else."

Jennika looked away like she didn't quite understand. He didn't want to lose her interest, so he tried to think of another way to explain, darting his eyes around the room for an example. "Like this pillar," he exclaimed. "What did you think this pillar meant the first time you saw it?"

"I don't remember. I was always told it was what it was."

"And what was it?"

"I don't remember. I don't think they gave me an answer. I've heard it has meaning to the monks, though. That it was always here."

"Oh, yeah, I suppose." Avery, tired of standing, sat down on the bench beside her. "I guess if you were born into the cult, these things seem taken for granted. But if you came from the outside, it's a lot harder."

"Lots of people say that to me. If I ask questions about what it's like where they're from, they say that I should never go out there, or 'you don't need to know that'. It sounds horrible, but I've never seen it. So I don't know. Is it?"

"Well... I wouldn't say that. It's not the greatest world, but it's not hell on earth. Maybe they're saying that to protect you."

"Maybe they're saying it to prevent me from leaving."

Avery didn't know what to say to that. "I guess. They're all expecting you to lead eventually. They want others to do the thinking for them, because they can't deal with it out there. Maybe that's why they have such high expectations of you."

She sighed. "I've met their expectations. I just feel like I'm not a part of them."

Avery agreed, "You can't identify with them. That's probably another reason you have trouble getting close to them. You don't go through the struggles like them."

"Yes. You could say that."

"I don't think there's anyone around here who doesn't have that feeling. Everyone's always looking for someone who accepts them. And since everyone's trying to be like you, that means you fit in the most. But by fitting in the most, you fit in the least."

A small smirk came to her face. "You spun."

"What? Oh, heh. Yeah, guess I did." He rubbed his hands on his knees, feeling a little awkward. She felt so sad. He wanted to let her know she wasn't as alone as she thought she was. She was the reluctant princess among commoners. "But, you know, on the other hand, lots of people admire you. Especially Cotton. He loves you. He admires you so much he wants to marry you."

She said nothing. He continued, "But I think that some people forget that you're still a person like the rest of us."

She nodded. "Thank you."

"For what?" Avery replied as she stood up and brushed off her robe.

"For caring about me."

Avery wasn't sure what to say to this. "Lots of people care about you."

"Not like you."

All Avery could do was return a quizzical expression. How was it that the one who should have no convictions was the only one who did?

"I have to go now," she said.

Jennika moved back into the hallway, like a phantom of the castle. Avery, thought about grabbing her by shoulders and kissing her, passionate and unexpected like in the movies. But there was no way he could bring himself to do it. It would create too much drama. It would jeopardize his mission. She was Cotton's girl. She was the princess of the Cabal. She belonged to them.

She was probably better off with Cotton anyway. That guy really had everything going for him high rank, authority and control, lots of friends, a girlfriend. He didn't even have to work hard to get her, they just gave her to him.

Avery wiped his now sweaty palms on his robe. Before he could pull out his diary, he felt a rumbling. He looked around for the source, but it was getting louder.

He jumped on the stage and hid behind the pillar. Then there were voices, muffled by the rumble. Maybe two of them.

He peeked out a hair's breadth from the column. A stone slab in the floor was dragging away, like a trap door. Two people dressed in robes walked out, climbing up stairs from some sort of basement.

"Sanity is of little value here," one said.

"It's the eyes. The eyes."

"Always the eyes."

"Indeed, but-"

The stone slab closed again as they walked clear, and Avery couldn't pick up what they were saying. This sounded important. Something that required a trap door had to be. They started walking away, and Avery could hear again.

"-what they see. But the workshop is almost ready for testing."

"It's coming."

"When 'the word' comes to pass..."

They walked into a hallway and out of earshot. After a few minutes went by, and he was sure no one else was coming, Avery wrote down every word that he had heard, whether it made sense or not. As he pondered what could be the relation between his mission and what 'was coming', he underlined 'workshop'.


	29. Chapter 29

Of all the things the cult did, the copying of the book was the worst. More than dull praise and worship, more than meetings that ruined his self-esteem, more than training on guns and rifles. Nothing was more mind-numbing, more insidious. If there was a hell, it wouldn't be fire and brimstone, and demons with pitchforks. That would be too exciting. The only thing stopping him from walking out was the fact that he wasn't using a blank book.

Angled at the right position, he could fake that his diary was the book he was supposed to be copying into. They were about the same size.

Maybe whoever read this diary would be able to do something with it. Maybe it was some sort of code the police could crack, and that would lead them to the illegal activities they were performing overseas. Even if they didn't find it until a hundred years from now, they'd have something. Maybe that was the important thing.

"Stand up!" Squeaking and scraping of chairs as everyone stood. "Recite!"

A stick-thin, wrinkly hag stood beside an old chalkboard. She had written a big paragraph on the board. On shrill command, everyone would recite it at the same time. When they were done, everyone would sit and return to copying while she'd erase the blackboard and start a new paragraph.

In classroom unison, everyone said, "Text is not a theory. It simply is. We have a special place in history, because we have been chosen to lead it. The future belongs to us, and it is ours to shape as we see fit. We will follow the teachings and teach others the same."

More squeaking as everyone sat back down. She grabbed her eraser and made wide swipes on the green slate. Avery picked up his pencil and scanned for where he had left off.

"Hi, Avery," Cotton crowed. Avery looked up, startled, and grinned wide as he subtly covered the diary with his arm.

Cotton took the seat next to him. Cotton was a good friend, but he needed to get off his ass every once in a while.

"How's it going?" he asked as he picked up a pen.

"Fine," he answered.

"How's the book? Are you reading any of it or just copying it?" Cotton peered over his shoulder to look at his work. Avery kept his hand steady. Making a move to cover it more would bring suspicion.

"Uh, about half and half," Avery said.

"Is it hard to understand?" Cotton asked.

"Yeah, kinda. Half of it is in another language. Also it's hard to read and write at the same time."

"Oh? I thought writing what you read helps you understand it better."

"Well, I don't know. For me, I tune out sometimes and become a blind writer."

"Blind writer? I didn't know you could do that."

"Yeah, I did it all the time in my college classes. Some teachers talk so fast that you can't get it all down and listen at the same time, so you tune out the lecture to concentrate on getting it all down. So you're left with notes, and you have no idea how they're put together."

"I see. So the scope of your activity is so small the larger context is lost. That makes a lot of sense. I should make a note of that." Cotton ripped a page out of the blank book and started writing. "Thanks," he said as his pencil wobbled. "I can suggest this to the leaders, see what they think. That's a good bit of advice. So this," he gestured to the workspace, "Isn't effective in learning our text?"

"No, not really. I don't understand any of it. I don't even understand what half these words are. Everything's in an archaic dialect."

"You don't recognize it at all? Didn't you get the lingual training back home?"

"Uh..." Crap, he should have pretended like he knew what he was doing. This would ruin him for sure.

"Most of this is already in your employee manual. You should have learned it on day one," Cotton said.

"Uhhhhh..."

"Stand up! Recite!"

Avery and Cotton stood at the same time and read the lines on the chalkboard. Phew, saved.

"Reward comes from good performance. Punishment comes from ignorance. Choose to follow the teachings, and you shall remain in the good graces of all you see. Accept all who come to you with want or need to learn, and teach them to do so."

They all sat back down again. Avery pointed to the board, " _That_ is more effective for learning."

"Really?" he said.

"Yeah, short little snippets filled with a lot of information. I remember these instead of the long passages."

"You could use the same method for it. Excellent. Yeah, that's good." He wrote that on his note. "Interesting, I should suggest this as a change. I like you, Avery," he smiled. "You're always coming up with such interesting and new items to try. You're always thinking of how we could improve. I like that."

"Thanks," Avery smiled back.

"We've got enough people coming in with darkness in their souls as it is. Problem is, once they're here, they become so elated with how they feel, they don't want to change a thing, so it's hard to get advice from them. I'm always asking Jennika for tips on what we could do to be more efficient, but she's rather quiet. I guess she thinks it's all fine the way it is." He laughed. Apparently, that was a joke. "But I guess when you've been here for that long, why would you find anything wrong?"

"Maybe she needs some perspective? Since she's been here all her life..."

"No, that would corrupt her. To do that we'd have to send her into that world of sin and vice. I'd rather protect our treasure. I'd never trade Jennika for anything. She's too important to us. It's been suggested before, but I wouldn't want to risk my bride for that, even if she wanted to."

"She's not your bride yet."

"Ha, you're right. But she's just as good as one. No one's been more involved with the teachings than she has. She's been in every class, every group. Everyone knows her. Everyone loves her. She knows the most about how the process all works."

"But if she's been here long enough to know everything, why is she still taking classes?"

"Oh, a couple reasons. Yeah, believe me, I get asked that a lot. If she was in the normal program, she would be at Class E by now. But the leaders figured she was too important to be given an assignment. They figured she could better serve by staying here, to be a shining example of what they could become. But then they didn't quite know what to do with her when she had everything memorized forward and backward. It was making her look bad. So I actually suggested keeping her in the training classes. Not just to keep her ties to people like you and me, but I was trying to steer her towards taking a leadership role. Trying to get her to be more proactive with the trainees."

"Really?" Avery said with muted surprise. "Because she never seems to speak up very much."

Cotton nodded and sighed. "Yeah, it hasn't worked out quite the way I wanted it. I didn't want to push her. That would make her resistant. I've tried coaxing her into being more assertive. I was hoping she would use me as a role model. But it doesn't seem to be working. She just has a really demure personality. It's lovely, but not that effective for the purposes of Cabalco."

Avery was getting sick with the way he talked about Jennika, like she was a commodity, a drug, a carrot to lead people around with. They'd never once talked about what she might want. There was no issue of what she wanted here, only what they wanted.

Avery said, "That's sad. Maybe she could do something else." And then the opportunity blinked on. "Like... weren't you telling me about the workshop on my first day?"

"Oh, yes, on day one. I remember. I don't know, maybe, I don't think she's got a good head for whatever they do down there."

"What _do_ they do down there?"

"Oh, like I said, people go down there, things come up."

"Yeah, I don't get that. What things?"

"Oh, well... I'm not too sure myself. Tools, changes to the program. New texts, like this." He held up his book. "You shouldn't really worry about it at this stage. At class A, we're more focused on the 'people aspect', the fundamentals of becoming the type of person we want you to be, so we can all come together. The workshop is more for higher classes. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, because... I was wondering... if I could. I wanted to work down there."

"Really?" Cotton said. "Why's that?"

"Well, I like... making things."

Cotton said, "You're very good at marksmanship. Are you sure you wouldn't want to pursue that?"

"No, I really want to work in the workshop."

"Really? Your talents with a gun indicate how well-rounded you are for physical tasks. You have graceful form, dexterity, balance, reflexes, hand-eye coordination. You could really go places, if you chose that type of specialization."

"I know. But I really like science. I like that experimenting and learning aspect. The hands-on approach."

"Are you good with science?" Cotton asked.

"Yeah, that was my major in school. I was a bio-engineering major." Avery had meant to say either biology or engineering, but couldn't decide at the last second, and combined the two. He wasn't even sure if that was a major. Sounded impressive though.

"That's fantastic," Cotton said as he chucked his fist. "I wish I'd known that about you. Thatta way to plunge into it. But you still need to complete your Class A courses before you advance to anything specialized. You still need to understand the basic living skills and how to conduct yourself. I'm still..."

He sighed. Avery furrowed his brows.

Cotton said, "Listen, I'll tell you straight up. You're doing well in your technical skills, like sharpshooting. And you show a lot of dedication during praise and worship. But in the meetings, I'm still not sure. It looks like you haven't totally accepted us. I mean, for the most part you're fine, but it's little isolated incidents and questions that... well, they make me wonder if you're ready."

"What? I-"

"Like you give me suggestions like this, but then you ask questions about the lesson. You question everything we do. So I wonder where your personal growth is going."

"I- I'm sorry. I don't mean to, I can stop doing that."

"It's not a matter of stopping, it's a matter of achieving. We don't want you to coast through the program, we want to see you excel. Especially if you want to get into the workshop. We want you to 'get' something inside yourself that wasn't there before. Like something suddenly snaps. We're looking for a sweeping physical, emotional, and intellectual change."

Avery nodded. What could he say? He had failed in Cotton's eyes, and that hurt.

"I'm sorry. I... I know. It seems like the more I try to fit in, the more I keep alienating myself. It's not easy for me," Avery said.

"It doesn't seem to be hard for the others. Everyone else has been able to free themselves of their sins. If you keep lagging behind. Well, I'm not sure what we'll do. I've never had to deal with this sort of thing before."

Avery steeled himself. This was no time to be a wimpy shrinking violet. "I can do better. Just give me that chance. I know I can do better," he said firmly, making eye contact.

Cotton nodded. "I know. So do I. That's why I'm here with you." He breathed out and turned the page. "Well, OK. Once you get near the end of your basic training, I'll see what I can do. But they usually like to select your assignments based on the development criteria."

"What's that?"

"Oh, the things I mentioned. We're always looking at you. All the activities show us what sort of person you are. Even this." Cotton reached over and picked up Avery's diary. Avery clenched his teeth, tensed his muscles. "The copying. That shows us attentiveness, awareness, hand-writing analysis, and so on."

"Why do you need to test all that?" His eyes followed the diary up and down like a bouncing ball.

"Oh, we test everything we can. This instance tests only those aspects. It might seem weird, but everything here is designed to examine you."

"Oh, so that's why we're doing this copying stuff," Avery said robotically, trying to will Cotton to drop the book. "Well, I guess I'd better get back to work then," Avery said, "All this talking has dropped me behind."

"Oh, yes, of course," Cotton handed the book back and Avery tucked it into his body. "I'll get a book too, and we can talk about your needs." He stood up to gather supplies.

Avery placed the diary back on his lap over a fold of fabric. He could never bring his diary out in public again. It was too dangerous.

He opened his blank book and instinctively looked up at the chalkboard, like he was in school. The old hag writing the next paragraph reminded him that this wasn't that sort of classroom. The recitations must test their alertness and-

Wait a minute.

The cell.

 _"What about alertness? Do you react quickly to surprising situations?"_

 _"I guess."_

 _"Can you keep a clear head about you during a crisis?"_

The doctor in the cell. He... What the hell was going on here?

* * *

 _Entry 19: I talked with Cotton about the Cabal and where we might be going after we're done training. Eventually, they give full-ranked classes an assignment based on whatever they're good at. I expect they size us up from the moment we walk in. Personally, I think that's great. I don't have to worry about what I'm going to be, someone already knows. If it wasn't for the isolation, this would be an all right place. Jennika won't get that opportunity, though. She's had her fate planned out since day one. If only Cotton could see, I bet she could do amazing things. I feel like if I could get through to her, everything would be all right._

 _I guess I'm thinking more about Jennika and less about what I'm supposed to be doing here. She's really beautiful. To be that way with all the Cabal does to her, she must have a hidden strength. I think she's curious about the outside world. She meets all these people that come from that world, but all they do is talk bad about it and how wonderful the cult is. So she must be very conflicted. I think she was always looking for a kindred spirit. It certainly isn't Cotton, but well... I don't know what to do about that problem. I can't tell how strong her relationship with Cotton is, or whether she would ever leave him. I think she has mixed feelings at the least. It seems like most of what she wants or what the cult wants for her is based on Cotton. So the cult really does choose everything for you. It's fine for jobs, but you can't choose who you fall in love with. It's really a shame that someone so beautiful has to stay, locked away from the world. Trapped... Sorry, I'm digressing._

 _Cotton seemed to skirt the issue when I talked about the workshop. I didn't mention what I saw, but said I was interested in working there. Cotton doesn't even seem to want to talk about it. He's all hush-hush, and 'we don't talk about that thing'. That means it's probably pretty important. It might be related to what I'm looking for._

 _But it means that they don't let just anybody in there, and I've got no chance of getting in there unless I prove to Cotton that I'm worthy. These are my options, I can either try and rise through the ranks over time or break in and take a huge risk. I don't know what to do. I wish someone was making these decisions for me. I don't really want to do either._

 _Maybe I should wait. But I don't want to do that. I have to gain the trust of these people and I have to do it quick. I read once in my literature class that in order to gain trust, something has to be given of an equal value. I know there's something I can give, but obviously I don't want to give it. I may have to. I should. The more I think about it, the more it seems like the best option. It's what they want to see._


	30. Chapter 30

Avery thought, _I hate this, I hate this, I hate this,_ as he completed his twentieth jumping jack. It felt like someone had rammed a red hot spike in his side.

"Rest." The instructor said. Rest took five seconds. They passed as quick as a dream, "Leg lifts. Twenty." Everyone dropped at the same time. "Go!" he shouted. Avery saw fifty legs in front of him stretch up. Avery tried his best to do the same. It was five in the morning. He'd been doing this for who knows how long. And he still wasn't used to it.

"Getting tired?" Cotton said beside him. All Avery could do was pant. He had to use all his concentration to breathe. "Hey, it tires me out too sometimes, and I've been here longer."

Avery grunted as he tried to get his leg up one more time. When was this pain going to stop? When was it ever going to stop? _Did_ it ever stop? This was just one more reason to escape this place as soon as possible. And never exercise again.

Calisthenics did end eventually. And everyone strolled into the great hall for praise and worship.

The man in the red robe and bull mask walked onto the stage, holding his book. He raised his hands and the crowd hushed.

"Friends," he started. "It is a glorious day, and you are its light. Bask with us, brothers and sisters. You are pure of heart and pure of tongue. Open your mind and let our goodness in. Pestis cruento vilomaxus pretiacruento bibox mala domus cruento."

The crowd repeated the phrase. Avery tuned out the lecture and looked around for Jennika. He just wanted to look at her something about her face, pure and smooth, gave him strength to go on.

She wasn't at all like the other girls here. Only about one in four of them were female. And those that were did not interest Avery. They were all too... regular. They were all hard-edged, high-roller types, climbing the corporate ladder. They were all smiley and chipper for no good reason, and not an ounce of sincerity in anything they did. Jennika wasn't like that.

"Friends, a great day his upon us," the minister said and clapped his book closed. This jarred Avery back to reality. He had never closed his book during the sermon.

"We have reason to rejoice. Glory is coming onto us, and we are that much closer to goal fulfillment. The cause of our spirits shall be realized and we can now see that brilliance, that magnificence that brings us closer together."

He stepped away from the pulpit and stood in the middle of the stage, the pillar rising behind him. "And finally, we have reason to rejoice." He stopped for dramatic emphasis and raised his arms. "For the first time the Word shall come upon our doors. The Word will break bread with us. The Word shall learn and teach us. And we shall all know the Word. We will dedicate ourselves to the Word."

"We will dedicate ourselves to the Word," the chorus of devotees repeated.

"This is all thanks to the workshop. We promise them reward for their hard work and dedication to the cause. They have enabled this... this occasion. Without them, our lives would remain unfulfilled. We would toil and sweat as you have done everyday eking out pain, trying to cleanse our souls.

"No more. No longer shall we be slaves and toil in this mortal coil. Enlightenment is here. It is now. We have seen the path. We can walk the path."

What was this guy saying? Did the workshop have some sort of breakthrough?

"And there is no one better to lead us than the Word. The first of us shall pave the way for all of us. We know the way, and it shall be done. True enlightenment, my people, true enlightenment. And with the Word, nothing but victory stands before us."

The crowd murmured like a devotion of evangelicals, uttering phrases like "Praise the Word", "We hear the Word", and "Thank you, thank you". He even heard Cotton's confident voice distinctly utter, "Bless us, our savior."

"To show our devotion and dedication to this way of life, there is no greater honor. We shall overcome. We hear the Word."

The minister said, "We hear the Word," the chorus parroted back. Everyone was smiling, as if they were posing for a family portrait.

"Go now, with gladness in your heart that this is true," he lifted his hands. The group stood up and dispersed, preparing to go into meetings.

Something special was definitely up, and the more Avery thought about it, the more likely it seemed this was it. 'Something important is coming up, something involving a person', Walker had said. The problem was most of what the minister had said was incomprehensible. It had to do with converting someone to 'enlightenment' and 'the Word'.

Cotton came up to him. "What's 'the Word'?" Avery asked.

"You've heard of the Word before, haven't you?" Avery shook his head. "Man, what are they teaching you back in the states. They're slacking. The Word is our leader."

"The CEO?"

"Yeah, sort of. He has a name, but we call him 'the Word' to better suit who he is. You'll see once he gets here. Boy, won't that be a day. Come on, let's get to class."

Cotton practically ran to the classroom. Avery was in no hurry and took a seat next to Cotton and across from Jennika. This was the last room he would be in before he would finally admit it.

"Wow, great news today," people muttered, surprise and adulation in their voices.

"Can you believe it?"

"Just the Word coming here is praise enough, but for such an event."

"I had no idea how close they were coming."

Cotton looked over his flock for everyone to get settled. This would be even harder to admit to him. He'd been so friendly, and never wanted anything in return just to see him succeed.

"Okay, people," Cotton held up his hand. "Before we start I want to make a comment on how refreshing morning prayer was."

Fred, Jason, Neil, and Christy murmured in delight. Christy said, "Yes, it seemed like it sparked a rejuvenation in our people. I can't wait to see the results."

"Me too," Cotton said. "All right, so, our discussion today will be-"

"Um," Avery interrupted, his eyes down. "Wait."

Everyone stared at him like he was a zoo animal. _It never gets any easier_ , he thought. "Um, I think I need to say something."

More curious looks. No one prompted him. No one asked him what he was about to say, why he was about to say it, why it was so important he had to interrupt.

"Er, is that all right?" Avery asked Cotton.

"Depends on what you want to say," he said gently.

"Well, I remember you asking me about what my biggest sin was on my first day. And I didn't have any answer for you. Well, I actually did and I just didn't want to tell you."

"And you want to now," Cotton finished.

"Well, yes. You've probably noticed how sometimes I rub my wrists when I'm nervous." He held them out to the center of the group, like he was offering to be manacled. They leaned over and peered down at them.

"What?" Jason said, looking back up to Avery.

"You don't see the discoloration?" he said.

"Where? Here?" Neil pointed to a blotch that was a slightly different hue than the surrounding skin.

"Why are we looking at this?" Christy asked.

Avery answered, "See, it's plastic surgery to cover up the scars, but they kinda botched it."

No reaction. No one could ever figure it out.

"Because I tried to slit my wrists once."

Silence. Jason and Neil looked at Avery and then away. Cotton nodded solemnly. Jennika remained prone, like a corpse. Christy had an obviously fake sad expression. These were pretty typical reactions whenever he told someone.

"Why don't you tell us what happened," Cotton said after the moment had passed.

"See, I-" The saliva in his throat jumped, cutting off his words. He told himself to get a grip. This was old news now. No reason to get all after-school special.

"It was in tenth grade, and I was going through some shit. Everything seemed bad, and it was all piling on me. My aunt had just died of leukemia, after a long battle. My mom died of the same thing, so it brought up all the same emotions that her death did.

"Everybody around me was at each other's throats, concerned about dividing up her money and belongings and estate. Stupid petty things that no one really cared about. There was an issue with her heirlooms 'she promised this to me' and so on. My dad was talking about taking his brother-in-law to court. Can you believe that?

"He had rung up a massive debt. He owned his own business and he thought that meant he shouldn't live like he was middle class. Then business was bad, and he had to work long hours, so he blamed us me and my sister for that. Everyone was yelling at each other, and it all started stacking on. When it rains, it pours.

"Plus there was all the things that have no name, that just accumulate when you're in high school and you can't find somewhere to fit in. That day, I had failed my first test ever. I was feeling worthless and incapable of anything. Nowhere to go in life, no reason to live, no one to live for. No one to share my success with or mourn with. It was just my sister, who was no help, and my dad, who was an asshole. And I felt so alone.

"And so I took a kitchen knife from downstairs, went up to my room, turned on the radio... and up to this point, it all seemed like a household chore, like I was outside of my body doing this. But it took an hour before I could get up the guts. I did it in that brief spot where I had a pause in thinking. First one, and then the other, before the first hurt too much. It did hurt... but only for a second.

"And I laid back, still a lingering sensation in my wrists, and just let myself bleed. And I cried, but I couldn't wipe my tears, because I didn't want blood on my face. I wanted a clean death, to fade out. And I passed out as I cried. That was the last thing I remembered.

"And then I woke up in the hospital. That was the next thing I remember, looking around a hospital room. It felt like it was a dream, until I saw the bloody bandages on my wrists. I don't remember if I was disappointed or not, I was still too groggy."

"How did you get there?" Christy asked.

"I guess my father had come up at some point and saw me. The whole family stopped their fighting after that, for a while at least. That wasn't my intention, but that's what happened. I guess everyone forgot about what they were arguing about or realized the consequences. But I don't think they ever solved anything between each other.

"But I realized that killing myself was a bad way to solve my problems. Guess it wasn't so much that I wanted to keep on living, but I just didn't want to die. It was a stupid mistake. If I had waited another day, I probably wouldn't have done it. My dad, he barely acknowledged that it happened, he never said a word about it. But he did pay for all my therapy and the plastic surgery to cover it up."

Avery held up his wrists again. "He blew his top when he found out they botched it, and actually got a small settlement from them. I think he might have also covered up my medical records. Maybe he bribed the doctor to black out that part of my file.

"Anyway, the real pain happened after I got back from the hospital. There was lots of therapy. A lot. So much that I got sick of it. It was all bullshit. I tried four different therapists. One of them wanted me to focus on 'centering my chi'.

"It was all bullshit, and eventually I started tuning it all out, just coasting through the hour. Problems don't go on an hourly rate, once a week. And it's impossible to schedule anything when you're in high school. It took up so much time driving back and forth, wasting around three hours each week.

"It was all a bunch of nonsense, no one told me anything I didn't already know. They say they do the job because they care, but they don't care who comes in there. And if the job didn't pay anything, they sure wouldn't be doing it. They don't know me and they don't care.

"And then everyone's breathing down my neck. They're all watching me to make sure I don't do anything like that again. Nobody left me alone after that. Nobody. I wanted to chalk it up as a mistake and move on with my life. I'd already realized that it was a rash decision. But everybody was on my case. Some people walked on eggshells around me, looking at me like I was a freak. Those weren't as bad as the people who kept telling me how much they loved me and cared about me. Nothing but insincerity from the therapists, my relatives. Where was all this love before? Why are people so hypocritical?

"And the medication just makes you numb to everything. I didn't feel like myself, and it didn't fix the underlying problem. Nothing was helping. Everything was futile. So I shut up. I told everyone it was fine so they would get off my ass and leave me alone. If I ever mentioned it, people treated me differently. Besides, there was no reason to burden people with my problems. I figured out I had to solve things on my own. Become more independent. I lost a few friends in the process, but I didn't need them. Not if they were going to lie to my face. It was high school anyway, going into senior year, never gonna see any of these people again. Sorry, I guess I'm kind of rambling."

Avery had kept his eyes on the floor during his entire speech, concentrating on getting out every word. Only now he looked up for the first time.

They were all still as statues, eyes on him. They hadn't tried to console him, or comfort him, or anything deceptively sympathetic. Not even an 'oh' of surprise, or 'there, there'. They were just listening.

And Jennika was crying. Tears ran down both her cheeks, but she hadn't made a peep. Avery's eyes widened. _Oh my god_ , he thought, _I didn't realize the effect it would have on..._

Cotton put a hand on Avery's shoulder. "You don't have to be independent, now. You have us. You never have to feel alone again. We're all here. And we accept you and your sin." The others nodded and uttered agreeing noises.

Cotton continued, "You also accept your own sin. And that makes you one step closer to freedom. Freedom to affirm your potential. And once you've affirmed your own potential, you can help others do the same. This is the sacred science, a science of the soul. It's your salvation. Your _only_ salvation. And we want you to be saved."

"I know," Avery said.

Neil said, "Thank you for sharing that with us. I know it was hard. It always is for new people."

"You've already been under so much torture because of that..." Jason said.

"I know," Avery replied.

Cotton said, "Avery, you have sinned against yourself. We don't judge you. They judged you. They offered you lies. We accept you. All we ask is that you follow us, and let us cleanse you of your sin. We want you to be here. You see that out there is only uncertainty and hatred. Here, we accept you. We never knew that part of your past before, and we will not let it affect our opinion of you now. And we're the only ones you will find that are willing to do that."

"Thank you," Avery said. He looked up once more at Jennika, whose tears were drying.

That night, Avery was delivered a dinner of roast chicken with crunchy vegetables, garlic mashed potatoes, fresh fruit, and wine, just for him. Avery ate it all, so much he got sick.

Cotton stood up and offered up his glass. He announced that Avery, after much self-torture and pain, had accepted them, and how proud he was. That he was a shining example of what they all could become if they gave themselves totally to the cause.

He addressed them like he was the best man at his wedding. "In this, the eve before we see our dream of reaching enlightenment, I want you all to realize who you were before you got here. What kind of sad, pained souls you were in your previous lives. All the evil you had inside you. Many of us forget who we were, and lose our perspective on life.

"Too often we look forward and don't look back. This is a sound philosophy, but we must remember where we came from, so we don't end up veering in a circle. Avery has found the way out of his circle, and that is why he may partake of this feast. This is the way of rebirth. Soon, as you heard today, we will no longer need this time-consuming training. One of our own will be rebirthed like this. Achieving their full potential in a matter of moments. Until then, let us not forget where we came from. In pache requiesce fortunato."

The others repeated and drank for him. Never had Avery felt so accepted by a group, so loved. Not his best friend from fifth grade, or any of his girlfriends, or his family had loved him and showed him attention like this.

But then something inside him spoke up. Despite how they accepted him, and how they made him feel, they had still done wrong. They killed his sister. They killed Walker. And they would kill anyone who got in their way, even himself. They were the ones who were wrong, no matter how good they made him feel. Above all else, he needed to complete his mission.

* * *

 _Entry 25: I think I've found out what it was I was sent here to look for. I don't know all the details yet, but it's all anyone's talking about. It has something to do with 'rebirthing a person into enlightenment'. Sounds like something big. I wonder if it's related to what I overheard earlier._

 _And it involves a person, like Walker said. Being born into enlightenment. I think it's the entire purpose of this building. We're nothing but soldiers in a big army. The difference is these people want to make you feel good, feel accepted. They try to break you. Not to toughen you up, but to make you believe their ideas. They gave me a special dinner because I gave in today. If you go against the grain, you're punished. If you do something that opposes their goals, you're extracted like a virus, unless you do exactly what they want and think like they want._

 _And it works. I've never felt so good here. Here is a place I feel like I belong. I feel cleansed of all those negative, depressed emotions I used to feel, and now I feel like a real human with friends and social skills. I totally see why these people are all starry-eyed and happy. In all the world, there is nothing quite so impenetrable as a mind snapped shut with bliss. The only difference between me and them is this diary. The others never got the chance to think about what they were giving up, only what they were being promised._

 _That's what they wanted me here for. Walker and whoever else. Those people, his allies, whoever they were. They didn't want me to come here to bring them down. They could have done that themselves, or notified the police or the news. There was nothing Walker didn't already know. They didn't care._

 _My god, I just realized it. They don't want to bring down the Cabal. They could have done that already. They knew about everything that was going on here. Guns, rituals, praying, all the earmarks of a cult. They wanted me to investigate this enlightenment thing here specifically. They knew it was coming. They didn't want pictures or anything. They wanted instructions on how they were doing it. Because they want to find out how to become one._

 _That's why they cared so much. Why Walker sacrificed himself. They don't want revenge, they want back in. They want it so bad they're willing to kill, and be killed. Nothing else mattered for them._

 _And I can understand that. If someone tried to take this away from me, I'd feel the same way. It feels like a security blanket. But I'm not that far gone, believe me._

 _I guess, for them, this is all they had left at the end. They dedicated their lives to the Cabal and had the rug taken out from under them. They were left as shattered versions of their former selves._

 _They were looking for redemption. All of them. Caleb's was the girl in the photograph. Walker's was becoming one of them again. They all want to get back in, because it's the only thing they know. They probably spent their whole lives searching for some way to get those feelings back._

 _But they're gone now. I guess there's no point to be staying here much longer then. I don't serve Walker. I don't know who to go to once I'm gone. So then, there's nothing else to do. Nothing here for me. Well, not really. I don't know._

 _I do know this is wrong. I also know I'm the only one who can stop it. Once it's done, I can go back and do everything over, reset my life. I have to finish this job first. That's the only way I'll be able to feel like I can leave._

* * *

After praise and worship the cult began walking towards the front of the monastery. Why was the schedule changing? What was going on? Did he miss something during the lecture? He hadn't paid much attention to the minister's speech since he was so exhausted.

He couldn't see where Cotton or Jennika was. They all were shuffling forward, like cows. At the other end Avery could see bright light outside light, the bright blue of the sky, and there was some loud repeating noise like a whipping or someone shaking out a blanket. Were they going somewhere?

As he kept walking, the archway pulled back, revealing more of the landscape, and then he saw the whipping noise. It was a propeller. In fact, it was about twenty propellers coming from a vehicle that had landed outside their front lawn.

Avery had never seen any plane or helicopter like this. It looked like half-warship, half-luxury personal jet. You could drop bombs and impress the ambassador of Pakistan at the same time. It must have been one of those Vertical Take Off and Landing aircrafts, since there was no runway around here.

Then the crowd stopped. Avery stood on tip-toes to see, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

The plane's engine wound down like a record until he heard the sound of the crowd again. Then they started spontaneously clapping. Avery looked around for whatever he should have been paying attention to.

Then he saw it a man in white stepped up to a platform. Avery knew instantly that he was 'the Word'. He wore a white, layered robe that looked close to a business suit, fluttering like butterfly wings in the breeze. On his face, he had a goatee and long brown hair tied back. This guy didn't look like a big deal.

He leaned down to one of his assistants, a man in a black suit and shades. Another man at his right looked like his personal bodyguard, wearing a thick blue and orange body suit and holding an assault rifle. He swept his stoic face, tinted burnt sienna, across the crowd.

The Word held up his hands, his billowy sleeves slid down his lean arms. He looked like he was delivering a sermon, which didn't surprise Avery in the least.

"My friends. I am Gideon. Some know me better as the Word." His voice was silky and deep, someone with great charisma and smooth character. Instantly likable by everyone, except for Avery.

"We hear the Word," everyone chanted.

"The end... is near. Fate is arriving. The binds to space and time will become unraveled, reality will lose cohesion, and all will be plunged into darkness. All that is no longer will be. All that was will never have been. And all that was to come..." he paused, as if he were thinking of the next line, "... will never happen. And when the end comes, all that will be left... is us."

There was a noise behind him, like someone dropping a box. People were getting out of the way of something coming through.

"We are the Cabal," Gideon continued. "We have existed before men knew they were men. We exist to serve Him, the One that Binds."

Whatever was coming through finally passed by Avery. Four monks were carrying an obsidian box up to the front of hall on poles, like the ark of the covenant. He could hear something sloshing around inside with every step.

"Through time, we have changed greatly, though our purpose has never wavered. We are the chosen ones, we hold the benefaction of mankind. Those who remain on the outside are sheep, ruled by fear. They are men who see fact and accept it as truth."

The ark made its way up to Gideon's podium, where they held it at his level.

Gideon opened the lid and looked down into it. The top of the box had the bull symbol like the minister's mask. Avery knew he'd seen it some place before, but where?

Gideon bent down to the ark. He looked like he was scooping something up. "No mortal man can possibly understand what we do here. They see what they wish to see and blind themselves to everything else."

The Word pulled his hands out of the ark, and held them over his head. They were dripping up to the elbow with thick, red blood.

"Let it begin!"

Everyone cheered as loud as if they were at a sporting event. Avery felt like he would throw up.


	31. Chapter 31

Jennika pulled back the white comforter with two fingers, then the top sheet. She stood straight and proper, and clasped her hands together like she was praying, "Bhuuesco invisuu, bhuuesco marana. Cruento paashaeximus, pestis cruento. Cruento pestis shatruex, pretiacruento. Vilomaxus." She bent down to get in.

"I'm sorry I made you cry."

She bolted upright, eyes as big as dinner plates, and nearly pulled the covers off her bed. Avery stood in the doorway, leaning against it, looking down at a corner.

"Oh, I, I wasn't... I wasn't. What are you doing here?"

"I just came to apologize. I shouldn't have held back my story like that. It just made it more dramatic than it really was. I didn't realize it would make you feel that way. I never meant to hurt you."

"Oh... I... it was nothing."

"No, it wasn't," Avery stated. "I want to know why you were crying."

"What?" she said, innocently confused. "It was a sad story."

Avery wasn't sure whether that was true. "It was more than that."

Jennika looked down at her robe, and fumbled with a wrinkle near her stomach. He could see the wheels spinning in her head – thinking of an excuse? A reason? The truth?

"Cotton talks about you a lot," she said. "How much potential you have to help us. He thinks you might be like him someday. He sees a lot of himself in you."

Avery nodded.

"And to think you almost killed yourself." She choked on her own words, and looked about ready to cry again. Avery stepped in the room without thinking, ready to reassure her, to take her in his arms. But he stopped after only one step.

"That's what Cotton thinks. What do you think?"

"I-I-I don't think... I think the same thing."

"Really?" Avery said. "Is that all you think?" He paused, letting the question sink in. She fumbled with her robe and looked down at the floor. "What do you think about Cotton?" Avery asked.

This made her look up, alert, and stare straight into Avery's soul with those blue eyes. Avery knew he had triggered something in her.

"What do you mean?"

Avery opened his mouth and stalled. He didn't know quite how to explain it without using words he wasn't sure Jennika would understand. And she'd likely look at the floor and deny it if he asked directly.

He walked around the bed until they were a foot apart. "When I was in high school, there was this girl I liked. I sat right by her in class, but I couldn't think of anything to say to her, any way to tell her I liked her. I tried calling her, but I froze up before I could dial the last four numbers. I tried writing her a letter, but I dropped it in the mud on the way to school, and then I felt like I couldn't write it again. I tried to wait for her to be alone to talk to her, but I could never get a chance.

"So one day in class, while the teacher was lecturing, I started moving my hand over slowly, and touched her's. And I grabbed it, held it.

"She looked over at me, I saw it out of the corner of my eye. But I kept looking ahead like nothing had happened, even though I couldn't stop the blood from rushing to my face. I must have looked as red as your hair. But I kept holding on. And she didn't do anything. She didn't try to let go. She didn't shriek. She held my hand too. And from then on, we were boyfriend and girlfriend."

Avery stopped to let his story absorb before asking his final question. "Does Cotton ever hold your hand?"

She froze for a second. Then she collapsed forward into Avery's arms and bawled. She kept her face muffled in his robe, so her sobs couldn't be heard by anyone walking by.

Avery wrapped his arms around her and pressed her into him. Her back was bony and smooth.

"I know he cares about me so much," she said, after a gradual decline, "And he tells me he loves me. But I just don't love him. I try so hard, but I can't find those feelings and I don't know why." She sniffled, but stayed pressed against Avery. "I'm supposed to, I guess. I'm supposed to love him and we're supposed to be the perfect couple."

Avery said, "Maybe it's because when you look at him, you see something perfect, something like you. But what you should be seeing is something that's not in you. Something that you're missing."

She sniffled, and dried her eyes with her robe. "What do you mean?"

"I have this theory about relationships. I think that a lot of people say they're looking for someone who's like them, so they have things in common. I think, instead, they're looking for someone that has the qualities they want for themselves, that they're missing. That's why they say 'opposites attract'."

Jennika said, "But when I look at him, it's not that I don't feel love. I feel hate. I didn't use to hate him, but now I do, I don't know why. I hate that he's so perfect, and that he's a master of everything, and worked so hard, and everyone loves him and treats him so well."

"Isn't that jealousy or envy?"

"No. That would imply that I want to be like him, or I want the attention he's getting for myself. It's like seeing the 'me' that everyone else sees. Because that's what everyone does with me, and when that happens, I don't want to be around him. I never said anything because everyone thinks I'm perfect and he's perfect and we'd be perfect together." She sobbed again. "And I'm supposed to be the ideal person, I'm supposed to be what everyone wants me to be. I can't complain." Her voice warbled with phlegm and saliva.

"Sh, sh," Avery said, hugging her closer and rubbing her back. This was nice. Secure and warm. Like he had something to live for again.

She said, "I'm just so tired of being what everyone else wants me to be."

Avery loosened himself from Jennika's grip so he could look at her face. Through her red, purple-outlined eyes, and drooping face, she was still beautiful. Avery kissed the tear coming down one cheek. It absorbed into his lips, through the dry cracks. Then he kissed the other.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Kissing your tears away."

"Don't," she said, "I want to cry."

"I'm not trying to stop you." Avery looked into her eyes one more time, then closed his own and kissed her.

Despite her surprise, inexperience, and condition, she returned the kiss. It was as soft as a marshmallow and tasted like a lemon.

When they were done, he pulled back. It was like his kiss had rejuvenated her, the color flowed back into her face, her eyes sparkled. He knew he had to say it or he'd regret it.

"I can get you out of here," he said.

"W-what?" She dropped her arms and moved back out of his embrace.

"Do you want to? Do you want to leave? I can do it if you want, but you have to trust me."

"W-what? Why? Why would you say such a thing? How- What are you? I don't-" She started babbling, unable to comprehend.

"Look, if you stay here, you'll be forced to marry Cotton, you'll be a slave to him forever. And your pain will never end, you'll always exist like you exist now. You'll always feel guilty and hate yourself and your life. You'll be miserable."

"But this is the Cabal."

"It's just a group of people. There's so much more out there than this. You can be the person you want to be instead of what they want you to be. The world is so much bigger and better."

The more he went on, the more scared she looked. How could he be asking her this? The Cabal loved her, and she loved them. Why would she want to leave?

Avery said, "You'll be free. You won't have to see Cotton or anyone else ever again. You can make your own decisions. You can marry whoever you want. Or not even get married at all."

Jennika laughed through her sobs. The thought of being alone and self-sufficient was funny to her. Her entire life, women always got married. It was a part of life, like breathing. She wiped her tears as she finished her chuckle.

"Listen," Avery said, "I have a plan, but I need your help. It has to do with this 'enlightenment' thing."

"What do you mean?"

"It has to do with a person, right?"

"I- I think so."

"What else do you know about it?"

"I... I don't know. They haven't told me anything special."

"Do you know what they mean by enlightenment, exactly?"

"Don't you know?"

How could he not know what that meant. The entire goal of the Cabal was enlightenment. "Refresh me."

"Well, the ultimate goal of all our training is enlightenment – to clear all negative experiences from the soul and give up the individual needs and desires that hold you down."

"Then you become dedicated to them. You do everything for them."

"Doing unto others is the most noblest of pursuits."

"There's a difference between doing and serving. So why is this particular thing so special?"

"I don't really know. I know people have been talking about the workshop a lot more."

"Can you find out?"

"Uh... I..."

"Please?" Avery clasped his hands, pleading. "You've been here so long, you've got so much influence. You know all the ins and outs, you know the system. I don't. I need your help."

"It doesn't exactly work like that."

"But you're the most important person here. You could find out, right?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Please?"

She looked away. "I guess I could ask Cotton."

"You can't let him know. You have to pretend you want to know more. Pretend you want to take a leadership role."

"I could ask how I could help out."

"That's it. Oh, thank you." He was in. He'd got her on his side. "I need a list of details on how it's going to work. How they plan to do it. The procedure, you know? Anything you can find out."

She nodded solemnly. Then fear came to her eyes. "What are you going to do? You're not going to hurt somebody?"

"No, no," he said in his most reassuring tone. "I don't know what I'm going to do yet. It depends on what the procedure actually is. But I don't want to hurt anyone either. I just want to throw them back a bit. That'll provide a distraction, so-"

"But-" she started to protest.

"Jennika, it's wrong. Bathing in blood is wrong. Being forced into a life you hate, without a choice of your own, is wrong. Being forced to give everything you are to a cause that you don't believe in is wrong. We have to escape before they hurt us even more."

Jennika nodded, resigned. "You should go now. You shouldn't be seen in my quarters."

Avery nodded. "Remember," he said before he exited, sneaking like a spy back to his own tiny room.

* * *

'The Word' had not shown up yet. In the real world, being late wasn't a big deal, but since everything ran like clockwork here – no one was ever late, early, or absent – this was unusual. But Gideon was apparently the sort of leader that made the rules for other people and followed his own.

The entire population of the temple stood and waited, their eyes turned up to the balcony above the stage. Gideon would sit there during praise and worship – always watching, never participating. Two of his guards stood on either side of his chair, holding assault rifles ready. But the black space between them showed no signs of being disturbed soon.

Avery nudged Cotton, who looked as excited as a child on Christmas morning. "Has Gideon ever been here before?"

"We call him the Word," Cotton corrected.

"Has 'the Word' ever been here before?"

"Not in my time. He only became our leader a little while ago. But he's taken our group from a scant collection of wandering souls to a multi-million dollar empire. I think he spends most of his time stateside, managing the company, making it grow."

"If he's never been here, then why does everyone know his name. I've never heard of him before."

"What?" Cotton said, alarmed.

"I mean since I've been here, not- I mean, I heard of him plenty before I came here."

"Oh, yeah, I guess it's because we all know the Word, so there's no need to mention him. He's the sort of leader that becomes a part of you. You want to absorb his essence into yourself. His savvy, his confidence, his knowledge – it's all led to his success. He's sort of my role model, if you can't tell."

"Oh, yeah, I can tell."

"He knows exactly what he's doing. Anything he wants, he can get. He's the guy with all the traits I wish I had for myself."

"Uh-huh," Avery said. "But he's never around. Why do you care about him so much?" "Why?" Cotton looked indignant for the first time as if he'd just insulted his mom. "He created all this," Cotton said, gesturing to the temple. "He created the advanced training grounds, just for us, for those who were special, the chosen. Why shouldn't we be grateful?"

"Oh, no, I'm plenty grateful," Avery said. He had this hedging thing down to an art now. "I'm just wondering what his role has been."

"Well, before he came, a lot of the concepts being put forward were too complicated, too archaic. The best we could get were bite-sized definitions. He took all that and developed the path to enlightenment. And he did it in such a way that made the path so easy. He was a teacher, not a preacher."

"Why do they call him 'the Word'?"

"Well," Cotton thought, "There are a lot of reasons. But it all boils down to the fact that above all things, he tells the truth. He does what he says. And anyone who will not receive the Word will deny it."

A white shape moved into the blackness of the balcony. Gideon smiled with a youthful exuberance, though calm and collected. The crowd clapped like he was a politician running for office. He held up his hands to acknowledge his adulations and praise.

The crowd applauded him for what seemed like five minutes, wasting even more time, while he stood there and took it. Why should he deny them the right to applaud their leader?

"My friends," Gideon said, "Your trials have been hard. Your pain has been long. So much have you suffered in life, and none of it have you deserved. You are our chosen people," he spoke methodically, as if every word held meaning. "Yet you will last as long as others who deny our way. You will feel the tightening of the mortal coil as all others. Is this right? Is this your reward for your service? I say no. I say no and it shall be."

"We hear the Word," the crowd said.

"I no longer wish to wait for the evolution of our species. I wish to break down borders, to open new portals and gateways to other worlds. To break the ties that bind. We shall do this. And soon." He cleared his throat. "The time will soon come when you are called on to serve this purpose. For every sacrifice, there shall be a reward."

Sacrifice? Where was this speech going? Then he realized Gideon was telling them about the 'enlightenment'.

"I would not ask my chosen to come to the altar lightly, but do it with dedication in your hearts, and present an offering. The offering is small, but it represents a part of yourself. You, yourselves, shall lift up our cause. It cannot be done without you, all of you – the giving of yourselves. And the giving shall be of blood."

Blood? Oh, god, now Avery knew he was in some deep shit. How much blood did they need? Were they talking about human sacrifice? He said it would be small. How small was small? A pint? A liter?

"Would this be unnecessary, I would never ask it of you. But the time has come to give of yourself. To take the group and make it your own. To confirm your solidarity. None shall feel but a prick of the knife, hardly something to remember. Is this too much to ask, for those who have served us so faithfully? So loyally? I think not. And the reward, the promise of the reward is so much greater than this."

"We hear the Word," the crowd said, even more enthusiastically.

"Throughout time there has never been a thing with so much power as blood. Each of you has this power. In ancient Greece, they considered blood one of the four humors, the four fluids of life. Those who are part of Judaism cannot consume it because they believe the soul of every animal rests in blood. In Christianity, blood represents the sacrifice of the divine one, a pure blood, a blood unlike others with sin. Such a blood is what we seek for ourselves. Is this not gratifying, to be a part of such a thing?"

"We hear the Word."

"Then it is agreed. One by one they came. One by one they contributed their life force, to make a being so much stronger, so much more than they as individuals could be. You have a higher calling now. Prepare yourselves. Soon the time will come and we ask you to be ready. You have come so far. Let yourselves come all the way. Let our blood be one, and let our strength destroy our enemies and restore the ties that bind."

Cries of worship, adoration, and reverence rose from the crowd. Avery faked his own cries, pumping his fist in the air like he was at a rock concert. Gideon raised his hands, basking in it, feeding off it.

Now at least Avery had an idea of what his role was going to be about, but he still didn't have any idea what it was for. He made a silent prayer that Jennika would come through. Out of all the vagueness and half-truths, he only knew one thing for certain – blood would flow.

* * *

"When Putting Your Gun In Storage, Clean All Appropriate Orifices."

Avery still got a kick out of that sign whenever he saw it. Other signs in the weapons locker included "Know your weapon inside and out", and "Victory Waits On Your Fingers", but they weren't as funny as the first.

Every day, after playing with his toy guns, he brought them back to the storage shed to clean them out. It was dank and dark like a dungeon with the strong smell of sulfur logged into the wooden walls. There were plenty of brushes, oils, and towels to use, all discolored with gunpowder and chemicals. Every gun was racked according to model, weight, length, firing rate, and caliber. A place for everything and everything in its place.

Avery half-assed it, plunging a damp pipe cleaner down each chamber of the revolver. Why bother with intricate detail if he didn't even care about the people? Despite his ever-increasing skill at sharpshooting, and the praise he got for it, he had no desire to be a gunslinger. He whipped through the cleaning, then hung up his other tools and went back into the temple.

Cotton wasn't around. He'd left to attend to some meeting with higher-ups. Probably something pertaining to his impending promotion to king of all the fanatics, or finalizing the deal for his queen and her dowry of followers.

He could have taken the chance to wander off, but he didn't. He could have walked away from all this, but didn't. He could have snuck into Gideon's chambers and killed him, but didn't. Taking chances as they came would be hasty. He had already planned that the enlightenment ritual would be his day to strike.

So he went into study time, as Cotton had called it. Avery called it slave labor. And again, they were copying out of books.

The hag was in the middle of a sentence on the board in neat script. So far it consisted of 'Excel in your'. Many options on how to end it came to mind.

He picked up the two books he had been working, crammed in a cubbyhole against the wall, and took them to an empty space at the table.

The piece of paper to mark his place was larger than normal. When he plucked it out, he realized it was a whole page, folded up. Did he grab the wrong book? Ever the voyeur, he opened it up.

On sighting the keywords 'enlightenment', 'blood', and 'Jennika', his eyes popped out.

First, he tucked the paper back in, to avoid attracting any eyes and checked the area. No one was watching him. They were all concentrating on their books. The hag was still writing. He thought if he held the paper under the table, it would be okay to read, but quickly.

Jennika's straight simple handwriting told him _"I went to the workshop and found out about the ritual. They are going to turn one of the elite members into something new, some new type of man. They call him a Zealot. Zealots are supposed to be new leaders of the order. They are intelligent and well-trained, and don't panic easily. He's supposed to have abilities far greater than a mortal man, like being able to heal quickly, and to control 'eldritch fire magic'."_

Whoa, now they were getting into some freaky stuff. He had no idea what eldritch fire magic was, but it sounded like something he shouldn't be messing with.

 _"They also have something called 'eternal awareness'. I don't know what that means, but he said that's the reason they haven't had a successful test yet. The subjects keep going insane because of what they see. But now they found a way to condition the subject beforehand. The Word is here to see the first successful ritual."_

It sounded like they were trying to make some sort of super-soldier, which made sense. Why bother with training a hundred guys to shoot a pistol when you could make one that couldn't be killed. And magic fire.

 _"They also told me how the ritual will work. They need the blood of all the pure devotees, to combine it with the black blood of Tchernobog."_

What was a Tchernobog? Jennika had said it like he was supposed to know.

"The members must approach the altar and bleed before it, combining the blood of mortals with the blood of the divine. This is the key, because the mortal coil must be peeled off the Zealot and the blood poured into his cavity."

This was starting to get confusing and abstract. But she said blood was the key, and that made his wheels start turning.

 _"The members start chanting the domus durbentia."_ More lingo he didn't know. _"This will awaken the soul of the Zealot into a place between two worlds, where they have mastery over the dark arts."_

 _"Please don't do anything rash. I want to help you, and I want to help them. So I don't know what to do. I can only hope what you speak is truth. My heart wants to believe it."_

That was the end of the note. It didn't look hurried, and Avery was a little disappointed that it wasn't more exact, with something specific he could sabotage. Now that he knew how it would go, how was he supposed to stop it?


	32. Chapter 32

Avery pressed his back against the wall, street clothes clutched in his hand, and listened for people. He was afraid the cult had taken his suitcase, to remove elements of his old life, but it was still under the bed.

The plans in his head still weren't sound. Once he got his clothes on, how would he get out? Once he was out, where would he go? Once he knew where to go, what would he do? All he'd come up with was the front door. But if he could do that, what stopped anyone from escaping when they wanted to? Why didn't he?

Because he still had to finish his work. And now he had Jennika to see to as well.

It seemed like there was no one in the hall, and everyone had gone to sleep. No sounds. No shadows. Every ten seconds he heard something that could have been a person, and chickened out. In a second when it was dead quiet, he tore through his pants to get them on, fumbling through one leg. His robe became snagged in his fly. Avery cursed and turned around.

Cotton stood in the doorway.

They both froze. Avery couldn't think of any excuses to use. He could grab Cotton by his robe and beat him to death. He could hide under the bed. He could blow past him, but he'd be caught easily. He could bribe him, but he had no money.

"Oh," Cotton said. "Were you cold?"

That'd work. "Oh... oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was cold. Yeah, it-"

"Poor circulation, I bet," he beamed. "We didn't have our exercises today because of the Word."

"Yeah, exactly. It's amazing what one day can do to you."

"Exactly," Cotton laughed.

"Yeah, I was cold, so I was going to sleep in my clothes."

"Oh, I could find another blanket for you."

"Yeah, could you?" Avery said. It would maintain the illusion. Unless he wasn't here when he came back. "No, wait!" Avery shouted much too suspiciously. "No, that's okay. I don't need one."

"Oh, okay," Cotton said. "You sure?"

"Yeah."

He nodded. "Listen, I just came here to tell you..." he shrugged and sighed, "I know this is improper and right before bed – probably won't help you sleep – but I was so excited, I couldn't wait to tell you. You're getting promoted to a Class B."

"Really?" Avery didn't know what to say to that, but felt pleased.

"I know. I shouldn't even be telling you this."

"You're kidding. That's great." He didn't expect to actually be promoted in his short time here.

"Your service of commendation isn't supposed to be for seven more days, but I had to tell you. You're going to apprentice in the workshop and work on advanced marksmanship training at the same time."

"Really?" Now Avery was fully surprised.

Cotton nodded, "Yep. They admired your weapon skills, but I knew you really wanted to be in the workshop, so I thought, why not give him a double apprenticeship. Heh, I convinced them by talking about your speed at disassembling weapons, told them you had a mind for mechanics."

Cotton stepped forward and put a hand on Avery's shoulder. "I think you can do it. You work hard, you dedicate yourself fully to everything you do. You've shed that habit of asking antagonizing questions, and now ask questions to gain knowledge for yourself. I think you can handle it. I know you can."

Avery realized he was smiling. No one had told him they believed in him like Cotton had. No one had ever listened to him and done what he asked. They had always been the ones telling him.

"That's great. That's really great. Thanks, Cotton," Avery said.

"You're welcome. Well, that's all I wanted to tell you. You have a good night. Try to get some sleep. Try not to get too anxious," he laughed. "Good night."

"Night," Avery said as he left. He breathed a sigh of relief. He was still going out, but he couldn't shake the praise. He'd been promoted, deemed worthy of having a better place in this world than as a peon. And he was about to betray all the trust that had been put in him.

He got under the covers, pulling his shirt and socks in. Moments later the lights dimmed and Avery shuffled his clothes under his robe.

Once he was clothed, he started counting from one to 600, to measure out ten minutes.

He often lost track of counting, mostly due to the fright and thrill of sneaking out. He forced himself not to think of what would they do if they caught him. He might end up as part of Gideon's ark.

More than ten minutes must have past when he got to 600. This was it. No turning back now. Avery lifted the top sheet, and stood up in pitch blackness. His sandals softly padded the ground as he felt along the wall out of the room.

He kept one hand dragging along the left wall to the lobby, since he certainly couldn't take the elevator in the middle of the night. When he got there, the big double door to the outside stood outlined in moonlight.

What kind of security would there be at a monastery? Either none at all, or a ton. This was Cabalco, the corporation of all corporations. They probably had computerized alarms for which his pocket knife would be useless. On the other hand, he had snuck out of Pulpwood Groves without having to deal with locked doors or alarms. There really was only one option. He saw no bars or black boxes on the door. Could it be that simple?

Avery approached it. Cabalco wouldn't be stupid enough to leave it open for anyone, right? Did they trust their followers that much?

Avery put his hands on the heavy obsidian handle. _Please don't beep, please don't beep, please don't beep._ Avery rotated the handle as if he were winding a clock. It clicked too loudly as the latch between doors snapped back. When the handle would turn no more, he pushed it forward. It gave.

He opened the door only enough to slip his body out and trotted away from the building, leaving the door open in case it locked automatically. It was cold, frost rolling down the mountain like nature's air conditioner. There were no guards out here. Not even on the roof. No security cameras either. Maybe it was too isolated to worry about thieves or trespassers. He couldn't keep searching for people all night. So once he glanced over the area, he started on the road down the hill.

How was he going to sabotage this thing? He barely knew how it worked. The only real element he had to work with here was blood. But what was he going to do with that? Whatever it was had to be on his person, in person.

The trip down the winding hill took hours, about the same time as the bus ride up. He moved slower, but he could cut time by moving over outcroppings and promontories that the bus had to swerve around. His feet were popping with blisters when he got to the bottom, and rediscovered what a town was. Jeez, how long had it been? Not... months? He had no way to measure time except by the passage of days, and he'd lost count of those a long time ago.

Then he saw the general store at the bottom of the hill, reminding him of so many ghost towns he'd seen in westerns – a barrel outside a squared glass window, sitting on a porch with stick thin supports. There might be something he could use or at least give him an idea.

A tinny bell rung as he opened the door. The shopkeeper, a beefy man with diseased skin and a thick mustache, eyed Avery with angry apprehension. Avery paid him no mind.

He had to get something. But what? A can of strange looking beets? Candy? A wooden spoon? Oh, Jesus Christ, none of this was going to help him. What could he do? Make a bomb? Create a fire? Steal a gun and shoot everyone?

He paced up the aisle and cursed for thinking he could come up with an idea just by looking through an anachronistic grocery store.

The shopkeeper began yelling at him in Hungarian, or whatever they spoke here. Avery had no idea what he was saying, but several possibilities came to mind – "Get out of here you crazy kid, we're closed", "What are you doing here, devil-white man?", "Where did you get those clothes?", "The ritual sabotage kits are in the back".

Avery ran down the next aisle, but he had trouble recognizing things. There was nothing here but canned soup, dry pasta, potato barrels, and a swivel rack of children's novelty items that belonged in the 1950's.

A small yellow box caught his eye. It showed the heads of two ghost-white children under the hieroglyphic Romanian product title. One had blood running from his mouth, the other laughing his ass off. Blood capsules.

With the storekeeper still yelling at him, increasing in volume and anger, he picked it up and looked at the back. What the hell was he looking for? Instructions? A guarantee? He already knew they were fake blood. Would these work...? They might... He hoped.

Avery checked for a price tag, then realized he had not brought his wallet. He had no money. He looked again at the man. The storekeeper shook his sausage finger at him. Nothing else to do now.

Avery sped out of the store as fast as his sandals and blistered feet would let him. The shopkeeper yelled louder and hoisted himself from the counter.

But Avery had been working out. He was already twenty-five yards away when the storekeeper waddled out from the porch, shouting bloody murder at him. He should have been glad to get rid of old product. Avery wanted to call back and tell him it was all for the cause.

Fifty yards away, he took one more look back. The shopkeeper had stopped running once the road became an incline. Between breaths, he screamed Ukrainian obscenities.

Avery left him in the dust, his sweaty palm gripping the small cardboard box.

* * *

"Tomorrow is the day our pain shall end. Doors will be open. Our ties to this mortal coil will be shed and all shall become as one. One flesh, made whole. Let us keep this idea in our hearts today. Let it breed in our blood, that we may give it freely. We will know what to do when the time comes."

Gideon stepped from the balcony's edge as applause sounded. Hardly deserved, since the only real thing he had said was that the ritual was tomorrow. Avery thought back to the blood capsules, like he had done all day, and tried to think of how he could use them.

The applause continued until Gideon walked out onto the floor and stepped through the crowd, waving his arms like a politician. He passed close enough to Avery that he could have jumped out and killed him, if he had a knife or gun. He could strangle him if it wasn't for the four guards hovering in front and back. Especially that one with the orange skin and gray jumpsuit.

"Oh, I was almost close enough to feel his breath," Cotton said, his eyes still on Gideon. "Isn't that amazing?"

"Yeah, great," Avery said.

"Aren't you excited at all? The ritual is tomorrow. Tomorrow we will be able to see one of our own born into enlightenment. And then we will be able to experience it for ourselves. Isn't that incredible?"

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just tired."

"Oh, I don't know if I'm going to be able to sleep tonight." He turned to Avery. "Isn't it so lucky that you get to witness this? You came to training in the nick of time."

"Yeah," Avery said, "I don't think any of us are going to be able to sleep tonight."

Cotton chuckled, "Well, if I do sleep, I'll be dreaming about all of us. I'll be thinking about us joined together in enlightenment." He walked up the stairs to the dorms, moving like he would take off any second. "Finally, the vision is coming true."

Avery had to stop himself from shaking his head. Poor deluded bastard. He still wasn't sure whether to envy or pity him.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned around. It was Jennika.

"I- I-" she stammered.

"What?"

She shook her head and puckered her mouth, as if she had to stop the words from getting out. Worrying people would see, Avery grabbed her hips and shuffled her under the stairs. People passed by, but no one really noticed them. "What?" Avery demanded.

"A- are you still going to..."

"Jennika, I have to. We have to get out of here, it's not right for us. This isn't the place to talk about this."

"I- I know. But it's tomorrow. And I'm afraid."

"Look, don't worry. I have it all planned. This place is a tomb, we can get out of here. Don't you want this?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know what I want. I'm so confused."

Avery took her head in his hands. "Listen. Don't go to the ritual tomorrow."

"W-what?"

"You don't have any specific part in it, right?"

"No, not really."

"Okay. Don't go. I don't know what's going to happen, so I want you to stay out of the way. Stay in your room. Stay safe."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"When they all go down to the ritual, just hide or something. Hide under your bed." She looked at him blankly, like she didn't understand. "I'll come get you. Then we can go together. I can get my dad to send us a plane ticket, and we can get out of here."

"Avery," she said. Avery realized it was the first time he'd heard her say his name. It sounded good.

"Please. Please, Jennika."

Jennika's eyes filled with water. "Why do you do this to me?" She pushed Avery's hands from her hips. "Why do I feel this way with you? You infiltrate me. I don't understand it."

"You don't have to understand it right now. You have to trust me though, I promise everything will get better. You won't have to be miserable anymore."

"You're like an addiction. Like the addictions they talk about in meetings. I've never met anyone like you. But Cotton-"

Avery took her head in his hands and kissed her. It was a reminder to her that he still cared, that he was the only one who cared. "Cotton will be fine. He has this place. You have your place, and it's not here."

"That's the problem. This place has been so good to us, it's given us everything. Why are we hurting it? Why do you want-"

"No, Jennika. We don't have time for this. Just promise me you won't be there when it happens. Wait in your room, and I'll come get you. Then we can leave, just you and me, and we'll be free. No more authorities, or rules, or Cotton." She didn't say anything. Avery asked again, "Promise?"

"Okay," she murmured, trying to hold back tears.

"Okay," Avery confirmed. "Go now. Get some sleep." Begrudgingly, she nodded and started up the stairs towards her dorm wing. He doubted she would be able to sleep tonight, but she would follow orders. She had been following orders all her life. The only thing that changed was who she wanted to follow orders from.

Avery watched her walk up. He knew what she was talking about. He felt like she infiltrated him too. But she had to be out of harm's way. He didn't want her involved in the first place. If he was caught, he couldn't let her take any blame. That would kill her most of all.

Avery found the stairs for his wing and climbed them back up to his room.

* * *

 _Entry 35: This may be my last entry. I fear that I may be under suspicion of others. Cotton came, and saw me getting my clothes. He told me I was going to be promoted to a class B. He said he believes in me so much that he gave me a double apprenticeship. He said my hard work and dedication had paid off, and that it looked like I was well on my way to becoming a fine member of the group._

 _Leaving this place should be more of a priority, but I can't get over the fact that I'm working against people I like. The only thing I know is that this is wrong. Gideon bathed his hands in blood, when he came in – that's screwed up. But they treat me like a brother. I know it's a false acceptance, but it's still nice._

 _I'm so confused. I love this group. I love them because they made me feel all right about myself. I feel like these people are like me. I'm betraying the only people who made me feel good._

 _I can see why Walker thought I would get sucked in now. I'm already sucked in. I don't want to leave. It's the same thing Jennika was trying to say to me earlier. But we've got to leave. I've got to finish this thing._

 _In any case, this will be my last entry before I escape. I figure either way, it's going to be my last entry. I want the people who find this to know I did what I did without regret, but with heartache. Tell everyone you know what happened here. Spread the word what happened to me. Tell them so that what happened here won't happen in the future. What I'm doing now won't stop the Cabal totally, they're way too strong for that. They grow more every day. I fear where the world may end up should they succeed. My act won't do anything but slow them down. But maybe others can do the same. Slow them down enough and they'll stop._


	33. Chapter 33

At the start of the ritual, people shuffled into a room Avery had never seen. It looked like a small auditorium. A red carpet divided the room in two, with cultists on each side of the path. In the upper right corner, there was a balcony for Gideon.

On stage, two men in brown robes carried a table to the center. It was adorned in gold markings and carved ornamentation that better belonged in the eighth century.

On the floor below the stage was a strange looking half-cauldron, half-fountain. It had some of the same markings he had seen on the pillar. Something bubbled inside, as a cultist in a gray robe stirred it up with a metal stick.

The white robes chattered to themselves with eager mystery and fascinated awe. None of them cared that all this weird occult stuff had suddenly popped up in their corporate training.

Avery peeked over the crowd, but didn't catch any redheads. Good, Jennika wasn't here. Neither did he see Cotton, but who really cared where he was? He twisted the two capsules he'd palmed again. He'd been carrying them all day, and no one had noticed yet. No one had noticed him with sweat on his brow, a heart pumping a million times a minute, afraid every second that he'd drop one or burst one.

He didn't even know how these things worked. The instructions were in a foreign language. Did they need to be mixed with liquid first? How was he going to use them? He could try contaminating the cauldron with them, if that would even work. They kept talking about "pure blood", but who knew what rules applied when dealing with magic. The trick was to get them in there without being noticed.

A man wearing a bright crimson robe walked into view. He held onto a staff with a large angular crescent top, and lifted it above the crowd. Everyone quieted in an instant.

Two brown-robes brought out a tall man who wore a green rubber coat and pants, but with a bare chest, his head completely wrapped in white bandages. No eyeholes or breathing tubes. They guided him to the table and set him down on it, his feet facing the audience. This must have been the Zealot, the one who was to become enlightened.

Applause started. Avery caught a flash of white in the balcony and noticed Gideon had arrived. The Word patted his hands in the air, quieting the clamor. He was more interested in the ritual now.

"Friends," he intoned. "Consider yourselves privileged to be a part of this. Our salvation is at hand. You will all remember this day, and tell others of what awaits them with us. Do not fear what you see. The birthing is strange, but glorious, and soon, we shall all be as such."

He gestured to the man in red, who dropped his cane and moved aside so all could see the cauldron.

"One at a time," he said in a raspy voice, "Each will attend the altar. Each shall take up the knife." He picked up a knife that had been resting on the altar, a stiletto blade with a curvy, jagged edge.

He struck the tip of the blade into his palm, and dragged it across, stopping above the wrist.

Avery suppressed a gag reflex. The thought of causing self-mutilation made him ill, but it didn't look like he would get away with not cutting himself. He wasn't even sure he could do it. What if he was too afraid to put the blade to skin.

The red-robe lowered his crimson-streaked hand into the cauldron and held it there. When he pulled it out, it was dripping with black water.

He said, "Present it to the black blood of Tchernobog. Your blood becomes His blood." With a nearby towel, he wiped his hand off. "The blood of us all. The blood that binds. Let us begin." He slammed his cane into the ground with a sharp thwack.

The cultists began chanting a long stream of nonsense syllables, the same foreign language he had been hearing from day one. Members at the front formed a line down the red carpet. The first one took the knife that the red-robe held out, cut his right hand, and plunged it into the fountain, like a hot iron. Then toweled off with a rag handed to him by a brown-robe and walked back.

How was he going to drop them in like this? Would he drop them if he had to open his hand and cut it? What happened if they handed the knife to the wrong hand? It would look suspicious if he fumbled the grab. What if the shock caused him to drop the capsules too early?

The person in front of him shifted onto the red carpet, and that was Avery's cue to follow. Jeez, it was only moments away now. They were cutting and plunging in too fast. How was there any time for the blood to mix in. And would the capsules even have an effect? What if the Zealot had some sort of filtering system? What if he rejected the false blood? God, why did he think this plan was ever going to work?

Five people in front of him. No time for regrets, he had to do this without getting caught. Once, he'd seen a magician that made his palms look empty by tucking something under his two smaller fingers. Would that work? He was no magician, but with now three people in front of him, there was no time to decide. He transferred the capsules to his other hand and snuck them under. As the person in front of him stepped aside to wipe his bleeding hand. Avery approached the cauldron.

Do it fast, and they won't suspect a thing. Don't even think about it. _Plunge into it._

Before the monk could even pick a hand to give the knife to, Avery snatched it away. He scrunched his fingers away from his palm, and sliced his hand along the line that curved around his thumb. It opened a stinging slit about an inch and a half long, which started seeping blood.

He plunged it in, like a hot blade into cooling water, and let everything go. A blotch of red deep within spread in the black soup like tendrils like paint. He'd done it.

Avery took the towel, and walked around the crowd to the back. No one was watching him. Everyone had their eyes on the blood and the Zealot, even Gideon and his guards. Once there, he went out the open archway.

It was empty out here. He could probably leave right now, and no one would know. But he was compelled to see what would happen. He snuck his head a hair's breadth in. A limited view, but anymore would be too big a risk.

With the last person going off to the side, the red-robe picked up a wide-mouthed chalice and dipped it into the well. Holding it aloft like a trophy, he climbed onto the stage. The two brown-robes each brought out a large blade shaped like a meat-hook and plunged them into the Zealot's torso.

He screamed like no human could. Avery cringed. The red-robe poured the red and black water into the chest cavity as the victim screamed under his mask like he was dying. Avery had never heard such a desperate cry. The pain must have been unimaginable.

The brown-robes released the hooks, tips shimmering crimson, and handed them to someone off-stage. One crouched under the table and cranked something, bringing the slab upright, like Hannibal Lecter on his gurney. The man's torso was washed with blood, thick reams of dark red crusty skin tissue formed where he had been slit open. The faceless Zealot rolled his head back and forth silently as the brown-robes unstrapped him.

Then he stopped moving.

The chanting stopped. Silence filled the room. Everyone watched, waiting to see the results. Did he die? What in the world was supposed to happen? No one was reacted like it was unexpected, so this must have been according to plan.

Suddenly, the Zealot's head perked up. He stood erect, although he didn't so much stand as float to his feet. The red-robe walked up to him, and handed him the crescent staff. The Zealot took it without even turning his head. Wherever he was, he no longer needed his eyes.

The audience looked on with quiet awe and wonderment, much the same as Avery. No one had declared the experiment a success yet. Maybe no one knew what was supposed to happen.

The man convulsed, as if clutched by an invisible hand. His chest sucked into itself and the flesh melted into nothing. Only the gray rib bones and spinal column remained. Was this part of the ritual? The cultists didn't move. Maybe they didn't know either.

The Zealot held up his cane and twirled it. He took one step forward and held the staff out. A blue ring of light burst forward, rippling out like a shockwave.

The members in the white robes screamed, clutching their hands over their eyes. Each one's skin wrinkled and desiccated, like they had aged a thousand years in a single second. The decomposed bodies collapsed into mushy puddles.

Chaos filled the room. The remaining white-robes ran away in a panic. Mindless devotion having failed them, they smashed into each other to find any exit. Avery couldn't help but watch the car wreck.

The brown-robes pulled out guns and rifles from their folds and started firing wildly. Other cultists wearing gray, green, and blue robes emerged from the wings. Anyone with a gun was aiming it at the experiment gone awry.

Avery could feel the vibration of the bullets ricocheting off the wall.

The Zealot held his cane over his head and a collection of white sparkly particles surrounded him, effervescing up and into the air. There was a sound like wind rushing through a tunnel.

The red-robe jumped forward with a machine gun and rattled bullet after bullet into him. Blood spurted from the fleshy parts, but the Zealot took no notice as he floated off stage onto the floor. He swung his stick forward like a golf club, and a ball of flame shot out, flew at the cultist, and exploded. He burst into flames and ran around the room shouting, "It burns! It burns!" grabbing onto tapestries and igniting the room. The others ignored his plight as they tried to bring the Zealot down. Avery could feel waves of heat billowing out of the room.

The two brown-robes that remained stepped forward, one with a pistol, the other with a pump-action shotgun. The Zealot spun around as smooth as an ice dancer, whipping his cane and decapitating one. Then he flipped the staff over and impaled the other through his heart.

But the cultist wasn't dead yet. He pumped his shotgun again and fired. The close impact that should have evaporated his entire chest just caused a squirt of blood. Before his arm went limp, he got off a second shot point-blank in the shoulder. The impact separated the Zealot's arm, which fell to the floor. He looked at it casually, as if confused.

More troops closed in. The Zealot shook off the skewered body and held up his cane to the sky.

He chanted, "Pestis cruento vilomaxus pretiacruento." His voice was deep and hollow, a million miles away. White power erupted around him and his cane glowed red. It looked like he was about to do something big.

A grenade clattered on the ground, rolling to his feet. The Zealot stopped chanting and looked down at it, as if he didn't know what it was.

Avery did though, and spun back out of the doorway as it exploded, shaking the entire temple. Then there was silence. That big an explosion, in that tiny room, must have taken everyone out. He couldn't resist peeking in.

The room was hazy with smoke. Avery couldn't see anything for agonizing seconds. Then in the midst of the gray, he saw the limbs of the Zealot, one arm and one leg, floating in the air as if attached to an invisible body. They were still trying to move as if they were attached, spinning in the air, with no joints to stop them.

That was all Avery needed to see. He ran out, knowing that his goal was accomplished. Now he needed to get the hell out of here.

Screams still echoed in the halls. Gunfire erupted as the Cabal tried to control the chaos. They had lost their grip on their followers. The meetings and conditioning had failed and now people were going to die. It was a perfect time to escape in the chaos.

He climbed up the stairs to the dorms. The elevator would be too slow, so he padded foot after foot, trying to be calm. The deed was done. He had succeeded. And now he could leave. He didn't even think of which world was better to be in, just as long as he had completed his task.

First he went to his own room. The rioting had stayed on the main floor so far. So only a few panicking trainees ran past as the temple rumbled again. He yanked the suitcase out from under his bed and glanced around his room, to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Those stupid manuals on desk he'd leave here. The diary? He didn't need it. Leave it for the next person who knocked on the cult's door. Spread the seed of knowledge.

He almost tore the handle off the suitcase as he ran out and headed to the girls' side. It was all working. He was going to succeed. He was going to get Jennika and get out of there.

They'd change into normal clothes once they were safely out. He'd use his remaining money to call his dad, tell him where he was, get him to wire him some money, and then get on a plane. He could take Jennika back to his homeland. And then the possibilities opened up. They could do anything.

He skidded to a stop in front of her room. "Jennika!" he yelled.

She wasn't there.

What the hell? Where else could she be? She wasn't in the ritual. He told her not to go. Was she running around like a chicken with her head cut off? He told her to wait for him no matter what happened.

She didn't get scared, did she? Was she under the bed? No, that was ridiculous. He stooped to the floor though, just to check. Dammit, he couldn't wait around for her forever. He turned back to the door.

And saw Cotton standing there.

Fuck.

He was standing with his arms spread to either side of the doorway. He wasn't blocking it, more like he was holding there for rest, like he couldn't stand upright without support. His feet were crossed together, and his head hung down, saddened.

He knew everything.

"I did it," Cotton said in a tone much too weak for his character.

"What?" Avery said.

"I let my own selfish desire to see you succeed blind me," he replied. "I wanted to see you do great things." He dropped his arms and stepped into the room, still looking at the floor. The light cast a malevolent shade over his eyes. "I wanted you to take my place. I thought you had the potential to be a leader. But I misjudged... horribly. I gave too much of myself."

"Where's Jennika?" Avery said, his fists clenching.

Cotton said nothing. He hung his head with quiet sadness.

"Where is she?" Avery repeated and put down his suitcase. Adrenaline-filled blood tingled in his body. "What did you do to her?"

Cotton said nothing.

"Did you kill her?" Avery said.

"I admitted my sin," Cotton said, "But you must admit yours. Your own greed, your own selfish desires brought her to you. You took her vulnerabilities and molded them to your needs. She trusted in you more than I. She followed you as she never could have followed us. You manipulated her. You led her to betraying me."

"She doesn't love you!" Avery shouted back. "How could you be so oblivious to that? She never felt anything for you. She hates you, and so she hated herself. I took that away from her. You can't possibly love her the way that I do. You only see her as an object to help you achieve your own goals."

"I have no goals. My only goals are those of the Cabal."

"That's right, you're the perfect little soldier for them, aren't you? You and her – the perfect male and female. The Adam and Eve of the cult."

"This is not a cult."

Avery threw back his head in laughter. "You're the one who's blind. The meetings? The religion? The shaming and guilting? The mindless tasks? _Shooting guns?_ This couldn't be any more of a cult if you tried."

"But you liked it," Cotton said.

"I liked the feeling I got, sure. But I'd rather live for myself and feel bad, than feel good and do everything someone else wants."

"Haven't you learned anything here? You already learned you can't live for yourself. Living for yourself got you those scars." Cotton pointed to Avery's wrists.

Avery held them up for him, fists clenched. "I'd wear a thousand of these scars before I serve your collective groupthink."

Cotton's voice started to rise. "The collective groupthink is the only way to live without suffering. You really want to live out there? In a world of cruelty and disharmony? Where people wander around aimlessly? You want that? There's none of that here. No cruelty. No pain. No suffering."

"Tell Jennika that."

"You lie."

"She hides it, because the others want her to. She wants out of her pain. I showed her the way."

"You've only convinced her of that."

"No, _you've_ convinced her that the only way is in. The world may be cruel, but it's the world. It's bigger than cruelty. Bigger than anything you've got to offer."

Now Cotton threw back his head and laughed. "You have no idea what we've got to offer. No idea at all. If you only knew what the Cabal really is. It's survived for millennia. It can never die."

"That's bullshit. That's what they told you. You've been fed so many lies, you don't even know what the truth is. Or the difference between right and wrong. You call mass rituals and washing your hands in blood whatever you want. But a billion people on the other side of that wall all know it's wrong, wrong, wrong."

"If you go outside the Cabal, you'll die an inescapable death."

"I've been dead before," Avery said. "There's not much difference between the two."

As he said that, he realized he felt more alive than ever. Blood flowed through him like gold. His mind was a sharp as a sword. Nothing could stand in his way. They would all fall before him. "Now tell me where Jennika is."

Cotton glowered at Avery and shook his head no.

"Tell me where Jennika is or get out of my way so I can find her."

"I can't let you leave."

Avery gritted his teeth. "You stupid son of a bitch. Get out of my way!" He pushed Cotton back, a good hard shove at chest level. Cotton returned the shove with one of his own. Avery swung at him, clocking him on the edge of the jaw. Cotton bounced back and speared forward, ramming Avery against the bed. They both collapsed on the floor on their side. Cotton held Avery by his wrists as he tried to climb up and gain an advantage.

Avery pulled one arm back and one forward, liberating the grip, and scratched at Cotton's face, drawing two rivulets of red below his eye.

Cotton released Avery's right arm and grabbed his throat, twisting Avery's head so he couldn't see what he was doing.

Cotton released the other hand and socked Avery in the ribs. The blow made Avery double over in pain and Cotton pushed Avery to the floor.

He climbed in-between Avery's legs and choked him with both arms locked straight. Avery thrashed back, scratching and clawing whatever he could touch.

With a burst of energy, he pumped his hips forward, rocking Cotton's stiff form to the side and loosened his grip. Then Avery brought his knee up and rammed his shin into Cotton's stomach.

He puckered up as all the wind rushed out of his body. Avery tore his arms off his neck, then punched him in the face. Cotton collapsed on the ground.

Avery kicked him over and straddled him. He ripped Cotton's hands away from his face and plunged his own onto his throat, pressing his thumbs down on the soft spot below his voice box, so hard he thought he would puncture it.

Cotton waved his arms sluggishly, trying to grab something on Avery. His eyes rolled back and forth in his head, his tongue hanging off his lips. "No," Cotton whispered weakly.

Avery glowered down at him. Through gritted teeth he said, "You took Jennika, you mother fucker. Why shouldn't I?"

"No," Cotton whispered, weaker than before. His arms stopped moving, and he gurgled on his own saliva.

"You fuckin' took Jennika," Avery said.

Cotton did not hear those words. He wouldn't hear anything ever again. His body went limp in Avery's hands, but Avery kept squeezing. He'd seen too many movies where they didn't choke the guy enough and he came back to life.

When he stopped fighting back, Avery started punching him in the face. Bluish blood spurted out of Cotton's nose and dribbled down his colorless cheek. Over and over he struck him. Then Avery grabbed his suitcase with two hands and stabbed the corner into his head. When he pulled it back, there was a visible dent in the forehead, cracked like an egg, and oozing viscous red fluid. Avery brought it down again and again. Then lost his grip.

He bent forward, exhausted. He wasn't even aware that he had run out of breath, that his heart was pumping a mile a minute, his hands covered in both his and Cotton's blood.

Avery staggered up, weak as an old man, all the energy drained out of him. He picked up the suitcase and ran into the hallway. There was no time to find Jennika. They already knew. He'd have to come back for her. He wouldn't abandon her though. He made a vow and he always collected on his promises. He'd come back with an army for her.

"Crudux cruo!"

Avery looked behind him through the blood on his brow, and saw a man in a brown robe pointing at him. The cultist pulled out a gun and started firing.

Avery ran back down the hall, throwing his suitcase at the man for a distraction. There were more footsteps coming for him, probably attracted by the shots. The only way to go now was down. He found the staircase that led back to the great hall and pounded down it, almost losing his balance backward.

"Marana pallex!"

"Infirmux!"

More shouts of anger from the cultists, like animals calling to their pride. A gray robe appeared at the bottom of the stairs, crawling up towards Avery as he rounded the curve. He had no weapons, so Avery jumped off and kicked him in the head. The impact flung back the hood and revealed a hideous misshapen face, gnarled and ugly like it had been carved.

Two more ran at him from the stage of the great hall. One was reloading his pump action shotgun, while the other ran headlong at him, fists in the air.

Avery knew this was no way out, and ran up the stairs on the other side of the hall, but stumbled and smashed his face on the step. Blood spewed from one lip.

A strange hand grabbed his ankle and pulled him back down. Avery spun over and fell down one step, bruising his spine on the jutting wood. He thrust his foot in rage, striking the man behind him in the face. He did it again and again, and the man released his grip.

Others were gathering. Avery didn't look back to see his handiwork. He scrambled up the stairs, huffing and puffing, his lungs racked with pain, a knife slicing into his side. He had to get to the lobby. That was the only way out of here and he was so close.

There was no one at the top of the stairs. No one in the hallway of dorms. He was almost there. One more turn. Still no one. He must have led them on a loop and gained some distance.

The lobby was empty too, and he barreled toward the door, slamming against it. He pulled the handle with all his might.

No give. Then he pushed it. Still no give. He tugged back and forth, back and forth.

"Fuck, no!" he shouted. Goddammit, why was it locked now? He turned around, trapped like a rabbit.

Two cultists appeared in the archway. One held an rifle, the other a submachine gun. "Infuscomus," the gray one pointed and said in a rough voice. Avery's eyes flicked around for any last salvation.

Everything happened in slow motion. The gray-robe stepped forward, switching his rifle's grip, so he held it like a baseball bat. He lunged forward and bashed Avery's stomach in with it. It was like smacking a stuffed toy with a metal rod. Avery curled around the wooden stock and fell to his knees. All he could see was black and white blotches as he hacked up saliva and bile. He felt the rifle strike him again in the back of the neck, like an executioner's axe.

Then they were upon him.


	34. Chapter 34

Avery's heavy, sleepy eyes could barely open. He felt like he had drunk too much and now just wanted to sleep. The stinging stench of the room woke him up. It smelled like ammonia or some medical chemical being boiled like potpourri.

He was in some sort of dark cavern. They were only surrounded by blackness, the light never touched the walls, but the ground below him was stone. He felt like he was somewhere deep, underground maybe.

Where was this? The workshop? What had happened after he'd been caught? He knew more had happened between now and then, but he couldn't think of what it was.

There was something bubbling below him – a giant pit, a cauldron of green liquid billowing sickly vomit mist up from the maw of the floor. He tried to move one arm, then became aware that he was loosely chained. Two robed man stood on either side of him, holding manacles on his wrist.

"The fallen one stands before us."

Avery looked up. Over the pit was a small promontory, on which stood a cultist dressed in a black robe trimmed with gold. The underlighting blackened his face.

Avery lifted his five-thousand pound head and looked at him. "Wh-what's going on? Where am I?" he said in a voice too weak to be heard. Then he realized there was an underlying rustling noise. He was standing before an unseen audience.

The man in black continued in a tone that was more personal than oratory, "The crime he has committed has been great. He has slain one of our own, as Judas slayed the Christ. The Cabal has been betrayed, he has injured our-"

"Oh, fuck your goddamn ritual!" Avery shouted, his strength returning to him, "Fuck all this bullshit. Just fuckin' kill me and move on! Just do it! All right? I don't need to hear how I betrayed you and everyone's sad now and wah-wah-wah. Just finish it, for Christ's sake! Just kill me and move on!"

That was all he could muster. His knees gave out and his arms hung by the chains pinching the soft flesh of his wrists. "Just kill me already... just kill me," he whispered.

The black-robed man stood there, watching him. "Impetuous even in your execution," the man said.

Avery hung his head, resigned to another sermon. More lessons explanations, definitions, analyses of his behavior. They had to feed their egos, they had to remind everyone how great they were, how they had won.

"You are a fool," the black-robe said. "The Cabal has always been. We always will be, and nothing you can do will change this. Nothing you can do will matter. You knew this, yet you dared to defy us.

"Death is no longer suitable for you. Your fate will be an unliving. You will be cast into a role less than human, for you are no longer worthy of the role. And neither are those who held your accomplice."

Avery knew what he meant before she came out. Jennika walked out on the promontory. A man behind her held the rope to her wrists, as if presenting her for a show. She kept her hands clasped in front of her and seemed reserved, resigned, and above all, sad.

"Jennika! Jennika!" Avery called out to her. "Run! Get out!" Avery's chains rattled as he clawed for her. She stood there, her eyes cast down on the floor.

The man said, "First, we will take your love. Then we will take your life."

"No! You mother fuckers, let her go. Goddammit. She didn't have anything to do with it."

He didn't respond.

Avery pointed at him. "She was just doing what I said. She's innocent. Just take me."

"You are noble to say these things, to try to be the hero. But in your mind, you would sacrifice her for yourself with no other thought."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "She is under our power," he said. "She always was. Even when you tried to betray us, she was ours."

He dropped his hand and faced Avery. "As you were. But no longer."

He felt as if every eye in the world was looking down on him. Each face had the same sad disappointment his mother and father would give him when they were so disappointed they couldn't understand why.

The man said, "Now you are undesirable to us. You have no place here. We don't want you with us. Even with your skills and what they could do for us, we don't want you. Even if your devotion returned, we don't want you. Even if our continued existence depended on you, we don't want you. We don't want you ever again." He paused. "And to that end, we must make you such that no one will ever want you. So that even you... won't want you. There is no possible way we can forgive you for your mistakes. And so... we do this."

He turned to Jennika. At first, Avery thought they were going to push her over the edge. Instead they unfastened the rope around her wrists. She made no move to stop them or break free. She was too overcome with misery to make any moves.

Two priests dressed in olive-green pulled the ropes out, spreading her arms, suspending her over the pit. Her toes scraped for purchase on the rough patch of rock.

The black robed priest returned, holding up a large metal hook stained with red, a chain dangling from the handle. He plunged the hook into her left hand. She yelped in pain. Avery started forward again, as if he could do something about it. The light of the pit illuminated every feature of her face, every line of pain. Her cheeks glistened with tears silent in her eyes.

"No!" Avery shouted.

The priest plunged another meat-hook into her hand, pinning her to something in the blackness

The red cultists, each holding a knife, sliced a stream of flesh across the length of each of her forearms. She tensed her body, but didn't utter a sound that Avery could hear.

Blood dripped into the pit. Avery watched it fall, and heard a moan warble out. It sounded like... satisfaction. Avery leaned over the edge as much as his courage would allow. The thick green liquid seethed and surged like radioactive waste. A bulge appeared, circling one side, and Avery swore he saw a fin.

Jennika whimpered. He whipped back up and saw they were lashing her with cords of leather, her body convulsing with each smack. "No! Stop hurting her!" he called out.

The black-robed priest emerged from the darkness, holding a large serrated lance. He rammed it into her back. She shrieked, her eyes bulging. Avery fought back the urge to throw up.

It stuck out of her back like a marionette stick. The priest wrenched the polearm back and forth, twisting it around. The serrations must have been digging into her spine, tearing apart muscle and tissue like shredding steak.

He yanked the lance out and returned to the blackness. The red robes unhooked her from the chains and put her on her back. Avery cringed at the thought of the sting of the cold, salty rock on the open wound in her back. Her open spine must have been rubbing against the gravel surface, small pebbles sponging up her blood.

The priest returned, holding a small iron pot. The two in red reached in, grabbed handfuls of glowing embers, and tossed them onto her. She screamed, shuddering and twisting her body. Sparks of red brushed over her, drizzling like a snow from hell.

"Please, please, stop, please," Avery whispered, too defeated to yell. Jennika was dying, there was no way she couldn't be. But she was still conscious, and the pain she must have been under was unimaginable.

The next thing he saw was the man in black holding a long knife that seemed to have a dark aura around it. The red priests blocked his view. He couldn't see the moment, but he saw the priest move his arm quick and sharp. He had to assume it penetrated Jennika in her chest, followed by the most awful howl of anguish and pain ever. A death scream, like giving birth in reverse. It echoed with the sound of two voices. Avery wasn't sure if that was the reverberation of the cavern or it was really coming from her.

The man in black left then, taking the knife with. The two red-robes picked Jennika up by her delicate arms and dragged her off the promontory and around the pit to him. Great, now they would torture him by dragging her body past.

But Jennika was still walking. Weakly, but walking nonetheless, her eyes cast down on the floor. There wasn't a drop of blood anywhere on her robe – not in her chest, not on her back, not on her arms. Only a glisten of sweat on her forehead. She couldn't be a different person, he had never lost sight of her. It was like nothing happened. What in the world had they done? Had they done anything? Was this a dream?

She walked exactly like she had come in, her hands clasped in front of her, looking down. But something was different about her. There was a part of her missing, something that made him not want to be around her. The same reason dogs barked at strangers that posed no threat. Avery tried to look into her eyes to see what was the matter, and he only saw a single tear travel from the corner of her eye down her cheek. A tear of blood.

She walked away into the blackness. Avery looked back up at the cliff and saw the man in black waiting, holding the serrated lance, and pointing his finger at Avery. The two holding his chains walked forward, pulling Avery with him. He shut his eyes, and waited for the end.

* * *

Gideon reached for an apple from the bowl next to his chair. A log dropped off the stack in the fireplace, crackling the blaze. This didn't break his trance a bit. He munched the apple with the etiquette of a gentleman, making small ginger bites, and flipped the page of his book of lore.

The doors to his quarters opened, disrupting the solitude. Gideon didn't look up from his book then either. Perhaps he believed that his bulky bodyguard standing two feet away from his chair with a tesla cannon would be sufficient protection against any threats. And failing that, there were always... alternatives.

A Cabalist, one in a gray robe, treaded into the room, small and imp-like. He stopped before the back of Gideon's chair.

"One wishes to hear the Word," he said in a toady voice.

Gideon said nothing, but swallowed the liquidy pulp, and placed the book on the end table, binding up. He place a finger over his mouth in a thinking pose.

"Hmmm..." he hummed. "Such an ugly incident," he spoke. "Of course, the wretch has received his just reward. Still, that does not solve the cause of the dilemma." He stood up and floated over to the window, his layered white robe trailing behind him.

"To hear the Word is divine," the man said.

Gideon nodded, but said nothing for a time. The guard stayed steadfast as his leader gazed at the moon hanging over the mountain range. The cultist who had come in waited for his answer.

"Again," Gideon said after a long pause. "The old ways show their antiquity before the rapidly approaching millennium. Too long the Cabal has used these as standards that are quick becoming obsolete. Too much complexity for what we simply need are automatons."

"We hear the Word," the cultist said.

"No more of this nonsense. Our plans are in place and they shall unravel as I have seen. Our goal now is to stop the Great Betrayer and bring about the new incarnation." He turned to the cultist, though he didn't make eye contact. "Put a plan into motion. No longer are we to have these 'retreats'. They are time consuming and expensive. I should think a simple psyche profile and psychosurgery should do." He wiggled his finger at the sky. "Let's use those, ooh, what were they called. Freeman-something. With the-" He made a stabbing motion with his hand.

"Icepick..." the guard said. "...lobotomies."

"Yes, that's it," Gideon responded. "That should suffice."

"We hear the Word," the cultist said. He bowed so much his head almost touched the floor and he shuffled out backwards.

Gideon turned away from the window and sat back in his velvet chair. He picked up the brandy snifter next to the apples and swirled the red fluid inside. "A shame really," Gideon said well after the door had closed and they were alone again. "The waste."

The bodyguard never averted his eyes from eternal vigilance. "The waste of lives?" he asked.

"No, the waste of time."


	35. Chapter 35

The door creaked shut behind their backs. Avery clenched the suitcase handle, but did not turn around. He had the urge to look back, to see what had given him up. But what would be the point?

The outside was silent. No wind, no birds, not even the ever-present hum of the earth. Just disquieting silence.

Was this what it was like? Because it really didn't feel too different. At the time, the pain was unbearable. But that was over. And now he felt fine. Not even an echo of soreness. Maybe he even felt a little good because now he was done with all this cult mess.

Even though he had achieved his goal – he had gotten out of the cult and damaged them a bit in the process – he still felt a certain emptiness inside, because he hadn't done it the way he wanted. But he had gotten out, and he had Jennika too. She was standing beside him, looking down at the ground.

She still wore her white robe, because she had no other clothes, while Avery was dressed in jeans and a shirt again. Avery thought she'd be excited to see the world without any walls around. But there was no jumping for joy, no child-like wonderment in her eyes. He couldn't even see her eyes.

But she wasn't clambering to get back in either. She wasn't bawling her eyes out. She wasn't blaming Avery. She was just... nothing.

"I think..." Avery said, feeling like he needed to break the silence. "I think what we're gonna do now is... I'm gonna try and call my dad and-" Wait. They had no money. No phone. No change to use a pay phone with. What was his dad's phone number even? It had been so long.

"We can catch a plane, or a train... w-well, maybe not." No, same deal there. "We could get to a shipyard, stowaway back to America." If that was even the goal. What was the goal now? Where did he want to go? Back home? What was there for him?

He looked into Jennika's face again, still a statue of misery. He had to say something to brighten her spirits, to let her know things were going to be okay. "Well, I'll think of something. We'll be okay, we've still got each other. Right?"

She nodded.

"And we've still got our legs. So if nothing else, we can walk." Avery looked up at the sky. The sun was turning orange. "Come on. It's going to get dark soon."

She nodded again, and they started walking down the hill. The silence was grating. He wanted so badly to cheer Jennika up, to tell her everything was going to be all right, as long as he was there to protect her. He wanted to tell her there were wonderful things in the world to show her. But he couldn't think of any at the moment.

He couldn't imagine what she must be feeling at this point – so scared, so alone. Taken away from all the admirers and worshippers she was used to. Stripped of everything she knew. And since her environment had so defined herself, how would this new one do? All she had now was the boy who had taken her away from that.

He tried to be encouraging, describing some of the things she would see – movies, ice cream, education, cars, music. But every time he mentioned something, it didn't fill him with the same sort of pride or love that the memory usually evoked. Even his favorite foods didn't sound appetizing anymore.

The sun set behind the mountains, and twenty minutes later the sky was cornflower blue. They were still a long ways from a town. It had taken him hours to get down last time, plus he was hurrying, and jumping over rocks and cliffs. They were in no hurry now. Where were they going to go?

"We're going to have to sleep out here," Avery finally said. He spotted a dead tree off the main path, a white skeleton with clawed branches, like a zombie reaching out of the grave.

They trudged down and sat on a soft spot between two scraggly roots. Again he looked at her, but she wouldn't make eye contact. She just hugged her arms around her knees and rocked gently back and forth.

Avery picked off some of the low hanging branches. Remembering his one year of Boy Scouts, he took the pocket knife from his suitcase, stripped off the bark, and made a fire. It went out after ten minutes, drifting ashy smoke.

But that was fine. The cold really wasn't bothering him. He could feel it certainly. It was a biting cold coming down from the mountain, a wind that would leave anyone shivering through the night. But it didn't affect him much. He looked at Jennika.

"Are you cold?" Avery asked.

"Mm," Jennika said.

He couldn't tell if that was positive or negative, but he was glad she had finally made some vocalization. After the horrors they had both experienced, he wasn't really surprised. Words couldn't even begin to express an apology for what he had done.

Maybe she was traumatized. Seeing what she loved and realizing its darker side – living through their dark rituals of blood and pain – probably pushed her more than he could imagine. But then, wouldn't that encourage her to leave them? To seek the outside?

It wasn't so bad that they were cast out. But to be outright rejected, told that they just weren't wanted. The last people on earth you thought you belonged with had just said no. That was pretty harsh.

So they should have been happy. It should have been all rushing off in love and open arms now, right?

Avery curled up on his side with his back to Jennika, using his arm as a pillow. Something was still amiss. Something inside himself. Life really didn't have a Hollywood ending. They were still going to have to find some way to get money, get transportation, get... jobs? A house? Nothing was ever simple.

He turned over to check on Jennika. She was laying on her back, her hands clasped on her stomach, like she was in a coffin. Avery turned away, not even bothering to say good night. He didn't know why, he just didn't feel like saying it. It wouldn't have mattered either way. Avery rustled himself into a more comfortable position and went to sleep.

* * *

Morning came. Avery opened his eyes and saw bright blue sky, sniffed the crisp mountain air, rolled over on the black ashen ground. He had slept through his first night outdoors and unsheltered. He looked around, still disoriented. Jennika had turned away from him during the night, and lay curled in a fetal position.

Avery sat up, but stayed still, wanting to let her sleep a bit more. He dragged his suitcase over and used it as a headrest as he looked up at the sky, devoid of clouds, birds, or motion of any kind. Everything stood still.

It was funny. Here he was with a clean slate – nowhere to go, nothing to do, no obligations to fill, no goals to achieve. He'd always lived trying finish things so he wouldn't have to worry about them. Now he didn't know what he had to do. And yet he wasn't particularly concerned about it. There was no line to walk, no path. Just a flat expanse of land, the same in every direction.

Well, he wasn't totally without purpose. He had to keep Jennika safe, to teach her about the ways of the world, so they could both survive. He looked over at her sleeping form, the bumps of her spine jutting from her small back. She was so still, she barely looked like she was moving. She didn't even look like she was breathing.

Was she?

"Jennika?" Avery said. He sat up and touched her shoulder. "Jennika, wake up." She didn't move. He pulled her shoulder towards him, rolling her over.

The first thing he saw was the red. It was all over her chest like spilled wine. Then he saw the handle of the knife sticking out of her heart. The same pocketknife he'd used to strip the wood. She must have done it herself, with the only tool around. It couldn't have killed her quickly, she must have partially bled to death before her heart stopped. Her face was as white as her clothes, lips purple. And she hadn't made a noise during it.

And yet he felt nothing.

Staring at her beautiful body, knife deep in her chest, blood drained from her smooth, flawless face, framed by her red hair, he felt nothing. No grief, no sorrow, no emptiness. Did he not love her? Had all this time, all those emotions, been nothing more than a lie to himself? No, impossible. It was real love. He loved her and she had loved him. It was perfect love. So then why, when he looked upon her, did he think nothing of it. It was as if she had never existed at all.

And then he knew it was true. Everything they had said was right. He was Unforgiven. And there was no way to go back.

He turned around and found his suitcase lying there. He clicked the latches and opened it up. A small pile of clothes, some toiletries. He would no longer need any of these things.

He ran his hand through the box, seeing if anything evoked a feeling. There was none. But he gained purchase on something he forgot about – a dry piece of leather.

He pulled on it, upsetting the other clothes, and dragged out the black trenchcoat. A few bullet holes serrated the tail, but it was in proper condition otherwise.

He slipped his arms through the sleeves, adjusting its fit until it formed to his body. He didn't spare a single last look at the gruesome scene behind him. Those things no longer mattered. Nothing mattered. His gaze only fell on the road ahead.

 _They dedicated their lives to the Cabal and had the rug taken out from under them. They were left as shattered versions of their former selves. They were looking for redemption. All of them. Caleb's was the girl in the photograph. Walker's was becoming one of them again. But they're gone now._

There was nowhere for him to go, so he just kept walking.

 **#END#**


End file.
